The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

Ohhhhh . . . a special club, huh ? Is there a secret handshake? a password? a knowing look?

OK, anybody mind if I post about 350 of the exact same message so I can get into the club?

Hey Janet--

A while back two members had a race to see who could hit the 500 first. Emily was one, I forget who the other person was....

[CarlaB]

Ohhhhh . . . a special club, huh ? Is there a secret handshake? a password? a knowing look?

OK, anybody mind if I post about 350 of the exact same message so I can get into the club?

We can't tell you any of the club secrets until you get there. Sorry.

Yeah, that was FUNNY when the two were racing to get to 500. A TON of nonsense posts and topics!!!

[Darn210]

Who won?

(Look, another post under my belt. If I hadn't added this comment, it would have only been two words. Hehehe. I'll be in that speeeecial club in no time.)

[tom]

Who won?

(Look, another post under my belt. If I hadn't added this comment, it would have only been two words. Hehehe. I'll be in that speeeecial club in no time.)

Heehee Janet! Just go to EVERY thread and add "hmmm interesting" to each one!!

[elye]

I was in that grand Fortune 500 race...alongside Jerry and....forget her real name, but her posting name is "confused". Jerry won, but it was VERY close and the tension was electric. His clever strategy was to simply count the post number on each posting, and nothing else. "478"...then "479"...Kinda cheating , if you ask moi. Actually, thank gawd there isn't a governing body that regulates "real" posts, and deletes those that don't meet up to content standard. Don't think I'd be past twenty or so!

And Janet, at 500 posts you get to write under your avatar. However, the excitement REALLY begins at 1,000, where I've been promised I get a new house.

[Jestgar]

I was in that grand Fortune 500 race...alongside Jerry and....forget her real name, but her posting name is "confused". Jerry won, but it was VERY close and the tension was electric. His clever strategy was to simply count the post number on each posting, and nothing else. "478"...then "479"...Kinda cheating , if you ask moi. Actually, thank gawd there isn't a governing body that regulates "real" posts, and deletes those that don't meet up to content standard. Don't think I'd be past twenty or so!

And Janet, at 500 posts you get to write under your avatar. However, the excitement REALLY begins at 1,000, where I've been promised I get a new house.

Hayy!! Who's giving you the house? And is it real? or only virtually real? And do you get to pick the color?

[CarlaB]

Hayy!! Who's giving you the house? And is it real? or only virtually real? And do you get to pick the color?

She's delusional ... just tell her "That's nice" and she'll be fine.

[Darn210]

She's delusional ... just tell her "That's nice" and she'll be fine.

That's nice . . . 167.

[Jestgar]

That's nice . . . 167.

:lol:

[Jestgar]

Maybe it's just a Canadian house. I don't want one of those

[elye]

Maybe it's just a Canadian house. I don't want one of those

What, an igloo?

(BTW, been 26 degrees C here for most of September...that's 80 F). In fact, you'd LOVE a Canadian house. But it won't be such a great deal anymore, as our loonie hit PARITY with the US dollar for a brief, fleeting moment today! So I think that when our dollar goes above the greenback, we Canadian posters should get double the credit for each time we post. Two for one...Man, I'd be at 1300!

[Mtndog]

This thread is getting as hard to keep up wit as OMG. We Lymie brains can be slow you know and we sleep a lot so y'all have to slow down!

OK- good old Uncle ray is at it again!:

The Purina Diet

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd had ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so Hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid idiot! Why else would I buy dog food?

and.....

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's

help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

[blueeyedmanda]

Man I remember when I hit 500 and got to join the club. I love putting text under my pictures. It helps people to know what my pictures mean.

[elye]

Excellent, Bev...!

[Darn210]

gigglegiggle carburator float chamber gigglegiggle

[CarlaB]

This thread is getting as hard to keep up wit as OMG. We Lymie brains can be slow you know and we sleep a lot so y'all have to slow down!

Speak for yourself ... I have to take pills to sleep!!!

Funny jokes.

[Darn210]

Tomorrow, 'twill be fixed at 1:00. one HOPES, anyway.

Oh, SuuuuuuuZeeeee . . .

Times up. What color and geometrical shape is your hair, now?

[tom]

LOL Bev!!

Wish we all had an Uncle Ray.

Ok, Carla here's your cue. NitWit Spice keeps whispering in my ear that the caption-adding isn't until after post #501.

Janet? Is there a pool? I'll take rhombus.

[elye]

...Trapezoid. Large and puce-coloured.

C'mon, Susie...where are you?

[blueeyedmanda]

...Trapezoid. Large and puce-coloured.

C'mon, Susie...where are you?

or a Rhombus!!! maybe puke-green colored.

[CarlaB]

Ok, Carla here's your cue. NitWit Spice keeps whispering in my ear that the caption-adding isn't until after post #501.

Whatever ... It's too late for us to go back and check.

Bev, just read your jokes to hubby ... he thought they were hysterical.

[Mtndog]

Whatever ... It's too late for us to go back and check.

Bev, just read your jokes to hubby ... he thought they were hysterical.

Yep- Uncle ray is QUITE a piece of work. He's my godafther as well (WHAT was my mom thinking? :lol: :lol: ) and I'm sure he's where I got my somewhat bawdy, tassle twirling sense of humor.

Siouxie- I hope your hair is OK!

[nikki-uk]

(BTW, been 26 degrees C here for most of September...that's 80 F).

Dear god!! I'll take the Canadian house with temperatures that good (measly 17 degrees c here!!)

Mounties, Lumberjacks an' all

and I'm sure he's where I got my somewhat bawdy, tassle twirling sense of humor

Bev, - it's not somewhat

Oh and luv uncle Ray (as always )

[nikki-uk]

Cubie--is what I call the girl I share my cubicle wall with at work. It is this wall that moves since it is not a sturdy permanent fixture. I call her my cubie mate. Makes it sound nicer than it is....a droopy office cubiucle.

OK!

I thought maybe it was someone from Cuba !!

[Jestgar]

gigglegiggle carburator float chamber gigglegiggle

:lol: