Who's Job Is It To Know What's Gf

[ryebaby0]

I know it's going to seem non-supportive, but my DH is driving me nuts. I spend every Sunday afternoon making gluten-free food, what seems like tons of time educating myself about what is and isn't gluten-free, and it's all neatly labelled in our re-arranged kitchen (our son is celiac disease too) and this weekend he went to visit his parents and he comes back telling me how they "don't understand" because when he read labels it all had artificial flavors, or coloring, or food starch, and he "knows" that I told him that ALL things with those ingredients are not gluten-free so he couldn't eat anything. Why didn't you call? I said. Why didn't you look it up? Why don't you know?

Wouldn't you think a grown man would take it upon himself to learn what he can and cannot eat -- and attempt to remember it? He was dx after our son, with a positive tTg and positive dietary change. He swears he would never go back, he feels so much better. But he seems perpetually confused/disinterested and I am now threatening to not enable this behavior anymore (for lack of a better term). We have references handy in the kitchen. My 11 year old knows exactly what he can and cannot eat (although DH often is contesting our son's accuracy -- and is almost always the one who is wrong) I feel like I'm working so hard on this, and he's just not trying. It's been 8 months for DH, 18 for my son....

[Guest Viola]

Perhaps you need to take a holiday and hopefully he will learn to take some responsiblity for his own diet when you aren't handy.

A spouse needs to be supportive, but he needs to be responsible for his own health. I'm sure it can be a bit overwhelming (sp) for someone who may not have had much to do with food before. And children seem to be much quicker to adapt. I find that adults need a little more pushing.

Just my thoughts

[nikki-uk]

I sympathise with you,my husband was dx 8 months ago.Previous to this my husband had NEVER thought about what he was eating.He's always been skinny(probably due to undiagnosed celiac disease) and so ate what he wanted.

Whereas, I think women tend to put more thought into what they eat,and what they serve their kids,trying to acheive a healthy balanced diet.I know I'm used to denying myself certain foods to keep my weight steady-not the same as celiac disease i know-but I definitely am more on the ball regarding dietry issues.

In the beginning of the gluten-free diet,my hubbie didn't eat anything I hadn't checked,but now he's quite good at spotting the no-no's.

At the end of the day,if your dh will insist on eating gluten,maybe you should point out to him that it is not only him that suffers-it has a knock on effect for the whole family(i.e-you can't go out on a family trip etc 'cos he's glutened himself and is in bed etc..)

You can only try your best,but he must understand that it also sends out the wrong message to your son-(that a little won't hurt) 'cos it will!!

Good luck!(why are men so stubborn!)

[lovegrov]

Not all men are like that. My wife took care of me when I was extremely ill from untreated celiac disease, but as soon as I had the energy (for a time I couldn't even carry on a hpone conversation) I was on the computer and calling companies. I now do the vast majority of the cooking and meal planning.

richard

[kabowman]

I find that some people, not just men (they do happen to be in the majority on this though), are that way.

My husband, when he had to have a wisdom tooth pulled, refused to read the dentist instructions about what to do until I came home from work at the end of the day to tell him what he is supposed to be doing.

HOWEVER, when it comes to my health, he is really careful and usually on top of things, once he saw how sick I get from the accidental contaminations. Our new grill is strictly clean - meaning only food that is safe for me will go on the grill. Since I cannot have condiments, that means the rest of the family goes without normal BBQ. I am pleased because I know I can eat grilled food w/o contaminiation but it was his idea.

Boys, what can you do...

[lovegrov]

"Since I cannot have condiments, that means the rest of the family goes without normal BBQ. "

All of you should be able to have BBQ, just don't put any sauce on it until after it's cooked, which is how I do it anyway. Put together a dry rub (there are many recipes out there but it's generally made from pure spices and herbs) and coat your ribs, Boston butt, or whatever with it. Wrap it in plastic and refrigerate overnight. Then cook it over low, indirect heat ( a smoker is actually best but you can do it on a grill). Even if you can't use sauce you get a spicy, smoky meat that's delicious.

richard

[kabowman]

I just started reading and developing my own rubs and salts - they have made a WORLD of difference - thanks.

If you have any you would care to share, I would really appreciate (family uses BBQ sauce at table now, husband used to use it during cooking).

[Guest gfinnebraska]

I use a rub of:

4 tsp. Chili powder

4 tsp. Salt

1 tsp. Pepper

1 tsp. Sugar

Rub it into the meat and let it sit overnight. Then I cook and use KC Masterpiece original flavor bbq sauce. It is gluten-free and yummy. Enjoy!!

[ianm]

I think women tend to put more thought into what they eat,

I'm not so sure about that one. Most, but not all, of the women I know eat nothing but processed junk food and don't exercise. Most, but not all, of the men I know eat healthy foods and exercise regularly. My ex would hardly ever eat anything that even contained one natural ingredient in it. Maybe I just live in an area where everything is the opposite from everywhere else.

[skbird]

I thought men only ate Carl's Junior's food, or starved. What part of the world do you live in, Ianm?

To be fair, where I work, everyone (except me) lives off the food at the quickee mart at the gas station across the street. So everyone eats crappy food. My husband has a decent diet and knows how to cook, including cook for me, which is cool. I also love to cook so we trade off often. My dad eats the obvious bad food and my mom eats the not-so-obvious stuff. The only friends I have who have "healthy diets" or are conscious of their diets (IE vegetarians) still drink a ton of alcohol and smoke cigarettes.

I'd say the biggest generalization I feel comfortable making is anyone I know who eats the majority of their food out of crinkly bags and drinks out of aluminum cans are also the heaviest people I know. I'll bet if we got rid of those things, the world would be a slimmer place.

Stephanie

[connole1056]

I think there may be a few problems here:

1-Following the diet might seem overwhelming.It is alot to take in and you have to keep yourself up to date because those food labels are always changing!

2-He may simply not care.

3-He could have decided he does not need to do any of the work because someone else is doing it for him.

Sometimes people need to make the decision to go gluten-free themselves. It is like the saying "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." How about this? Americans are very overweight. Most know that less food and more exercise will lead to weight loss, but that does not seem to be helping too many does it? With the weight loss industry taking in more money than ever one would think America would be the skinniest nation in the world. It is not. When someone decides he wants to lose weight, he will. And when someone deicdes he wants to follow a gluten-free diet, he will. Lifestyle changes are hard to make. It takes some people a little longer to get on board. Since you cannot force an adult to eat gluten-free food, you might try ignoring the situation. I know it is very hard because I am in a similar situation with my husband. He has extremely high cholesterol but takes his meds only intermittenly and eats poorly. I worry about him, but I know I cannot make him do what he is suppossed to do to keep his cholesterol down. It has to come from him.

[Guest Viola]

Very well said connole1056. Adults for the most part must be responsible for their own health.

[ianm]

Stephanie, I live in Michigan, one of the fattest states in the US. I can't count the number of vegetarians who have told me meat is bad for me while lighting up their second pack of the day.

[cdford]

Is it possible that your family has done what many families do without thinking about it...delegated certain responsibilities to each family member and you got the "food caretaker, instruction enforcer" role? Because I tend to be the reader/researcher in my household and am also medical term savvy, that role fell to me by default. Other family members learn just enough not to appear ignorant, then turn to me for anything else. My daughter is beginning to take on some of that role since she had to be the one to go with her dad to buy groceries during those months I was so sick.

It is not that my spouse doesn't care, he does. If I let him know something is off limits, he stands his ground and makes sure it stays out of the house. He is just not an instruction reader. He is certainly not a researcher (unless it happens to be about some new engine or vehicle he is interested in). If I print off an article for him to read, he wants a quick synopsis instead. This may also have to do with his ADHD, but I think it is also a personality trait. He also becomes frustrated quickly with looking things up in the book I keep.

Don't be an enabler, but do stand your ground as the resource of record in your household. Encourage your son to continue to learn since you will not always be right by his side. You may be able to avoid some of the disagreements by having your son share his newly shared knowledge unobtrusively at the dinner table or some other shared situation. If the two of you are discussing it, your spouse will hear it as well.

[ryebaby0]

Well, in DH's defense, he's always had the best eating habits of anyone I know, and more self-discipline than Gandhi! He isn't giving our son a "just a little won't hurt" model, quite the opposite; it's a "everything could be bad" model.

Reading over the posts (thank you all!) I think maybe I am actually feeling guilty about all the things he really can't eat, and when he just chooses to forego things he CAN (in error) I feel even worse. For him, it's no big deal. For me (the emotional eater) it seems like unneccessary denial. And I worry that he'll starve himself this way.

We've told our son from the start that he's not some sort of food martyr and doesn't get a pity party, but I maybe need to apply that more to my big guy too. And of course, you are all right -- he's a grown-up, and has to find his way.

I do think that we have divided up the family roles, and I have always been the one in charge of food so it seemed obvious that I would be the Gluten Queen as well---but perhaps that needs to change.

[Guest gfinnebraska]

I agree with connole1056 ~ we are adults. When an "adult" wants to change, they will. I know for me, when I want to do something I do it. IF I don't want to, I don't. Plain and simple. Life is choices. We all have fee will and make choices daily... living gluten-free is just choosing wisely and learning daily.

[lovegrov]

I'll try to remember to look up and post my favorite rub. You can find all kinds online with a search. The one already posted here is a good basic one, although I always include paprika in mine. Other good additions include cumin, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper (not too much, and white pepper, which, believe it or not, hits different taste buds than black or red pepper.

richard

[connole1056]

I think cdford made some very good points. I had not thought of things that way. Thanks for bringing up those points.

[cdford]

You are welcome. These things really came to light when I became soooo sick and others had to take over my responsibilities. The one good thing that came out of it was a new appreciation for the load I had carried around the house! I thought everyone was going to go hungry for the first few days because nobody even thought about supper until it was time to eat and then it was too late to start most stuff. We have rearranged the responsibilities now to better meet our current needs. I still wound up with the researcher position because I enjoy it and will actually complete the task.

[egardner]

I was wondering, do you guys have any good ideas as to how to get relatives with similar symptoms to be tested? I know I cant make anyone do anything, but I worry that when it is diagnosed it will be too late, such as cancer. My cousin and aunt have always had identical sympotoms and when I told them I was positive, they were sympathetic but dont quite seem to understand it is probably what they have to. My cousin actually said she didnt want to know because she didnt want to have to eat that way. Maybe I should just let it go, but I worry for them.

[KaitiUSA]

The only thing to do is present them with the information that it is genetic and if ignored then they are 40-100 times more likely to develop cancer and other disabling things. It knocks an average of 10 years off of your life.

After you have given them this information all you can do is hope they listen. My mom and dad both were tested right away but my extended family(about 6 or 7 have symptoms)will not get tested and do not see the need to. This is very bothersome to me but I can't force them to do anything. I hope nothing happens to them but I am afraid something really serious will have to happen with them before they will get tested. My uncle has almost every single symptom I had too.

I hope it all works out for the best...and as long as you gave them the info you did what you can do...they have to decide how they will use that info.

[egardner]

Thanks Kaiti, you are right. At least I can rest easy knowing I have informed them of the risks. It is tough knowing what could happen, but it is in thier hands now.

[connole1056]

I agree completely with Kati. I did want to add that if they are open to hearing it you could explain what symtoms you believe they have that are similar yours and mention how they have gone away. You might hit on a symptom of theirs that is bothering them to such an extent that they feel it might be worth getting it "fixed" by going gluten-free. You seem really nice to be so conserned for others who are not taking your advice. It can be hard. When my daughter was diagnosed I did not want to get tested because I could not imagine going on the diet, so I do know what your relatives are saying! However, I did break down because I thought it was important.

[gf4life]

Going back to the original topic here,

My husband is the only one in the family that is not gluten-free. But I feel that he still needs to be aware of the ins and outs of the diet, since he is occasionally left with the kids at meal times and needs to know how to handle it. At home it is usually okay, since the kids know what to eat (before they were well educated on the diet, he would occasionally give them "bites" of his food because he "didn't realise that cake had wheat!"). It is when he takes the kids out that there has been problems.

We occasionally eat at El Pollo Loco, but the kids and I only get the plain grilled chicken. It is the only item the company states is gluten-free, and not contaminated. So when my husband took our 9 year old out of town to a doctors appointment, instead of feeding him the lunch I packed, he took him to get some chicken. He got him a kids meal instead and let him eat the fries. Afterward when I saw the kids meal bag I freaked! He said he thought the fries were okay since we eat fries at McDonald's! I have told him at least a dozen time that the fries there weren't safe. Why else would we have gotten chicken there and then gone to McD's for fries afterwards!?! Just to make a second trip!?!? Anyhow, I love my husband dearly, but he is clueless on the gluten issue. He just bought a whole case of 30 See's assorted lollypops that none of us can eat...

God bless,

Mariann

[connole1056]

My husband is gulity of the same thing your husband is. He assumes since one french fry is okay, all french fries are okay. Tonight I was very surprised when he asked our waiter if the fries were cooked in a dedicated fryer though, so that is progress! Sometimes I think it will take a bad reaction from out daughter to make sure he does not forget to ask questions. Basically all that can be done is educate him and hope takes it in. Of course he is responsible for his child's welfare, but I think it is easier for him to lay it on me. Since I do not work it does fall to me to do the research about food. I do e-mail him things sometimes so he cannot say he doesn't know. Maybe when your husband starts hearing from your children, he will educate himself. I know my husband gets embarrassed when our daughter tells him he is wrong! Then he asks me if the food is gluten-free to see if she is right! However, I do think it is the responsibility of both parents since it is a medical issue. It is not like splitting up chores. It is something both parents HAVE to know.