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saintmaybe

Emotional Revolutions

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Anyone else feel like they had a dramatic personality transplant after they went gluten free?

I know for me, depression, guilt, and anxiety were a huge HUGE part of my celiac. Once I stopped eating gluten, a lot of that is slowly tapering off.

I'm finding very positive effects though- I am much less likely to take things lying down. I used to think everything was my fault. That apparently I was one of those people who was just destined to physically suffer for some kind of unapparent sin.

Now, I'm like, hey wait, so and so, THIS situation (whatever it is) is not my fault, and whatever you say can't make it so. I'm much less pliable, a lot more fired up and spunky.

Of course, this has it's drawbacks- my fiance and I fight a lot more. A LOT more, because I'm much less likely to just meekly concede the point.

Something else that happened- I went to a concert of one of my favorite bands, and for the first time, I felt totally 100% immersed in the music and the experience. I singing, clapping, dancing- having a GREAT time. And I could tell the people around me were having a BETTER time because I was so into it.

It's the first time in my life where I've felt like-- yes! THIS is the person I was supposed to be before everything got derailed by illness. It was amazing, transformative.

Anyone else have experiences like this, for good or ill? Do you LIKE the person you are off gluten?

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Yes, yes, yes.

I used to be one of those rebellious southern females. You know, the kind that questioned EVERYTHING. A good friend once told me that if the world was coming to an end, she would think it would be ok as long as I was there because I'd find a way to deal with it.

I realized how different I'd become when people started describing me as sweet, cheery, agreeable, ready to help. Now, not that those are BAD qualities - and I have always wanted to "help", but NO ONE HAD EVER DESCRIBED ME AS SWEET AND AGREEABLE. I had become much too passive - waiting for others to take the initiative, etc.

I'm happy to say my vinegar and obstanance are back, along with my sarcastic wit and undeniable charm. And I am, once again, ready to incite a riot at the drop of a hat or argue a point til the cows come home.

I also have discovered I font internalize things as much now - it's not always my fault (like everyone tried to tell me over and over).

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I cant say that I have noticed a HUGE difference, but I have noticed that my emotions are.. "amplified".

For instance, I was at a concert last week and a guy went up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. Normally I would say hey good for you, etc. but I actually found myself tearing up! So crazy.

On the negative side of it though, I find if I am angry, I seem to be much more angry, or if I am happy I am much more happy.

Additionally, I feel like switching to the gluten-free diet has made me a much stronger and resilient person. I feel like the fact that I have been able to make this major life transition has made me feel more empowered, and for that I am extremely grateful and happy.

KM

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I can totally relate to this. The person I am now, sometimes I don't even recognize myself. When describing the transformation to other people, ie family members, I usually say that now I have the potential to be my "best self" and before I was 80% of the time my worst self. I just don't like to say that I am changed man, because I am not, but in many ways I am - lol. I know that sounds confusing but it made sense in my head!

I just prefer describing it this way because I don't think people ever truly change - their moods may just alter depending on the current external events affecting their lives.

Anyway I truly love myself now (god that sounds corny) and have learned to be kind to myself, I think a lot of people, myself included are the toughest on themselves, which can be good at times, but it can also leave you feeling never satisfied and always disappointed, even when you do do something extra-ordinary.

In my real first year I sort of had to rediscover myself and find out who I really was, because who I thought I was, was not the case. To any other lost souls out there I highly recommend reading Psych-Cybernetics. If you read the description it sounds a little corny but it is like the Bible of Self-help books - every other self help book is supposedly based off of some concept gone over in this book.

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Oh yeah, looking back now I know I have been sick for years. Ths stress I endured as a stepmom to two boys who wished I were died compunded the anxiety and depression I went thru. I was very weak then. I am actually surprised I didn't have a nervous breakdown actually.

I feel so much more alive, just an odd alertness but it is like reality dawning in rather than this mashy fog if that makes any sense. I feel more grounded than ever before.

I think it took my body getting so sick to make me realize how valuable my life is and what I actually had to do for myself. I was the one always doing for everyone else and with 5 kids in the house I didn't have time for me.

Eventhough I'd love to swing by Taco Bell for lunch and I can't splurge on a piece of pizza anymore, I feel my life is finally on the right track.

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Yes, I've definitely changed. I've become more like my old self. Years ago before I started going downhill, I always had a can-do attitude, where I could do anything I set my mind to. If someone told me I couldn't or shouldn't, I did just to prove them wrong and thumbed my nose at them. I've always been described as sweet, but I used to have a lot more spice, too. I was easy-going and took life as it came. I marched to my own tune.

Then things changed and I started becoming meek and compliant and listened to the people who said I couldn't. I became depressed and cried a lot, always seeing the bad in situations. My negative reactions to situations were over the top--shaking, crying, erratic, shouting. I was pretty tightly wound, quiet, sullen.

Since making the dietary changes, everyday I become brighter and stronger. Some people that never knew me before sick are shocked at some of the things I come up with now, and some don't like the rebellious streak. They don't like that I will disagree when I feel the need to and won't just nod my head. My supervisor (Miss Doom & Gloom) hates the big streak of sunshine I bring into the office every day. I hardly cry now, except when there's really something to cry about. More rolls off my back, and my reactions are more tempered and easy-going. I roll with life more and make/take the time to soak up the present. I'm back to marching, hopping, and twirling to my own tune.

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Oh, yes. I had severe anxiety and panic attacks and all other kinds of physical and emotional issues that no doctor could explain. Lost my job, couldn't drive, all types of things I have lost. Now, after a year and a half everything is getting better-more on an even keel. I still have to deal with the flashbacks and torments of what the anxiety has done to me on a daily basis for so long, but I am getting better. I have noticed, too, that here lately I don't take much crap and am getting back to that "tough" independent chick I used to be. I still am having some ataxia, dizziness issues to my getting back to driving is limited, but I am on my way!! Stupifying isn't it? :D

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Getting rid of soya specifically has stopped my random bouts of crying and depression that would come out of nowhere, even when my life was going really well. I would get this profound feeling of emptiness and emotional confusion and eventually took to self-harm and a lot of manipulative behaviour to distract myself from it. I pulled myself out of the worst of that before I discovered coeliac or my soya intolerance from pure willpower and a lot of extra sleep. When I discovered the crazy depression that comes from soya and cut it out, it was amazing how the nature of my sad phases changed to being purely related to circumstances and grounded in reality rather than appearing out of nowhere, like crashing into invisible walls.

But I am still having a lot of fatigue and headache symptoms that I am trying to work out, so my emotions are still in the "unstable" category. I am a lot more resigned and subdued than I used to be. I have longer melancholy streaks (those will be always with me tho, I'm an artist) and due to fatigue I hide from the world a lot or give up doing things I want to do. But I enjoy what I do see and experience a lot more because I am moving at a much slower pace and being more deliberate about things.

Coeliac slowed me down and lessened the intensity of my feelings and moods. Gluten-free helped me not be sick and losing weight at an alarming weight, but the emotional change since coeliac was triggered has not been reversed by diet. I don't know if I want it to be.

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