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frogrun

Wedding Etiquette?

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I will be attending a wedding in a few weeks and I know the restaurant where the reception is being held does gluten free catering; would it be tacky to call the reception hall to ask if they would make a gluten free substitution for my daughter and myself? The bride has a lot going on and I don

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Frogrun,

I would gracefully inform the bride that YOU will handle this and tell her you will arrange a special meal for yourself. Make it easy and graceful and I'm sure she'll appreciate your honesty and willingness to take it off her shoulders.

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YES it is very tacky to contact the caterer like that. Contact the bride or groom (whomever you are closer to) and ask about a substitute meal and offer to contact the caterer for her. I got married in July and accommodated various dietary restrictions, however, it was my wedding and I was very particular about the food served including the alternative meals. I wanted to make sure that all my guests could eat what they were served. I would have been extremely hurt to find out one of my guests felt they could not take their concerns to me first. Plus, caterers would probably upsell your meal which may irritate the bride and groom when they get the bill if they had worked to keep their meal a certain price per person even though a meal could be made. Like they might try to sell you a beef tenderloin dinner in replace of the gluten containing chicken dinner.In the end, it is not your place to be making wedding plans without the express permission of the bride and groom.

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If you do contact the caterer or bride it would be a nice gesture to offer to pay for your meals as caterers often charge extra for special or different meals.

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My suggestion would be ; no matter how well you know the bride and groom or how much you trust the restaurant or chef ,take your own food.

I was severely gluten at MY DAUGHTERS wedding recently. Even after talking to the chef and being reassured he would take every precaution my daughters and my gluten free meal was nothing like decided on when we talk to the chef . Thankfully she did not eat it .Restaurants,chefs,staff make mistakes.Unfortunately we pay the price when they do .

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When my nephew got married, it just happened that the head chef where they were having the reception was my next door neighbor and good friend. We were talking about the wedding and I mentioned Mom's Celiac. He offered to make her a gluten free meal at the same price as the regular meals.

I was happy about that and called the bride to let her know. Well, the little witch had a fit! Even though it wasn't going to cost her anything, she "would have prefered" that my mother, the grandmother of the groom, "bring some ricecakes or something"!!

The marriage didn't last.

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We did this twice this summer: one wedding was tiny, with a small reception and we just brought food and ate the fruit there because the "caterer" was a bunch of aunts and they wouldn't have been able to do anything. At a wedding in our own city, my son was a date and stopped at home on the way to the reception (while his date was taking bridal party pics) to eat something. His RSVP card indicated as his choice of entree "will eat gluten-free at home" so they didn't pay for the food. The mother of the bride bought him a gluten-free cake at Wegman's and had it at his seat. My niece will be married in a few months and already contacted us about what we wanted so she would tell the caterer (who she had already cleared as knowledgable about gluten-free food).

It just depends on how well you know the bride. In your case, I would call her, say "I need to talk to you about the reception. We're really looking forward to it but since we need special food I thought I would contact the caterer and save you the trouble of dealing with all that. Is that okay with you? " and see what she says. Technically, it's her job to do that but honestly, does she know enough to do it right?

And as always, bring something to eat anyway. Life is full of screw ups!

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Thanks for the responses!!! Have a great night...signing off.

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