Why Are People So Insensitive?

[melikamaui]

Honestly I'm way more annoyed by people who try to bend over backwards to feed us. We aren't going to trust it so it's just awkward. People say stuff without thinking, too. Just last week a teacher who has been very good about preventing cc for my son and others in the class said "I could never be gluten-free because half my diet is bread. I love it too much"

Well no s$#&. My daughter ate nothing but Mac and cheese, my son's favorite food was garlic bread, and you can bet they loved eating the Halloween candy they brought home. We're not gluten-free because it's easier or the kids wanted to give up their favorite foods!

People are insensitive because they are self centered. We all are, to some extent. In fact, when we expect others to remember to accomodate our diets we are being just as insensitive and self centered. Most people are well-intentioned, though, even when they miss the mark. I try to remember that.

Well said! It drives me crazy when someone says they could "never" give up their favorite gluteny food. Do they think I love NOT having my favorites anymore? Of course not! It's hard. But we do it because we have to.

[pricklypear1971]

I haven't ventured out much....but I just smile and say "no thanks, I'm allergic" and that usually works. I know it will get more complicated.

I always assume I can't eat, and take something with me or eat before.

I have found that most upscale restaurants can provide a gluten-free option. A buffet is challenging, and I'll be tackling that next week for the first time.

I don't get angry about it, when asked. I don't get mad at people for eating gluteny foods. It is what it is...half the time I'd have no desire to eat what everyone else has, gluten-free aside.

Now, hypoglycemia ticks me off. Having to eat 5x a day makes me mad as heck!

[rainer83]

Honestly I'm way more annoyed by people who try to bend over backwards to feed us. We aren't going to trust it so it's just awkward. People say stuff without thinking, too. Just last week a teacher who has been very good about preventing cc for my son and others in the class said "I could never be gluten-free because half my diet is bread. I love it too much"

Well no s$#&. My daughter ate nothing but Mac and cheese, my son's favorite food was garlic bread, and you can bet they loved eating the Halloween candy they brought home. We're not gluten-free because it's easier or the kids wanted to give up their favorite foods!

People are insensitive because they are self centered. We all are, to some extent. In fact, when we expect others to remember to accomodate our diets we are being just as insensitive and self centered. Most people are well-intentioned, though, even when they miss the mark. I try to remember that.

I agree. When I started college last year, I had been invited to go to the sandwich place next door to the school by a group of people and declined, and they asked why, so I was honest and told them, and the one guy says "Man, if I had to give up bread, I'd kill myself." I shot back with "Oh yea, cause not being able to eat bread really is a justified cause for me to stop living." I'm so glad that guy dropped out soon after.

[anabananakins]

I agree. When I started college last year, I had been invited to go to the sandwich place next door to the school by a group of people and declined, and they asked why, so I was honest and told them, and the one guy says "Man, if I had to give up bread, I'd kill myself." I shot back with "Oh yea, cause not being able to eat bread really is a justified cause for me to stop living." I'm so glad that guy dropped out soon after.

It really is a stupid thing to say, isn't it? How would a person who had something terrible to them feel I mean, sure, bread is nice. Gluten-y things tasted great. But once I knew that I couldn't have them any more, I started to move on. It doesn't happen over night, but you get there. Same as I'm sure you eventually learn to cope with not being able to walk, or losing a limb, or any of the truly terrible things that people face and deal with. Contrary to popular belief, bread is not the be-all and end-all of the world. A hypothetical book called "Life without Bread" should be full of funny anecdotes about things you can eat and exploring feeling better, not a tragic story of lost love! I don't think anything that inspires such obsessive behaviour and cravings is going to be very good for a person.

[rainer83]

It really is a stupid thing to say, isn't it? How would a person who had something terrible to them feel I mean, sure, bread is nice. Gluten-y things tasted great. But once I knew that I couldn't have them any more, I started to move on. It doesn't happen over night, but you get there. Same as I'm sure you eventually learn to cope with not being able to walk, or losing a limb, or any of the truly terrible things that people face and deal with. Contrary to popular belief, bread is not the be-all and end-all of the world. A hypothetical book called "Life without Bread" should be full of funny anecdotes about things you can eat and exploring feeling better, not a tragic story of lost love! I don't think anything that inspires such obsessive behaviour and cravings is going to be very good for a person.

I miss having a sub, I really do, but to flat out say "I'd kill myself if I can't have bread anymore"? Come on, dude. Seriously. It's BREAD. I've found some pretty decent gluten free bread (finally!!) that has been a good replacement. It takes time, but you really do get used to it. So rude to say such a thing!

[bartfull]

Depending on my mood at the time, I might answer someone who said they'd kill themselves if they couldn't eat bread with something like this: "I'd kill myself if I were as stupid and insensitive as SOME people I know."

[Marilyn R]

I will tell you about some insensitive things I've had thrown my way: Mostly, it's people outright accusing me of having an eating disorder (I'm fairly thin). Now THAT is RUDE.

[catsmeow]

I certainly know how you feel. I went through several bouts of depression and anger over the past year and a half. After the meltdowns and crying came anger. I use to flip off The Krispy Kreme donut shop because I was mad that I couldn't eat there anymore. Then there was the name calling. I actually made snide comments and called family members "glutenoids". I know....I know....not very mature, and I am not proud of my behavior...but, it is what it is and it brought me to a place of peace. I am finally at peace, and thankfully, my family still love me.....

Just today my husband had a promotion party. We had no control over the buffet, but had to pay $300 for it, but, there were other promotees that also paid $300, so there was quite an expensive feast to be had. I watched all of his co-workers gobble up the decadent food. I was hungry, but it didn't bother me a bit. Actually, it grosses me out now to watch people eat like glutened gluttons....LOL. I watch with curious detachment. I do like to do a couple of laps around the buffet to see what I won't be eating though. It's like food porn. I can ogle it, but I can't have it......

I am usually prepared and pack my own food everywhere I go, but, was not prepared today. However, when I got home I ate the most delicious leftovers from last nights dinner. I was quite happy.

I've found that it has become second nature to take care of my food intake.

I have a little game I like to play when I am in convenience stores, gas stations and such if I have time. It's called "what can I eat?" I simply walk the isles and note what I could eat if I were hunger. What's good about the game is that it reassures me that I won't starve, and it's good practice for when I am hungry, in a pinch, and very short on time.

I played the game just yesterday at a convenience store. I found, packages of nut and fruit clusters that were labeled gluten free, yogurt, cheese slices, sandwich meat, ice cream, candy, chips, nuts, milk, single packets of protein shake mix, and canned gluten-free chili...etc etc.. So, I now know what to grab at that store in a pinch.

It does get better. Life as we know it won't ever be the same, but we are well because of it.

I am grateful that my disease can be controlled simply by avoiding gluten. This is a blessing...but an inconvient blessing at that!

I forgot to add that people and their stupid comments still annoy me, but I know that they are coming from a place of ignorant bliss. They are blissfully ignorant with the lack of knowledge that some people cannot cram anything they want into their pie holes without a thought in the world. Until they can't do this, they are simply blissfully ignorant. They really cannot help it.

[cap6]

I do like to do a couple of laps around the buffet to see what I won't be eating though. It's like food porn. I can ogle it, but I can't have it......

lol! I love it! I will have a new outlook on buffets from now on!

[mushroom]

Trish_Trish, if you are really into food porn, you MUST watch Nigella Lawson - she can make even stirring a cake batter into something erotic And tasting it by dipping the finger in - OMG!!!

[catsmeow]

Glad I could make you smile!!

I'll have to watch that cooking show!

One of my favorite food porn sites is "Man versus Food" LoL He really grosses me out!!!

[Katrala]

I have monthly meetings for my job where the lunch and breakfast is always catered and is buffet-style. I don't even bother trying to eat anything except for a banana, etc. at breakfast if they have them. I just bring my lunchbox and eat with them while they eat the buffet.

I did this same thing at an out-of-town conference.

My reply for the salad would be, "That's because I'm more special than you are."

[Marilyn R]

The only other thing I want to add to this post is that we are Entitled to have special food requests at functions involving catering. I worked as a catering manager 20 years ago. We always had vegetarian or kosher plates available, even if they weren't requested in advance. This isn't a lifestyle or religious choice, we have a medical necessity to eat gluten-free. In all of those years I worked as a catering manager, nobody ever apologized for having to order the food they needed to maintain their diet. If anyone asked somebody about their special plate, the guest would proudly announce that they were Kosher or Vegetarian. I think this is the attitude we need to take. (Not that I haven't run out of the grocery store crying before.) It does get so much better.

There are times that are hard. My brother was visiting last weekend and I'd spent the day with him and his wife. They were planning to grill steaks at my sister's, and I knew that their grill was full of gluten. I opted to leave and my SIL gave me a very hard time, telling me that they'd bought special food for me and I should stay. In the end, it's about our health. I left without explaining it to her, but thanked her for getting the special food.

A year ago, this would have made me cry. Now I just drove home and made myself something to eat. It's like Maslov's hierarcy of needs. gluten-free just got jammed in there and upset the whole value system.

[Katrala]

Kosher or Vegetarian. I think this is the attitude we need to take.

It's ridiculous how many places cater to both of the above mentioned dietary restrictions but have no idea how to fix anything gluten-free.

Of course, leaving off the meat and making sure the stuff is prepared a certain way is easier than prepping gluten-free, but still.

I'm not so sure about the attitude, only because eating Kosher and Vegetarian (or Vegan, etc.) is a choice. Those that are gluten-free by choice (without a need) already wear on my nerves - I'd hate to be even more lumped into the same category as them.

[Kimbalou]

So i found out i had celiac back in august and have been gluten free since then. For the most part, i haven't had trouble finding gluten free food, nor do i miss/feel envious of those around me eating pizza/bread/pasta. It feels so great to not be in pain, that i don't mind doing the extra research to find food that i can eat.

this past week, I had my first emotional breakdown. i was at a large work conference with all buffet-style meals. I felt like a high-maintenance brat asking the chefs about the food, but they were pretty accomodating. Everytime I asked though, 6 people around me wanted to hear all about celiac and how i found out. It was getting exhausting... the kicker though, was dinner the last night. There was NOTHING available for me to eat. The waitress said she could bring me a side garden salad (the buffet for everyone else included baked chicken, this awesome looking penne, bread with dipping oils, potatoes, vegetables, orzo salad, decadent desserts). I started to get a little jealous.... "why do i have to worry about this when i should be networking and having fun? This isn't fair. i'm hungry and i want more than a side salad" ..... When the waitress brought my lovely garden salad, at least 4 people came up to me (who had already known about my celiac, but clearly forgot)... pouting "HOW DID YOU GET THAT SALAD!? I requested that and they said they couldn't do it. Not fair! Can i have some?!" as they walked around with their plates filled with great glutteny food. I seriously went into the bathroom and cried like a little baby. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but i did. .....Someone who has had this for a while, please tell me this goes away.

I do feel like i'm learning with every tough experience though (ie they brought the salad on an obnoxiously larger plate than the buffet plates, so it drew attention to me. I will forever transfer special food onto the regular plates that everyone else is eating off.... i never would have thought about this before).

Anyway, this was the saddest i've felt about this and i guess i just wanted to vent. If anyone has suggestions for these types of situations (beyond stalking the chef and being high-maintenance which i will continue to do and despise doing), please let me know. Its also tough to bring my own gluten-free snacks in these professional situations... only a few things are portable and it just sucks watching everyone eat all this great food while i get to eat an apple bar.... it also draws more attention to me which i don't want. This just wasn't fun. Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear about that...but why couldn't you eat the potatoes or veggies?

[Kimbalou]

Depending on my mood at the time, I might answer someone who said they'd kill themselves if they couldn't eat bread with something like this: "I'd kill myself if I were as stupid and insensitive as SOME people I know."

The world might be a better place if people like that WOULD kill themselves...lol..j/k but had to say it

[kareng]

The world might be a better place if people like that WOULD kill themselves...lol..j/k but had to say it

I might say, " I guess a diagnosis of Celiac Disease would be fatal for you. "

[sariesue]

The only other thing I want to add to this post is that we are Entitled to have special food requests at functions involving catering. I worked as a catering manager 20 years ago. We always had vegetarian or kosher plates available, even if they weren't requested in advance. This isn't a lifestyle or religious choice, we have a medical necessity to eat gluten-free. In all of those years I worked as a catering manager, nobody ever apologized for having to order the food they needed to maintain their diet. If anyone asked somebody about their special plate, the guest would proudly announce that they were Kosher or Vegetarian. I think this is the attitude we need to take. (Not that I haven't run out of the grocery store crying before.) It does get so much better.

There are times that are hard. My brother was visiting last weekend and I'd spent the day with him and his wife. They were planning to grill steaks at my sister's, and I knew that their grill was full of gluten. I opted to leave and my SIL gave me a very hard time, telling me that they'd bought special food for me and I should stay. In the end, it's about our health. I left without explaining it to her, but thanked her for getting the special food.

A year ago, this would have made me cry. Now I just drove home and made myself something to eat. It's like Maslov's hierarcy of needs. gluten-free just got jammed in there and upset the whole value system.

This is NOT true for all catering services. I worked for an event caterer where we set up the kitchen for the event and worked out of anywhere. There there are no special meals if they are not requested and last minute requests like gluten free or kosher are not always possible to fully accommodate. Obviously we could omit a sauce and serve the plain meat, but the meal would very likely be be very plain and possibly unbalanced. It is also impossible to make a kosher meal in a normal kitchen because it has not been properly blessed. To be truely kosher it needs to be prepared in spesific ways and not contaminated. If the event requires kosher meals they are bought from a kosher restaurant. While we keep them warm, we do not open the containers or even put them on our plates. To do so would make the meals no longer kosher. So we serve them in the take out containers with sealed disposable silverware.

To the OP's post.

Before I had to go gluten free I really thought that I would kill myself if I had to give up bread and pasta. They were my favorite foods and what I ate most. Even when I was tested for celiac I was still in that mind set. My tests were negative(I have my doubts) so I got a short reprive until my allergist diagnosed me as wheat intolerant with a barley allergy. Even then it was really hard to accept and see life without. To be honest, I got suicidaly depressed when I found out. So giving up gluten nearly did kill me. It was hard but after months of intense treatment I got better and I now accept that I can't eat gluten.

Plus, people who say this also think that because they have never been in your situation. They have never had to strictly avoid something knowing it was forever. Some may have given up something short term for things like Lent but never for life. Sometimes we don't know what we are capable of until we are confronted with the situation.

[anabananakins]

There are times that are hard. My brother was visiting last weekend and I'd spent the day with him and his wife. They were planning to grill steaks at my sister's, and I knew that their grill was full of gluten. I opted to leave and my SIL gave me a very hard time, telling me that they'd bought special food for me and I should stay. In the end, it's about our health. I left without explaining it to her, but thanked her for getting the special food.

You bring up a good point - we don't have to feel like we have to eat the special food, if we're concerned about it. Or even if we don't want it. We have the right to be not hungry, or not fancying a particular thing, same as anyone else. Generally, someone else would be happy to eat it anyway - especially if no fuss has been made about the freakish special-ness of it. I think that should be the guiding principle when gluten free meals are prepared: 'would a regular person be happy eating this?' (and not just someone who'll otherwise go hungry). I was at a family function yesterday and my friend was pointing out the food and I actually didn't want to eat because I ate at home first to be on the safe side, but aside from the bread rolls, the meal was already pretty much gluten free (I just had to be careful about the crumbs).

[Chad Sines]

Here is my feelings on food issues. It comes off sounding insensitive but it not intended to as I say it to myself. Plus it is just the way life is.

It is up to me to ensure that I have food that I can eat. I am no more responsible for a diabetic who does not eat sugar than he is for me wanting gluten free. Personal health issues=personal responsibility.

When I go to conferences I take some things with me. Usually eggs are available at breakfast, but if not I have protein powder. Also some meal replacement bars. I just had to accept that I would not often be able to have that delicious buffet. In hindsight when I was not gluten-free I snarled my nose up at that health junk. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few thing.

Not fun, not cool, but once I accepted this things are fine.