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CarolinaKip

Does Celiac "define" Who I Am?

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So, I haven't eaten out in over four months because I got sick the last time. I'm afraid of it really. However, it was my birthday this week and I wanted to try to go to a resturant that has done good by me twice. There is a chef and gluten-free menu. This makes me feel safer somehow?? Anyway, was planning on going there with my kids for lunch today and do a little B-Day shopping afterward. I had it all planned out..arrive very early etc.

After telling my sister that I am afraid, but going to try it anyway she said... "she wanted me to go and have a fun day and not think of Celiac not once! It doesn't define who you are". I'm struggling with this. I don't talk about Celiac much, don't complain, don't whine to anyone. However, everytime I eat or have to prepare my food, I AM A CELIAC. I cannot forget that no matter how much I'd like to. I told her she didn't understand my fear of being sick. I know I'm OCD about certain things and washing my hands, but this has me thinking. I try very hard to be a strong woman and not come across as a sick person.

I have a life besides being a Celiac, but I am a Celiac and forever will be, it is part of who I am! I know it doesn't define me, however, it is a big part of who I am. Do any of you have a hard time with relatives this way? I had to stop and think "does this consume me" Well, yea it does some days. I'm just getting the hang of this.

Lunch? So, feeling good about ordering. gluten-free, no tomatoes on salad(allergic), wheat allergy, celiac etc no croutons, no bread. My super salad gets there with a ton of croutons on it and my heart sinks. I ordered it with dressing on the side so I could view it. No need, it was covered, the server was upset by it and took it away. I am praying they don't try to pick them off and try to give it to me. She comes back and tells me she is so sorry and the general manager is over seeing the making of my salad. He comes to me and apologizes. I told him I did not mind the wait, I just wanted my salad safe to eat.( I was very nice) He told me they were remaking it totally, grilling new chicken etc. He brought it out to me and this appeared gluten-free. I asked again, if it was gluten-free and safe, he reassured me it was. So, I should know by the morning if it was safe. Wow, what a day!

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I think celiac "defines" you only if you let it. But I think there is a difference in being overwhelmed and sometimes consumed by it and being DEFINED by it. I'm definitely consumed by my diagnosis and still feeling my way around. And I'm not sure I'll be able to go out to eat or any social event involving food without fear or that feeling of "living without."

I have a number of diseases that are worrisome, but NONE of them DEFINE me. I refuse to let them define me. However, none of them affect my daily life the way celiac does. Celiac makes my social life uncomfortable - and, as it stands now, pretty much nonexistent. I find myself turning down things I used to do because it's torture watching people eat things I wish I could eat. No amount of eating beforehand makes this easier or better for me. I hope in a year or two, I won't be bothered by this, but who knows. Despite all of this, it doesn't define who I am. I define who I am by how I choose to deal with it. Right now, it's a thorn in my side, but eventually, I hope it will become just something I do.

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After telling my sister that I am afraid, but going to try it anyway she said... "she wanted me to go and have a fun day and not think of Celiac not once! It doesn't define who you are". I'm struggling with this. I don't talk about Celiac much, don't complain, don't whine to anyone. However, everytime I eat or have to prepare my food, I AM A CELIAC. I cannot forget that no matter how much I'd like to. I told her she didn't understand my fear of being sick. I know I'm OCD about certain things and washing my hands, but this has me thinking. I try very hard to be a strong woman and not come across as a sick person.

I have a life besides being a Celiac, but I am a Celiac and forever will be, it is part of who I am! I know it doesn't define me, however, it is a big part of who I am. Do any of you have a hard time with relatives this way? I had to stop and think "does this consume me" Well, yea it does some days. I'm just getting the hang of this.

I've been thinking about your conversation for a while and trying to figure out what my own response would be if someone told me that. This might come off as offensive to some people but I very much believe celiac is a part of who we are and that does not have to be a bad thing. You need to always remember that you have celiac because that vigilance keeps you safe and healthy...yes there is a point where someone could go overboard with anxiety. I'm assuming in my response to you that you are not paralyzed with fear, afraid to even enter a grocery store because of celiac. I'm assuming you are just taking reasonable precautions based on your own level of sensitivity and the advice you have read here. Now that I got all the disclaimers out of the way, If MY sister (or anyone) were to say that I should "just have fun and not think of the celiac once". I would look her in the eye and ask her, "If I had a broken leg would you take me to the beach and expect me to go swimming?" If she's smart, I imagine her response would be "No we would do something where you don't have to worry about your leg...." A good friend/sister would not drag you over the sand and into the water telling you to forget about your broken leg and have fun. A better response would be to come up with an activity that accomodates your injury so you don't have to worry about your broken leg....Of course celiac is not a temporary broken leg and is not nearly as visible. But it is a form of disability all the same. I know someone is probably going to be offended by my writing that, but it's true. Someone is going to object and say they are not disabled by celiac, they do everything and can find a way to eat everywhere in the world without a care. Someone will say they never plan they are completely spontaneous when it comes to food....Well they are very much not the norm. Show me a celiac that NEVER worried or struggled with eating out safely and never plans their food ahead of time when traveling or going out for the day and I will show you someone that either does not take this diet seriously or does not have serious reactions to gluten (or both).

Okay, my point. Perhaps I'm rambling too much. Somehow in all this mess you have to figure out a balance of embracing celiac and not letting it dictate your life. Maybe that is what your sister was trying to get you to do...but what she doesn't seem to understand is that while you are figuring that out for yourself...you need HER to accept that this is a part of your life now. It's not visible like a broken leg but it is real, it's not going away, and it needs to be taken into account in the same way you would have to take account of any disability. The next time your sister wants you to have fun without worrying about celiac, politely suggest that you do something that does NOT revolve around food then--do something during a non-meal time or something that allows you to pack a picnic lunch without standing out.

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If somebody who was a relative said that to me, I'd hope for their sake they caught me on a day when I had sparkle fairy dust flying off my tongue. :blink:<_<

It must be hard for glutenoids to be able to comprehend that we do have the "fun" concept down without having to eat out at a restaurant and having somebody else cook the meal.

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It can define you, or not, as you choose. There is nothing wrong with either decision.

Are you a vegetarian? Or do you eat vegetarian? Are you a baker? Or do you bake for a living? Are you a mom? Or do you have kids?

I think it's a subtle statement on how you feel something affects who you are.

I am a scientist. It is integral to everything I do. I sing, but I'm not a singer. My actions and decisions are rarely dependent on singing. I'm a knitter, even though sometimes I don't do it for years at a stretch. I travel, I take classes, I read. These things make my life better, but don't change my actions otherwise.

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... A good friend/sister would not drag you over the sand and into the water telling you to forget about your broken leg and have fun. ....

You have some fun sister there GFM! I had to laugh out loud at this. :D I can just see it, "No I don't want to go swimming! NO No Nooooo!" Drag- drag.. :D

@ OP

Sounds like sis wants you to be happy. She just needs to learn that happy means not being sick. And you getting sick from eating gluten isn't an optional choice you make either.

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I would rather be "defined" by celiac than: sick,hypochondriac,crazy,psychotic, cancer victim ,dead ,ect..........

I have celiacs and I am alive and living well. :D

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I've been thinking about your conversation for a while and trying to figure out what my own response would be if someone told me that. This might come off as offensive to some people but I very much believe celiac is a part of who we are and that does not have to be a bad thing. You need to always remember that you have celiac because that vigilance keeps you safe and healthy...yes there is a point where someone could go overboard with anxiety. I'm assuming in my response to you that you are not paralyzed with fear, afraid to even enter a grocery store because of celiac. I'm assuming you are just taking reasonable precautions based on your own level of sensitivity and the advice you have read here. Now that I got all the disclaimers out of the way, If MY sister (or anyone) were to say that I should "just have fun and not think of the celiac once". I would look her in the eye and ask her, "If I had a broken leg would you take me to the beach and expect me to go swimming?" If she's smart, I imagine her response would be "No we would do something where you don't have to worry about your leg...." A good friend/sister would not drag you over the sand and into the water telling you to forget about your broken leg and have fun. A better response would be to come up with an activity that accomodates your injury so you don't have to worry about your broken leg....Of course celiac is not a temporary broken leg and is not nearly as visible. But it is a form of disability all the same. I know someone is probably going to be offended by my writing that, but it's true. Someone is going to object and say they are not disabled by celiac, they do everything and can find a way to eat everywhere in the world without a care. Someone will say they never plan they are completely spontaneous when it comes to food....Well they are very much not the norm. Show me a celiac that NEVER worried or struggled with eating out safely and never plans their food ahead of time when traveling or going out for the day and I will show you someone that either does not take this diet seriously or does not have serious reactions to gluten (or both).

Okay, my point. Perhaps I'm rambling too much. Somehow in all this mess you have to figure out a balance of embracing celiac and not letting it dictate your life. Maybe that is what your sister was trying to get you to do...but what she doesn't seem to understand is that while you are figuring that out for yourself...you need HER to accept that this is a part of your life now. It's not visible like a broken leg but it is real, it's not going away, and it needs to be taken into account in the same way you would have to take account of any disability. The next time your sister wants you to have fun without worrying about celiac, politely suggest that you do something that does NOT revolve around food then--do something during a non-meal time or something that allows you to pack a picnic lunch without standing out.

Very well said :wub:

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First, happy birthday! :)

Second, you ARE a strong woman! Give yourself a break--this is not an easy adjustment--it is a major life-changer. It takes courage to live with so many challenges!

My sister has said similar things to me and she says them, I think, only because she is trying to make me feel better and she is frustrated FOR me as I have been very sick and in chronic debilitating pain for years and she's upset at having "lost her sister" and wants ME "back"...active, happy, thriving. (heck, I want ME back, too!!)

My family uses "cajoling" as a way of getting someone to "get over things" and move on. You know, pull up those boot straps, rah rah rah???

This would work if we did (as GFManna suggests beautifully) in fact, have a broken leg that was going to heal in a few weeks and we'd have no residual harm from the injury. Good as new.

Not the case with Celiac.

I say we are pretty battle- scarred, having lived through the horror pre-diagnosis and now, we have to continue to tough it out because we live in a world of GLUTEN LAND MINES! :blink:

Does Celiac define me? No, but it HAS affected my entire life pre-diagnosis and nearly killed me and it will continue to affect me as I learn how to deal with it post-diagnosis and I have a long road of healing and rehabilitation. I'm getting there, but I still have MAJOR health issues and ...so, I am very reluctant to eat out or even at their homes where I have been glutened twice already, despite everyone's best efforts. I may talk about celiac a lot, but it's because I am so damn happy to know what has caused me so much grief!! I want to understand my 'adversary' so I can handle it with grace and NOT let it rule me any longer!

Family members and friends, even though they love us and mean well, do NOT GET IT because they have never been sick from gluten. They have never felt the anxiety, the nausea, the muscle and joint pain, the brain fog, the insomnia, hair loss, weight loss, the burning nerve pain, the weakness and overwhelming fatigue from anemia and utter despair of having your life robbed from you. They do not know what malnourishment feels like.

And as much as they try, they do not get the understandable fear that all those symptoms WILL return with a vengeance if we ingest the slightest amount.

I give you major kudos for going out to lunch anyway and you handled the situation beautifully with the waitstaff and the manager. ;) I hope you do not suffer any ill effects from your lunch!

The thing is...we WANT to be active, out and about, back to "normal" but we have a very real concern about eating out and those who love us should understand that. They think a "gluten-free menu" solves the problem...and they do not understand that we live with LAND MINES of GLUTEN CC everywhere we go.

My sister did joke with me that I should wear a kevlar vest.... :lol:

Our kevlar vest is being careful and hoping for the best (like a leap of faith as we eat that salad) and often, that is the best we can do.

I decided Celiac is not who I am, yet it is what I LIVE with and there's no way to ignore that or put it aside... as my very life depends on it. It should not RULE my life however, and make me afraid of living, either. It has already taken enough and I lost time because of it and it is a worthy foe, but I will win in the end. ;)

In time, you (and I) :) will have more confidence swimming in gluten-filled waters, but for now, if you are understandably reluctant to get sick, it does not mean you are weak, afraid or anything negative at all!!!.....I think you are being very brave and very wise!! :);)

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I would rather be "defined" by celiac than: sick,hypochondriac,crazy,psychotic, cancer victim ,dead ,ect..........

I have celiac and I am alive and living well. :D

Amen, sister!! ;)

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I've been thinking about your conversation for a while and trying to figure out what my own response would be if someone told me that. This might come off as offensive to some people but I very much believe celiac is a part of who we are and that does not have to be a bad thing. You need to always remember that you have celiac because that vigilance keeps you safe and healthy...yes there is a point where someone could go overboard with anxiety. I'm assuming in my response to you that you are not paralyzed with fear, afraid to even enter a grocery store because of celiac. I'm assuming you are just taking reasonable precautions based on your own level of sensitivity and the advice you have read here. Now that I got all the disclaimers out of the way, If MY sister (or anyone) were to say that I should "just have fun and not think of the celiac once". I would look her in the eye and ask her, "If I had a broken leg would you take me to the beach and expect me to go swimming?" If she's smart, I imagine her response would be "No we would do something where you don't have to worry about your leg...." A good friend/sister would not drag you over the sand and into the water telling you to forget about your broken leg and have fun. A better response would be to come up with an activity that accomodates your injury so you don't have to worry about your broken leg....Of course celiac is not a temporary broken leg and is not nearly as visible. But it is a form of disability all the same. I know someone is probably going to be offended by my writing that, but it's true. Someone is going to object and say they are not disabled by celiac, they do everything and can find a way to eat everywhere in the world without a care. Someone will say they never plan they are completely spontaneous when it comes to food....Well they are very much not the norm. Show me a celiac that NEVER worried or struggled with eating out safely and never plans their food ahead of time when traveling or going out for the day and I will show you someone that either does not take this diet seriously or does not have serious reactions to gluten (or both).

Okay, my point. Perhaps I'm rambling too much. Somehow in all this mess you have to figure out a balance of embracing celiac and not letting it dictate your life. Maybe that is what your sister was trying to get you to do...but what she doesn't seem to understand is that while you are figuring that out for yourself...you need HER to accept that this is a part of your life now. It's not visible like a broken leg but it is real, it's not going away, and it needs to be taken into account in the same way you would have to take account of any disability. The next time your sister wants you to have fun without worrying about celiac, politely suggest that you do something that does NOT revolve around food then--do something during a non-meal time or something that allows you to pack a picnic lunch without standing out.

Thank you so much, you assume correctly. I am going into my 12 month gluten-free. I know most people don't want to hear about me being Celiac, so I don't talk much about it. Most think I'm crazy when it comes to CC issues. Thanks for the reply, I agree with you.

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Thank you all for your wonderful replies!!!!

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I would say in many ways it does define me and that's okay. It affects where I can and can't go to eat. There are some places I just cannot go out to eat no matter what, so it can affect my social life. It affects the way I travel, if I travel. It affects my life in myriad ways, so yes it does define me in many ways.

But I never ever let it stop me from living. I eat out a lot during the week and I'm super sensitive. A couple of crumbs and I'm sick for days. I know what restaurants I'm safe in. I do ask the waiters a lot of questions. And there are places I just won't go. When I get glutened I get major dizzy spells, panic attacks and feel like I can't breathe in addition to nausea, D and vomiting so my gluten attacks are really bad.

On the other hand I sort of do see what your sister is saying. Four months is a long time not to eat out and eating out is a pretty common way to celebrate. I would say that if you can conquer your fear you will be able to let it define you a lot less and it will make your life much easier. It will make your social life a heck of a lot easier.

I'll tell you as sensitive as I am to trace CC and crumbs I rarely get glutened and I do eat out lots and lots. So it IS possible. You know what restaurants are safe and which ones aren't. You get to know managers and waiters by being nice and not acting like an entitled jerk so they want to put crouton crumbs on your food. (Sort of joking but sort of not because I've seen some posts on here that have made me cringe with people's attitudes.) You would be surprised at how many people in restaurants are helpful and bend over backwards for you.

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You have some fun sister there GFM! I had to laugh out loud at this. :D I can just see it, "No I don't want to go swimming! NO No Nooooo!" Drag- drag.. :D

@ OP

Sounds like sis wants you to be happy. She just needs to learn that happy means not being sick. And you getting sick from eating gluten isn't an optional choice you make either.

LOL! I don't even have a sister. :lol: I was hoping to get a laugh and also paint a picture not easy to forget. It's true, however many people that don't get celiac will push and push and push us to eat something. How many times do we hear people say "don't your ever want to cheat?" Or "Can't you just eat it for a special occasion?" Or "A little bit won't hurt, stop worrying so much..." On top of all these comments we feel pressure to participate in social events like birthdays at places where there may be nothing we can eat. If we choose to eat ahead of time and just go and have a drink we get questions and suggestions for things other people think we should be able to eat. If we choose to just stay home we feel guilty and a bit sad. We can't win, but we can't "just forget about it and have fun either" UNLESS the people we are with forget about it and stop asking us so many questions about our food. It's really no different than trying to get a person with a broken leg to go in the water. But no sane person would look at your cast while you sat on a towel on the beach and say things like "Don't you WISH you could go in the water?" Or "Come on, it's your birthday. I won't tell your dr if you want to take a swim. Surely a little bit of water won't hurt right?" :unsure::o:ph34r:

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Celiac doesn't define me per se, but it IS a part of me, like my asthma is. It DOES take a larger part of my life, since I have to be so careful and take my own food, but I am not the "Wheat Free Wife". I am "Kate, oh, and she bas food allergies so she brings her own food, no biggie" to my friends. Much like I am a grad student, an Air Force Wife, an asthmatic, a teacher, a mother and a 24 year old, I am me. All of those things are categorized under Kate: The person.

Yeah, when I first meet people it's a big deal. But as they get to know ME not my disease they tend to totally forget "Hey, she can't eat my sandwich". I'm just plain ol Kate. I know it's hard to not be defined by our disease, but like Superman has kryptonite, Vampires have silver, and some people have peanuts, we have wheat. It's just a quirk :P

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Interesting question: Does it define me? Not in the sense that I say that the single overarching component of my life, that purpose for which I exist for is celiac disease. I don't think there is any one thing other than God that defines me, but celiac disease is an integral part of who I am.

I think one of the differences is with many other diseases and/or conditions in life, you challenge them and move through or beyond them. But there are certain things that fundamentally alter our relationship with the world and society. Just ask a recovering alcoholic - clean for say 10 years and they will usually tell you, "I'm an alcoholic." Celiac disease, true anaphylactic allergies (of any kind), and a few other conditions alter your interaction with everything. The stuff of life itself has become toxic to us, and even fatal. Anyone who has suffered from celiac disease and has then spent any time learning about celiac disease learns about all the other related things that may result from it: increase cancer risks, infertility, CNS problems, other auto-immune disorders, etc. All of which ultimately lead to untimely death. So does it define us? No. Does it define or filter our relationship with the rest of the universe? Most certainly. It must by its very nature produce that alteration in our worldview. Those with celiac disase I believe have a distinct Weltanschauung (view of the world) that really does set us apart in some ways from the rest of society.

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I sort of disagree. I would say Celiac does define me. It has ruled my life for so long (even when I didn't know it).

And only when I accepted it did I learn to start to control it. Its always there, every day in the back of my mind. Everytime

I get that little bit of discomfort or anxiety (did I get gluttened?).

Just like the last poster said. I am a recovery alcoholic. 10+ years sober. I treat Celiac the same way I do the booze.

It is a part of who I am down to my core. If someone can't except that, then they are not worth my time.

I've drivin many people out of my life, some completely because of both these decision I've made. Not drinking and being gluten-free.

And while its hard sometimes to let go of friends or family, Its a sacrifice I'm willing to make to be well and have whatever type of normal life I can have, so that I don't have to constantly explain myself and my actions or try and justify them to someone that just doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand.

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Celiac doesn't define me per se, but it IS a part of me, like my asthma is. It DOES take a larger part of my life, since I have to be so careful and take my own food, but I am not the "Wheat Free Wife". I am "Kate, oh, and she bas food allergies so she brings her own food, no biggie" to my friends. Much like I am a grad student, an Air Force Wife, an asthmatic, a teacher, a mother and a 24 year old, I am me. All of those things are categorized under Kate: The person.

Yeah, when I first meet people it's a big deal. But as they get to know ME not my disease they tend to totally forget "Hey, she can't eat my sandwich". I'm just plain ol Kate. I know it's hard to not be defined by our disease, but like Superman has kryptonite, Vampires have silver, and some people have peanuts, we have wheat. It's just a quirk :P

Awesome!!!!....Gluten is our krytonite...LOVE IT...Can I borrow this, Kate??? Before I knew what was killing me slowly, I told my sister, "I know this sounds paranoid, but I feel like someone is poisoning me somehow..."

Kryptonite indeed :o

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haha go right ahead!! Sean said it should be green.

It seems like a good analogy for us!

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I sort of disagree. I would say Celiac does define me. It has ruled my life for so long (even when I didn't know it).

And only when I accepted it did I learn to start to control it. Its always there, every day in the back of my mind. Everytime

I get that little bit of discomfort or anxiety (did I get gluttened?).

Just like the last poster said. I am a recovery alcoholic. 10+ years sober. I treat Celiac the same way I do the booze.

It is a part of who I am down to my core. If someone can't except that, then they are not worth my time.

I've drivin many people out of my life, some completely because of both these decision I've made. Not drinking and being gluten-free.

And while its hard sometimes to let go of friends or family, Its a sacrifice I'm willing to make to be well and have whatever type of normal life I can have, so that I don't have to constantly explain myself and my actions or try and justify them to someone that just doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand.

On another post, you and I talked a bit about this, Nate...and I said I approach my recovery from celiac one day at a time.

Just one thing, hon...You are not driving anyone away because you are doing what you need to do to save your own life. THEY choose to walk away or be non-supportive. You cannot beat yourself up over Celiac. It is a disease; it was not "invited in". It was not a choice.

The most amazing thing about this autoimmune disease is..we know what causes it. No one knows what causes the other ones: diabetes,thyroid, etc. So, in a way ,we have an advantage. Knowledge is power. And Recovery is possible. One day at a time.

Hang tough.

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haha go right ahead!! Sean said it should be green.

It seems like a good analogy for us!

Perfect!! ..wouldn't that be great if gluten had a green color and we could see it glowing in something. :lol:

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In many ways it does. There is just no way around it. People have to plan around you a little (or maybe I should say choose to because they care). You cannot just go out to eat anywhere. A little oops and your messed up for quite a while. I would say that it defines you like any other serious ailment defines a person. I am new to this all but I spend a large majority of my day researching it, planning what to eat, planning where to eat, etc. To me that says it is defining me at this time. Still I see it as a good define versus the pre-gluten-free which was a nightmare.

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Thanks to all the replies!I have enjoyed reading how you feel about this. I don't feel it defines me as a person, however, it is a part of who I am. I went through many emotions when I was first DX. I'm past those now and focus on the positive things in my life. I've been through several things in life and feel this another one, learn and live! Perhaps it doesn't define who we are, but defines some of our actions??? Thanks everyone, her comment made me start thinking. BTW, I'm going to use the broken leg example!! :) Thanks for the birthday wishes as well.

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easy for her to say, when she doesn't have to deal with herself.

i don't know if it defines us, but it does limit us. i've had to accept it, and get used to it, that i can't spontaneously go on an outing w/out having a meal or two to take with me.

I don't eat out though. i'm done with it after going to PF Changs, ordering nothing but chicken, and spinich, no sauce, just 2 ingrediants, and getting glutened after doing a huge song and dance. when it comes down to it, it's too big a deal for me to trust anyone with my food.

when they brought you a salad full of croutons, you really still trusted them?

how do you know they used a clean bowl? or that the chef didnt just eat a sandwich?

you dont. if there is gluten present in that resturant, i think you are just rolling the dice with your well being on the line.

it's inevitable that its going to get in your food if its in that kitchen, imo.

so it does define me in a way, and i'm ok with it, in that i'm not that guy at the bakery, or that guy eating in a resturant, but so what??

i'm also a lot of other things that i've now accepted about myself, that define who i am.

others can accept them or not, it's up to them

happy b day, i just had mine a few weeks ago as well!

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The thing is, 50 years ago people didn't eat out like they do now...this is a new thing. My mother has stories of a time when 'eating out' was a hot dog (Chicago-style) at a stand downtown, perhaps once a month. I would say that food 'defines' the general population more than it does us. You know, I don't eat at restaurants like I used to, and I miss it sometimes, but I also don't feel like I need to eat at a restaurant to be happy. My boyfriend's family will use any excuse to go out to eat. They associate food with celebrations, and for them they aren't happy if there was a birthday and they didn't fill up with a 1000 calorie, $30 slab of meat at some steakhouse. Me and my boyfriend celebrate instead by eating a home-cooked meal and then going ice-skating or to the movies or on a trip to a nice place. When you are preparing food in your own home, it isn't a big deal. It only becomes a big deal in a culture where restaurants are a constant social requirement and none of them are willing to accommodate special needs.

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