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IrishHeart

Doctor Visits (Funny)

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1. A man comes into the ER and yells:

My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -

and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,

San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,

Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her

Reporting to the rest of the family that he had

Died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with One of his medications.

Which one?. .. . I asked. "The patch! the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,

Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered .. . .

' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-

Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ? It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste. Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced

A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,

Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . "Keep off the grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.

I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment

I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing

And further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . ..

' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was .. . .

"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener ."

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did as he said and he pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.


"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif

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:lol:

Number 5 (Fart) had me in stitches. I could just imagine the grieving family's faces when told their beloved had died of a massive fart. Oh! I'm still laughing. Thanks for this!!!!

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:lol::lol::lol:

I hear stories like this at work.


Me:
Celiac disease(positive blood work/biopsy- 10/2008), gluten free oat intolerent, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis/Disease, Raynaud's Disease


DS2(age 9):
celiac disease(positive IgA tTG, no biopsy- 11/2010)


DS1(age 13):
repeated negative bloodwork and negative EGD/biopsy. Started on a gluten free trial(8/2011). He has decided to stay gluten free due to all of the improvements he has experienced on the diet.

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LOL..thanks for the laugh this morning! :D

Honestly? Laughter and my sense of humor are what saved my arse the past few years. Glad you had a giggle, hon. :)


"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif

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rotflmao!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I just feel sorry for the Granndma that had to go to the doctor to get her boobs played with!


If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

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My college roomate's dad is an MD.

Wow, the stories he would tell.

Odd objects in the rectum were always popular stories....as well as the hospital worker that named her daughter Labia.


Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.

Hashimoto's DX 2005.

Gluten-Free since 6/2011.

DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND.

Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

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My college roomate's dad is an MD.

Wow, the stories he would tell.

Odd objects in the rectum were always popular stories....as well as the hospital worker that named her daughter Labia.

That can't be true. There has to be a law against doing that to your children.


If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

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That can't be true. There has to be a law against doing that to your children.

They tried to convince her not to...but it is true.


Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.

Hashimoto's DX 2005.

Gluten-Free since 6/2011.

DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND.

Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

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They tried to convince her not to...but it is true.

I bet she changed it by deed poll as soon as she was old enough :rolleyes:


Neroli

"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein

"Life is not weathering the storm; it is learning to dance in the rain"

"Whatever the question, the answer is always chocolate." Nigella Lawson

------------

Caffeine free 1973

Lactose free 1990

(Mis)diagnosed IBS, fibromyalgia '80's and '90's

Diagnosed psoriatic arthritis 2004

Self-diagnosed gluten intolerant, gluten-free Nov. 2007

Soy free March 2008

Nightshade free Feb 2009

Citric acid free June 2009

Potato starch free July 2009

(Totally) corn free Nov. 2009

Legume free March 2010

Now tolerant of lactose

Celiac.com - Celiac Disease Board Moderator

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I bet she changed it by deed poll as soon as she was old enough :rolleyes:

I would have divorced my parents/asked for emancipation.

At 5.


Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.

Hashimoto's DX 2005.

Gluten-Free since 6/2011.

DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND.

Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

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