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I'm Sorry

Entry posted by CaliSparrow · - 538 views

I must apologize, in advance, for making such bluesy feelings public. Maybe it's a generational thing but I learned as a child that publicizing anything that looked close to "sour puss" just won't cut it. So I'm sorry for that. Maybe this is the start of becoming a genuine human being.

I'm sorry for being apathetic today. I was so active yesterday and it felt good to get so much accomplished. Maybe I should pat myself on the back for clearing this as a day of rest because I knew I would need it. Still, I'm sorry that I'm weak.

I'm sorry that once I get 30 days out from being glutened, I get some cockamamie idea in my head that I don't really have a severe problem eating gluten and that it was possibly all in my head. It's not that I would EVER intentionally eat gluten, but I'm pretty sure it makes me more vulnerable to getting glutened. I am just recovered from eating gluten in a restaurant two weeks ago and I'm sorry for being an idiot for eating in a restaurant. That's how I feel. Like an idiot. Why would ANYONE eat in a restaurant if there was a risk of getting THIS SICK?!? It's so stupid. I'm so angry at myself. Disgusted, sad, depressed, apathetic, dog tired...

I'm sorry that I just get on a good routine and then get glutened. Pretty soon, expensive food sitting in my refrigerator has to be thrown out and I don't even know what I had been excited to make. It seems like everything goes out the window... keeping in touch with friends, cooking, finishing projects, having goals much less keeping them. I'm so sorry for all of that.

I'm sorry that I don't understand why someone can be so excited about a wrinkle cream. We're all going to die. Who cares? Most of all, I'm sorry that I feel unable to get excited about something that brings joy to others and that, right now, I seem to have an inability to even understand that joy.

I'm sorry that I didn't respond and thank the contributors on my last two topic postings. Life blew me away and then gluten. I was helped by every single person who posted and never said thank you. I have a happy gluten-free story and it's a short one but I'm sorry that I haven't shared it. I may only share my experiences moving forward. What I have been through the past ten years is horrifying and I'm not sure I can go back and write about it all. Who would want to read that much not to mention, it's mortifying.

Most of all, I'm sorry for being lonely and feeling sorry for myself. You'd think this is something within my control but it takes so much energy and I'm tired.

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I think I know exactly how you feel........and I think you know these feelings will go away soon when you get completely over that last glutening. Mine bites me in the bum like that too! xxx


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Yes, this sounds just like the utter hopelessness that I go through. The way is sometimes long and hard.  But it is often followed shortly by higher highs.


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