I have to share something that I have experienced over the past two months. It has been two of the most amazing experiences of my life, and they changed everything. Please please please! Do not be discouraged and stop reading due to the fact that I am writing about altering substances. If you don't know anything about them, then please hold off your judgement and ego till you have finished reading. Or else you might miss out on something valuable.
*PS - I do not want any of you to approach what I did without a lot of prior experience and a strong mental health (something I did not have at the time). It should be done with supervision with professionals.
Before I begin it is important to know that it was not long ago my weight was 55kg which is little for a 5.9" as a male. I was a walking skeleton. A famine child. It sort of was my fault. I had been putting HUUUUGE amounts of gluten into my system close to a decade. I know this doesn't seem long, but when you have been gluten free from the age of 2 till 17 and then begin, it hurts.
It was the end of 2012 and I had just come back home to Norway from Vancouver after a year of hardcore studying. I was ill the whole year, but managed to get through with medical marijuana. Scored 80% just to prove to you guys that weed is not the sinner you may think it is. It usually is the person using it. Any how, it then happend. I crashed and got so ill that I could not get out of bed for a week straight. I could barely lift my body. I had gluten ataxia, anemia, my bones had deteriorated because my body couldn’t get any nutrient. I also had chronic anxiety and depression plus a ton more of side effects, and had been dealing with it for over two years already. I was in so much pain I thought this was it. I was going to die.
Fast forward and we are now in 2014. It has been two years and I feel a bit better, but I had done nothing but eat, stay at home and work out. That was as far as my energy would allow me. I was still chronically depressed and had deep issues with my thoughts. I kept blaming myself. I knew I could have done differently. I knew it was going to hurt me, because I was told I had celiac disease when I was a small child. The problem was that it came so gradually. I didn't feel the effect till years after. So I got to a point where I was smoking weed every day to cope with the pains and to actually manage to eat. A few years back I had read about something called Ayahuasca. This is one of the most powerful substances on the planet, and it is a medicine, NOT a drug (please, again I ask of you. Trust me on this and hold off your judgement). It comes from the jungle in Peru and Ecuador. This plant, combined with a root creates a drinkable tea like substance which alters your body, your mind and perception. You are totally aware, but it allows you to analyse yourself from a microscope and you have no other possibility than to actually submit and go through it all. To really sit and feel, think, and challenge all your deeper demons. Ayahuasca was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was with a shaman and 22 other people. It forced me to relive all my past horrors. It made me understand. I cannot have good without bad. It put everything into perspective. It showed me so many horrible things I thought I was dying. I felt my ego shattered across the universe and all my atoms just flew to every edge. After this it taught me the most beautiful of things. It taught me so many beautiful lessons I was speechless. And by the end of that night. I felt a bliss I had never felt in my entire life. I felt the strongest connection to the world, the universe, my family, my friends, my pets. Everything made sense. (I have a full report from the whole ceremony if you want to experience the night in a detailed manner).
So I left the ceremony after the first night, even though they had three ceremonies in total. This was a mistake. I had opened gates I didn’t know how to close. It all went from feeling the most amazing I had in my whole life, to the worst I had felt in my life over the course of two days. I just couldn’t deal with it. So I fell back into my old habit. Mary jane. It was my coping mechanism for so long. It felt safe.
A month passed and the weather had gotten beautiful (this was roughly two weeks ago). I had two tabs of LSD laying in a storage space and a friend of mines curiosity had peaked regarding psychedelics. We decided to take one each, and go to the forest with another friend who was there to take care of us. It turned out to become one of the most spectacular events, visually. No solid shapes existed any more. Every person, every animal, and everything else turned into energy. As far as eye could see energy was dancing. This gave me closure. It changed something inside me. It took what I didn’t complete with the amazonian brew, and shut the gate.
It has now been three weeks and I have made a pact to myself to never ever drink again. I am done with smoking weed. I am done with hurting my body and those around me. I am a changed man. My goal now is to spread as much joy and peace as humanly possible. To become wealthy so I can start helping other people who need it. I don’t want to focus on myself anymore (which used to be all I focused on). Ayahuasca will be used again, because it is a medicine and you do not get addicted to it. It is not a joy ride, but an enlightening journey through yourself and something way way beyond what we can explain. Is it real? Who knows, but from what I felt… how could it not be. How can you feel something like that and believe it is all fake. It just can’t be.
So with this I hope you guys can see that there has been an alteration inside of me. I no longer regret my past mistakes. They have been dealt with. I feel reborn. I feel amazing every second every day of my waking life. Regardless of how I actually feel. Because I know that life is beautiful and there is a balance. You will receive equal amounts of bad and good in your life. As long as you keep focusing on the positive and work hard to not fall into your old habits. I wish I could share what I felt with all of you, but I know that these substances are not to be played with and you should NOT do them without experience, professional help or the mental strength to deal with it. Because it can ruin your life, but it can also change it for the better, if use with care.
My last finishing words are that I have been using these substances with care for the past 9 years, and it was not until recently that I saw the healing potential. They can do amazing things. The world is opening up to it and more and more people are writing about them. Maybe one day there will be centres where you can go and do this. Because they make you rest and feel reborn. They can also break addiction or help cope with cancer or other illnesses that are terminal.
Ps. No, I'm not a hippy just a man who wants to experience everything that life has to offer, as long as it yields positive results. I do not jump into things like this lightheartedly. Always with a deeper intention.
I love you all. Be well and stay strong. Together we will make the world a beautiful place