Signicant Other Leaving You...

[polishmafia]

hey everyone... i dunno what to say. i guess i just need to vent. my gluten-free of 10 months just broke up with me because she "doesnt want to deal with whatever i have"

yeah... she was a great gluten-free

i guess it was inevitable... if she left me for this it was most likely an excuse for other things. but i dunno... i thought things were going well.

has anyone else's sig other left them because of celiac? i mean... yes, she has her own problems and i can understand... but im getting no support. im depressed enough finding out that i have celiac (but thx to you ppl i already feel better), but this just sucks now.

im just venting... sorry... can anyone relate... have you found someone else? i have a hard enough time finding a gluten-free. ive only had 6 in my life (im 23), but ive broken most of them off. i just feel like every woman i meet from now on is going to take my condition into consideration. so what if we cant eat out at any restaurant, or buy regular pasta at the grocery store... id hope that theyd stay with me for me, not some medical condition. but i guess there are weak people out there and dont want to deal with real life situations.

ok... im done... thx for the vent session. take care everyone

btw.. im a 23 yr old, single, 6 ft tall, brown hair, intranet admin for a big company... any takers

thx again

-pete

[tarnalberry]

That's awful! I'm so sorry. :-(

I haven't had that happen. My husband has been great about it, and other conditions that even more commonly cause significant others to leave. I know there are others out there who will understand, as many of us do, that this is a relatively minor inconvenience on the grand scale of things, and a pretty darn good excuse to learn the fine art of cooking - which can be a romantic thing indeed!

Don't give up hope!

[polishmafia]

thanks tiffany.

im keeping up hope... but as i know alot of people here know, its just really hard sometimes.

cheers to your husband... hes a good man

[angel-jd1]

I actually lost a BF during my diagnosis process. He couldn't deal with all that I was going through testing, being sick, etc etc (among other things ha) He had no clue how to take care of someone who was sick so he just bailed. Before I got sick we had talked about long term (the ring, the life etc).

I think I am FAR better off without him. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who is not nurturing and caring and willing to accept whatever life gives us.

So....be THANKFUL she left. It was probably best. If she can't deal with things now, she wouldn't be good with dealing with life's other problems either.

-Jessica

[judy04]

Hi polishmafia,

I just had to write and tell you my story. I have always believed that

God never closes a door without opening a window. Twelve years

ago when I started to have lots of physical problems I met a wonderful

man. I was newly divorced, dating another man and was really

head-over-heels about him, when John entered my life.He really didn't appeal

to me but somehow our relationship developed slowly. He always treated me

like I was something special, no one except my father had treated me so

well. When I became really sick he took me to Dr's appt when I couldn't

even drive, he practically" carried "me into the hospital when I was too sick to walk. He has been there through every test, worried when I didn't come back to recovery room on time, and always picked up all medicines and gingerale, etc.

He has always cooked for me, I've never liked cooking. He has learned all about

the gluten-free diet, reads labels, and even calls manufacturer's for me.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that there are people out there who care, no matter what disease you have, and sometimes they come along in the most unusual ways, so try to have faith and you may be pleasantly surprised how God

works...

[Guest LisaB]

Pete,

There was another discussion about dating as a Celiac and I posted the following, I think it fits your situation as well...I said in part:

I also feel that any limitation or good personal belief, road block or obstacle only serves to weed out the losers. I would consider it a blessing, why waste months or years on someone only to find out that they are insensative, selfish, did I mention loser? This gives you a test that you can use early on to see what kind of person your dealing with, it gives you added insight...I think any time you go into a situation as a underdog, as someone that feels they have to work to get what they want, you will lose. Switch it around, you are a person of value, if they wants to spend time with you, this is the deal, this is my situation...no apologies. Any time someone senses that your apologetic or "worried they won't like me if things are too hard", they will take their cue from you and assume you know yourself better than they do and so obviously you don't think your worth it, so they won't either. Playing hard to get shouldn't be a game, but there is a reason it works, when you meet someone they don't know you so they read you based on what you know of yourself. It follows that if you know your a quality catch, you aren't going to just let anyone in, they will have to earn that. They sense that and they will rise to the occasion if they have it in them, my Mom always said "Start off they way you mean to proceed." And that is true, high standards about how someone treats you cannot be implimented later without extreme emotional uphevel and damage to your relationship.

I realize some of that might only be something to think about now that your single again (maybe in a month or so, when your feeling a little better about this). But I hope you'll take away the point that the purpose of dating is to find out about a person, sometimes it hurts to find out someone isn't what you had hoped they would be...but it is just that, what you had hoped and now you know what they actually are, big difference. It sucks, I know, but now is the time to be there for yourself, take care of yourself, grow strong on your own, look inward physically and emotionally and then you will attract that kind of person to yourself.

Make sense?

[JsBaby-G]

Pete,

That is ridiculous that she couldn't handle it!! I too have an incredibly supportive boyfriend whose done everything in his power to help me feel as normal as possible. She must have been REALLY selfish if she said she couldn't handle it, was she the one in the bathroom everytime she ate something with gluten in it?!? There are people in this world who have no concept of what it means to be selfless. That makes me so mad that she thinks she's had it so hard when really she has no idea what you have been going through!! Believe me if I wasn't with the great guy I have, I would fly down to wherever you are and take you out to a nice gluten free dinner!! Don't worry someone out there will get to know you and realize that are worse things in life than not being able to eat flour!!!

[Guest Blackheartedwolf]

That really sucks! She obviously wasn't good enough for you anyway.

I have been very lucky. I found out I had celiac disease last Thursday. I went gluten-free this Monday. My husband and I just got married last Halloween. (I am 29 yrs old.)

He does all the cooking, and has read up on what I can have, and how to prepare my food without cross-contamination. Yesterday he threw out the old toaster oven and made me go with him to Target to buy a new one. I hadn't even thought of that!

I am sorry that she deserted you. You'll find someone a lot better!

[Guest TESTinME]

While if she is going to be that unsympathetic about your celiac's, you are better off without her.

My wife has been very accepting about the whole thing. I do most of the cooking, but she is always checking food labels and doesn't mind eating alternatives such as rice pasta, etc. with me.

It seems in out social circle we are surrounded by people who have food allergies or specific dietary requirements. My brothers girlfriend has a problem with yeast and tries to eat a yeast free. Another one of our friends is a strict vegan. Another couple doesn't like red meat but eats other protein. We work around it all.

I think your Ex. needs to grow up and realise that people are different and often have unique needs. She must think the world revolves around her.

Good luck bro, I'm sure you will find someone better.

[jasa]

Hey Pete -

having something like coeliac quickly filters your friends out... I have some who - two years on - still love having me round for dinner and seeing what they can cook. Guess the 'novelty value' wore off quickly for most but those who've kept up the interest - well, I wouldn't be without them.

You'll find someone for sure... Oh, and just incase you don't - I'm 6ft, 21, female, and single.

jane

[debmidge]

Pete, If her feelings for you were true, she would not have broke off with you. I met my husband in 1974, My husband got sick in 1977, we married in '79, but he wasn't diagnosed until '03. We felt that together we can get through anything that came along. There is a young woman out there for you who will care for you with her whole heart and soul. From the beginning of any new friendship with a woman you'll will have to see what her reaction is to your dietary needs. If she's balky about having to sacrifice for you, (i.e., can't go to every restaurant, can't eat gluten-y foods, etc.) then I'd say she's not your type. You put yourself in the position of power and eliminate the ones which won't suit YOU.

I have to admit, however, all of my husband's guy friends from high school deserted him when he first got sick in 1977 because he wasn't well enough to go out to the bars and clubs with them. He knew he couldn't drink beer but couldn't figure out why, other than he felt very bloated and ill after he drank it.

Best wishes,

Debmidge

[debmidge]

to Pete

P.S. I am 47 years old and that's what I'd say to you if you were my son (but I don't have any children); so like a Mom, that's what I say.

[Thomas]

We shouldn't settle for someone who 'can' accept us for our 'faults', but rather loves us for our individuality.

[Guest dlf1021]

Pete,

I'm sorry to hear that she couldn't handle it, but looking beyond the pain, it's probably for the best. Celiac is something that is a relatively 'small' bump in the road compared to what could happen and if she gave up at the onset of something like this, pehaps it's better than finding out her true colors years down the road.

Despite this being what I referred to as a 'small' bump in the road, I know that it's a bump alright, but it feels more like a mountain. Being ill has indeed been a true test of who is and is not a true friend. At 18, I've never had a boyfriend or even dated because I've been so ill for so long that I haven't done much outside of going to school and coming straight home throughout my entire high school career. Just when there was someone who had begun to show a valid interest in me, I was diagnosed and as soon as we talked about the disease, he moved on.

I'm convinced that someday I'll find that person that tarnalberry, judy04, blackheartedwolf, TESTinME, and debmidge have all had the blessing to find. Until then, I have to accept that those who were not able to remain my friends because of this disease were not worth my time to begin with.

Good luck in finding that person for yourself!

[Guest aramgard]

OK kids, My husband and I have been married for 48 years and he has dealt with the whole spectrum of Celiac, because mine was never diagnosed until 3 years ago. Every time we had a bump in the road we picked ourselves up, kissed each other passionately and went on with life. After I was finally diagnosed he suggested we make the whole house gluten free and it has been ever since (except for an occasional hamburger bun for him, which he prepares). Believe me I know how lucky I have been to find a person who is loving, accepting and takes care of me when I'm really down. My point is, please don't settle for less than what I've had. If the person you love doesn't think you are wonderful because you are you-then you dump him or her and find a person who really cares about making each other happy. Life is to short to settle for anything less. Shirley

[jparsick84]

Pete,

It's good to know there are decent men out there who are also Celiac. I myself am 23 years old and had enough trouble dating before my diagnosis, and now I'm even more nervous about trying to date anyone. The last date I went on was to a bar, so no problem cause I had a margarita, but I explained to the guy that I was allergic to beer (since it was a first date, I didn't think it was necessary to go further than that). He said "oh wow, that sucks!" and proceeded to have 2 more beers. He was a nice guy, but at the end of the night when he leaned in for a kiss, I had to just give him a hug because I didn't want to risk getting sick. Of course, the guy hasn't contacted me since. And now I'm scared that any guy I try to date will do the same thing, which means he's not worth it, I know, so thanks to everyone who has posted great things about their significant others - it certainly gives me hope.

Too bad you're not in Florida, Pete - I'm five four, 23, blonde and single...

[mysecretcurse]

Hey there. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

Just curious, were you trying to force her to be gluten free as well or did she just not like that you had to be?

I have a boyfriend who eats the standard american diet, and I'm a gluten free, mostly raw vegetarian. Our diets have absolutely nothing in common but never has my diet effected him beyond that I can't eat out certain

places, but I don't like to eat out a lot anyway because I've always been a health freak.

I guess I'm just wondering what her problem with it was.

[sallyterpsichore]

I just wanted to add a note to say that I think being at our age (I'm nearly 24) is just tricky. It seems that this is just a really selfish age. I have a lot of friends who just don't "get it" or they think it's odd at first and then just don't understand how serious it is and try to be supportive, but end up being critical. Most people I know are mostly just interested in "being young" and having fun. There's the newfound freedom of having more money than we did in college, but still acting like college kids. It's rough. It's not just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship thing, either, but just friendships in general. It seems that friends are quickly weeded out, which is crappy, but probably good in the long run. Is this where I write my personal ad? 24, single, and in Boston (doh!).

~Sally

[sallyterpsichore]

Hey there. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

Just curious, were you trying to force her to be gluten free as well or did she just not like that you had to be?

I have a boyfriend who eats the standard american diet, and I'm a gluten free, mostly raw vegetarian. Our diets have absolutely nothing in common but never has my diet effected him beyond that I can't eat out certain

places, but I don't like to eat out a lot anyway because I've always been a health freak.

I guess I'm just wondering what her problem with it was.

I'm wondering about this, too. If you don't mind me asking, how do you deal with intimacy if your boyfriend eats gluten? I've been trying to figure this out and have so far just been avoiding the dating scene because I'm super sensitive and don't want to carry around a little travel toothbrush and Colgate in my clutch. hahaha

[Nancym]

I've seen husbands and wives leave because they couldn't deal with the illness of their spouse. So consider yourself lucky to have gotten it done and over with before a deeper commitment was made, and broken.

[1965kid]

If someone would leave you because of what you cant eat, then they would leave you for anything.

Be glad shes gone, she is a loser.

[Adelle]

Ok you deserve SO much better!! I've been married for almost 3 years (I'm 23, DH will be 25 next week), and I must say, Celiac Disease is one of the SMALLER things we've had to overcome!! So if she didn't leave you for this, she would have left over something else. Relationships take work, and it sounds like she'll too selfish to do the work.

You deserve SO much better. And someday you'll find someone who is willing to make the accomodations to keep you healthy, and if they are willing to do that from day 1, you'll know all that much sooner how great they are!!

*hugs* Pamper yourself for a while, it'll get better, I swear!

[Generic]

I realize this thread is old, but I will post up for anyone that might be going through this problem also.

Many years ago I had a boyfriend break up with me because of my Celiac. He knew I had Celiac, I had been diagnosed

when I was 13 years old. So it wasn't anything new. I was in my early 20's at the time, so we had talked about getting

married, having kids, etc. One day he comes home and wants to break up with me. He gave me some excuse that I

wasn't making him happy anymore. I found out later he had told my mom that he didn't want his kids to have a genetic

defect. That cut me to the bone, I had never been so hurt in all my life. Talk about rejection! But in the end I had my

revenge. He tried toget back together with my about 5 years later. He claims he made the biggest mistake of his life,

etc. etc. I forgave him in the end, but I would never date him again. I have since found the true love of my life. He is

coincidently is a Celiac too! We found out by accident. He had developed the Celiac symptoms about a year prior to us

dating. When he started eating gluten free his problems went away.

[mysecretcurse]

I'm wondering about this, too. If you don't mind me asking, how do you deal with intimacy if your boyfriend eats gluten? I've been trying to figure this out and have so far just been avoiding the dating scene because I'm super sensitive and don't want to carry around a little travel toothbrush and Colgate in my clutch. hahaha

I never really thought about it I guess. Wow you just made me think about it.

Honestly, we arent intimite or even kissing very often (we are in a very complicated place right now, not sure if we are going to stay together or not, but we live together, anyways I could explain but its toooooo long a story trust me).

But we just kissed last night. I don't think he had eaten anything...ew. I'm going to have to tell him to brush his teeth before kissing me (which he should do anyway but doesn't).

[ShayFL]

An older post, but wanted to comment.

When I met my husband, I was instantly physically attracted to him. Tall alpha male. Just what I like! But I also knew that those types always ended in disaster for the long term.

But my guy had a gentle side too that unfolded as we dated. He had 2 Great Danes when I met him. One he had gotten as a pup and the other a rescue. When he told me all he had to go through to nurse Sophie (the rescue) back to health, I somehow knew he was the one for me. Sophie had been starved, abused and left for dead on the humane society parking lot in the middle of the night. She weighed only 70 lbs when she should have been twice that size. She didnt trust anyone. Bill had to spend weeks with her, on her terms to earn her trust and he had to feed her special home prepared foods for many months. Clean up her persistent diarreah. He was so tender with her and his eyes teared up when he told me about caring for her.

Well my Harley riding, trucking driving man's man has been right by my side 100% through all of my problems (both physical and mental). He cooks, cleans, runs errands and whatever I need when I am too sick to do it. He has rescued me when I have had sever bouts of vertigo in public places. Dropping everything to come get me and take me home. My hero.

If you have someone like this in your life, do not take them for granted. If not, you can hold on to hope that people like this are out there. Never give up!