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lilfrenchie

Celiac Comic

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Here are some funnies from our own celiac3270 and Bronkobux:

You might be a celiac if...

1. The centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine.

2. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

3. Your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

4. The only way you will eat your bread is toasted.

5. You've paid over $5 for a loaf of bread.

6. You make your own pizza

7. You visit a health food store at least twice a week.

8. You buy most of your food on the Internet.

9. One of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies" (and/or Cheerios)

10. There are Garage Sale stickers on all your kitchen food containers.

11. You have argued about and read articles about distilled vinegar and oats.

12. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

13. You've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

14. At Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

15. You are a strictly brand name shopper

16. You've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

17. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

18. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

19. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

20. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

21. You have become friends with the customer service representatives at every company.

22. The customer service representatives at every company recognize your voice.

23. You know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance...and you care.

24. You have two of everything in your kitchen (pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc.).

25. You are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food "naked."

26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

27. You make many phone calls from the supermarket.

28. You know what disodium phosphate, tartaric acid, and quinoa are...and care.

29. You know who Danna Korn, Peter Green, and Anne Lee are.

30. You bring many, many lists with you to the supermarket.

31. The first thing you do, upon reaching an unfamiliar location, is pinpoint the location of the nearest bathroom.

-----------------------------------------

32. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

33. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

34. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

35. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

36. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

37. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

38. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

39. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

40. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

41. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

Oh, just thought of a few more:

42. People think you're on the Atkins diet

43. You've asked for a bunless burger...and been looked at as if you have three heads.

44. You've asked about the ingredients of shampoo

45. You post on this board...that's not funny, though

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Or from our Irish Dave:

http://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/lofivers...php/t48712.html

irish daveyboyJul 8 2008, 08:41 PM

You know you're a Celiac IF ??..

Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out ............ PLAY DOH!

You have written .. "Contaminated" .. on jars of peanut butter and mayo.

You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake ............. ?A NIGHTMARE?

You eat ......Before.... you go out to eat.

You think the words ... "Are you sure it?s not all in your head?... are grounds for murder.

(Especially when they come from your Doctor!)

You can?t remember .....'what crackers are supposed to taste like'.

You compare all of your food to ...."normal-people-food."

You know that Xantham Gum is ... NOT for chewing.

You know that Spelt is a distant cousin of Wheat, but Buckwheat Is not related to Wheat at all.

The builders working on the house next door can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.

You actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.

You can find "Hidden Gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,

and your family couldn't find it even if they had

A MAGNIFYING GLASS, DICTIONARY, and PH.D.

You've had to give a Doctor a crash course in Celiac Disease.

A 5 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you ?.. Lettuce.

You've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

It takes you 4 hours to do your grocery shopping and .......... YOUR EYESIGHT IS RUINED.

You Hyper-Ventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

You've ever deliberately rammed your trolley into a Shredded Wheat display ..... in a fit of rage.

You've ever had to take out a 'Loan' to pay the grocery bill.

Your financial portfolio consists of stock in .............. Two Major Toilet Paper Companies.

You are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without

Flour, Cheese, Yeast, Tomatoes, Garlic and Oegano.

You can spell Transglutaminase and Dermatitis Herpetiformis.

You just discovered how to make flour out of??? TURNIPS.

Having a Solid Poop!.... is the highlight of your day.

You've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face?....... ?Twitching'

You see someone buying rice flour and you just have to ask them ........... if they are gluten intolerant too!

All your ?Favourite? sites are .......... celiac related.

You've mastered the art of lying when people ask you ............ ?aren?t you hungry?.

You long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and press?s ........ just to see if you can eat anything

You burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words ..... ?Gluten Free? .... stamped on the corner of a product.

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26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

I actually had a nightmare about a cupcake. I hope I have touched bottom with this disease. It had white frosting...

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lol

after having a rough day of trying to learn and cope with all this, I'm glad I found this post! Made me laugh for the first time today.

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26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

I actually had a nightmare about a cupcake. I hope I have touched bottom with this disease. It had white frosting...

I have a gluten dream at least once every couple of weeks. The funniest one was that I was eating chips and salsa like a crazy person and looked down at the salsa jar, labeled with only one word..."WHEAT". Mmm! Good ol' Wheat Salsa! :lol:

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I have a gluten dream at least once every couple of weeks. The funniest one was that I was eating chips and salsa like a crazy person and looked down at the salsa jar, labeled with only one word..."WHEAT". Mmm! Good ol' Wheat Salsa! :lol:

:lol: Funny.

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