• Join our community!

    Do you have questions about celiac disease or the gluten-free diet?

  • Ads by Google:
     




    Get email alerts Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

    Ads by Google:



       Get email alertsSubscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter   What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease?  Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet What if my doctor won't listen to me? An Open Letter to Skeptical Health Care Practitioners Gluten-Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes
0
jswog

Very Angry W/ Husband

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Last week, we'd had some crockpot BBQ chicken and I had been planning to make dinner for tonight using the leftovers, which I had already told him. Well, last night he asked how many chicken breasts were left. I told him two and he did't say anything, but came in with a bowl full of the leftover veggies from a roast the night before. I didn't think too much of it and made a comment to the extent that I was surprised to see him with nothing but cheesy veggies (he'd put some cheese on top before he warmed it) to which he commented, it's not just veggies, I put in one of the chicken breasts. GRRR... So tonight I (admittedly) got a little pissy with him when he asked what was for dinner. He immediately went in to the other room and ordered a pizza just to be mean to me. He has always before only ordered pizza on nights that I've been working, specifially to not have it around me. This was out of pure spite and so I left the house so that I wouldn't have to see it. I seriously just want to take his leftovers straight out to the dumpster and not even have them in the fridge. He's usually so considerate and has always been my biggest cheerleader in this, but right now I'm just so pissed. I left the house for a few hours before he went to get his pizza and we haven't spoken a word to each other in the hour now that I've been back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:


Leftovers are always a contentious issue in our house too :ph34r: You plan things out so that you have this left over for a meal on that night, and when that night rolls around, durned if you aren't cooking again because half the dinner has become someone's lunch (or whatever). Or, as in your case, you end up being tormented with pizza :o Now, when you plan lunch leftovers that's different, but if he specifically knows it's dinner and goes ahead and eats it anyway, Grrrrrr. I feel your anger.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My reaction would have ben the same as yours. When we finally find something we can actually eat and someone else then eats it, it is disheartening to find it gone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my daughter was first diagnosed, I had to get her a little fridge just for her special food. She was only 6 then. And not so good at reading labels. Wore yet, her dad and my parents could not seem to figure out what she could and could not eat. Not that my parents babysat for her much. But just in case that were to happen.

Well she's 13 now. She knows what she can and can not eat. My husband (her dad) is in the military and does not currently live here but he does come home every few weeks for a week or so. Things are fine when he is gone. We no longer have to use the little fridge for her food. So we put our drinks in there. My husband is too...I don't know what...lazy, stupid, who knows...to look in that fridge. So anything we put in there is safe. So if it is a leftover that I want for another meal I will put it in there. Failing that, I will try to hide the food in the big fridge. This is not so hard to do because he tends to look only in the front of the fridge. I will also tape a note on it that says "Do not eat!" I have also done this with ingredients I buy for certain recipes that I fear he might otherwise eat. He has actually told me to do this. It is not good enough to tell him not to eat something. He will say he doesn't remember.

As for the pizza this is something he always wants. I have never liked pizza very much and our daughter doesn't either. So his eating it doesn't bother us at all, except that he likes to get the really huge pizzas and two at a time. We have a side by side fridge and those large boxes don't fit in there very well. So that is very much an annoyance.

Thankfully there are a few of grocery stores around here that sell pizza by the slice. So we will often get him two slices when he is home. Yes he will get annoyed that there are no leftovers for later. But... He also has a weight problem and being in the military that's not a good thing. So he gets his pizza and we don't have to deal with a fridge full of the leftovers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He's usually so considerate and has always been my biggest cheerleader in this, but right now I'm just so pissed. I left the house for a few hours before he went to get his pizza and we haven't spoken a word to each other in the hour now that I've been back.

OK, I'm going to go against the "grain" - pardon the offensive term...I don't want you to forget that your husband is usually so considerate and has always been your biggest cheerleader in this. I know narratives sometimes lose their details, so there may have been good reason and back story for you to feel anger because he was hungry and wanted to eat the chicken breast even though you had different plans for when he should eat it. And yes, he certainly did know which button to push with the pizza to make you feel badly. My husband is also very understanding but he has bad days. Could it be that your husband just needed to vent?

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:


I have a slightly different opinion. When you husband asked how much of the chicken was left did you remind him that you were going to use it to make dinner last night? Or did you assume he remembered that you told him days in advance about dinner plans for Sunday night? Because you can't assume that people remember everything you tell them especially if it is a relatively minor thing at the time. So if you are dead set about only eating your leftover chicken as dinner on a specific night and someone asks about the chicken you need to speak up that while there is some left it is not available to be eaten. I can understand being so upset about him eating the leftovers if he didn't ask about the chicken and just ate it. However, he did ask it was you who did not mention your plans for the chicken or ask why he wanted to know about the chicken. Perhaps the situation could have been avoided if you had spoken up about your plans for the chicken when he asked about it. Of course, he might have still insisted on having the chicken then.

I learned that with my husband telling him days in advance what is for dinner does not work because food is not a priority in his life so it's often forgotten about. So if I want to do something with the leftovers I have to remind him sometimes repeatedly. I will tell him when I have the idea, I will remind him on any night he is responsible for getting his own dinner(I work evenings so he is on his own a few nights a week), and the day that I plan on making it. Yes it is a lot of reminders and sometimes they aren't needed but, it prevents conflict most of the time. In the event that he does eat what was supposed to be dinner I ask that he plan dinner for that night or get the missing ingredients to what I wanted to make.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My reaction would have ben the same as yours. When we finally find something we can actually eat and someone else then eats it, it is disheartening to find it gone.

I so agree with you AVR1962! This has unfortunatly happened to me a few times and I try so hard not to get upset so I mostly will just sulk, lol, I get tired of cooking every single meal so when there is left overs I look forward to just heating it up and relaxing after :)

Husbands do forget though as mine has, have to have my sulk time and then make up :)

Hope things are better for you both.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My hubby and son still eat gluten. Like you, sometimes I make extra meat or have an ingredient set aside for another meal. More than once I've gone to get the item from the fridge and it's gone! :o

I've come to learn that they don't think about food like we do. They don't have to plan things days ahead like we do. They don't seem to realize that we are limited in what we can eat, and if our "safe food" is gone..it really puts us in a bind. We get upset, and they think we're over reacting. We feel like they don't care about us. I mean, why would they take our food when they can eat ANYTHING? :angry:

I've gone into a panic when they've taken something I'd planned for a meal and have no back up plan. Your reaction to your hubby taking the chicken was probably seen as an over-reaction by your hubby, so he retaliated by ordering the pizza. That was insensative of him..but maybe you pushed his buttons and he wanted to push back? Our families are having to adjust to all of this gluten-free stuff too and it's hard on them. All of a sudden they have to change the way they do everything. He may have been having a bad day? If he's usually pretty good and supportive, let's hope this can be one more "learning experience" and move on?

We've had a few of these situations here. I got some inexpensive colored painter's tape. I put it on "off limits foods". I have a carton of cottage cheese right now with tape on it. Once I take out what I need for my recipe I'll remove the tape and the guys will know they can have it. Maybe you could find a way to mark things too? It would save a lot of trouble and hurt feelings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my husband never *ever* hears a word i say. he is so good at it, he can even reply (in context of the conversation) and forget simultaneously! :D i keep him around because he's so durn cute...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sure can understand why you'd be upset. It's hard when your best cheerleader fails you. Hope you get the air cleared up soon, cuz you both need each other to be happy, and to maintain peace of mind and a happy home.

Just throwing this out there cuz I just discovered it myself, UNO's Pizza has a wonderful gluten-free menu, and makes a delish pizza too. If ya have one near you, I urge you to try them, cuz then you don't have to go pizza free.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:


It sounds like a big communication problem, and some classic fight escalation. Fight escalation is always extremely painful for everyone involved. :(

It always takes two people to escalate a fight. Like most fights, this started with a simple miscommunication. You assumed he remembered that you were saving the chicken; he probably forgot. You think you only got "a little pissy" the next night but whatever you said must have caused him some real pain to provoke such a strong reaction from your "best cheerleader." You need to understand why he felt so angry and hurt that he decided to hurt you in return with pizza. You won't know for sure what happened until you ask, and it may be a bit of a surprise. He also needs to understand how extremely painful his response was to you.

If him forgetting which leftovers to eat is an ongoing problem, I'd suggest labeling the containers with masking tape and a sharpie when you put them in the refrigerator. Mom used to do that with two hungry teenagers in the house. "Save for dinner Tuesday" or "Eat me!" Put the "Eat me" containers right in front and push the "save" containers to the back too.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      108,911
    • Total Posts
      943,459
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      67,053
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    JAcooks44
    Joined
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • The reason I think it was the shampoo? Process of elimination. Our house is almost entirely gluten free (except for this shampoo which slipped through the cracks until I read the ingredient label). My husband has bread that he eats at lunch, but he practices something that resembles aseptic technique from the lab when he's making his sandwiches. He's been doing this for years now and I've never been glutened from within my home. The previous week I hadn't eaten out, I cooked all my food, I don't eat processed food and I never eat something from a shared facility.  Usually if I get glutened it's a single dose sort of thing and it follows a very predictable course, to the point where I can estimate when I got glutened within 24 hours of when it happened. However, this time, I was feeling achy and arthritic and moody for about a week before it got bad enough for me to recognize it as the result of gluten exposure, at which point we went searching and found the shampoo (and conditioner, which does leave more of a residue than shampoo), which he immediately stopped using. Within three days I was feeling back to normal (which is the usual course for me).  Sure, it could have been something else, but I know how sensitive I am, and, as silly as it sounds, it was the only thing that made sense. The other thing you said: You're correct, mine was not a rock solid celiac diagnosis, but I have no doubt that gluten is the problem. I was SICK. I went through two different gluten challenges in an effort to get a more straightforward diagnosis during which I was a barely functioning human being. Consuming gluten may not have given me blunted villi or elevated antibodies, but it did inflame my gut, and actually started to damage my liver. If you look at my diagnosis thread, I had elevated liver enzymes, which have been correlated with celiac disease in the past. There was no alternative explanation for the liver enzymes, he checked EVERYTHING.  I too am a scientist and I have spent a lot of time with the literature trying to make sense of my condition.  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26150087 I also have no doubt that gluten was damaging my intestines in some way, as any prolonged gluten exposure in the past has inevitably been followed by a severe FODMAP intolerance that goes away once I've eliminated the gluten and given myself a month or so to heal.  I also had a very fast diagnosis following the onset of symptoms (~1 year) so it's possible that the disease never had a chance to manifest as full celiac. I wasn't willing to eat gluten long enough to find out. As a result of my diagnosis, hazy as it was, I am *meticulously* gluten free. It is not a fad for me. I don't occasionally cheat. It is my life, for better or worse. All of that being said, I'm not sure what my diagnosis has to do with your question. You say you're not trying to be rude, but when you bring up my diagnosis in a thread that has nothing to do with diagnostics, it seems like you're trying to undermine the validity of my disease or the validity of my input in this forum. If I'm being hypersensitive, I apologize, but that's how you came across on my end. I'll admit that the fact that my diagnosis wasn't more straight forward does make me a bit defensive, but I promise that even if I didn't have a solid diagnosis, I interact with the world as though I did, and I'm not out there giving people the wrong idea about celiac disease by not taking it seriously. If there was a connection between your question and my diagnostics that I missed I would appreciate you giving me the chance to better understand what you were asking. 
    • I am just curious.  As a scientist (and I am not trying to be rude), how can you determine if hydrologized wheat protein from your husband’s shampoo was actually the culprit?  If I recall at your diagnosis, you were seronegative, Marsh Stage I, gene positive,  but your doctor still  suspected celiac disease.  You improved on a gluten diet.  Other than observation, how do you really know?  Could it not be something else that triggered your symptoms?   I firmly believe that even trace amounts of gluten (under 20 ppm), can impact sensitive celiacs.  But traces of a protein within a shampoo from someone else’s hair that was rinsed?    
    • I also can't have dairy but through a series of experiments and a lot of research I think I've pinpointed my problem. It may or may not be the same for you, but I thought I'd share.  There are two kinds of beta-casein protein A1 and A2. We'll call A1 "bad casein" and A2 "good casein". The two proteins differ only in a single amino acid, but this is enough to make it so that they are processed differently in your guy. Bad casein is actually broken down into a casomorphin, which is an opioid peptide. That does not mean that milk gets you high, or is as addictive as heroin, or anything like that, it just means that it can interact with opioid receptors (which the gut has a bunch of). It's worth noting that opioids cause constipation due to their interaction with the opioid receptors in the gut, and that a lot of people feel like cheese and dairy slow things down, but any connection between the two is pure speculation on my part at this point.  Now here's where things get weird. The vast majority of milk cows in the western world are derived from Holstein-like breeds, meaning black and white cows. In a few select places, you'll see farms that use Jersey-type cows, or brown cows (Jersey cows produce less milk than Holsteins, but many connoisseurs feel it's a higher quality milk, particularly for cheese).  Holstein-like cows have A1 and A2 casein (bad and good), however, Jersey-type cows only have A2 (good casein), unless their genetic line involved a Holstein somewhere in the past, which does happen.  A company in New Zealand figured out how to test their cows for these two genes, and selected their herd down to cows that specifically produce ONLY A2 (good) casein. You might have seen it in the store, it's called A2 milk. Some people have had a lot of luck with this milk, though it still doesn't solve the problem of cheese.  I have suspected, due to trial and error and a few accidental exposures, that I have a problem with A1 casein, but not A2. In line with this: I am able to eat sheep and goat dairy without any difficulty, so at least I can still enjoy those cheeses! I am also fortunate because I'm apparently not too sensitive, as I can still eat cow-milk butter. The process of making butter removes *most* (read: enough for me) of the casein.  However, if I eat cow cheese or a baked good with milk, I get really sick. It's a much faster reaction than if I get glutened. Within minutes I'm dizzy and tired and my limbs are heavy. I have to sleep for a couple of hours, and then, over the next couple of days, I'm vulnerable to moodiness and muscles spasms and stomach upset just as though I'd been glutened (though the brain fog isn't as bad). I actually haven't tried A2 milk yet, mostly due to lack of availability (and motivation, I don't miss milk, I miss CHEESE). However, last year, when I was getting ready to go on a trip to Italy, I had a thought. Once, in the recent past, when I'd been testing dairy, I'd had a slice of parmesan cheese. Miracle of miracles, I was fine. I didn't feel a thing! I was so excited that I ran out and got some brie to eat as a snack. That did not go so well... Turns out parmigiano reggiano is made from the milk of the Reggiana variety of cow which is, you guessed it, a brown cow (they say red). I did a little more research and found that dairies in Italy predominantly use brown cows. So I decided to try something. As some of you may know, Italy is something of a haven for celiacs. It's one of the most gluten-free friendly places I've ever been. You can say "senza glutine" in the smallest little town and they don't even bat their eyelashes. You can buy gluten free foods in the pharmacy because they're considered a MEDICAL NECESSITY. If travelling-while-celiac freaks you out, go to Italy. Check out the website for the AIC (Italy's Celiac society), find some accredited restaurants, and GO NUTS. While I was there, I decided to see if I could eat the dairy. I could.  Friends, I ate gelato Every. Single. Night. after that. It was amazing. Between the dairy being safe for me and the preponderance of gluten free options, it was almost like I didn't have dietary restrictions. It was heaven. I want to go back and never leave.  So that's my story. Almost too crazy to believe.  TL;DR: Black and white cows make me sick, brown cows are my friends.
    • I'm a scientist, and I did a little research into the study. Looks valid and it was published in a respected journal.  http://www.gastrojournal.org/article/S0016-5085(17)36352-7/pdf The science looks solid. As someone who didn't have a super clean cut diagnosis before going gluten free, I'd love to see something like this become available. Then again, there's no doubt in my mind that I can't have gluten, so any additional testing would be purely academic. But like I said, I'm a scientist. I can't help myself. 
    • Update: I have tried calling the company several times and have emailed twice. I have yet to talk to a person on the phone and no one has emailed me back.    I did a little research and they were are already involved with a class action lawsuit about being labeled as salt free and one of the first ingredients is sodium chloride.  I am done with this shampoo because this whole company seems a little shady now! 
  • Upcoming Events