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ChrisF88

Relationship issues

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Hi all. This is difficult to explain. I met a girl after diagnosis but my symptoms never seemed to go away until now and it seems way too late. I had been with her for only a year.

I had such crazy thoughts, have attempted suicide twice in that time. Every time I try and explain these thoughts I can't really, I do my best to put them into words but they never quite get there and each time's different and she viewed it all as lies. 

I became obsessed with tiny, insignificant things like a test for cancer. I was in a dark place and ended up thinking it must be and got into such a state. 

My self confidence was at an all time low, anxiety, panic attacks, depression and paranoia had all set in in a big way and I became horribly obsessed with how I performed compared to ex-boyfriends, even questioning her repeatedly over a period of months. I couldn't relax and let myself believe anything she said and I became jealous over absolutely anything, even her going for a coffee withher mum and not spending time with me while I visited. This was a long distance relationship.

My main question is this: has anyone experienced this? It feels like I'm two different people, the me I know and this monster I can become. Even thinking about this sets off the cycle of my depression, constantly analysing how I've behaved and beating myself up about it. After a year and a half of gluten-free I'd expect to be better well before now and I am almost there. Dietitians etc are looking at other things that might slow the healing of the effects of celiac.

Ultimately is this feeling of being two different people and the self hatred it entails unique to me? I don't blame this girl at all for ending it, I must have been  a nightmare to put up with. Does anyone else feel like they aren't themselves and can't explain why?

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46 minutes ago, ChrisF88 said:

Hi all. This is difficult to explain. I met a girl after diagnosis but my symptoms never seemed to go away until now and it seems way too late. I had been with her for only a year.

I had such crazy thoughts, have attempted suicide twice in that time. Every time I try and explain these thoughts I can't really, I do my best to put them into words but they never quite get there and each time's different and she viewed it all as lies. 

I became obsessed with tiny, insignificant things like a test for cancer. I was in a dark place and ended up thinking it must be and got into such a state. 

My self confidence was at an all time low, anxiety, panic attacks, depression and paranoia had all set in in a big way and I became horribly obsessed with how I performed compared to ex-boyfriends, even questioning her repeatedly over a period of months. I couldn't relax and let myself believe anything she said and I became jealous over absolutely anything, even her going for a coffee withher mum and not spending time with me while I visited. This was a long distance relationship.

My main question is this: has anyone experienced this? It feels like I'm two different people, the me I know and this monster I can become. Even thinking about this sets off the cycle of my depression, constantly analysing how I've behaved and beating myself up about it. After a year and a half of gluten-free I'd expect to be better well before now and I am almost there. Dietitians etc are looking at other things that might slow the healing of the effects of celiac.

Ultimately is this feeling of being two different people and the self hatred it entails unique to me? I don't blame this girl at all for ending it, I must have been  a nightmare to put up with. Does anyone else feel like they aren't themselves and can't explain why?

Not sure you can blame everything on Celiac and gluten. I assume you are seeing a psychiatrist?  and a psychologist?  I would suggest you try working hard with them.  Even if part of this is due to Celiac, you need some help to get through it and back on track.   Once you get your mental illness under control you can be the kind of person you would want to date... and others will want to be with you.  

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Yes, I've seen both and the only thing found was ADHD. It is literally like a switch has been flipped and I'm back to being me again

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I never had any issues like this before apart from mild depression. I was initially diagnosed in September 2015 but then told it was inconclusive and then rediagnosed April 2016. 

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13 minutes ago, ChrisF88 said:

Yes, I've seen both and the only thing found was ADHD. It is literally like a switch has been flipped and I'm back to being me again

I can identify with this. When glutened I spend 24 hours suicidal but it is gone the next day when I wake up. Knowing this helps me cope with that effect. I am like a different person under a gluten cloud, trouble thinking, scattered and forget and overly emotional. Then it lifts as the antibodies wear off.  It helps me to know it is the gluten and it will lift but it is not pleasent when it is happening.

I wonder if you had been getting often CC'd?  Even something as simple as a kiss from a gluten consuming signifcant other can do it. Shared cooking item like toasters, strainers etc.  Restaurants... so many risks for us.

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Yeah gluten causes me to completely change mentally or used to, my symtomes now days have evolved and will cause motor control loss and ground me til the worse is over now. I do have after effects of mood swings fora few weeks. Other issues even after healing and gluten-free are extreme, worry pacing, questioning every thing I do, and still too this day find myself sometimes overly worried and over thinking things. I am going to be honest I have found a few foods I eat in excess and supplements that take ALL the edge off and make me just roll with everything happy go lucky. I might suggest my regime, it is expensive and odd but works wonders for me.

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Yeah the worrying is the worst part of it. I can't relax mentally. I do have extreme exhaustion which hasn't ever gone away. Might be expensive or odd but if it's worked for you I'd be grateful to hear it

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30 minutes ago, ravenwoodglass said:

I can identify with this. When glutened I spend 24 hours suicidal but it is gone the next day when I wake up. Knowing this helps me cope with that effect. I am like a different person under a gluten cloud, trouble thinking, scattered and forget and overly emotional. Then it lifts as the antibodies wear off.  It helps me to know it is the gluten and it will lift but it is not pleasent when it is happening.

I wonder if you had been getting often CC'd?  Even something as simple as a kiss from a gluten consuming signifcant other can do it. Shared cooking item like toasters, strainers etc.  Restaurants... so many risks for us.

No it's not. Reassures me a bit that it isn't just me. The manifestations of my anxiety have been extreme  to the point of jealousy and the mood swings have been laughing to angry to crying and back to angry in seconds. 

I thought I was going mad and had started to believe that it was me. 

The difficulty I have is she hadn't known me before all of these symptoms so has no real point of reference to who I was before so hearing that this person I've been is me has added to it all and made me hate myself even more.

 

Cross contamination is a real possibility. I've been really careful with everything, separate butter, toaster literally everything. The only time I ever really go out to eat is when I visit her and these are when my symptoms are at their worst so yes I would assume so. I have had some bad reactions after meals but it gets a bit demoralising when people say it lasts them a day or so and for me it's more like weeks

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12 minutes ago, ChrisF88 said:

Yeah the worrying is the worst part of it. I can't relax mentally. I do have extreme exhaustion which hasn't ever gone away. Might be expensive or odd but if it's worked for you I'd be grateful to hear it

You might have to adjust dosing on it but HERE is the main things that helped

Liquid Health Stress & Energy , Liquid Health Nurolgoical Support 1tbsp each 3 times a day

Natural Vitality Calm I have to take quite a bit more but you should start with 1/4 tsp 2x a day and work up to the full dose over a week. It is a magnesium citrtae and can cause gastric distress if you jump into it.

I also binge eat foods that help with serotonin production. Either Pumpkin Seed protein, Hemp protein powder Brand that are safe are Oregon Seed Oil Company Pumpkin seed protein and Jarrow Hemp. And Gerbs Allergen Friendly foods makes whole seeds that are great snacks. And I binge eat full fat coco nibs, best pricing I found was Crio Bru ground ones, I mix it in equal parts with a sugar free sweetener and eat it by the spoon and put it on deserts and food the fats and chemical compounds can do some amazing things.

Research yourself on the mental benefits of Pumpkin, hemp, and chocolate in raw pure forms.

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30 minutes ago, ChrisF88 said:

Cross contamination is a real possibility. I've been really careful with everything, separate butter, toaster literally everything. The only time I ever really go out to eat is when I visit her and these are when my symptoms are at their worst so yes I would assume so. I have had some bad reactions after meals but it gets a bit demoralising when people say it lasts them a day or so and for me it's more like weeks

I get the suicidal ideation for a day but the anxiety, muddled thoughts and lethargy last me up to a month.  I don't think that is uncommon in us folks that get neuro impact. 

Going out to eat or eating at other peoples homes can be really tough.  I bring safe food with me if I am going to be out of my home at meal times or will throughly research safe restaurant options. having celiac can make social situations tricky but if we can concentrate on the company and not the food aspect of it that can help.

Many of us have had to deal with the pain of the loss of people that we cared about because of the impact of this disease and the ups and downs of the healing process. A bit of therapy to help us deal with all the aspects of celiac and it's impact on our lives can be very helpful. I hope things get better for you soon.

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On 15/08/2017 at 6:06 PM, ChrisF88 said:

Hi all. This is difficult to explain. I met a girl after diagnosis but my symptoms never seemed to go away until now and it seems way too late. I had been with her for only a year.

I had such crazy thoughts, have attempted suicide twice in that time. Every time I try and explain these thoughts I can't really, I do my best to put them into words but they never quite get there and each time's different and she viewed it all as lies. 

I became obsessed with tiny, insignificant things like a test for cancer. I was in a dark place and ended up thinking it must be and got into such a state. 

My self confidence was at an all time low, anxiety, panic attacks, depression and paranoia had all set in in a big way and I became horribly obsessed with how I performed compared to ex-boyfriends, even questioning her repeatedly over a period of months. I couldn't relax and let myself believe anything she said and I became jealous over absolutely anything, even her going for a coffee withher mum and not spending time with me while I visited. This was a long distance relationship.

My main question is this: has anyone experienced this? It feels like I'm two different people, the me I know and this monster I can become. Even thinking about this sets off the cycle of my depression, constantly analysing how I've behaved and beating myself up about it. After a year and a half of gluten-free I'd expect to be better well before now and I am almost there. Dietitians etc are looking at other things that might slow the healing of the effects of celiac.

Ultimately is this feeling of being two different people and the self hatred it entails unique to me? I don't blame this girl at all for ending it, I must have been  a nightmare to put up with. Does anyone else feel like they aren't themselves and can't explain why?

Being 2 different people is difficult when you've been glutened.  It depends if you're always like it or only occasionally.   If you're always like it the I can see why she would think that is you.  If you have emotional issues and anger issues and paranoia and jealousy I wouldn't want to be around that either.  Go to a councillor and speak to your doctor.   Its hard for us to understand as you're asking questions so it must be for those without it.  Maybe you have a few psycological issues on top which is nothing to be ashamed of.  Just get the help to change, understand and adjust your thinking and behaviour and maybe things will work out.  Attempting suicide is pretty serious over just gluten.  If you're depressed perhaps you are thinking the simple solution is gluten as the psycological solution will be harder, take longer and has a social stigma about it as well.

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On 17/08/2017 at 9:15 AM, Melissa.T92 said:

Being 2 different people is difficult when you've been glutened.  It depends if you're always like it or only occasionally.   If you're always like it the I can see why she would think that is you.  If you have emotional issues and anger issues and paranoia and jealousy I wouldn't want to be around that either.  Go to a councillor and speak to your doctor.   Its hard for us to understand as you're asking questions so it must be for those without it.  Maybe you have a few psycological issues on top which is nothing to be ashamed of.  Just get the help to change, understand and adjust your thinking and behaviour and maybe things will work out.  Attempting suicide is pretty serious over just gluten.  If you're depressed perhaps you are thinking the simple solution is gluten as the psycological solution will be harder, take longer and has a social stigma about it as well.

I completely understand that, I wouldn't want to be around a person that was always like that either. I get how difficult it can be for people without it to understand or accept, I have had issues getting my head around it all.

I had zero psychological symptoms apart from very minor depression before the physical symptoms of celiac became bad enough not to be put down as IBS by doctors. That went on for 10 years.

I have finally got a doctor who has taken me seriously, raised these issues with my specialist who was solely focussing on the gut damage and she had referenced a lecture by James V Croxton which makes interesting reading, it perfectly matches the symptoms I was experiencing. It's difficult too when most people have more physical symptoms and you start to believe you're going crazy and it must be something else.

 

These symptoms are long gone and that is the most relieving part now. I even had a reaction to some sweets I have always had, checked the label and now states may contain wheat when it didn't previously, all I experienced was fatigue and severe abdominal pain, absolutely no mental symptoms whatsoever ?

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i can relate to a lot of what you said.

When before I went gluten free I was very different. Anger was also large part of that. I didn't think of myself as being an angry person, but i tended to experience multiple emotions and once. This is common with people with alexithymia.  I had a poor perception on things. i didn't think that anger was a big part of my life before I went gluten free. After I went gluten free I had a much better perspective on things and I was shocked at how much anger played in my life.  It was still a long slow recovery though. I am much better emotionally now than I was before but maybe not 100%. This if five years on. 

The things that currently think may help me mentally are:

Taking a complete multivitamin and extra b vitamins.  I take lots of b2 in particular.

Lowering my uric acid level. I developed gout. Gout can cause oxidative stress. There might be a connection there.

Extra Magnesium plus salt.

Drinking lots of water.

No alcohol. 

Taking baking soda and apple cider vinegar to balance my ph. I measure it with a urine ph test strip. 

Stress relief and exercise.

If I eat gluten I tend to get really upset about minor things, and focus only on those particular things. When I am gluten free I have a much better perspective and can let things go.  I can enjoy being around people which is a nice change. 

After a year and a half of gluten-free I'd expect to be better well before now and I am almost there. Dietitians etc are looking at other things that might slow the healing of the effects of celiac.

  Oats also effect me mentally. Alchohol and other foods can also be problematic to some people with celiac disease.  You might want to research other problems foods and celiac cross reactivity.  Healing can take time. Don't give up. Don't beat yourself up over the past. Keep trying different diets and see what works for you. 

Don't expect girls be attracted to you if you have emotional problems. It is sad but that is the way it is. It is neither your fault nor their fault. 

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