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stef_the_kicking_cuty

Don't Know How To Contact American Celiac Association

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Wow, I'm so anxious to see Lukas again. I was cleaning up my friends house and thought, in my milk pumping break I just read your posts.

Thanks so much.

I'll keep you posted.

Stef

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I'm sorry, I haven't been here in a while. Things got real busy after the custody hearing. Unfortunately my ex hasen't backed off yet. The only thing he is doing, is that he is a little late lately while picking Lukas up as well as bringing him back.

One day we met, he called me a b...., after we went over a new schedule and didn't come to an agreement. I proposed a schedule, where my ex has him from 8am-8pm two times a week and therefore I also have him two days a week and of course still the overnights. And the rest of the days are half days. My ex wants Lukas over night as of right now, but for heavens sake, he is a 6 months old infant. He can't stay away from his mom overnight yet. It doesn't have anything to do with how good or how bad of a father my ex is. It is just plain and simple, that Lukas is too young to stay away from his mom over night. It doesn't matter if it is the dad or anybody else for that matter. And my ex doesn't understand. It is really frustrating. So he basically said, that he doesn't care for this new schedule, which I proposed and he showed me a schedule first, where he started with the month of March (we met up with that in February) and he showed me, how he would have Lukas 4 (yes FOUR!!!) days and nights in a row. When I saw that I almost got a heart attack. I told him, that this ain't gonna happen that soon. I said to him, that when Lukas is a year old, we can try one night and see how it goes. After I said that, he said, well, then we forget about the whole thing, if I can't have him over night, everything stays like it is now. Then he left. I left too and realized, I still had the milk in my car, so I went to his truck and told him. He was like, well, it's sad, if we can't really agree on something that simple than this schedule. I replied, well, it is not that simple than you think and I am not giving Lukas to you overnight in March. Then he was like, well, March was just an example, that I showed you. I would like to start in June. I said, well, you forgot to tell me about that, before we started to look at those schedules. But even June is a little early, I replied. He then went on to call me a b....! I said to him, you know what? Every time I'm not dancing like you whistle, you're calling me a b... And then I just let him and walked away, because I was very upset. He then backed out of the parking lot and blocked my car in and waved at me like crazy half hanging out of his truck door. I opened my car door, looked at him and was like "What do you want?" Because I couldn't understand, what he was saying, I left my car and came to his truck window. He was like, I want to appologize.... I cut him off, you know, now it's too late. He was like, just let me appologize, ok? And then he started apologizing again. I just left then. I cried on the way home.

Well, about a week ago we had the child and spousal support conference. And they figured out, that I am receiving about 515 in child support and about 135 in spousal support every month from now on. The other thing that happened is, that my ex (technically my still-husband, but I call him ex in this thread for simplicity) sued me for divorce. He isn't even wearing his wedding rings anymore. I am still wearing mine. I can't get over the fact, that he doesn't want to be together with me anymore. Well, the next day he shut my cell phone off. I wanted him to go to the shop with me, so that I can keep my number, when I transfer it, but he just shut it off without giving me a chance. So now I have to change everything, I had the number on. The advertisement on my car, the business cards, the flyers, the letter heads, everything. It was practically also my business number. I can't believe he is that mean. I can understand, that he shuts that phone off, but I can't understand, that he didn't give me a chance to take over that number with another cell phone provider.

Over the last few weeks he forgot to change Lukas one morning. He still had the same diaper on, when I got him back. I'm not telling the trick I used to find that out though, just in case he should ever read this. Unfortunately I didn't have a camera handy at that time.

We are writing a food diary for Lukas, that he already messed up more than once. He gave him new foods on a day, that wasn't the "new food day". Then one time I got Lukas back with something at his behind that looked like a fissure. So I went to the pediatrician with him. Fortunately it wasn't a fissure, but the doc said, to give him like fruits and veggies (Gerbers or something else) and no cereal to loosen up his stool a little bit. So what did my ex the next day? Give him prunes. That isn't the bad story, prunes are good to loosen the stool. They are very effective. But instead of giving him just a few spoonfulls of prunes, he gave him almost the entire container. Lukas was so gassy and uncomfortable the next days after that, it wasn't even funny anymore. So I told my ex, not to do it anymore. What did he do yesterday? Again he gave him 1.5 oz of prunes. How stupid can you be? I've had a little farting something in my bed all night.

We also finally found a new apartment in Carlisle. The parking lots are far away though and he refused to give me the stroller, I received at the baby shower. He didn't even give me the money to buy a new one (that was before the child support conference), so I got one, when they were marked down in WalMart.

A friend gave me her computer and through a lucky coincidence I have internet without an own connection. Again I'm not saying too many details about that here, otherwise it comes around to haunt me in the back. Let's just say, I like the cafe underneath my apartment ;)

My little man was very cranky and sleapy at first, especially, when my ex had him a full day. It was very hard to get an own schedule back and to go back into the routine at all, but we did it finally. And even though there are difficult days, all in all Lukas and I have a lot of fun.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I asked my ex, if I could do the mom and baby swim group. It's for babys 6 months to three years. It would have been Saturday morning from 11.20-11.50. My ex gives Lukas back at 12.45 usually. So I said to him, the course is lasting 6 times. How about you get Lukas in the morning and I just pick him up 2 hours earlier and so that you have your two hours back, you can keep him a little longer on your days off. He then replied, why don't you keep him all Saturday. He explained it with all that in and out of the car in such a short time wouldn't be good. I replied, I don't think that, because before I left in January Lukas had way more in and out of the car than that and he's still doing ok. So well, my ex kept on going, that he thought, I just should keep him all Saturday then and when it's 6 times, that makes thirty hours. So he could have Lukas overnight for a weekend. I told him to stop pushing for over nights, because Lukas is too young and I can't do it like that. He then said, well, forget about the swim meet then. I was really said about that, so I looked onto the schedule in the YMCA in Harrisburg. And they had a swim meet for babies in the evening. However it was veeeery expensive for a non-member. So I applied for financial help. The letter came back, that they need the last tax return. I didn't send mine in for 2007 yet and the one I had last year with my husband doesn't help me, because his money is on there, too. And I will never get financial support with THAT. However he wouldn't give it to me anyway, so forget about the whole thing. Again I was really bombed out. So THEN I went to the YMCA in Carlisle again, where I am working, too, which means, you get a free membership. I went to the pool lady and told her my misery and she said, Stef, I have just the right thing for you. Now there is one starting April 7th, on Monday evenings. Yeehee!!! At least one good thing. She said, that the enrollment is running right now. So I enrolled right away. You don't have to tell me THAT twice. Now I only need somebody to snap some pictures and a little video with my camera. Anybody living close to Carlisle, PA in here? You can come in for free with me, I work there!

But other than that.... a couple of days ago I reminded my ex, that it says on the court schedule, that I have him the entire Monday after Eastern. He freaked out and said, he never saw that. And that this must be a mistake of Lukas's lawyer (she wrote the schedule). I said, I don't think, that it's a mistake, because she wrote 8am-5pm in there first and then she crossed it out and wrote MOM over it in capital letters. She must have thought, well, it's Eastern, let's give Lukas a full day to his mom. But he freaked and said, that he has a full day off and he wants him. I said, well, I am calling my lawyer then. He said, it's Barb (Lukas's lawyer) you have to call. I replied, I don't have the telefone book of Perry County. He said, ok, he would call her then. I replied, no, you're not, because you're lying to me again. He started to yell at me then. When did I lie to you? I said, you're doing it all the time. He then stepped towards me and chested up with me and yelled "are you calling me a lyer?" I got afraid and thought, he would swing at me every second, so I took a step back. I told him not to yell at me. I just went back into the car and drove off and let him stand there then with his anger. I mean, what can I do? I was very upset and cried on the way home. I actually called and e-mailed my lawyer. She e-mailed back, that we are going to meet up with Lukas's lawyer, and my ex and his lawyer and get down a new schedule. She told me not to let him bully me. I wrote back, yeah, but what am I supposed to do? (Maybe sidekick him in the head? I didn't write that though.) So now I will have him from Sunday at 2pm and the entire day on Monday. And my ex will get him again on Tuesday morning. I'm kind a glad, that I have him an entire day, but it's like after Easter is over and I can't even go to an Easter Egg Hunt with him his first year. He probably wouldn't know, what to do there yet anyways, but just for the fun of it.

So I was bombed out first, that I am sitting at hom at Eastern and my boy is with his dad and my family is in Germany. But a nice lady at work invited me to her home. I happily accepted, but told her, that it would be later than 2pm, because that's when I get Lukas back. She said, that's ok. So now I'm celebrating Eastern with Lukas and them a little later. Actually I think, she just wants to hook me up with her son, who is very nice and also helped me moving. But I'm not ready to date yet. I still have to get over the fact, that I failed as a wife and apparently I'm not that good of a mother either. Otherwise they would have given me full custody, like most of my other German (female) friends did over here. One of those friends actually said, that she couldn't understand that and that I should go ahead and try for full custody. I don't know, if I should. She said, that I would regret it a couple of years down the road. In a way, she's right, because my ex already threatened me to take Lukas away from me. And there's the other thing, that my moms health is steadily declining. And if I should be forced to go back, I won't be able to keep my son. Which means, they are going to take him from me and give him to his dad? That's what I've been told. But isn't that a little cruel. Why should I have to make a choice between my mother and my son? One of them is going to loose then. And if I would take Lukas with me, that doesn't mean, that my ex wouldn't see him. He could come over in his summer vacation? Or any other vacation for that matter. In Germany we have 1 week fall vacation, kids are off school over christmas and New Years, they have two weeks spring vacation, two weeks eastern vacation, two weeks Whitsun (Pentecost) vacation and 6 weeks summer vacation. That is A LOT throughout the year and he would be able to choose, when he wanted to visit, when he's older. So I don't understand. And when he's like 12 years old or so, he can make up his own mind anyways, which I'm alright with, too. However I would like to add this little thing, that he can reverse his decision in a year, when he thinks, he decided wrong on that. I mean, we all make mistakes and Lukas shouldn't be forced to live with a parent, he doesn't want to, right?

I don't know... really! I'm just a little upset right now. I read this thing on Attachment Parenting International, that divorce babies, who live on attachment parenting, should not leave their mom over night for like the first three years or until they can express themselves with words. Otherwise it could do damage. So I'm scared now, that this is going to happen to Lukas. I'm lost now with my thoughts here. If anybody thinks, I just said that to get to keep Lukas over nights, you are more than happy to look it up. You can search Attachment Parenting International on Yahoo Search. I don't know, if I can put the link on here, that's why I'm telling you how I found it. And I had a couple of incidents the last few days, that made me even more scared, that Lukas won't be ready in time. I reallly don't know, if I'm doing the right thing. And you can give me any advice, but if that advice comes to wean him from the bed, than you gave the wrong advise, because really, it's the point of attachment parenting, to do the whole co-sleeping thing. Otherwise I can pretty much forget about it. And they say, that the babies/kids will wean themselves from the bed, which actually already started to happen a little with Lukas. I'm just afraid, he might not make it in time until he's a year old, does that make sense??? I gues, it's about Lukas being comfortable, not his dad's convenience. It's just sad, that I am apparently the only one who sees it that way. And in todays courts (well, over here in America, not in other parts of the world) shared custody is all about having the kid equal times with the parents for the parents convenience. Well, it's not about the parents. It's about the child in my eyes. And, just mho, when a baby needs the mom, when he's little, then so be it. I really have nothing against him spending weeks with his dad, but at this point in life, he's just too young. But I'm on the loosing end in court here. But if I am, then I will be stubborn, too. If Lukas can't be with his mom over nights now, that he is little, then he can't be with his dad entire weeks in a row, when he's older. If they want to be that "fair", then they have to stick to it. Any other thoughts or personal opinions/ideas on this would really interest me from everybody on here. Maybe there's something I haven't looked at yet. I just would like to look at it from every angle.

So far, that's it. Sorry for it being so long, but even though my ex has Lukas in the morning, times are still pretty stressfull with my Lukas and we haven't really unpacked everything yet. Well, Lukas is good at unpacking, but with putting it back into the shelves it's not really working yet... lol.

Oh, speaking of not working yet. Lukas started to walk March 10th. I meant, without me, just holding on to furniture! With 6.5 months!!! I digitally videotaped it, because people won't believe me, when I tell them. It was more of a co-incidence. We went to the YMCA, right? And there he crawled around on the floor around the tables and chairs in the lobby. And then he reached that point in the lobby, where the stairwell is. And there is a free space underneath the stairs, which is seperated to the lobby by like a bench-thingy. I don't know, what you call it. It's low, about as high as my chin. So first Lukas pulled himself up on it. And I said to my friend, oh look, he's standing. And he was standing there and staring at the free space underneath the stairs and it looked like he wanted to climb over it. So I pulled out the camera and I was like, I have to film this, to my friend. But when Lukas saw the camera standing there about 2 yards away from him, he started walking towards it. He always was keen on that camera for some reason, so he started walking along that bench-thingy, holding on to it. He even let go once and was standing free handed. I'm so proud. We were cheering him on. I think, everybody had a blast!

I wish everybody a Happy Easter and I will end my story with this!

I hope to be able to come back soon!

Stef

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Oh, and there is something I messed up. Let me confess :P . When we had to set our clocks an hour ahead, I forgot about it. So at what I thought was 8am, I rolled into the parking lot. I left the car and my ex looked a little serious. Then I gave him Lukas, the breastmilk, and the food diary. He looked at me, as I wanted to leave. And I obviously had a questionmark in my face. He was like, ah, did you forget something? I was like, ah, I have the milk, the diary??? He was like, IT IS NINE O'CLOCK! And I'm like 'Oooops'! Forgot to set me clock ahead.... I apologized three thousand times and even apologized in an e-mail. I gave him Lukas an hour longer on his next day off.

Well, at least I always change Lukas's diaper and don't stuff him full of prunes, even after somebody already told me not to do it and then I go right ahead and do it again a couple of days/weeks later. I think, how we treat our kids is more important, than missing a time change. Just my thought on this.

See you soon, Stef

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Wow, I can't believe this whole story has been over two years ago. Well... if you reread those posts, I mentioned, that my ex might get sick of Lukas with this work schedule and him basically never getting a break. Soooo, he never actually got sick of Luky, but I also know why. Around the time when I left the board due to time issues, March 2008, another woman already moved into my ex's and, at the time still, my house. At that time she already had 3 kids from 3 different men. She moved in about 2 months after I had moved out. We were NOT divorced yet, when she moved in. We got divorced about 7 months later. So she probably took care of Luky, when my ex was tired. They are going to marry now at the end of April 2010 and Lukas's little brother is coming middle of July... the fourth kid from 4 different men. Oh, and my ex also got diagnosed as bi-polar AND he's back to smoking, and getting more tattoos. She did him the favor I never did and started working at the same workplace. Those other little kids have real tattoos running down their neck. I wouldn't say anything, if they got them when they were like 16, but when I met them, they were 2 and 4 (now 4 and 6) and the tattoos back then already looked like they'd been dry and scaled quite a while ago. A few months ago a woman here in Perry County died of drug overdose and Kathy, Luky's adopted grandma, called and said, she heard that she is somehow linked to some of my ex's significant other's ex's relatives, who basically all live beside each other. Now Kathy knows this, because she's a counselor in a Youth Development center and you hear a lot working in there. Just found out about 2 weeks ago, that the area they (her ex's family) are living in is the total druggie area. THAT wouldn't matter, except of the fact, that her ex and herself still have an excellent relationship and he goes in and out of my ex-husband's house regularly. And this is where I have to leave my boy several times per week. <_< Great! Sorry, just needed to vent!!! I'm done now!

Other than that great news are, that my mom is done with her half knee replacement and is coming over to visit in June. I know, we will have a good time. I'm looking forward to that one.

Stef

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