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snowcoveredheart

Falling Off The Wagon (advise Please!)

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My advice is: You are your own boss. No one makes you cheat, only you can stop it from happening.

I have been gluten-free now for almost 7 years and I never purposely cheated. Yes, there are foods I still miss and even get drepressed when I see them or hear someone else speak of them. I still miss toast and I can't eat gluten-free toast, I can't tolerate grains. At this point, I can't have any grains, no nightshades, no soy, no corn, no rice (except for ricecakes), very limited on veggies, no beef, no pork, no turkey-------and still, no desire to cheat.

You have got to want to be healthy. Cheating will only prolong your feeling bad as well as increase your odds of other problems. Listen to all the good advice for foods and decide now that you will not cheat again!!!

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see debs, the problem is that im my own boss.. so i deciide what i want to eat and am tired of people telling me i cant.. so i eat it.. and equally when the majority of yah day is spent really trying to not eat the contents of your medicine cabinet the lower evil of glutne to bring pain seems a good choice. Screwed up? yah betyah.. but trying.. oh so trying to get round and through it.

bully for you for not eatin bad stuf, yeahy you! w0oT!....problem is at that point im not cheating ( thats justa stupid idea and concept, how can you cheat at food.. that s idiotic.. ) i am deliberte using of food that will make me sick to be sick.

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I'm kind of hesitant to post, but I'd really like to, if that's okay. If you look at the quote from the original thread, I made ref. to the years of therapy.

I'm really just giving you my perspective - not necessarily advice.

snowcoveredheart,

I could give you the tough love thing and say that you should snap out of it, but I don't think you're at a point where that would be effective at all. I've been where you are in some respects. I know what it feels like to not feel. I understand self-loathing.

You said you had psychiatric help before, and that you can't handle the meds, am I right? I really think, if you have the means, that you would be doing yourself a favor (all the time realizing that you probably really don't want to do yourself favors because you don't feel like helping yourself) if you could try that avenue again - a little counselling. There may be other counselling options out that's tough. Edited here: What I meant to say was: There may be other counselling options out there if that's tough financially. If you can get a kick in a better direction, you may be more willing to improve your life by living without the things that are harming you - like the gluten.

I've seen in black and white before - and I've seen in color. I've walked up that mountain so many times that I thought (many times) that I couldn't take another step toward the summit. I wish I could give you a picture of now - with colors and beauty in the world. It's a far cry from before.

You need to understand that there could be a life out there, somewhere for you, without pain. If you want this, you may have to muster up enough stuff to go and take the first step up the mountain - like you've done before. And then, some more steps. It'll take a lot of work, but it'll be worth it.

Lastly, the fact that you have food issues is making it worse, no doubt. You could make that just one of your steps. One step at a time.

I'm no expert - I'm just a girl that has a history of self-abuse.

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Ive been away for a few days but I'll put my oar in again....

I think you realise already you are in a downwards spiral with this?

You already took a huge first step in asking for help.... so I think in many ways you are ready...

I think you can find more constructive ways to "hurt yourself" ... the one which seems the most productive is exersize...

Its obviously productive because its good for you... but also you get to hurt or "punish" yourself and do something constructive...

However the other reason is because if you start doing this your going to start producing more endorphins... which are how the body itself regulates mood and pain... and is also the process that gluten messes up.

Gluten itself damages the endorphin receptors which means your body cannot self regulate its moods... self harm is one way to "stimulate" the body to produce more BUT.... if your receptors are damaged its not effective...the longer you are gluten free the more the bosy can regulate its own moods without external chemicals...

I just got glutened on vacation ... I spent last night in self loathing alternating with panic alternating with who knows what?

The only thing I didn't do last night was sleep....

Im to messed up to really be helpful right now so I'll sut up for now and hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow...

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see debs, the problem is that im my own boss.. so i deciide what i want to eat and am tired of people telling me i cant.. so i eat it.. and equally when the majority of yah day is spent really trying to not eat the contents of your medicine cabinet the lower evil of glutne to bring pain seems a good choice. Screwed up? yah betyah.. but trying.. oh so trying to get round and through it.

bully for you for not eatin bad stuf, yeahy you! w0oT!....problem is at that point im not cheating ( thats justa stupid idea and concept, how can you cheat at food.. that s idiotic.. ) i am deliberte using of food that will make me sick to be sick.

It is the lower evil of gluten that is keeping you wanting to reach into that medicine cabinet. It is plain and simple, if you want to hurt yourself go right ahead. No one can stop you but you. You have the power. You just have to want to use it. As long as you keep eating gluten periodically you will continue to feel the way you do. But YOU are the only one that can decide whether you are going to hurt yourself or others. You came asking for support, but you only seem to want to find reasons why you can't do it. Try to look for reasons why you can.

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