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Comically Bad, Slow Bread

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(Preface. For the newer reader, I am not a gluten free baking newbie. I am not even a baking newbie. :P I made my own bread even before all this, and didn't have any trouble during the transition, and I was using nuts at first. )

I awoke very early this morning, and decided to bake some bread in my brand new, pretty, oval shaped stoneware baking dish, which matches the dish I already have, and that I got so I could make 2 loaves at once.

I have been making this recipe for several months now. I take a box of Chebe, add some more gluten free, high protein flour and an extra egg and some oil to it, a bit of baking soda and vinegar, and bake it. I have made breads, biscuits, little buns, and sandwich rolls, and it always came out.

Like Pioneer Tapioca Girl with Electricity, before dawn, I take the home- ground buckwheat flour out of the refrigerator and start to soak it in a bit of yogurt and water, add chia and amaranth, some salt. After making a cup of coffee, as the sky begins to lighten, I then add the cheese I have grated by hand on the box grater (PTGwE does not use a food processor ;) ) that is missing its handle ("thrifty is as thrifty does") and the eggs and the oil, the vinegar, the pinch of cumin, the baking soda, a little bit of water, and an ear of grated fresh corn and the Chebe mix. And I hand stir this concoction until it is nice and mixed up, no electric mixer for me. Between the chia, the amaranth, and the buckwheat, it is plenty sticky, without the gum.

The oven is turned on, the baking bowls are oiled with extra virgin olive oil, I divide the dough between the two dishes and make a deep crease down the center of each one. The bowls are set in the oven, and I turn on the timer, since these are small loaves, I'll check them at 45 minutes and see how they're doing.

At 45 minutes, they've risen nicely, but the knife I've inserted says the middles are no where near done, so I set it again for 15 minutes and keep baking.

At one hour, they're beginning to brown on top as if done, the house smells heavenly, and the knife I've inserted to check the middle says they're still no where near done. So I set the timer again for 10 minutes.

At one hour 10 minutes, the knife inserted into the loaves is still coming out very gummy. Okay, so reset the timer again. Surely this middle should dry up soon.

At one hour 20 minutes, the knife is still coming up gummy, but the crusts are definitely done. They sound hollow when knocked on. Turn down the oven a bit, so as not to overdo the crust, set timer again. Wash the knives, as I'm running out of clean ones to test with.

At one hour 30 minutes, loaves are still not cooked in the middle, and I'm getting curious as to what is going on. Try turning oven temperature back up. Reset timer. WTH. :angry: These are small loaves, not 9 x 5"s. Look at oven thermometer to make sure oven is heating.

At one hour 45 minutes, remember that we're supposed to drop off car at the shop this morning, (Oh. That Is Why I Was Supposed To Get Up Early :rolleyes: ) so decide to pull loaves out at this point no matter at what state of doneness they are in, so can leave house without bread in oven. Stick knife in middle, and.... still gummy. Pry loaves out of the baking bowls and roll them over, the bottoms of the crusts are perfectly browned, and shiny, like glass, not wet or underdone. What attractive looking bread exteriors, just like little football crusts. I'm pretty sure I could kick one through a set of uprights on the field for 3 points, and it wouldn't shatter.

Run errand of dropping car off, return.

Take the Big Serrated Knife, and saw the loaves in half. They're partially hollow, and the gummy part has settled to the bottom, where it resembles baked cheese glue, topped by roof of brown crust. Taste. Really nice taste, excellent crust texture, and the baked- cheese interior isn't bad, but there's no way this is going to make slices. Maybe chunks. Ask spouse if he wants a piece, and he says, no, wants a sandwich later. Take the loaf into the next room, to show him that this is... not going to work for sandwiches.

Try putting sliced -in- half loaf pieces into the microwave to nuke, until the middles are done. The middles are not having any of this, and remain sticky and moist.

Take bread halves back out of microwave, and contemplate what to do next. Decide that the crusts would make excellent shells for cream cheese and that yummy Chocolate Nut Spread I had tried yesterday (like Nutella, but with Almonds, by Maranantha) and decide to serve it that way. After working on this over 5 hours in between other stuff, my spouse thinks I'm going to wait until lunch to have something to eat ? No way.

So, now, I just have to figure out what to do with the loaf interiors. :lol:

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.

So, now, I just have to figure out what to do with the loaf interiors. :lol:

Any home improvementn or craft projects planned? Spackle? Wood glue? Perhaps a mold and it will eventually dry out? Cement patching?

Just started imagining if you put it out for the birds. The squirrels will get there first. That's a pretty funny thought! :D

Maybe I could put it in the glass kiln and we cook cook it to 1500F? Call them crackers?

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It does match the stucco on the exterior....... but the dog would be licking the house.

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At least your neighbors would get some entertainment out of that....

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Thank you so so so much for this post. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! I feel so understood! This has happened to me too...thanks for making it so entertaining!

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Yeah, I've been there. This is why I stick to recipes that someone else made up - if it doesn't work, I can blame them for the failure. My most spectacular failure was a loaf that rose during baking to twice the height of the pan and was almost entirely hollow in the middle. When cut in half across the top of the baking pan it was like having two bread shoes.

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Have kids? Pre-winter "snow"ball fight!

We use a Gluten Free Pantry bread mix for bread machines in a very nice rice/bread cooker we received as a gift- and are ALWAYS fighting the middle. Flipping, etc. doesn't seem to help and the size and consistency of the void varies in seemingly unaddressable ways.

Ah well, the crust is the best part anyway! Let us know what you figure out.

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Usually, putting a crease and a slice lengthwise down the center of the uncooked dough in the pan, before it goes into the oven, will fix this. And I did that, which is why I was sort of surprised that this didn't let the middle cook through this time. I made nearly the same recipe again this week, minus the corn, into the usual sandwich rolls and little buns, creasing the tops, and it worked as usual. But I've done it in the ceramic bowl before and it behaved better. :lol: The crust was so shiny that time, was the strangest part.

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