Jump to content
  • Sign Up
0
maggiesimpson

Am I Right To Feel Offended?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

So, my sis-in-law is in town with her family. They are staying with us for the week. She wanted to go to this chinese restaurant for dinner one night, and she knows I am on a horribly restrictive diet, especially the gluten-free part. So she asked me to still come with even though I wasn't eating there. I was expected to sit there for 1-2 hours while everyone ate in front of me and took their sweet time BSing. The place would be a cross contamination nightmare. And I would be miserable.

I am fairly certain this specific place won't let you bring in your own meal. And, I am on the anti-candida diet which they would not be able to comply with. I don't. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive (I am almost always very laid back about the restrictions around my diet, but this bothers me).

My husband thought she was being insensitive by wanting us to go someplace I cannot eat. She could go with anyone else and do one of the safe restaurants with us if she wanted us to eat out together. He told her 2 places I know I can get a decent meal, and that chinese was not an option for me. He is also bothered by this and thinks she was really insensitive.

Am I right to be offended by her expecting me to sit at a restaurant and watch everyone else eat? My only option would have been to eat when I got back home, which could be hours later. Eating before wouldn't have worked because it takes a while for me to cook my food and eat, and they would have been impatient and b%$@#ing that I'm holding them up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sincerely hope you invited her to go enjoy herself at the Chinese restaurant .  That was very inconsiderate of her, especially since she knows what you're going through.  Your husband's right, you're right, sister is all wrong in this instance,

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, that is terrible. Your SIL is being not only insensitive but sabotaging your efforts to stay healthy. I am sorry to hear that.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm afraid your husband is right! Your sister in law is being insensitive and selfish. She is coming to stay at your home for a week, where, as a guest, you will be taking care of her and her family, then she expects you to go and eat at some place where she knows very well your will be unable to eat anything? What? Stick to your guns, and make sure she knows you are not flexible on this issue.

It is virtually impossible to find a gluten free Chinese restaurant let alone trying to cope with an anti-candida diet. Do not be pressured or made to feel you need to justify yourself and for goodness' sake don't risk it. Put another way, if any of her family were allergic to peanuts, would you expect them to eat one?

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She was being very selfish.  Your hubs is right to be upset.  I am inviting YOU to be a little offended :-)  There are certain situations (this is not one) where I want to join a group enough that I will go somewhere that I have no intention of eating if I am able to eat beforehand.  It's rare though.  

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She and her kids are staying with you for a week?  I would say "Have a nice time.  Take my kids & your brother with you with you."  And have a nice break from them and cooking for them.  Enjoy a couple of hours of quiet.

 

I don't think she was trying to offend you.  She just didn't think about it.  But you know her and if she is always trying to be mean or offend people, then she probably was.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I visited home (2000 miles away) several years ago, there were many places I fondly remembered always going to. I wanted to go to many of them while I was there. It didn't occur to me to ask if my family wanted to patronized these places or not. They were free to come, or not. Yes, I was there to visit them. I was also there to do things that I wanted to do that had absolutely nothing to do with my family.

 

Also, I find that with my dietary restrictions there are less and less places that my family in Utah is willing to eat that I can eat. So? I go and enjoy the company and order something exciting to drink. A fair amount of places here offer microbrewed sodas. (I don't drink or I'd order wine.) She probably wasn't attempting to be rude by wanting to go somewhere in particular to eat. She also (judging by how my family is) simply wanted to make the most of her time there by wanting you to come along so you could spend the time together. Frankly, I find it rude to expect everyone else to eat only where I am able to with the vast dietary restrictions I have. Especially when they're visiting. I always tell them to pick a place and I will make my life work.

 

I'm with Karen. I would have simply told everyone to go and enjoyed the time alone if they're there for an entire week.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone already said, you know her and we don't. But i would NOT have been offended. Maybe she really likes Chinese and had a craving for it. Maybe she knew everybody else wanted Chinese too. I would have eaten a Lara bar or something to hold me over until I got home, and gone with them to enjoy the company and conversation.

 

I ALWAYS try to make my dietary restrictions a non-issue. That way I don't make my friends so uncomfortable about inviting me that they just leave me out. I have been going every week lately to a local restaurant where there is nothing safe for me to eat, but all my friends go and I enjoy their company and the music. No one minds that I'm not eating and neither do I. I just eat before (and usually a snack after) I go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with bart and adelaide on this one - unless she has a history of being insensitive, or this falls under "I'm staying with you and, therefore, treating you and your family to dinner in return." category.  I will frequently just have a drink while sharing dinner with folks so that I'm still part of the party. And, as for eating before, you could have just had something simple that didn't require cooking, no?   (I keep a Kind Bar in my purse for these sorts of things)

 

However, I also like the "you go and take everyone and I'll stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet option".  Yes, I like that option very much!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it depends on whether you want to go and spend time with the people (eat before/after, take a snack, have a drink) or not. If not, just say you can't go and that's that. No worries. If she gets offended, that's her problem.

 

When I go out with a friend or two, I'm usually the one picking the place. If I'm invited to a dinner with a bunch of people, I usually research the place to see if I can have anything, and if not, I eat beforehand or take a snack. In those cases its more about spending time with people than the eating, As long as I get myself fed safely.

 

Now, if, say, someone arranged something FOR me (like a birthday or whatever) and I couldn't eat anything, then I'd be pretty pissed.

 

However, Chinese food is out of the question. If the menu has more than 25% of items with "wheat gluten" in it, there's no way I'm touching anything. (Unfortunately, this includes some of my boyfriend's favourite vegetarian restaurants).

 

Tell your sister to go have a nice dinner, and you'll see her later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for all the responses. It helps a lot to get other's perspectives. I guess it wasn't just that she wanted me to go to dinner and not eat that bothered me, but it is a combination of everything she's done since she got here. This happened on Sunday and was still bugging me, so I wanted to get some feedback. She ended up changing her plans anyway, and went to a local AA meeting before picking up chinese and bringing it back for everyone. Ended up working out great for me, but the guys had to eat really late.

She planned this trip so all the family could meet the baby, but she has been very self-focused and has blown off the family to do whatever.She is actually jealous that her bro took her hubby fishing, which he does everytime they have come. The poor guy is here dealing with his in-law and wife's old friends, so it's nice to have someone do something for him. But she doesn't like him getting attention. She has to be the center of the universe. So, she was insulted that neither of us took time off work and we aren't feeding her all the attention she wants. We can't afford to take time off. We have given them free reign and opened our house to them, but she said we are making them feel unwelcomed. For instance, one of her beefs has to do with us making salsa when her friends were visiting. The only time we can make it is the weekend, and we always set up in the livingroom to do the chopping. We did wait to do the actual canning until the guests left. But apparently we were rude for cutting produce in the livingroom. Oh well.

Anyway, back to the eating out. It is usually not much of an issue. The ACD diet is making it difficult. I have gone out and just hung out while others conversed over food. Those times have been strictly a way for us to see.each other in one place before going our seperate ways. My husband refuses to go eat somewhere I can't go unless it's just him, of course. Thanks again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
0

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 142 Guests (See full list)

  • Top Posters +

  • Recent Articles

    Jefferson Adams
    Summertime Peach Caprese Salad (Gluten-Free)
    Celiac.com 09/22/2018 - We’ve done recipes for Caprese salad. We’ve done recipes for peaches. We’ve never done one for peach Caprese salad.
    This gluten-free treat adds fresh peaches for a sweet summery-sweet twist on classic Caprese salad. Easy to make and wonderfully tasty, this recipe is sure to be a hit at your next barbecue or grill session.
    Ingredients:
    1 ripe tomato 1 ripe peach 12-14 leaves of fresh basil 6 oz. ball fresh mozzarella Balsamic vinegar Extra virgin olive oil Directions:
    Slice tomato, peach and mozzarella into ½″ slices.
    Layer the tomato, peach and cheese slices with whole leaves of fresh basil.
    Drizzle with extra virgin olive and balsamic vinegar.
    Season with salt and pepper. 

    Lindsay Cochrane
    Living with Celiac Disease in South Korea
    Celiac.com 09/21/2018 - The English as a Second Language (ESL) pie is so large in countries such as South Korea that there seem to be enough helpings for anyone interested. However, these generous slices may be off limits to individuals with severe food allergies or intolerances, including those with celiac disease. If you have diet restrictions and are thinking of heading to South Korea or another Asian country, the following information will help you decide whether or not this move is a good idea.
    One might think that Asia, the land of rice-based meals, would be a celiac’s paradise. As one naïve dietician told me before I moved to Seoul, “You couldn’t be going to a better place.” This assumption could not be further from the truth. If cooked with traditional ingredients, many local dishes are gluten-free. However, in Korea, wheat flour is now cheaper than other kinds of flour, despite the fact that it has to be imported. Wheat flour and barley are currently the two most common ingredients in Korean food products.
    In Korea, eleven major food allergens must be included on product labels: poultry eggs, milk, buckwheat, peanuts, soybean, wheat, mackerel, crab, pork, peaches, and tomatoes. As for anything else, the Korean Food and Drug Administration states that only the five major ingredients in a product have to be labeled. Furthermore, a label need only include intentional ingredients, not things accidentally mixed into a product through cross-contamination. So you can say goodbye to warnings like: “this product may contain traces of peanuts.” Stricter labeling regulations will be put into effect in September 2006. However, these laws will remain less stringent than those in North America and Europe. According to a source at the KFDA, labeling restrictions are similar in Japan and more lax in China and South East Asia.
    One can easily learn Korean for “I’m allergic to ____” in any phrasebook or from a Korean coworker, friend, or even the guy in the next seat on your Korean Air flight. Yet it is the cultural barrier, not the language barrier, which poses the most difficulties for a celiac.
    Korean culture revolves around the sharing of food due to food shortages during the Japanese occupation; Koreans do not ask, “How are you?” but, “Have you had your meal?” Co-workers, friends, and even the occasional stranger will offer to share food. The politest way to refuse is by saying, “Thank you, but I can’t. I’m allergic.” Also, rather than saying you are allergic to something in Korean—allerugi—it is much more effective to say you cannot have it. (see the list of useful phrases). Unfortunately, even these statements are unlikely to be fully effective when eating Korean food. Many Koreans are completely unaware that frequently-used ingredients such as tashida soup flavouring and soybean powder contain wheat.
    Most Koreans I spoke with were shocked to hear that, as a celiac, I could not eat food which had so much as touched gluten. Generally, they assume that people with food allergies are still able to consume a product with a 1-2% trace of the allergen. Food allergies, celiac disease, vegetarianism, and other kinds of diet restrictions are rare in this country and are not taken very seriously. Furthermore, according to gastroenterologist Dr. Kim of Severance Hospital in Seoul, only two people were ever diagnosed with celiac disease in Korea.
    The world of North American restaurants, where servers cater to those with food allergies, food sensitivities, and plain old picky eaters, is very far away. Koreans generally order what is on the menu without making any special requests. Even Westerners who learn enough of the Korean language to explain their diets often end up being served something they asked specifically not to have. Furthermore, Korean food is not served on personal plates: everyone at the table reaches his or her chopsticks into the various communal dishes, causing cross-contamination.
    I was at a restaurant with some Korean friends and was trying to explain my gluten-intolerance to them, when one young man told me he was so sensitive to peaches that he could not so much as touch a peach without breaking out into a rash. Five minutes later I saw him eat a dish containing peach slices. This is the attitude of Koreans to food allergies—both theirs and yours.
    The gluten-free meal which is safest and easiest to find in Korea is samgyupsal. This dish features fatty, thick slices of pork cooked over a clean grill right at your table. Just make sure that all sauces are kept off the grill. Bibimbop is a rice, vegetable, and egg dish usually served with kochujang, a red pepper paste which unfortunately contains wheat. Bibimbop can be ordered, however, with the kochujang on the side.
    Most foreigners are in Korea to work rather than visit, and having an apartment provides the extra advantage of having one’s own cooking space. There are a few of us who have managed the gluten-free diet in Korea. However, it has not been easy. If you have celiac disease or food allergies and are thinking of moving to this part of the world, I can guarantee you that it will be a monumental challenge.
    Useful Korean phrases:
    Thank you, but I can’t. I’m allergic: kamsa hamnida man, allerugi issoyo. I cannot have barley, rye, or wheat: chonun pori hago homil hago mil motmuhgeyo. Barley: pori Wheat: mil Rye: homil Bibimbop with the red pepper paste on the side: bibimbop kochujang garu Grilled Pork: samgyupsal

    Jefferson Adams
    What’s the Deal with Gluten Sniffing Dogs?
    Celiac.com 09/20/2018 - Some people with celiac disease experience extreme symptoms when they eat gluten. These folks adopt various strategies for navigating the world. One of those strategies involves getting a gluten-sniffing service dog.
    We’ve done a few stories on gluten-sniffing dogs over the years. Dogs like Zeus and Hawkeye are famous for helping their owners sniff out gluten before they can eat it.
    Can Gluten-Sniffing Dogs Help People with Celiac Disease?  The stories are always popular. People love the stories, and people love the dogs. After all, pretty much anyone with celiac disease who has ever read about gluten-sniffing dogs would love to have one. Who could say no to a warm, fuzzy dog that can take a sniff of your food and signal you when it contains gluten?
    The stories almost always generate plenty of feedback and more than a few questions. To answer some of those questions, we’ve decided to do an article that provides some facts about gluten-sniffing dogs.
    Here are a few factors to keep in mind about gluten-sniffing service dogs:
    Gluten-free Dog Status:
    One thing to remember is that proper gluten-sniffing dogs are professionally trained service animals, much like seeing-eye dogs or hearing-ear dogs. 
    As professional service animals, the dogs must be trained and certified as service animals. The dogs may then accompany their master pretty much anywhere they go, and are available to assess all food and snacks.
    Gluten-free Dog Training:
    Proper training takes time, which equals money. Professional trainers might only train one or two dogs, and the training can take about a year. There are very few trainers for gluten-sniffing dogs, and there are also currently no official guidelines or certification.
    Gluten-free Dog Cost:
    In our recent story on the gluten-sniffing black Lab, Hawkeye, we noted that the dog cost $16,000, not including food, and vet bills. 
    Gluten-free Dog Reliability:
    Nimasensor.com notes that “[g]luten-sniffing dogs may detect gluten in amounts as small as .0025 parts per million with 95 percent to 98 percent accuracy.”
    The Mercola.com website says that Willow, a gluten-sniffing German shorthaired pointer in Michigan, can detect gluten with 95 percent to 98 percent accuracy. 
    Read more on gluten-sniffing dogs:
    Gluten-Sniffing Dogs Are Game Changers for People With Celiac Disease Gluten-sniffing dogs help people with celiac disease What to Know About Gluten-Sniffing Dogs Gluten-Sniffing Assistance Dog Helps Celiac Sufferer Lead Normal Life

    Jefferson Adams
    The Girl Scouts Adds New Gluten-Free Cookie to Popular Lineup
    Celiac.com 09/19/2018 - Great news for gluten-free cookies lovers!  Girl Scouts has announced the debut of a new gluten-free cookie to its enormously popular cookie brand. 
    The new Caramel Chocolate Chip is a chewy cookie that contains caramel, semi-sweet chocolate chips, and a hint of sea salt. also happens to be gluten-free. The new gluten-free treat will be available in select areas during the 2019 cookie-selling season; which typically runs from February to April each year.
    The gluten-free Caramel Chocolate Chip joins the Girl Scouts’ two other gluten-free offerings: Toffee-tastic, a buttery cookie with sweet and crunchy golden toffee bits, and Trios, a peanut butter oatmeal cookie with chocolate chips. 
    The Girl Scouts of America has been around for over 100 years and now hosts more than 1.8 million girl members. Every year, about 100 million scouts between the ages of five and 18 sell approximately 200 million boxes of cookies nationwide. According to the Girl Scouts website, that money stays local to develop local leadership training activities, summer camps, and more activities.
    According to a 2016 study conducted by the Girl Scout Research Institute, approximately 85% of Girl Scouts surveyed said that Girl Scout Cookie Program helped them learn how to set goals and meet deadlines, while 88% said it helped them become effective decision-makers. Another 88% said they learned how to manage money, while 94% said the program helped them to learn business ethics.
    The Girl Scouts have also added online sales and iOS and Android apps that allow people to find cookies or order from their phones.

    Jefferson Adams
    No Gluten-Free Diet for Tennis Champion Roger Federer
    Celiac.com 09/18/2018 - With a number of major tennis stars singing the praises of a gluten-free diet, including top players like Novak Djokovic, Swiss great Roger Federer weighed in on the topic.
    The 20-time Grand Slam winner says that he’s never tried the gluten-free diet, and that he doesn’t not “even know what that all means…I eat healthy, and I think that's what people should do, too, if they have the options. It's sure important the right diet for an athlete.”
    Djokovic, the 2018 US Open winner has been gluten-free since 2011, and calls the diet his biggest key to his success.
    For Federer, diet is helpful, but not the whole story. “[Diet] can help you, you know. I mean, I think every athlete should be in good shape. I don't think we should have any fat athletes, to be honest. We do too much sports and we should be too professional to let that happen to ourselves.
    If it happens, well, we should wake up. You don't have the right entourage. They're not telling you that you're a bit fat. Players try different things, and whatever works for them. I do my thing. It's been very easy and natural and healthy, and it's worked.”
    So, while Novak Djokovic, and a number of other athletes, have gone gluten-free and continue to tout the benefits, look for Federer to remain faithful to his generally nutritious non-gluten-free diet.
    Read more at: TennisWorldUSA.org

×