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Ursa Major

Daughter's Wedding

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Glad everything worked out and no one got sick.

See you tomorrow. :)

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As promised, here is a picture of me in my wedding outfit as my avatar.

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Dear Ursa,

You look so pretty in your dress! I am also relieved to hear everything went well! It is wonderful that the wedding went smoothly. The weather seemed to match the occaision! You certainly have earned that trip to Germany! When is it?

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

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Very nice outfit Ursa. Glad the wedding is over and your life can get back to somewhat normal.

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YAY! You made it! Outfit looks great, and also COMFY!

Get some well-dserved rest, you really need it....

hugs!

Yes, that was the first fancy outfit I didn't feel like a freak in! Even though the others looked nice, this was comfortable and practical as well as fancy enough. I didn't hate wearing it, usually I hate fancy clothing.

If only my husband would understand that I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I just couldn't bring myself to go to church today, I was exposed to crowds for two days, having to worry about acting appropriately, smiling, giving a long speech, dressing up, having to worry about food, getting too much attention............ it all gets to me. I was all 'crowded out'! :blink:

But I had to listen to a sermon this afternoon about how it is important for me to go to church even when I am not feeling my best. Apparently I am entirely too carnal and need to become more Christlike. Of course, he is perfect and doesn't need changing at all. :rolleyes:

Anyway, here I am not allowed to just relax and take it easy for a while. Three and a half weeks until I go to Germany, yay! There I am allowed to just be myself, there are so many Aspies in my family, to them I am perfectly normal.

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Yes, that was the first fancy outfit I didn't feel like a freak in! Even though the others looked nice, this was comfortable and practical as well as fancy enough. I didn't hate wearing it, usually I hate fancy clothing.

If only my husband would understand that I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I just couldn't bring myself to go to church today, I was exposed to crowds for two days, having to worry about acting appropriately, smiling, giving a long speech, dressing up, having to worry about food, getting too much attention............ it all gets to me. I was all 'crowded out'! :blink:

But I had to listen to a sermon this afternoon about how it is important for me to go to church even when I am not feeling my best. Apparently I am entirely too carnal and need to become more Christlike. Of course, he is perfect and doesn't need changing at all. :rolleyes:

Anyway, here I am not allowed to just relax and take it easy for a while. Three and a half weeks until I go to Germany, yay! There I am allowed to just be myself, there are so many Aspies in my family, to them I am perfectly normal.

Dear Ursa,

Your husband appears to be under the impression he is better than you. Going to church does not make someone a good person. You can show up every Sunday, but if you are a jerk the rest of the week, what is the point? Sunday Christians are really annoying. They think they do no wrong. Maybe people can be fooled, but not God! ;) Just look forward to that trip to Germany!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

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I remember very vividly the times that my EX husband would sit me down and lecture me about most every decision that I made. It is not fun and it does not help one's self esteem. I hope that you are either in counseling or thinking about it. I know that you feel that you have his control issues under control (or at least it seems that is how you feel) but I think that it is important to think about getting some help for yourself. I was 53 when I told my husband to leave. I was very ill. The doctor did not think that I would be able to work full time. I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years and therefore did not have any kind of money set aside for retirement and no real prospects for full time employment. BUT I knew that my mental health was equally as important as my physical health. I went into full time counseling and finally was diagnosed with celiac disease. My life changes were not a quick fix. The divorce was hard. Having three children, two of whom were still in high school, and not not knowing what was physically wrong with me was really difficult. Plus I needed money to support them. My EX gave me $500 a month for support. He refused to give me alimony. My husband insisted that I was a hypocondriah (no clue as to how to spell that word). BUT I did turn my life around. I was finally diagnosed in 2002, one year after the divorce was final. I had already started to heal mentally and in 2002, I began to heal physically too. I am not saying that leaving him is the answer for you BUT I am saying that YOU need to HEAL emotionally. You have lots of stuff besides celiac disease to make your life difficult but you still need to heal emotionally. Both of you have issues to deal with. He has control issues and probably anger issues to deal with. Nothing will change in your life until you are willing to take control of your life and that begins by getting yourself some emotional support. This site is a great place to start but we are not able to provide you with the kind of guidance and counseling that will get you on the road to healing. I don't mean to be preachy. I certainly do not have all the answers nor do I pretend to have them. I just know that living with someone who lectures you, who controls you, is not good for you. You need to make the decision to start healing. May God bless you with courage and confidence to take back your life.

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Dear Sparkles,

I am stuck living with my parents, and they mentally abuse me all the time. It starts to tear you down. You cannot heal when people assume you are just a hypochondriac, and ignore your dietary needs. No one understands how impossible a situation it is. You have been there. Ursa is there. I am there. It is good to learn others have overcome this.

I can get hope from that. All of that negativity makes you ill mentally and physically. I was forced to go to counseling and psychotherapy by my parents. It was a waste of time and money. When you are physically ill, and no one believes you, and they just tell you that you are nuts, everything seems so hopeless. Your experience shows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

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