Speaking from years of experience what I see is a full blown eating disorder that you are disguising. You mentioned a 40 lb unitentional weight loss, if you know that gluten will cause the effect that it does then that is intentional weight loss, it is the same as throwing up or abusing laxatives. And yes you are starving your own body by this repeated damaging behavior.
I think the most telling,and saddest thing you said was about your mom and doctor not caring. It is a cry for help and your gluten intolerence is the vehicle. Though my story is different I see myself in your words. I have spent too much time in hospitals for eating disorders (and I have been healthy for a long time) and eating disorders can be very sneaky.
Sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate. Maybe you can stop looking for an answer and agree to be gluten free while you use that energy to look for under lying issues. I wish you luck and a shoulder to lean on. Periwink <3