I was diagnosed 15 yrs ago with fibromyalgia. Was told then there was no help for it - I just had to learn to "live with it".
In 2008 I had a heart attack (or so I was told by emerg. doctors at hospital. Spent 2 days & $30,000 for them to say they didn't know what caused it & here were some meds - & oh, I couldn't have a follow up because I owed the cardiologist too much money! Needless to say I had no insurance!)
After 2 yrs of going from doctor to doctor & getting sicker & sicker I finally found a clinic in 2010 that diagnosed celiac disease, hashimotos & rheumatoid arthritis. I went on a gluten free diet & brain based therapy that this clinic specializes in. I felt so much better (with some ups & downs) that I swore I wouldn't touch gluten ever again. Since then, I've also had to go off casein, which is a little harder & caffeine which is almost impossible!
My problem is - I don't cook. I live alone, work a swing shift full time plus run a cat sanctuary with 22 cats, so my time & energy are very limited. I never really learned how to cook so I almost always ate out. With my diet however, even watching for gluten, I suspect I was getting small amounts all along.
The last couple of months I have started to cheat on the diet in increasingly large amounts. I will of course feel awful & then beat myself up terribly for being so stupid. Everyone tells me that I'm the only one who can do this (stay on the diet) but all this does is make me feel more & more alone. There is no local support group that I can turn to & my family is 1000 miles away. Intellectually, I know I have to stay on the diet & I even want to, but emotionally I'm getting more & more rebellious & now I'm starting to get scared.
I've begun to wonder just lately whether this is in some way related to an eating disorder? At the clinic we traced my symptoms to see how long I had been sick & I realized they had started around 15 or 16 yrs of age (& I'm now 53) - my whole life has basically been about the avoidance of food. Before I went on the gluten free diet I was down to only eating once a day & my immune system was so messed up it didn't matter what I ate - I felt terrible. If I could have stopped eating altogether I would have. Now I'm told that if I only eat certain things - I will feel terrific, but am I still having some emotional backlash against eating?
This is really difficult to exlain coherently, so if anyone else out there has experienced this or know what I'm talking about, could you perhaps let me know? I'm beginning to think I'm just nuts. Am getting really tired of the struggle.
katzMember Since 15 Nov 2012
Offline Last Active Nov 17 2012 12:27 PM
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20 Nov 2012 - 04:40