How Do People Cope With The Frustration Of Celiac Disease?

[dagreen]

I've never done this before. Posted online. However, I wanted to get feedback. I'm 21 and it was confirmed that I had celiac disease about 7 months ago. I'm on a completely gluten free diet. I know that I feel better on this diet, and I used to feel wretched on gluten before I found out I was celiac, but I still feel very frustrated with the disease. Not only do I not eat wheat, barley, rye and oats, I have many digestive problems with other foods, so I am in the process of trying to figure out what's wrong. I don't eat vanilla ice cream, ketchup, corn, rice, and generally I avoid lots of other foods that are supposed to be gluten free, because they make me feel sick. I also phone every company of every product I eat and generally do not eat anything that has gluten on the line it is being produced on.

My question is, how do people deal with celiac disease? I try to not feel sorry for myself when I'm out with friends who can eat what they want or go out with family, that can eat everything, but I do. I am really grateful that I found out I have celiac disease, however, I still catch myself feeling sorry for myself, and I would like to be able to appreciate what I have without pitying myself. I wish I was a better person that was just able to accept it without the frustration, and I really do try to, but I am so frustrated. I realize others are going through the same thing, so I would like people's thoughts on how to cope with this. Thanks in advance, I would appreciate any sort of advice.

[Corkdarrr]

Welcome to the board! I hope it provides as much support for you as it has for me.

I'm 25 and self diagnosed myself through a positive dietary response about six months ago.

And I sympathize with you. It is INCREDIBLY frustrating. Not to mention the whole host of other random medical issues that seem to accompany those with Celiacs.

I wish I could give you suggestions on coping. But I am just as frustrated as you are, if not more!

I guess I try to focus on the things I CAN eat that I enjoy.

What can I say...the same thing most people will: One day at a time.

Keep researching your own mystery diet issues and posting on here - chances are someone on this board has already dealt with it and can provide you with some information.

Good luck. Hang in there!

Courtney

[eleep]

I think the self-pity is sometimes a necessary emotional phase -- you've lost something, there's been a change, life isn't the way it was before. That doesn't mean you'll continue to feel that way once you've worked through those feelings and adjusted to the diet. I don't have anywhere near the frustration I used to have when I find myself at a restaurant with friends where I'm not comfortable enough to order food -- I'd rather play it safe anyway and I've generally got something to eat in my tote to help me through. Also, I've found that there are a bunch of places where I am comfortable with the food and the attention to service is scrupulous enough to make me feel more confident about not getting sick from CC, etc..... It's all just taken some time.

eleep

[Rebecca47]

Hi everyone; It is ok to be frustrated it is part of life. What a change in life after being Dx'd for celiac disease. I even at my age (a little under 50) get very frustrated. I have only know since Aug 2006, I was used to eaten anything I wanted as did everyone probaly on this board. We are here to help, even I really need help some days. When I have brain fog somedays worse than others I get totally lost. I am trying to figure out a few things too.

Maybe you should start a food diary to help you see what else is bothering you. I have started a new one today, because i got sick last night after eating. What is bad is that what I ate last night has never borthered me before. Anyway it really frustrates the hell at of me.

Somedays I whine to my self about terrible this is, but then I think that it could of been worse (cancer) or something. I still feel pitiful somedays

Good luck and I will see you again on here.

[Phyllis28]

Over time you living gluten free will become second nature. Eventually it will not bother you to eat differently when you are with family and friends. I was diagnosed 28 years ago when I was 21. I promise you will adjust and adapt.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I know people who have MS and Lupus. I feel so grateful not to have either of those, and I feel so much BETTER off gluten, and I have found so many delicious recipes here, that I honestly don't feel frustrated.

Really, the only frustration for me is the lack of convenience foods, but I am learning to make big batches of the things I like and freeze them. And I'm eating way more salads and fresh fruits--gosh, darn, I'm actually eating healthier!

I do hope things settle down for you, digestively speaking. It must be frustrating. I agree with the suggestion of a food diary. Exercise seems to help me digest things better, too. Good luck!

[Viola 1]

Don't beat yourself up about feeling sorry for yourself. Believe it or not, that feeling goes along with any cronic disease and it's perfectly natural.

I think the reason that newly diagnosed Celiacs feel it so often is that every human activity from birth to death inclusive, revolves around food. Every holiday, special days, or not so special days...like just going out with friends ... revolve around food. So, Frustration is just natural.

Even after all these years I still get frustrated, although I quit feeling sorry for myself some time back. But I think that it's gotten easier because I've now got a network of restaurants that are safe and local cooks who are educated. If I go to my parents house, I do all the cooking, if I'm at my brother's house I am in the kitchen helping my sister-in-law and reading labels. It works for the most part. I still find traveling frustrating when we have to go to a couple or three different restaurants to get a safe meal. But my hubby is patient (more so than me) and it works out in the end.

Hang in there ... it will impove! Carry good things with you, chocolate if you can have it, pop corn is always fun and safe ... and wine is a good thing

[Phyllis28]

Hi Shirley,

We my family travels on vacation we rent someplace with a kitchen. We have rented condos, cabins and hotel rooms (Marriott Townplace Suites or Marriott Residence Inn). Yes, I have to cook but this works best for us. If we are traveling by car I precook and freeze meals. I have simply do not want to deal with frustation of finding a resturant in a strange town.

[Marg E]

Don't worry, I'm coeliac and was the queen of junk food, packet pizzas the works. Never dieted or read a label in my life! Now diagnosed 3 years it's cool.

Just think of it as a healthy crap free diet. You can eat practically anything, just not processed man-made poop which makes you fat and ill anyway. (Hey did you know that scientists say processed food is a bigger scandal than cigarettes for diseases ADD, ADHD, autism, cancer etc?)

The start is the hardest bit. You'll get to know restaurants etc in your area and it'll get easier. The easiest rule is: if in doubt leave it out. It's the pre-agricultural revolution diet (caveman hunter and gatherer diet) and interestingly that's when most of the 21st century diseases struck mankind.

A peanut allergy is worse, imagine sticking needles into yourself and ending up in hospital. Hey out of all the things that can be wrong with you it's a pretty easy solution - just don't eat it - no horrible operations, chemo, having bits cut off. And it forces you to be healthy too. Remember some people choose to eat gluten free too so it can't be that bad!

[GlutenWrangler]

Hello,

I'm 22 and was diagnosed about 7 months ago also. I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through right now. It's hard not to feel sorry for yourself. I would rather sit home than watch people eat things that I can't. I can't eat dairy because of my casein intolerance, so the diet it twice as rough. But I have come to terms with what my life will be, and I don't see it as that bad anymore. There are much worse conditions out there. Plus, celiacs are forced to eat healthier than people with normal digestive systems. The gluten-free diet may end up keeping us from getting more health problems later in life. There is plenty of great gluten-free food out there, so the only real problem lies in going out to eat. Although there are places with gluten-free menus, I don't really trust them. They're not to keen on cross-contamination. I'm sure you went through hell before the diagnosis, so maybe you can think of the diet as your ticket to an end to suffering and good health. None of us can tell you exactly how to cope, but we can help you with any questions or concerns, so don't hesitate to ask. Just try not to worry about it too much because it will get easier with time.

-Brian

[Viola 1]

I think the biggest frustration comes from the social aspect of the Diesease. As I pointed out before, every thing in human life revolves around food, and we learn that at a very young age. So ... no going out, and no traveling with the pleasure of cafe's and restaruants is cutting down the social life big time. Especially for a young person.

In my opinion, in an effort to have a reasonable social life, one must try and find a "safe" cafe, or restaruant in our area that we can get to know the manager, and chef ... cook, so that we can invite our friends and have "normal" outings. I am fortunate that I have three. But they didn't pop out of the wood work, it does take effort and our time to educate them.

If I'm travelling by car, by myself I pack a cooler and just eat fruit and cheese as I drive. I get to places much faster than most people that way However, my hubby isn't gluten free, and insists on a decent meal at least once a day ... who can blame him So, we stop at restaurants and we try and educate, and for the most part, I get away with a simple meal 'omlete or something similiar' without getting ill. It really is getting better out there as we are getting better known.

As for Celiacs eating healthy ... There really is a lot of gluten free junk food out there ... and I'm pretty good at finding it. I hate to cook, and as hubby doesn't eat too much in the way of gluten free I quite often have to make two meals, so I generally cook for him and get what ever is easy for myself. And BTW, gluten free breads and goodies have a lot more calories than the regular kind ... more oil to hold it all together Yes, I know you can survive on fresh veggies and fresh meat and nothing more... but it's a short life and I intend to enjoy what is tasty and gluten free like chocolate, and hard bite chips ... and did I mention chocolate?

I'm really not trying to knock anyone that pointed out that we "can" eat healthier. You are correct, we can if we want to. You are also correct in pointing out that it does get better.

I'm just trying to point out that I think dagreen was venting about the huge change in our social possition. And she is right, it is frustrating and takes time and thought to change it. No matter how much time we give it, if we sit around and not do anything, nothing will change. So ... pick a cafe, restaurant, or a best friends house and start educating!

And that is my vent for now

[mtdawber]

I am with you. I just was diagnosed before Christmas.... what a time of year to start eating gluten free. My mom made date squares with regular oats adn gluten-free flour say that she read that oats are ok. Being that they are my favourite and I couldn't eat them was heartbreaking. I went on a mission to find out a good replacement for my beloved date squares and I found it here! (thanks again everyone)

All I am saying is we are all in this thing together... good thing we have this site. Hang in there!

[Katie618]

i'm also 21, and was diagnosed about 7 months ago. it definately sucks and took a lot of time to get used to. i miss the social aspect of going out with friends to eat, when my roommates at school eat something that can't eat but am craving i have to leave-- or i make a snack that i can have. it was defintaly hard to get used to, but being on sites like this, joining a support group, and having a good group of friends have made it easier-- those who are close to you, or know what you are going through are so supportive and will help you.

lately i too have been feeling sick again-- everytime after i eat i'm bloated, going through all the food in my head on what i ate and i know it is gluten free. i'm currently trying not to do dairy (it affects my DH) and makes me feel bloated. i try not to feel sorry for myself too, but sometimes it's hard- i want to be normal, i want to feel normal, i want to feel better. i mostly hate feeling outcasted- co-workers always asking if what i'm eating is gluten free and making jokes about it (but its annoying and it makes me feel "sick")

if you need some resources let me know- if you are in school i have a link that has info about how the school (except private schools) have to make accomadtions to help you- all you car privelages, make gluten-free meals at every meal for you, etc. i joined a support group that has been extremely helpful-- if you are from CT i can give you the info on it.

good luck-- this site and the people are so helpful and supportive!

[kbtoyssni]

Welcome! I'm 24, diagnosed 16 months ago. The social aspect can be frustrating, but by now I'm so programmed to always bring food with me everywhere I don't feel like I'm missing out. I ask lots of questions so I can bring similar foods. For example, the two foods I really do miss are pizza and beer so if I know I'm going over to a friend's and we're going to order pizza, I bring my own frozen one along with me and pop it in the oven. I also feel absolutely no guilt bring my own food to restaurants. Going out to lunch is now a social event for me rather than an "I'm hungry let's eat".

Some of the things that made/make it easy for me to deal with this:

-I have never had much of an emotional attachment to food. I could care less about eating "traditional" food which makes things like holidays so much easier because baked goods, while still yummy, do taste slightly different.

-I was vegetarian before so I was somewhat used to having a restricted diet.

-I always brought my own lunch with me and rarely ate out before so that wasn't a big adjustment. I could see that if you were used to eating out it would be really hard to deal with this one.

-I live alone so I don't have to deal with gluten and cc on a regular basis. I don't ever feel worn-out from having to deal with this disease all the time. Only occasionally do I have to deal. If you can make your life as naturally gluten-free as possible it might help.

-I have extremely supportive family and friends. They're the kind of people who will go out of their way to include me and make sure I have something to eat. I had one old friend I visited over the holidays turn he nose up at a gluten-free cookie I offered her. She could have just told me "ewww, there's no way I'll eat anything that doesn't have wheat because it must taste like dog poop." I'll think twice about offering her food or eating around her again. These are not the type of people I need in my life. Most of my other friends love my cooking and are over in a flash if I say I have homemade food!

-And the biggest one: I was very sick pre-gluten-free and I am reminded everyday, every time I eat how grateful I am to have been diagnosed. My diagnosis was the best thing that ever happened to me because it gave me my life back. Having a job, hanging out with friends, doing gymnastics again, going back to school, being able to stay awake for an entire day - these are all things that I can do because I'm gluten-free. This is why I do not view being gluten-free as inconvienent. Being sick is inconvienent. Living life is not.

It can take a while to get to this point. It's perfectly normal to go through a mourning period because it is a major life change. But I'm hoping in time you'll become a pro at the diet, and it will turn into something you just do naturally.

[tarnalberry]

My question is, how do people deal with celiac disease? I try to not feel sorry for myself when I'm out with friends who can eat what they want or go out with family, that can eat everything, but I do. I am really grateful that I found out I have celiac disease, however, I still catch myself feeling sorry for myself, and I would like to be able to appreciate what I have without pitying myself. I wish I was a better person that was just able to accept it without the frustration, and I really do try to, but I am so frustrated. I realize others are going through the same thing, so I would like people's thoughts on how to cope with this. Thanks in advance, I would appreciate any sort of advice.

I personally believe it's all in how you choose to adapt to it. It's not a "being a better person", but figuring out what *you* need to do in order for *you* to adapt to it. There's no magic bullet approach, because we're all unique. It's going to be frustrating - at the least, it's a major inconvenience, and we've grown up in a world of convenience. And we're going to feel odd and left out - compared to 99% of the world (according to stats on how many people have celiac disease), we ARE different.

But inconvenient is relative and different isn't bad. It all just is what it is, and the judgement (good or bad) that we put on it is a matter of our own perspective. It can be *really really hard* to change that perspective, but we can change it - if we want to (not that we always have to, of course). Keep hanging in there. Keep working on things that make it easier for you to adapt to being easy-breezy, gluten-freey.

[darlindeb25]

I too had no emotional attachment to food. Before going gluten-free, I had already given up so many things that made me ill. Yet bread, maybe one of the worst foods for us, was a comfort food for me. Toast and peanut butter, or a swiss cheese and chicken sandwich, noodles were a favorite--things I felt were mild. Eating out was never important to me simply because it stressed me too much. I always had to be near the door, close to the bathroom and I always knew I would be sick in the night after eating out, so it wasn't important to me. Giving up gluten was easy for me--all of my other intolerance's are much harder for me to give up.

We mourn the food we lost. It's true, you feel this way with most diseases. It's normal and it will pass for the most part. There will sometimes be days when something comes into mind that you really miss and you mourn it again. It's all normal.

[Marg E]

I personally believe it's all in how you choose to adapt to it. It's not a "being a better person", but figuring out what *you* need to do in order for *you* to adapt to it. There's no magic bullet approach, because we're all unique. It's going to be frustrating - at the least, it's a major inconvenience, and we've grown up in a world of convenience. And we're going to feel odd and left out - compared to 99% of the world (according to stats on how many people have celiac disease), we ARE different.

But inconvenient is relative and different isn't bad. It all just is what it is, and the judgement (good or bad) that we put on it is a matter of our own perspective. It can be *really really hard* to change that perspective, but we can change it - if we want to (not that we always have to, of course). Keep hanging in there. Keep working on things that make it easier for you to adapt to being easy-breezy, gluten-freey.

So true! It is hard at first especially if like me you know virtually nothing about food! All I ate for the first three days were dry rice and vegies with no sauce! At the end of the day, it's permanent, you've just got to get on with it so you might as well adopt a positive approach and try to focus on the good stuff. You'll always have hard days when you walk past a delicious smelling pizza bar and feel jealous though - but it's how you deal with it that counts. At first I thought it was embarrassing always having to make a fuss, but you get so used to it, it's water off a duck's back. At restaurants I often leave the table and go up to the waiter/chef and have a chat. 99 per cent of hte time no one else notices and thinks I'm in the restroom. You'll suss out safe restaurants and safe dishes. Cooking at home gets easier (with time and some gluten free recipes books) and you get tons of packet cakes, muffins etc. I try not to let coeliac disease define me. I also didn't want my boyfriend to have to listen to me complaining about it all the time and associate eating out being no fun any more (when it was something we've always enjoyed) and have a negative impact on the relationship. (He's been brilliant and now prefers to eat gluten free). I'm so scared of the long term effects of eating gluten - plus how ill I get - that although I crave the taste it's not remotely tempting to eat something with gluten in it. And almost everyone you speak to has a family member/friend with it and understands. Good luck!

[pixiegirl]

You know what... I've noticed this before but it often seems like a lot of "young" people have more of that difficulty coping.. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing younger people at all... but I do think that maybe when your older you have more perspective on life and value good health in a different way so perhaps its easier for us.

I wasn't diagnosed until my a few years ago and I had been so sick for so long that it was a huge relief for me to find anything out. I felt relieve not frustrated. As a single "older" person I bet I go out and socialize as much as you young people do and to top it off I have a gluten eating boyfriend (but he's so considerate and totally understands my gluten issues). I think after having so much life behind me, I have better coping skills.

That being said (and I know its not so helpful for you) I also think that young people have a lot of other stressers on them, school, job, money so its just another difficult thing added to all that. I'm not sure what any of us can do to help you, other then say we totally understand how you feel. And someone said that the "feeling sorry for yourself" stage is part of the whole process and I agree. So maybe you just need to indulge yourself in a bit of feeling sorry for yourself every now and then.

But I know its been very helpful for me to find places I can eat. I've worked with a number of local restaurants and I have a few places that really do a good job. So when we are going to go out to eat I try and steer my group towards one of the places I'm sure of. Also to keep things interesting... I try and add a new place now and then (I go there first at an off time and speak to management and the chef to see how much they know and if they can work with me). This keeps it interesting for both me and my friends.

Yes it can be a hassle and we have to cope but you wil, sounds like a cliche but it really will make you a better person, more tolerant of others issues, stronger, more able to cope.

good luck, you have a lot of us here that are pulling for you and totally understand!

Susan

[jaten]

-And the biggest one: I was very sick pre-gluten-free and I am reminded everyday, every time I eat how grateful I am to have been diagnosed. My diagnosis was the best thing that ever happened to me because it gave me my life back. Having a job, hanging out with friends, doing gymnastics again, going back to school, being able to stay awake for an entire day - these are all things that I can do because I'm gluten-free. This is why I do not view being gluten-free as inconvienent. Being sick is inconvienent. Living life is not.

Ditto! ...well, maybe not the gymnastics part

The only difference between what she's expressed and my own view is that I do consider Celiac an inconvenience. It is inconvenient to pack all my food when we travel. It is inconvenient to be out shopping and have to stop and go home to eat (if I forgot to pack food, or shopped longer than I planned). But for me it's only an inconvenience; I don't even classify it as a hardship. Celiac was a fantastic diagnosis. Life!

[RiceGuy]

dagreen: You mention that you get sick from corn, rice, etc. What kinds of these things have you tried? There are many different varieties of rice, and at least a bunch of common varieties of corn. If you buy pre-packaged rice - like the ones with seasoning/flavor packets, that could easily be a problem. Not only because of hidden gluten, but MSG and other ingredients/additives. Many kinds of rices are so distinctively different from each other, that I just can't stomach some of them, while others I truly enjoy very much. For instance, long grain rices like basmati are completely different from the short grain brown rices that I know. I can't stand even the smell of basmati, but many people like it, so it's a very popular variety. It seems the rices I prefer are mostly short grain. So basically, you may be able to eat some kinds of rice. I wouldn't give up on all of them just yet. For corn, I have found that I can eat some brands of organic corn, but the ones labeled as extra sweet are problematic for me. I can eat popcorn without any problems too.

For more whole grains, you may want to try millet, t'eff, quinoa, amaranth, and even sorghum. Kash (roasted buckwheat) is one of my favorites, and quite nutritious as well. It cooks fast too, so it can be a good choice when you're in a hurry. I find it goes great with veggies, and also makes an excellent hot cereal.

Have you tried legumes (beans)? Lots of varieties there too. I find I'm eating far more variety now than when I was eating gluten-filled stuff, so I don't really miss it. While I would like some breads now and then, I don't actually mourn over it, probably because I know I can make gluten-free breads. I just haven't had time to try them yet. For me, time has been a limiting factor, not the gluten-free diet.

Even before going gluten-free, I didn't trust restaurants anyway. But that was because of other health problems I have had, so I guess I've gotten accustomed to making everything I eat from scratch. If this is any indication, your frustrations will pass, just as they did for me. It was tough at first, and as others have said, it's natural to feel left out and/or frustrated. As your body repairs itself, and you feel better than you have in a long time, it may no longer seem like a limitation, but rather liberation. Restaurants and holidays may continue to be somewhat less than ideal I guess. Though I'm sure I'm not the only one who has found it far better to stay well than to get glutened.

Many folks don't go gambling because the risk is too high for them. They know how bad it would be to loose. That's sorta how I see being gluten-free, accept the stakes are much higher.

Hang in there - it gets better!

[dagreen]

Thanks for the information everyone and the support. I really appreciate people taking the time to write to me.

dagreen: You mention that you get sick from corn, rice, etc. What kinds of these things have you tried? There are many different varieties of rice, and at least a bunch of common varieties of corn. If you buy pre-packaged rice - like the ones with seasoning/flavor packets, that could easily be a problem. Not only because of hidden gluten, but MSG and other ingredients/additives.

RiceGuy, I used to eat plain, long grain white rice, which is what causes me problems now. I am going to try brown rice and basmati. Thanks for the suggestion to try different varieties. I'll try the other grains and legumes as well.

[Calicat]

Dagreen,

I feel your pain!! I'm 22 and was diagnosed last March after 8 years of trying to find out what was making me so sick. The gluten-free diet has taken the edge off, but I've discovered that I have a lot of other food intolerances too.

For me, one of the hardest parts of this whole thing has been the frustration of trying to figure out which foods are okay for sure. Also the whole college/dating/socializing thing has been, um, tricky.

I also can't eat rice, or corn, (or legumes, dairy, soy, potato, eggs... ). I don't know if this will help you at all, but I just talked to a woman who was in the same boat and followed a strict diet of veggies and protein, adding one new non-gluten thing back in every 3 months, and leaving the starches for last. Now she can eat anything (except gluten) without reacting and has been healthy enough to travel around the world. Made me feel more hopeful anyway

The other thing is, I really needed to grieve for the foods I can't eat anymore. It probably sounds really corny, but in our culture, food is such a big part of everything. And finding out one day that you can't have it anymore, well, that's a big deal. It's traumatic any way you spin it, and adjusting to the new life style is definitely a process. Anything that you're feeling is justified and you should forgive yourself for it.

At the end of the day, here's the truth: you are NOT alone and you WILL feel better. The process of trying to figure it all out is excruciatingly frustrating, but you will figure out what specifically works for you. And in the meantime, if you need to vent, we're all here for you.

All the best,

Cali

[TestyTommy]

My doctor told me that anyone who has a chronic illness has to go through a mourning or grieving phase: you're grieving the loss of your old, normal life. And the last thing you want to hear when you're grieving is that "it's no big deal" or "turn that frown upside down". Self-pity is a necessary step in coming to grips with a disease like this. That's the good thing about a forum like this --- a lot of us have had the same feelings and same problems, and it's comforting to know that your reactions are normal.

I was sick a long time before going gluten-free, so my first reaction was elation --- there was hope that I would get better. Now, after about a year, it's getting to be a real drag. Food is central to so many social rituals. People ask me out to lunch or dinner and I dread it (and usually decline). Dating is even harder. "I have an incurable genetic disease" is just not a big turn on for the ladies, no matter how ruggedly handsome and roguishly charming I may be!

It's got to be even harder for people who had no symptoms, or who weren't sick very long. I can't convince my sister to even get tested. ("I don't want to give up eating muffins!"). And that frustrates me.

So I think self-pity is a good thing, so long as you don't let it take over your life.

[Susanna]

Hi--It IS so hard in the beginning--missing all our favorite foods, feeling left out at work parties and social occasions because we can't eat the regular food. It sucks. We go through an actual grieving process as we adjust to our new diet.

But. It. Gets. Better. I promise.

One thing that REALLY helped me in the beginning was to figure out a few gluten-free treats I could eat (in my case, Baby Ruth candy bars) and I stashed them everywhere--my car, my purse, my office, home. Then, when those around me were enjoying some gluten filled treat, I could access my own stash, have a little candy party of my own, and not feel left out. This really helped my feelings of deprivation.

Another thing that has really helped me: making the decision that it is MY responsibility to teach those around me about my illness and its implications. By NOT expecting them to figure it out on their own, I'm not let down when they don't understand, I just realize that I have more teaching to do.

One last suggestion: and this has really helped me: I'm the cook, and I work, and I have kids and a husband. NO WAY DO I HAVE TIME TO COOK 2 VERSIONS OF EACH DINNER, NOR WOULD ANY REASONABLE HUMAN EXPECT ME TO. So, I only serve gluten-free food. Because I've never offered them an alternative, my family has learned to like the gluten-free food I'm putting on the table. But, caution: if you do offer to make a gluten-free version for you and a gluten version for your family, they will gladly accept your codependence, and you'll be signing yourself up for double the cooking duty forever. No thanks--avoid that slippery slope.

Advocating for myself in these ways has been great for my self esteem, and it's really helped me cope with having celiac disease (almost one year gluten-free now, yay)!

And, as time has gone by and I've figured out some meals I can eat (and that I like), the coping has gotten much easier.

Good luck!

[Guest cassidy]

I feel for you. I have had to eliminate other foods as well. I got diagnosed after I got married. I have thought about how much harder it must be to date when most dates involve going out to dinner. My husband was certainly not happy with my diagnosis, but I could see how it could send some guys running. Even being married, the hardest part for me is the social part. I really don't even think about it when I'm at home because I have all sorts of foods that I know are ok and I'm used to eating. In the beginning when I was calling companies all the time and going online before every trip to the grocery store it was hard not to be frustrated because it was taking up a lot of time and mental energy to do all that. I would get myself sick often and get very frustrated. Now, I don't get myself sick unless I eat out and I really don't eat out unless there is a special situation so I'm feeling good and it usually doesn't bother me at all.

I'm pregnant now and sometimes I get cravings for things that either contain gluten or don't contain gluten but will still make me very sick. I tell myself it is bad for the baby for me to eat stuff that will make me sick, but sometimes I have just sat there and cried because I wanted it so badly. I have also liked "using" the pregnancy because no one questions why a pregnant women is walking around with food (even if they don't know about my celiac) and when I have the baby I can eat the same snacks I feed him so I think that makes me feel better about bringing my own food everywhere.

I think there is a definite grieving process and emotional side to this disease. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for being frustrated. Time really does make things better. I'm sure most of us have been broken up with or lost a pet and were devastated. Now, I can look back on those things and not feel the pain that I never thought would go away. If you can figure out what exactly frustrates you, maybe there are specific things you can do to make it easier. For instance, at Christmas when everyone was eating mashed potatoes and other good food, I ate pizza because it is my favorite. I didn't care that it wasn't "Christmas food." I felt like I got a treat too and I didn't care so much that they were having good things. I also think that next year I may make Thanksgiving at my house and make it gluten-free (I'll have someone bring the stuffing) so that I can eat with everyone and not feel leftout at all.