• Ads by Google:
     




    Get email alerts Celiac.com E-Newsletter

    Ads by Google:



       Get email alertsCeliac.com E-Newsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease? - list blood tests, endo with biopsy, genetic test and enterolab (not diagnostic) Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes Where can I buy gluten-free stuff? Support this site by shopping at The Celiac.com Store.

Struggling To Cope With Boyfriend's Mother
0

36 posts in this topic

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.

Could you get some stuff like pnut butter, crackers, dinty moore beef stew or other shelf stable stuff that you can keep in your boyfreinds room?

While it sounds like this woman is a real witch she may have fears that you and her son are going to do something like get married or move in together and he will forgo college or that you may end up having a child together soon and 'ruin' her dreams for her son. In other words she might try to drive any girlfreind away from her 'darling son' and it may have nothing to do with you being celiac but that you are a threat to those 'dreams'. I know I was terrified of that happening when my DD was a senior in high school and was talking about marrying her then boyfreind. While I didn't get hostile I was very relieved when she started to apply to colleges and they ended up at schools close to each other then broke up a month into their freshman year. Perhaps reassuring his mom that you have no intention of marrying until you have both finished at the university might help your relationship with her a bit.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:


My mother in law constantly comments that she truly believes that since my illness came on so suddenly, one day it will just as suddenly go away and I'll be cured. Oh yeah, and did I mention she's a doctor? No wonder we all have such bad experiences with doctors! My husband and I have politely told her on many occasions that it will never go away. But next time I don't think I will be so polite because I'm getting a bit tired of it. Having said this, she does cook gluten free for me when I'm over there.

Oh dear.. thats not reassuring for her patients is it? a worrying amount of doctors seem to have very little, if any, understanding of this condition...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could you get some stuff like pnut butter, crackers, dinty moore beef stew or other shelf stable stuff that you can keep in your boyfreinds room?

While it sounds like this woman is a real witch she may have fears that you and her son are going to do something like get married or move in together and he will forgo college or that you may end up having a child together soon and 'ruin' her dreams for her son. In other words she might try to drive any girlfreind away from her 'darling son' and it may have nothing to do with you being celiac but that you are a threat to those 'dreams'. I know I was terrified of that happening when my DD was a senior in high school and was talking about marrying her then boyfreind. While I didn't get hostile I was very relieved when she started to apply to colleges and they ended up at schools close to each other then broke up a month into their freshman year. Perhaps reassuring his mom that you have no intention of marrying until you have both finished at the university might help your relationship with her a bit.

thanks for your advice...

After my last visit, I left a jar of sweet and sour and some soup in my boyfriends room, which he later found her trying to take out of there to use herself. When asked her excuse was that i wasnt there, when my boyfriend pointed out that it was me that paid for it and therefore it was mine and she had no right to use it, her answer was that it was in her house and therefore was hers.

I can understand the concern there... but my boyfriend doesnt want to go to uni, where as i do, you are right though, we dont want children or marraige until afterwoods. He does tend to look after his younger sisters a lot though, even when I'm there they just get dumped on us for hours at a time, and secretly i think she could be concerned about losing her child care and the money he pays her to stay at the house as she always makes comments about how little money they have (neither her, or my boyfriend's step-father work).

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can understand the concern there... but my boyfriend doesnt want to go to uni, where as i do, you are right though, we dont want children or marraige until afterwoods. He does tend to look after his younger sisters a lot though, even when I'm there they just get dumped on us for hours at a time, and secretly i think she could be concerned about losing her child care and the money he pays her to stay at the house as she always makes comments about how little money they have (neither her, or my boyfriend's step-father work).

I can't know for sure but I think what you said that I bolded may hit the nail on the head. Maybe he can take the money he gives her and get a small studio apt somewhere or find a place that needs another roommate. I am so sorry you two are having to go through this. She has no business going through his room. I never would have done that with my young adults that is just going too far. You may want to get a small lockable box to put food in until you two are able to get him out of there.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can tell you from experience that if y'all have children together you will be bound to this woman and you WILL be forced into situations where she can attack you -with gluten or her new weapon of choice.

No, she will not be forced into situations where the mother can attack her. She doesn't have to interact with her (possible) MIL ever. And, if it is that bad, neither do her children. She (and her possible husband) can CHOOSE how they interact with the woman, and this sort of danger (that she would intentionally make the girlfriend sick) is a darn good reason to choose those interactions very carefully.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:


No, she will not be forced into situations where the mother can attack her. She doesn't have to interact with her (possible) MIL ever. And, if it is that bad, neither do her children. She (and her possible husband) can CHOOSE how they interact with the woman, and this sort of danger (that she would intentionally make the girlfriend sick) is a darn good reason to choose those interactions very

carefully.

We can agree to disagree on that one.

You can attempt to choose, intend to choose, but in the end the fact that you are part of the same family (or related by children) opens you up to vulnerability.

This is pointless to argue about. This young lady is perfectly capable of making her own judgements regarding the situation.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We can agree to disagree on that one.

You can attempt to choose, intend to choose, but in the end the fact that you are part of the same family (or related by children) opens you up to vulnerability.

This is pointless to argue about. This young lady is perfectly capable of making her own judgements regarding the situation.

I don't get how there can be an argument. My father and I haven't talked for years because of his behavior - I chose not to put myself into any situation with him. You can argue that she "has" to because it's her (possible) husband's mother, but the nature of their relationship can in no way force her muscles to walk her into the same room with the woman. Could it put a strain on the relationship if they choose different interactions? Oh certainly. But it's still a choice. Even with a child, you do NOT have to permit a grandparent to see the child if there is reason not to. Down to the circumstance of a family emergency and someone's in the hospital - the grandparents do not have any legal rights to be involved in the family.

My point here is that - like with everything in life, including this diet - it's a choice. It may be a very difficult choice, with consequences on either side that are undesirable. But it's still a choice.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get how there can be an argument. My father and I haven't talked for years because of his behavior - I chose not to put myself into any situation with him. You can argue that she "has" to because it's her (possible) husband's mother, but the nature of their relationship can in no way force her muscles to walk her into the same room with the woman. Could it put a strain on the relationship if they choose different interactions? Oh certainly. But it's still a choice. Even with a child, you do NOT have to permit a grandparent to see the child if there is reason not to. Down to the circumstance of a family emergency and someone's in the hospital - the grandparents do not have any legal rights to be involved in the family.

My point here is that - like with everything in life, including this diet - it's a choice. It may be a very difficult choice, with consequences on either side that are undesirable. But it's still a choice.

Ah, but it isn't HER mother. Therefore, it's never her choice in the end.

Look, this obviously isn't about this young lady....you have your experiences. I have mine. She will have hers.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, but it isn't HER mother. Therefore, it's never her choice in the end.

Look, this obviously isn't about this young lady....you have your experiences. I have mine. She will have hers.

I'm not sure what your point is. Everything we do that interacts with another person is by choice. Whether it is your parent, or your partner's parent, it is still a choice to allow interaction with your child. It may be a difficult choice, but you are in control, not the parent or in-law.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure what your point is. Everything we do that interacts with another person is by choice. Whether it is your parent, or your partner's parent, it is still a choice to allow interaction with your child. It may be a difficult choice, but you are in control, not the parent or in-law.

Ok. Last post on this for me.

Hypothetically, one is only as protected from a partner's relatives as that partner chooses to protect him/her.

Same for children. Especially if the parents are no longer a couple - child custody arrangements, specifically. Adults can be exposed through their children.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok. Last post on this for me.

Hypothetically, one is only as protected from a partner's relatives as that partner chooses to protect him/her.

Same for children. Especially if the parents are no longer a couple - child custody arrangements, specifically. Adults can be exposed through their children.

There's a reason I so strongly disagree with you - because your first sentence implies that the same holds true for this diet - that someone is only as protected against eating gluten from an inlaw as the partner provides. And I call total BS on that. The idea that it's someone else's responsibility (even if your partner) to keep YOU safe is just a way to pass the blame on to someone else if it fails.

Let's say I didn't like my IL's (though I do!). If I never wanted to see them, I wouldn't have to. DH could visit them for holidays, if they were to visit here we could either have a "not in my house" rule (which would take cooperation from DH, but wouldn't be his responsibility) or I could leave to a hotel while they were here.

It is never someone else's responsibility to take full responsibility for another person. We wouldn't do that with anyone else - say, a partner's friends or coworkers - so why here? Why stop taking responsibility for yourself and claim the helpless victim at the mercy of what other people do? It's - like EVERYTHING - a choice you can make, but it doesn't seem a very safe one!

And why am I harping on it so much? Because it's vital to following the diet in difficult situations. Go to your family's house, and they cook something you don't feel safe with, but you feel you "have to eat it or they will be offended" and you get quite sick. Well, if you take the attitude of leaving yourself to the mercy of others, you abdicated a real choice you have - not to eat the darn food. Heck, it's even their choice to be offended - there is nothing in our world that requires offense because food was declined. Like in any area of life, this diet is one where we have to take full responsibility for ourselves and NOT leave that to others. Nasty IL's are just one other one. :)

You are right, though, with part of the exception. If they had kids, separated, and had a custody arrangement, she could not keep her kid away from the mother (unless it was proven the kid had celiac and the mother showed negligence or malice in feeding the kid gluten or otherwise getting the kid sick). But that doesn't mean she would ever have to see the mother. There would be tradeoffs (I know of separated parents who didn't get to celebrate birthdays with their kid at their party because of conflicts like this. It's doable, even if it's a choice you don't like.)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      106,463
    • Total Posts
      930,697
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      63,887
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    GenieBelle
    Joined
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Ah.... Settles back, dons funny hat, smokes pipe, plays violin, injects heroin etc... I think you need to treat yourself as your own science experiment. If you're ok at home with all of the drinks then you can almost certainly rule out alcohol intolerance and thank your bodies burgeoning super coeliac powers of gluten detection for the reaction. Clearly your powers have grown in the past five years young jedi... In which case maybe there's a drink you can order which would reduce this risk, maybe asking for the bottle and a clean glass, forgoing ice, straws etc, anything to simplify matters and reduce the number of contaminant variables.  One thing I'd avoid would be 'mixers' from the shared line. Not because there's gluten filled drinks going through them, typically its just coke, lemonade and soda water, but because the nozzle sometimes dips into the drink that's being filled. Paranoid? Maybe, but I avoid them now and pay the extra for a bottle.  A word on glasses. Most bars have a dedicated glass washer and they're good, to a point. I've worked behind a bar in the past and the washers are only on for a very short time, they can run up to 35 times an hour... I've seen lipstick on glasses from them and whilst the chances of contamination are probably slight... Now if you're out for a night at different places, it will be very hard to work out where its happening. So my suggestion is to go out to one bar only and pick a decent one. Speak to a bartender or manager, explain to them just what a special snowflake you are   and get one definitely clean glass at the outset then keep it for the evening and just get it refilled. Pick one drink only and stick to it. I'd suggest wine as maybe its easier on the stomach than the bubbly prosecco and you can get the little bottles without any chance of contamination but that may be nonsense See what happens... If you're ok, then you have an answer. You've become more sensitive and your reacting to trace gluten. *removes funny hat, discards pipe, hides syringe...      
    • This seems odd.  No SIGNIFICANT villous blunting.  Was there mild villous blunting?  Increased intraepithelial lymphocytes?
    • Ugg, tell me about I thought I had bad gut bacteria for years. Carbs would just make be bloat and distend, sugars, rice, any kind of grain. Figured out in Feb, it was UC and that the sugars in carbs caused flare ups....I realize I am blessed I can nuts, I eat nut based breads, muffins, cakes etc, using stevia, monk fruit, and xylitol for sweeteners since they do not trigger the flare ups. >.> I am also addicted eating sugar free jams made with extracts, and a universal pectin that reacts with calcium water instead of sugar so I can use monk fruit to sweeten. (Cheaper to make this for my fruit cravings to buying sugar free jams)    I also found a noodle by miracle noodles that is carb free they also make a rice sub...I use them in recreating dishes I used to eat all the time. NOTE the fiber in them is not tolerable to some people. But might look into it as a alternative. I think I did a post not to long ago about different forms of noodles and how to make them or get them for those with similar issues one of hte more intiruging ones is using eggs or egg whites mixed up and cooked on low eat in a pan into a thin sheet then cutting into noodles or using nordic wear microwave plates to make them. .....I recently found you can mix konjac flour, eggwhites, and hemp protein, up pour into one of those plates and cook into a tortilla. check my profile for my food issues lol list is huge, at least you can eat meats?
    • Hi guys,

      I am newly diagnosed celiac. I found out about a week and a half ago, and have been gluten free for 5 weeks (I stopped after the biopsy was taken). I never really suspected celiac, so it was quite a surprise, but when I started reading about it it made a lot of sense in terms of symptoms etc. 

      I am 34 yr old female, my main symptom was lack of energy for as long as I can remember, blood tests only ever showed low iron (not quite anaemic) but supplements never made a difference (now I know why!). For the last 5 years I have also had constipation, bloating and gas, but I put it down to stress or bad diet and if I am honest because it was a bit of an embarrassing issue to talk about I became complacent. 

      As this is all very new to me, I feel like I have so many questions so thought I would put some here and if anyone has any input or advice from their experience that would be great! I will probably also post more in depth questions in the relevant sub-forums - For those in the UK, how long did it take you to speak with a dietician. The letter with my diagnosis was sent on 12 April and said I had been referred but I haven't heard anything - I am interested to know whether other celiacs/strict GFers ever eat foods which say "may contain traces of..." or "made in a factory which processes...." etc. So far I have avoided anything which says "may contain" or "not suitable for celiacs due to..." but I did eat something which said "made in a factory" (Walkers crisps) as they were the only option but then I felt guilty after! -  What procedures do you take when eating out, i.e. do you only go to places which are certified by Coeliac UK  (if you're in the UK), do you find speaking with the waiter etc actually helps? I have eaten out a few times since being gluten-free and feel like I am being a bit difficult when I bring it up and that they don't really understand. I am lucky to be in London so there are lots of certified restaurants, but even in Pizza Express I didn't think that the waiter really understood. 

      - For those who had energy/tiredness problems before, how long did it take you to notice a difference? The only difference I have so far noticed is I am now more regular toilet wise and have had very little bloating/gas.

      - I have always had low iron which is most likely due to celiac but also as I don't eat meat (I do eat fish), I am hoping now that iron supplements will help now so have been taking the gluten-free Floradix for the last week. Anyone noticed a difference in this after stopping gluten?

      Thanks anyone for taking the time to read, and feel free to put any general advice you have

      Rachel 
       
    • BOBS RED mill makes an all purpose flour with no rice  try Quinoa flour  buckwheat flour tapioca  chic pea flour coconut flour almond meal ground into a flour  flax meal all these things make great " toast"  and healthy alternatives to too much rice flour yummy
  • Upcoming Events