Me: I'm so constipated, I only go once per week and it's like trying to pass a house brick.
Doctor (without asking me anything about my diet): eat more wholemeal bread.
I was already eating 8+ slices per day!
Me: I have terrible heartburn and keep getting acid/vomit coming up into my mouth, still have terrible C.
Doctor: Have this repeat prescription for mucaine (antacid).
Me: I still have the same problems as before, but I'm also really, really tired all the time and have painful itchy spots/sores all over my scalp and on my face.
Doctor: I have just the thing! There is a new birth control pill that is specifically for acne, here you go.
Me: I still have all the other problems, nothing is helping, and now my weight is getting into the obese category. I know I eat a healthy diet, but I just can't lose weight, and I'm just so exhausted ALL THE TIME.
Doctor: You should eat less cake, do you know how many calories there are in cake.
Me: GOBSMACKED. I don't eat cake regularly,I told you I eat healthily, in fact I have been vegetarian for 8 years.
Doctor: You can't be vegetarian or else you wouldn't be obese and constipated.
Doctor: You should eat a whole head of lettuce, a tomato, and maybe an egg for protein, but be careful not to eat too many eggs because there are a lot of calories in eggs.
Me:You are talking rubbish, there are no more than 90 calories in an egg!
Another visit..... different doctor.
Me: I have a list of on going problems that just are not getting any better (every thing already mentioned, plus more weight gain, pain in joints since age 7, plus more, and more).....I wrote it all down because I want to give you the full picture and I keep forgetting things. I hand over the list....doctor reads it...
Doctor: Well, it's obvious, you are depressed. I'm going to give you anti-depressants.
Me: no thanks.
Me: I'm now morbidly obese, I really need help to lose weight.
Doctor: Wouldn't we all.
Me: I have all these things wrong with me, nothing gets better and now I've found this pea sized lump under my armpit, and the milk that used come out when I squeeze my nipple has turned to blood!
Doctor: Show me. Right, I'm making you an urgent CANCER REFERRAL.
At cancer referral, mammogram and scan done.....
Me: so, what is the diagnosis?
Consultant: You have a swollen lymph node, we don't think it is cancerous.
Me: so what does that mean?
Consultant: you need surgery to remove you milk ducts.
Me: really, why?
Consultant begins to explain the procedure......but I had done my research, I knew the procedure, but I wanted to know WHY I needed it.
He refused to answer me and continued to say how "simple" it was.
So, I changed tact. Me: What will happen if I don't have surgery?
Consultant: Here, have some antibiotics and I'll see you in 5 weeks.
Antibiotics worked. Infection (that I was never actually diagnosed with!) cleared, swollen node remains, along with all the other swollen glands that I have gained through the years.....surgery? NOT NEEDED.
I have many more........I don't go to doctors anymore.....unless I know what is wrong with me and need something that is not available OTC.