Ugh! People Just. Don't. Get. It.

[psawyer]

The main thing that triggered all of this was going to dinner at the ILs. They have made dinner before, but never had dinner rolls. So, when I walked in and saw a package of them on the table just as I was walking in the door, I felt like I had been sucker punched and put into a torture chamber. And my mind was reeling with ways to get out of the mental anguish I was in. And, to sit there at the table and watch them EAT THEM. Effing A. I deliberately positioned myself in a seat with where the rolls would least be in my line of sight. And, I would not LOOK at anyone eating a roll. DH sat right across from me and turned down a roll that his dad held in front of him (and me). It meant so much that he turned it down because I think that would have been my breaking point. The problem was that I wasn't prepared for that. Not in the least. And dinner rolls have been the one thing I've been obsessing over. The whole ordeal left a mark on me and left me more bitter than ever. I felt trapped and had obsessive thoughts about doing whatever I could to ENDURE it (or emotionally escape it).

I don't know if you can get them locally, but we have been very happy with these Open Original Shared Link They are a Canadian company, but they will ship to the United States for a minimum $50 order. We buy their products at local grocery stores here in the Toronto area.

[Roda]

I've been reading this topic and really couldn't have said anything better than what everyone else has. I was starting to get worried about you though and was glad to see you posted. I'm sorry you are dealing with all these feelings right now. I know it won't replace dinner rolls but here is a recipe I make frequently. We eat the hound out of them. They have a texture that to me is the closest thing to bread that has that nice crusty outside and soft/chewey inside. Try it. You might be suprised. My suggestion is though don't eat it and expect it to be like anything you have had with gluten. Just try it for what is, not what it isn't.

Here is a link to a post I started about these too.

Edited: I obviouslly am challenged with quoting since I am tired.

[zus888]

I'm not sure how sick you were at diagnosis. I was deathly ill, so by the time I got diagnosed it did make it easier to accept. But then I had to cut out a whole bunch of other foods too and it was hard.

I actually think this is why it's so difficult for me to accept. I WASN'T sick. I was having a routine endoscopy and colonoscopy to monitor my crohns (which is completely in remission). This was a completely unexpected diagnosis. My biggest problem at the time was fatigue and forgetfulness. But I'm a mom of 3 young kids, so I figured fatigue and bad memory come with the territory. I had also hoped that this diet would resolve those particular problems - It hasn't. So, I'm either dealing with a whole other separate illness or it is just about being a mom of 3 young kids. However, none of my friends falls asleep in the afternoon in the middle of playing a game with their kids. And my forgetfulness has hit an all time high lately. Nothing has been resolved. I think I'd be able to accept this more easily (not that it's saying a lot) if the diet had resolved SOMEthing. Which is why I scheduled an earlier visit with my doc, who has declined my request for another endoscopy. He doesn't want to take the risk. But I'm not sure he is fully aware of the stakes right now. I intend to make him aware of it. I will stay on the diet until a year is up and I get an endoscopy to see the status of the villi. If they have improved, I'll consider myself very lucky that I dodged a bullet and caught it before the disease debilitated me. If they haven't improved, then he'll have to do some fast talking to convince me to remain on the diet.

That's my plan so far.

Is that similar to chebe? I've been making the Chebe rolls. They are good for what they are, but nothing like a big soft fluffy dinner roll that's as big as my fist.

I thought about that with DH's mom. I'm not sure how she'd respond. I mean, she doesn't get it. She's the type to think that I just need to get on with my life and focus on the positive stuff. Somehow, she thinks that SAYING those things to me is somehow an enlightening thing. One can KNOW something but not be able to emotionally connect with it. There's a big gap between my emotional side and my rational one. If my rational side was predominate, none of this would be an issue. Hell, I'd be Spock.

[Strawberry-Jam]

have you gotten the blood test? seeing the antibody numbers go down might have a similar feel-good effect as seeing the villi improving.

[Celtic Queen]

How long have you been off the gluten? Could the cravings be part of your withdrawal? I read some where that gluten has opiate-like qualities to it, which is why people tend to crave items made from it as comfort food - like dinner rolls, macaroni & cheese. etc. I used to have horrible cravings but they are much better when I'm off the gluten.

As for dealing with your mother in law, I agree that it would help if she was more sensitive to your needs. But at the same time, you are going to have to learn to deal with people eating gluten around you. I have a friend who is an alcoholic. I discussed this with her. She said that she can't get offended if other people drink around her because she has a problem. Of course I'm sensitive enough that I'd never bring a big bottle of wine to her house, but if we go out to dinner, I feel comfortable ordering a glass. But I made a point of discussing this with her. I know you said you don't know how she'd respond, but maybe you could try?

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I also second everyone else who recommends seeing a good therapist. Therapy (and Prozac) have done wonders for me.

[BeFree]

"I will see about a therapist this week."

Good for you!!!! It's hard to ask for help, that is a big step! You will feel SO much better when you have someone to talk to, and you feel like you're taking action. Please let us know how it goes! Also, do try to find a celiac support group in your area. Not only will they understand your feelings, they can probably help you with recipes and cooking as well, and they might have some more ideas for some gluten free dinner rolls.

"Udi's makes a great chocolate chip muffin that you can throw frosting on and you have an instant cupcake."

Sandsurfgirl...thanks for the tip. I'm going to a party next week where I'll need to bring my own cake, I might try that muffin/cupcake. Sounds tasty!

[zus888]

My blood tests were normal. Only the anti-gliadin was elevated, and that was only by a point or so.

[Roda]

The chebe mixes are a take on the P

[zus888]

Doc put me on Prozac. I'm hopeful it will help me deal with this lifestyle. It's a very low dose since I have liver damage already, so it may take a while to have an effect. However, I'm feeling defeated. I hate that this diagnosis has broken me to the point of needing meds to enjoy life again. It's just so discouraging and upsetting.

I really don't know what else to say.

[NateJ]

Doc put me on Prozac. I'm hopeful it will help me deal with this lifestyle. It's a very low dose since I have liver damage already, so it may take a while to have an effect. However, I'm feeling defeated. I hate that this diagnosis has broken me to the point of needing meds to enjoy life again. It's just so discouraging and upsetting.

I really don't know what else to say.

This thread breaks my heart. I struggle with this everyday. I'm sorry you have to go through this but coming hear helps me. My stupid boss is eating steak n shake right next to me and I want to scream at him!

Just keep reminding yourself of all you have to be healthy for, your friends, family, things you do that make you happy.

[notme]

suz - i feel ya w/the urge to break glass sometimes! but i am not a destructive teenager anymore, so i have generic xanax i don't take the whole pill, just break off a little until i stop freaking out. freaking out also makes my hair fall out, so there's that (yay)(not) and, honestly, if i didn't have terrible GI issues and deadly weight loss and my doc told me i had to go gluten free, i would not have done it. i actually was in denial for months (didn't even tell the husband! and i am a blllabbbberrr mouth...) until i could not deny it any longer. kicking and screaming (and crying. alot!) i started this diet and it got worse (withdrawal) but then it got better. things i didn't even know were wrong started to resolve so now i am dedicated. it's hard right now because we are so broke i still need a nap almost every day and chasing the two three-yr olds around wears me out. they are at the age now where they may or may not take a nap but if *i* try to take one, surely they will not nap and they will find that huge tub of vaseline and paint the couch with it...

hang in there, sistah. take your meds and maybe it won't be long til you're off of them and feeling better about rolls <not making light of this. ask me about my pizza meltdown

edited to say: target shooting really helps w/my anger. LOL also i am finally well enough to ride the 4-wheeler like a maniac in the woods. that is also a good release for me

[saintmaybe]

Doc put me on Prozac. I'm hopeful it will help me deal with this lifestyle. It's a very low dose since I have liver damage already, so it may take a while to have an effect. However, I'm feeling defeated. I hate that this diagnosis has broken me to the point of needing meds to enjoy life again. It's just so discouraging and upsetting.

I really don't know what else to say.

You're not broken, with or without the need to take medication. Celiac so profoundly screws up the body chemically, I'm surprised there aren't more people who need prozac in the early months of diagnosis. It SAVED me.

I can't stress this enough- there is nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of by needing antidepressants. The ideal, of course, is to live a med free life, and I could write a dissertation on how the pharm industry abuses people with chronic mental and physical disabilities. But the fact is, there are drugs that work, that have been a godsend to many people. And there are situations where it's appropriate to take them for however long you need them. It doesn't make you less, it makes you MORE.

[Bubba's Mom]

Ditto what SaintMaybe said!

The Prozac may just help balance out a chemical imballance and have you feeling closer to normal? I'm glad that you were honest with the Dr. about how you're feeling. If the Prozac doesn't seem to do the trick for you..speak up. There are many different meds out there and they aren't "one size fits all".

Today I went to have the stitches taken out of my hand from surgery. I got there a little early. As I was walking into the building there were two women with a cart loaded down with Olive Garden bags just ahead of me. I checked in and got a seat. In just a short bit I saw lots of people heading for a conference room near where I sitting. Apparently that's where the food was placed? One after another they filed past me with plates loaded with salad and piles of breadsticks! I could smell them...

Then I got the panic that comes when I knew those people filing past me would be touching me in just a few minutes. I really wanted to run out of there!

[Darwin]

Suzanna,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. If your friends can't be supportive, just know that all of us can be a large support network. I haven't been doing this for long (1 year), but it does get easier, friends who want to listen and understand will, family members learn to adjust. Make sure to get the help that you need, but remember that there are some VERY experienced Celiacs on this forum who know what they are doing and can give you really good advice as far as the Celiac is concerned. One way you can help yourself as far as food is concerned is to use your kitchen to its fullest. You can make good pizza crust, bread, and baked goods at home that are delicious. You can also find new things to eat. Go out to your store and cook one or two new things every month. Make it your mission, it will take your mind off of all of the bad things going on. Invite some friends to enjoy your gluten-free meals together. I do hope you get out of this bad place and you get to enjoy life. Lots of hugs go out to you.

[IrishHeart]

Celiac disease decreases the gut's ability to absorb necessary vitamins such as folate and B6. Some studies have shown that low levels of folate are associated with neurological and psychiatric disorders.

Hope you have had your folate and B6 levels checked--- as that could be part of the problem.

Another nutritional deficiency that may play a part in depression is a lack of the essential amino acid tryptophan. People with celiac disease may not be able to absorb enough and tryptophan is converted by the body into serotonin. Serotonin is one chemical that helps to regulate mood and low levels of serotonin may be associated with depression.

And this is WHY doctors prescribe selective seratonin re-uptake inhibitors like prozac.

There is nothing wrong with using a medication to boost the way your body uses seratonin! Please do not feel bad about doing this. You took a big step asking for help. Good for you!

In time, you may find you no longer need it.

I know this: when I tried to use an SSRI for insomnia/pain/depressive thinking, I got a seratonin surge that caused major anxiety, restlessness and the jitters. The way I absorb drugs makes it impossible for me to use any without horrid side effects. I cannot take pain meds for the wicked pain I deal with. Lucky me, huh??? Fortunately, addressing my folate deficiency has helped with the symptoms I had. That's why I mention it to you.

Yet, I still battle the depressive/anger demons in my head--not because of the gluten free diet, but because of the nightmarish years BEFORE I was DXed and the repeated misdiagnoses that got me to this point. Unlike you, I EMBRACED the gluten-free diet because it saved my life and frankly, I do not find it all that difficult.

You will begin to feel better and be less angry about the change in lifestyle. You can adapt and get on with your life, I promise.

Suzanna, if you notice you are feeling any worse after taking the prozac for a few days or weeks, be sure you tell the doctor so he can adjust your dosage.

(Whatever you do, do not stop it abruptly. The withdrawal is not pleasant.)

In the meantime, you still may wish to talk with someone about your feelings of anger and sadness. The drugs alone may not be enough. Okay?

I wish you well, hon--and I do hope you start to feel better soon. Hugs to you!

[sandsurfgirl]

I went through emotional hell when I was diagnosed. I was so angry and anxious and upset. I was still pretty sick for 6 months on top of it all.

It does and will get better!!! Eventually this lifestyle will just be second nature. You will find good dinner rolls. They're out there somewhere. I was never a big dinner roll person so I haven't looked.

Things will look up. I know it doesn't seem like it right now. I have just battled an endocrine illness and it's not even quite 2 years since my celiac diagnosis. So I went there emotionally again and I'm just pulling myself out of the anxiety, crying, anger roller coaster.

You can and will get off that emotional roller coaster. I promise! Going gluten free is freedom for you. It's freedom from illness and freedom from damage to your body. Hang in there. HUGS to you.