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ciavyn

Member Since 21 Nov 2009
Offline Last Active Aug 16 2012 05:15 PM
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#799852 Just So Tired Of It All

Posted by ciavyn on 01 June 2012 - 06:11 AM

:sigh: I feel you. I really do. I've been having a pity party as I got glutened over four months via lotion, finally started to feel better (again!) and got glutened at a gluten free restaurant. It's been four weeks, and I still have symptoms. So miserable and vitriolic? That would define me some evenings when I get home and have to cook instead of going out and enjoying some relaxing time my S.O.

ButÖ

Iím a damn good cook. Thereís little I make that isnít better than what you get in restaurants. When I do want to go out, I can have curries, sushi, or hearty meat meals, things I would have shied away from before due to lack of experience or cost. Now, it just is, and I enjoy it when I can.

I eat healthy. I choose to avoid most gluten-free alternatives and stick with fresh fruits, vegetables, and proteins. I LOVE raw, sprouted smoothies. Asian and Mediterranean spice mixes are my all time favorite options. I go nuts over a raw pizza crust I make that is better than any pizza crust Iíve ever tasted (with the exception of NYC deep dish, but how often can you find a good one anyway?)

Iíve learned to love my sense of smell. I can take a big, thick whiff of yummy foods, and remember that while they smell amazing, they felt terrible going down. I remember how miserable I was EVERY DAY of my life, for years. I think of that any time thereís an icing I think I have to have, and enjoy the scents of things.

Not sure if this will help, but try to get off as much sugar and fake sugar as you can and envelope yourself with good, whole foods. I was a junk food junkie. It was horrid. Breads, pastas, Doritos, potato chips, French fries, etc. Now, I canít imagine eating like that. It doesnít even look appealing. Your taste buds and desires can change. I promise.

All that said, itís okay to vent. You are allowed. We all do. As long as you get back to the parts you can be thankful for and ignore the rest 99% of the time, you sound pretty normal to me. Hang in there.
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#799849 Need To Eat Gluten Free But Cant Afford It

Posted by ciavyn on 01 June 2012 - 05:56 AM

I have been broke for years -- I don't eat bread and pizza. Buy frozen vegetables, frozen fruit, bulk meat and dairy. It can be done. I fed myself on 40/week, and I ate well. If you want to bake some things, scrape and save, and then buy a bag of mixed flours or almond flour (healthier choice, IMHO). There is no such thing as "can't." You need to be resourceful. Use coupons. Make connections in your community. It's a family change, not just for you. Think of it this way: if you have it, your daughter probably will to. So imagine it's she who has the confirmed diagnosis. Would you say you couldn't do it then? Of course not. So be willing to do it for yourself, just as you would her. You can do this. I have.
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#690079 I Can't Do This

Posted by ciavyn on 06 April 2011 - 05:34 AM

Newbie: I'm so glad to hear that you are joining the rest of us in talking with a professional and publicly here about mental health! Here, here! :) In exchange: I have ADD (much better now gluten-free), depression issues involving suicidal tendencies (thankfully relieved for now), PTSD, and an anxiety disorder. I call them "Jumbled Letters." They mean only the power I choose to give them. :)

Girlfriend, you and I must put on a pancake competition. I make some pretty awesome ones too! I switched over to Pamela's mix, then to Bisquick gluten-free. Both are very tasty. I add chocolate chips, peanut butter chips - you name it. It took some getting used to, working with different flours, but I'm good at it now.

Please hang in there. We welcome you here -- and there is nothing you've thought of that we haven't. Trust me. I have days when I've gotten into something that made me really sick, and I think, I should just have some more while I'm already sick. But then the reality of the damage to my body occurs to me -- a friend of mine almost died from this. And just like I gave up tanning because of a friend with skin cancer, I gave up gluten because I want to live well, regardless of the length of time.
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#689810 I Can't Do This

Posted by ciavyn on 05 April 2011 - 06:08 AM

I have read through your honest emotions, OP, and the responses here. I wonder if anyone might agree that we have placed way too much importance and control in the hands of our obsessions. It’s just food! I say this as someone with an eating disorder. I am slowly breaking free from this, but it’s taken years.
But my initial impression, Newbie, is to ask if you have had some psychological counseling? You have been through a hellish ordeal, and as I read your posts, the pain of it is leaking through. I strongly suggest attending some therapy if you aren’t already. We are all a work in progress, and I recently had to return after many years on my own (mentally) to work on some more of the toxic crap that can get churned up in our heads. So I hope you will consider this, as I know what it is to go through hell and feel like nothing ever gets better.

The other thing to consider: do you like your life? What is it worth to you? Is it really worth bread? Is that the value you would place on it? If so, please see my second paragraph. :) Remember that we’ve all been there. We had to grieve the loss of our favorite foods too. But when someone hands you what might be the answer to all of your health issues – certainly several of them – and your response is, I’d rather have a roll, it’s time to gain some perspective. Again, I think you’ve been through so much BLEEP in your life that you are just overwhelmed with one more thing. But this “one more thing” might be an answer you’ve been waiting for.

Reality is, bread doesn’t taste as good as you think it does. It’s just one food. And given your diet, it would do you some good to add in some new foods! Yes, bread is yummy, but it’s just bread. It’s not ambrosia. If you start enjoying some gluten-free bread options – homemade ones – you will find that you have never truly tasted the joy of bread. The mixture of grains and textures will blow your mind.

Start really digging into your vegetarian diet, and if your husband is unhappy with your choices, don’t go to dinner with him. Why should you have to be miserable so he is happy? How does that even make sense? You are an individual. If he cannot – or chooses not – to respect that, let him go his way with his food, and you can call up a girlfriend who cares and go to a different restaurant. I went through something a little bit like you did, and quite honestly, I stopped caring. I wanted to feel good. So if he didn’t like it, that was his issue. I now am divorced and dating someone who goes out of his way to ensure that I can remain healthy and still enjoy eating out together. What a change! But you must put yourself first, and enjoy your life. Do not let food, or anyone else, take that away from you.

I honestly hope you can see how valuable you are as a person, and that it doesn’t have to surround food. You clearly have passions in life – your issues with factory farming, for example. Put your focus there, and let food be the fuel to get you where you want to be, not the pit-stop that you never leave.
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#689486 Your One Best Money Saving Idea

Posted by ciavyn on 04 April 2011 - 04:46 AM

Don't buy gluten-free foods. :) At least, the pre-packaged kind. Buy whole foods, and things that are naturally gluten free. Shop with coupons and follow the sales.
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#688029 Husband Going Gluten Free In Support Of My Celiac

Posted by ciavyn on 30 March 2011 - 05:40 AM

I agree with Roda. As long as you are getting the required nutrients for good health, it doesn't matter where it comes from. Good for him!
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#687987 Friends & Food

Posted by ciavyn on 30 March 2011 - 04:07 AM

Brigit -- just a few thoughts...

1. My best friend thought I was a little loopy, but as is her nature, she trusts me to do what is best for me. As it works out, she also may have Celiac's disease, and my willingness the last year and a half to face some discomfort around others has encouraged her to make the switch. She is feeling 100% better, but as frustrated as I was when I first started. So I can help her, because we've been very open about my struggle.

2. Your friends and coworkers also have issues. Some of them you don't know, because they are too embarrassed to share them. So you being willing to be open is giving them the freedom and permission to do the same. That is a gift, and I applaud you for it.

3. Be social -- bring your own dish to add to the event, along with your own plate of it for yourself (to avoid cross contamination but also to ensure you have it made exactly the way YOU want it.) If it's a restaurant, learn some standbys and you'll be fine. A well-questioned and educated server will get you a burger, fish or chicken with nothing on it, and a plate of fries (if safe) or vegetable happily. Just tip them well, show your gratitude, and believe you me, I would have done anything for a good customer when I was a waitress, just for some appreciation.

4. Hang in there. It gets easier, I swear. I'm very social, and love hanging out with folks. It just is a learning curve, and it's hard to be patient when the risk is getting ill.

Best, Ci :)
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#686234 Substituting Bad Foods For Good Foods

Posted by ciavyn on 24 March 2011 - 01:24 AM

Sugar is really addicting. Blood sugar goes up and you feel good and then it drops too low and you feel you need/want more candy. It is a vicious cycle. The only way to interrupt it is to make yourself eat a certain amount of protein and vegetables every day at intervals to keep your blood sugar stable. Your body thinks it is starving, so it sends an alarm signal telling you to grab sugar wherever you can get it. Regular food soon loses all appeal. I have been there. I found myself hovering over a few bowls of sugar free jello shaking because I wanted sugar so bad. But I was determined to break that cycle. If you can have cheese, eggs, meat-these are all good sources of protein. It's a bad week or two but your body will thank you. And you can find gluten free substitutes for anything that you liked before. It will take some self-discipline like writing a menu for yourself to follow. My addiction was years ago and my rule was if I ate one whole bag of frozen vegetables and 3 servings of meat....then and only then could I have a Hershey Bar. I really didn't like eating at all but the longer I did this, the less I wanted that chocolate at the end of the day. Soon it was half a bar and then none. Now it is entirely too sweet for me.

You will be surprised how quickly you can lose your sugar cravings when your body is getting the nutrition it needs.


I completely agree.

I have a major sugar tooth, and really struggle staying away from it. Here's been my recent experience. I LOVE sugar. Anything sweet, and I'm there. So I got off ALL high fructose corn syrup. If I have sugary sweets, it must be straight up sugar. No gummies, no candies. I have chocolate or ice cream -- things that have substance and a small amount can satisfy. And as eatmeat4good points out, up your protein in take. I watch what I eat closely, always have, but lately, my indulgence in gluten-free pasta (Schar is the best, IMO) and bread (Udi's) has not been helping me stay full. So I've gone off high carby foods, and upped my protein. Not only do I feel better, but my cravings have gone down significantly. If I start out my day with a higher protein breakfast, and maintain that throughout the day, I eat so much less, am full longer, and don't crave sugar like I usually do.

And keep in mind, some of this eating is emotional eating, too. It is frustrating, dang it! So be sure to allow yourself time to grieve and be angry. And then encourage yourself to keep this in perspective and start exploring the freedom this offers you: eating without getting sick all the time. Without harming your body. There's a lot to be said for that.

Hang in there.
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#685732 Five Months Gluten Free -- No Improvement

Posted by ciavyn on 22 March 2011 - 07:51 AM

Ugh. I do know how you feel. One of my biggest fears/frustration has been travel while being gluten-free. I don't know that I've conquered it just yet. But I'm still working on it. For one, there are many foods that are gluten free naturally, and plenty of restaurants who make you food that is gluten free. I eat mainly at Mexican, Thai, and Japanese restaurants. So that isn't off the menu for you. You just have to order carefully and communicate clearly. I often seek places that are very open to their customers needs and speak English clearly. But that aside...

You need to find something else that excites you, plain and simple. You must grieve this, too. You are a true foodie (I'm dating a foodie, so I do know you creatures!), but there are other elements of you that you have yet to explore because you have spent a lot of passion on food. As hard as it is, you must discover your other passions. Because these will give you your life back. I promise -- it really does work. But it is hard, it requires change, and yes, it requires that you deal with your grief over the change. And you are entitled to grieve and be angry and bitter and complain and whine to your heart's content, until you decide that you are through with that, and then you will be able to move on. I hope that makes sense.

I don't feel deprived by food when I stay at home, or even when I eat out locally, as I know where I can go. So you may want to start working through foreign menus, or local menus, and finding out what is safe for you. Perhaps you could start doing local reviews on restaurants that are most focused on customer service, especially those who will work with the gluten free. I eat wonderful gluten free meals -- Italian, Thai, Mexican, etc. Truly delicious. But I've spent time researching, calling and asking, stopping in, etc. But that may also be too close to home for you, and perhaps you need a complete break from food and focus on something else. And don't be discouraged by travel. It can be done -- it just takes extra care. Just like someone who is physically challenged must face the extra planning, so must we. And ours is a good deal easier, as I can always carry food in my bag. And I know -- that is not always a comfort. But it is as it is. And it doesn't need to stop you.

My thoughts are with you. I know this is tough, especially when you don't have any recovery to speak of. Just limitations...but perhaps you can see the limitations as their own adventure. And you will figure this out.
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#685729 Could It Be Possible To Cure Yourself With Diet?

Posted by ciavyn on 22 March 2011 - 07:39 AM

I have to agree. This is dealing with food allergies, and I'm not convinced this person even has a clue what they are talking about, given that she only uses herself as an example. But beyond that, Celiac's Disease is an autoimmune disease. Your body attacks itself in the presence of gluten. While a number of folks have done the Specific Carbohydrate Diet with some success to get away from the foods that both them, it isn't going to fix autoimmune disease. Sorry to be a downer, but until they come up with a real cure, this one isn't it.
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#684595 Need A " Pep Talk"; Very Discouraged And In Pain

Posted by ciavyn on 18 March 2011 - 06:53 AM

You aren't complaining -- that is the least amount of complaining I've ever heard! ;) But you are tired. Tired of struggling, of being in pain, of not sleeping. I wasn't able to sleep for about two months recently, and I was miserable. But you'll get through it, and you will feel better. It sounds like you are focused and finally have a concrete answer. Hang in there, and know that you are an inspiration to many.
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#684552 Am I Super Sensitive? I Am Not Well After A Long Time gluten-free

Posted by ciavyn on 18 March 2011 - 03:21 AM

I've read several of your posts, and here's what got me to start doing what is good for ME. Think of gluten like poison to your system. That is what it is. Rat poison, and you are ingesting it every time you turn around. I for one, think that getting and giving kisses to your children is precious affection, not to be avoided or sanctioned. So this is an easy fix: Mom gets sick on these foods. Therefore, they do not come into the house. These are POISON to mom, and we can't risk her being sick. This stuff could KILL mom. It is that serious -- and I'm not being dramatic. This disease can kill you. Yet it's very easy to manage. Your 1 year old doesn't know the difference, so just let him/her eat what you eat. Your five year old will understand it if you are very clear about why, and are open to answering questions. When they eat out, or at a friend's or relatives house, they are a no-kissing zone until fully washed up! And you can play games with it and make it fun. I had two-stepchildren who lived with me when I went gluten free, and they knew why we ate differently, and why things tasted a little different. But it was always yummy, I answered any questions they might have, and they knew, without a doubt, that I was dead-dog serious about my health. THAT is how you need to be too. If you had cancer, you wouldn't stop having treatments because it might inconvenience your family. This is the same thing. And it's just food! Get out some new recipes and start trying things. But set a hard line for your health, and get your spouse on board. Have him go to the doctor with you if need be. But YOU have to be serious about your health, and you haven't been, which has set the mood for the entire house. So let your 5 year old help -- they are great in the kitchen! -- and play with new ideas. Convert your favorite recipes. Discover new ways to make chicken fingers. Make it a game. If it doesn't turn out, have a gluten free frozen pizza as a consolation prize.

And I'm not in any way callous to how hard this -- I know it's hard, and when you are sick all the time, it makes it even worse. But you have got to take care of YOU first, or else your children will not have the mom they need, and your husband won't have the partner he married. Please take care of yourself, and have FUN trying new things and getting everyone in on it. You can do this -- and you can feel better, too.
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#684024 Sad

Posted by ciavyn on 16 March 2011 - 07:12 AM

I had several emotional meltdowns in the beginning because I felt like everything had to be from scratch and really complicated. Since that has since been disproven ;) it's all good. :) Give yourself time. It does get easier.
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#683653 Can't Believe I Did That!

Posted by ciavyn on 15 March 2011 - 05:38 AM

I've been gluten-free for under a month and I've been doing pretty well. I'm probably not as vigilant about CC as I should be, but I'm getting there. The longer I'm gluten-free, the more in tune I am with my symtoms. Anyway, I just had to share my dumb girl moment from last night. I've been trying different gluten-free Brownie mixes for a few weeks. My bf is a huge dessert eater so I thought if I could find something we could both eat that would be great! But, unfortunately, they all have a funky aftertaste and he won't eat them. Well, he's been so wonderful about all this with me, that I made him the real ones last night. Washed my hands like crazy, cleaned the counters afterwards. Dumb moment happened when I took them out of the oven and used a toothpick to check that they were done. Inserted toothpick and then out of habit, stuck the darn thing in my mouth! I spit it out instantly and just had to laugh at myself for being so absent minded. It's amazing how something so small could quite possibly cause big problems. I feel ok today thank goodness...hopefully that will continue. Happy Tuesday everyone!


You are not alone. I have done things like that before -- licked my finger after making the kids sandwiches, and such.

There is a really great recipe for brownies on here....I wish I could remember the post. But you message me, I'll send it when I get home (the message will remind me!). It is excellent, and NO ONE will know it's gluten free. It is amazing.
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#683070 Gluten Making Me Uproot Myself

Posted by ciavyn on 13 March 2011 - 01:14 PM

that is such a tough situation. I am also considering moving, for work. However, I'm in the opposite situation. Leaving where I have so much gluten free stuffs available is hard for me to fathom. However...you need to be healthy. Is there a way for you to work on making more people aware where you live? Do you have the time? Consider all your options, but you must do what you must. Best of luck.
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