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Member Since 08 Aug 2013
Offline Last Active Oct 25 2014 02:22 AM

#884252 Significant Other To Celiac

Posted by on 14 August 2013 - 02:09 AM

thank you so much for posting this, chrisz - it sure helps to see the other side of the picture :)  and some great advice that is unique to the situation - you have the perspective that we do not, awesomely helpful -  glad you are feeling better!   


No problems whatsoever notme! I am actually indebted to this forum and incredibly grateful for all the advice that is posted on a daily basis. There are so many sides to this disease. I'm just getting to a stage where things are a bit clearer after the first few hellish months - were it not for the great advice on here those hellish months may have been extended much further into the future. So many great tips on here have aided my recovery. So thanks y'all!

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#884075 Significant Other To Celiac

Posted by on 12 August 2013 - 11:27 PM

Hi Tinydani,


My first post here (regular reader though) and I feel compelled to respond as I was once in that terrible place where your boyfriend is right now. I’m of a similar age to you (25), male so feel I can relate to your story.


You’ve had a lot of stick so far so I come here hoping to reassure and help - based on my story and what I have understood of yours. I am almost 5 months gluten free, not long in terms of this Disease and recovery, but I have already been through what your boyfriend seems going through now – or at least I had a similar mindset at one point in my recovery.


I was in a rut, still am to an extent, where Coeliac’s physical and mental symptoms consumed my life. The mental symptoms had the most devastating impact on my life.


I will explain, bear with me.


My brain compartmentalised the day into 4 basic tasks – eat, work, rest, sleep. My mind did its best to avoid anything that deviated from these tasks. So for instance, when I had returned home from work I would eat my food; thereafter I concentrated on rest and then sleep. If my fiancé wanted to go out, have fun - do anything – I would oblige but would be stubborn and moody whilst doing whatever it was she wanted to put me through J . I wanted to rest and rest only. I would not socialise or even wish to pick up the phone to call friends/relatives because this would interrupt my rest time – so that took spontaneity out of our lifestyle.


Making plans was also a problem because firstly, it takes energy to think and plan tasks and secondly, the plan will end up deviating me from eat, rest, work or sleep. So planning day-outs was a problem too!! Does this sound familiar to you?


The disease consumed me – I would track my weight, my symptoms, everything I ate. I would have graphs, charts and stats and take weight readings every day. This is all part of the depression and anxiety that Coeliac disease gave me. I would distrust any “gluten-free” restaurant and I was terrified about cross contamination in a similar way to your boyfriend – although not as far as believing gluten is on all packaging!


Check out the ‘behaviour’ room on this website. There are lots of people who express what they feel better than I have. Their accounts are also similar to your BF’s.


It will be hard for you to see the invisible symptoms your boyfriend is suffering – the depression, anxiety, brain fog, fear. But he needs your loving support for his head won’t be in the right place. For me, a hard talking to by my fiancé snapped me out of it – she told me I was becoming consumed and it was making her sad. I didn’t want to make her sad so I concentrated all my energy into finding a way out. She told me because she loved me and knew I needed a good talking to! She was harsh, but I knew from all her support that she had been giving me that I needed to do something too.


It will get easier the longer he goes without a glutening. . The depression lifts the longer you are without gluten. For me its about 3 weeks. It didn’t come easy. At first I was still tired though, and my head was full of dark thoughts and I was a recluse. I looked into it and found that I was B12 deficient – I took some B12 mouth spray and drank Lacto-free full fat milk (full of B12). I had instant energy. With energy, I wanted to use it and do stuff. So I slowly started turning my life around and became a happier person. My fiancée and I eat out at least once a week, we do things. I see friends and don’t mind phoning people now. My eat, work, rest and sleep compartmental-isms are still there but mixed in is socialise, exercise and all sorts.


Is your boyfriend still getting ‘glutened’ do you know? If not he should be improving after 4 years so get his nutrient levels checked. Anemia or B12, folate, Vitamin D deficiencies can cause the behaviour you are describing as can adrenal gland and thyroid problems. If he is still having accidents then you can expect him to be a recluse and have ‘head’ problems – you need to understand that he has to recharge and gain positive energy before embarking on ‘normal’ things. You will know whether or not you are willing to afford him your energy to help him through.


Not to mention, you may be suffering deficiencies on your new gluten free diet which may be making you a bit blue?

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