• Ads by Google:

    Get email alerts Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

    Ads by Google:

       Get email alertsSubscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter   What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease? - list blood tests, endo with biopsy, genetic test and enterolab (not diagnostic) Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet What if my doctor won't listen to me? An Open Letter to Skeptical Health Care Practitioners Gluten-Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes

First Time Declining An Invitation

Rate this topic

7 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

So after a year I had my first super awkward "I can't come eat dinner at your house" conversation. We have friends who we have had over to dinner a few times. They have a few kids, one in kindergarten and the youngest isn't one yet. Having them over is always a great pleasure and I love cooking for them. The kids aren't too picky and everyone is just great fun to be with. Well, finally the other night the husband told us that his wife has explained to him that it is their turn to make us dinner. She put him in charge of finding out what I can eat.


Now it all seems well and good when they see what I cook. There is meat, vegetables, fruits, homemade pickles, deviled eggs (any excuse I can find to make them), always gravy... no shortage at all of wonderful things. This means that there is no time to notice that there isn't bread anywhere in sight. It seems so simple, don't feed me bread.


I tried a simple, it really wouldn't work. He didn't seem to get it. So I had to explain everything to him. I had to explain the pots and pans, the plastic/wooden utensils, the cutting boards. I explained how I got sick from eating something I shouldn't have when the cover fell off it in the microwave. I told him that despite all that, and on top of gluten, the soy and MSG thing is insanely hard to plan around and then on top of that even I can barely keep track of what fruits and veggies I am and am not allowed to have.


We did come up with a plan. Mondays for us means family home evening, which is an opportunity to spend family time together doing a fun activity which is something scripture based generally and then because most families have kids there are snacks. So, instead of us going for dinner, we will go over for a family home evening and we'll bring the snacks. I think it is a good compromise.


I just feel awful. I simply can not take a risk that involves eating food someone else prepared. I have simply stopped eating out or eating anything I didn't make. I've cut down on packaged foods. Since this MSG thing a few weeks ago I just can't take risks. It was one thing when it was gluten and I was paranoid about things like cancer and being sick for a month. Now it is a matter of losing my vision. I will not risk my sight to make someone feel good. Somehow telling myself that doesn't make me feel better about the fact that I may have made someone else feel bad.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:

Oh, Adalaide, I feel for you.  I have been on both sides of this now and don't like it.  I am glad you came up with a plan.


I thought of another plan for someday.  How about having someone come to your kitchen and cook?  Maybe if it were a good friend.  I am going to stew on that.  I might feel safe.  ON the other side, I never really feel comfortable in someone else's kitchen.


Oh, I just had another thought.  Have her come early and work together to cook the meal.  I did have a great deal of fun doing just that once.  My friend actually thanked me for teaching her how to cook!


I hope this all will be easier in time.  I think we always might have some easy way to offend, though.



Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a good plan with really good friends I find is ask them exactly what they're going to cook and how. If one is super super sensitive as you are, Adelaide, then going to your friend's place and cooking together might be a good plan.


A friend just invited me for Sunday lunch. I feel comfrotable enough because she was with me as a Thai restaurant where I kicked up a fuss and spoke to the owner, the waiter AND the chef and they brought the soy sauce to the table and I showed them where it said "wheat 25%"  and why I insisted to have things cooked with no sauce at all even if "it wasn't Thai cooking". I ate my un sauced stuff and wasn't sick. She (the friend) understood what was happening.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you came up with a great compromise in a very graceful way. You still get to spend time with your friends, they get to host, you get to eat snacky foods and you won't be ill... Very nicely done.


I hope it's a fun evening.  :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad you were able to work it out


I feel for you for how hard this is. I went to a friend's house who was frying up a load of potato pancakes. she had made several dozen of them, there was flour flying everywhere. after she was done, she told me she was going to fry up a few for me without flour. I tried to explain to her why I couldn't eat them. I know she was hurt and probably still is. why do people put such an importance on food??

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:

I'm just trying to avoid the hurt feelings of showing up to help cook and all her pots and pans are nonstick or all her utensils are plastic or she just put a cake in the oven for her kids or she got this or that thing that she is sure is safe that isn't for any various number of reasons which may or may not be gluten related for me. I figure if I try to avoid 100% the issue of eating food from other people's houses I can avoid the issue. Except I worry that I still may have hurt her feelings. :(


Oh well I guess. I'm happy with our compromise and we're still deciding if we should take Jell-O white chocolate strawberry thingers or chocolate krispy treats. They haven't called yet to say when they want to have us over so I have time to decide.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like you did just the right thing. It is so important to keep socializing, and each of us has a new dilemma every time we have a new event.

I am getting better at it. And I think most of that is down to my response, and most of that I credit to reading about how people on this board handle things, so I treasure posts like yours to get new ideas.

I am off.to my in laws tomorrow, and taking my own lunch and snacks. I don't yet know if we are eating there or at a restaurant,, but I know I will be eating safely.( last time we went, one family member gleefully turned up with a gluten free chocolate cake. I wouldn't eat it, but asked a few questions, and it was made with almond flour. My son has an anaphylactic allergy to almond. Other people just don't get food issues and I won't take the risk. Makes me sad I can't safely leave my son with his grandparents or aunt. But that's another story).

My own silver lining is that as I cook my own food, I always like what I eat:)

I hope you have a lovely evening when you go ahead. Don't be afraid to chase the invitation if it takes a while, I think we end up having to be super reassuring to people sometimes

Mw x

  • Upvote 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ads by Google:

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • i am curious how this is possible bc my gi said soy sauce culprit! i passed up dinner w friends tho the place they go prob wouldnt ever be doable
    • The Op hasn't been on the forum for over a year.  Not sure if she has notifications turned on.   you might want to re- think putting your real name on a forum that will Be seen by thousands of people & a dozen trolls.
    • MariaofColumbia,   I came across this thread when a two different friends had posted on facebook.  I read it and felt like you were talking to me.  I've had issues for 7 years now.  My candida cannot get under control.  I went and checked my vitamin B levels and they are high.  I've been on methyl folate for several months now, but only one pill a day.  I do have one MTHFR gene mutation.  I've tried SO MANY candida diets/options and the minute I stray it is back out of whack...or it never really gets rid of it.  I pick up viruses fairly frequently because my immune system is so taxed.  I'm so very tired of dealing with this!!!  I'm wondering if you could go into more detail as to what exactly you started taking/how often/what foods you still avoided (sugar/vinegar/mushrooms/peanut butter/etc), and where your healthy B levels are at now?  You can find me on facebook as Jessica Hecker Andersen and we could always private message as well.  I really wish I could just call you!  lol.  Please, any further information would be very much appreciated.  Thank you!
    • Thank you all for taking the time to respond.  It's comforting to know I have a place to ask questions and share my concerns.   My daughter's antibodies are as follows: 1/9/17:  783.6 (before stopping gluten) 5/16/17: 69.7 8/14/17: 50.6 Her thyroid/hormones all in normal range.  An endoscopy in May showed her villi looked good with minimal damage. Her B12 (checked on 8/14/17) is excellent.  Her antibodies will be checked again when she returns home in Dec.  She avoids gluten as much as possible, however she's away at college so cross contamination is likely.  She eats extremely well -- mostly salads, vegetables, protein, fruits, rice.  When on the go she supplements with kind bars, quest bars, or Rx bars.  She'll snack on gluten-free crackers (Blue Diamond made from almonds), hummus, peanut butter, and popcorn.  Once in awhile she'll treat herself to Tate's gluten-free cookies or Halo ice cream.  She's in college so, yes, she drinks alcohol on occasion.  Titos gluten-free vodka, but no beer!  Since stopping gluten her stomach feels much better, less bloating and pain (her main complaints before stopping gluten).  I do notice when she's home on break from college she will have a healthy, nice sized portion of food at each meal and say she feels very full afterward, yet shortly after she will feel hungry again and need to reach for a snack (always a healthy one).  She takes 2 gluten free gummy Multi-Vites (same as Costco brand I believe) as well as vitamin D daily.   She was diagnosed with celiac on 1/11/17, stopped gluten immediately, and her last period started on 1/13/17.  For six years her period was very regular and it only changed once she stopped eating gluten.  I have to believe there is a connection.  The frustrating part is that nobody has any answers.  I know my daughter would feel a lot better if her cycle returned.  We will seek the advice of a nutritionist as well as continue speaking to doctors, but in the meantime if you have any more suggestions I welcome them (i.e., foods, supplements, vitamins, etc).  Thank you all very much!            
    • If only they were peanut free . I been buying my seeds from Gerbs allergen friendly foods for past 5+ years. I end up buying my almonds, walnuts, and pistachios from dedicated companies....got to admit I get a better deal on almonds but I go through 25lbs every 2 months.
  • Upcoming Events