• Ads by Google:
     




    Get email alerts Celiac.com E-Newsletter

    Ads by Google:



       Get email alertsCeliac.com E-Newsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease? - list blood tests, endo with biopsy, genetic test and enterolab (not diagnostic) Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes Where can I buy gluten-free stuff? Support this site by shopping at The Celiac.com Store.

Need To Vent Because Mom Is Not Helping
0

12 posts in this topic

Sorry gang, I need to vent a bit here...

My mom seems to only understand what gluten free means if I walk her through every single step. She wanted to make a meatloaf the other week, which she did fine with - no CC issues at all!

She's sometimes really good, sometimes really not good. Over the last 4 weeks, she wanted to send cake home with me after Thanksgiving dinner, asked me if I wanted a piece of pie, and offered me a cheese sandwich today, none of it gluten-free. Today I made a mistake and just went off. I felt bad and apologized to her. Mind you, I gave her Living Gluten Free for Dummies to read 5 MONTHS AGO! She still hasn't read it. That was part of why I got so upset today. On top of this being my first gluten-free Christmas, it's been a few mentally and emotionally tough days.

Please tell me she is going to catch on that when she keeps offering me food I can't eat, it's like poking me over and over in the shoulder. And that I'm going to learn how to deal with it better. Gaaaah!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:

First of all, congratulations going gluten free as a young person with a family who does not understand. I understand how difficult that can be.

Yes, she will catch on, at least slightly eventually! Just keep declining. Eventually, as some ailments of yours improve from the efforts you are making, she will see that this is real. My two sisters used to think that my paranoia about gluten was an eating disorder, but after seeing my mom (who's also gluten intolerant) go off into a world of mania after eating gluten every holiday, they now say "I think she's glutened..." It's shocking to hear this from them because finally after years they believe it. So as long as you improve and you feel better they will trust that it must be doing something and that it must be important. Even my grandmother, who 30 years ago refused to make my mom a gluten free birthday meal and kicked her out of the house for it, offers now to make or buy me gluten free items :) It just takes more time for some people.

If after awhile your mom does not understand, she may, even unconsciously, be in her own denial over the fact that this is very real and could mean that she has to do something about her diet too... Good Luck and Much Love !

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bless you, revenant. You have been there and walked that walk and you offer good advice to goof. Much love to you too! :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know how old your mom is but that might be an issue. My mom's memory is just shot. We have given up on her getting it. We just bring our own food now.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes people just don't think. I was at a restaurant with my hubby 2 months ago. The cashier asked if I wanted a cookie with my salad. Hubby looked at me and said, "Do you want a cookie?" I just raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Really?" It took him a second and then he realized what he had just said. He was embarassed. He didn't mean anything offensive by it, he just wasn't thinking. Maybe that's how it is with your mom too.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:


Just politely refuse. "Thank you, but no. I can't eat gluten." Repeat as necessary. She'll eventually either catch on or stop offering you food. Sometimes saying, "I have a wheat allergy" works better then saying the word gluten. Not everyone has heard of gluten, but they have heard of wheat.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend forgets all the time. I really don't get upset about it because honestly, before realizing I needed to go gluten free, I didn't know a whole lot about it either. I mean, do we all research peanut allergies, and shellfish allergies and the like? I suppose some of you might say YES but I don't. I have so much going on in my life that I barely have time to research gluten free, and that directly affects my well being. Just give your mom some time. If you keep telling her you can't eat such-n-such she will eventually get it. I know it's frustrating.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think family goofs are pretty normal. We live and breathe it 24/7, they don't. My partner & son are good about 98% of the time but every so often forget and put something down on my counter.... :unsure:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She is still learning about gluten and because she is your MOM, she still feels the innate desire to feed you. :) She's trying.

Be patient, honey--just gently remind her every time--"No, Mom--it's gluten, I can't eat that"

And I am just curious--but does she have a gluten issue herself? :unsure:

Could be why she is not "getting it" entirely...sometimes our brains on gluten do not work sharply at all---just suggesting??

Maybe a cheat sheet of "no-no" food items would help...a quickie reference list for her??--until she tackles the gluten-free for Dummies book?

Best wishes, kiddo. :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You've had some great advice so far. I'll add to it with my own experiences.

You would be surprised how many people really don't have the faintest clue what's in the food their eating. Many people don't know what gluten is, and that's understandable. But I've had experiences with people who thought that I could eat white bread. "Oh right, you can't have wheat bread. But white bread is fine, right?" (Uh, no. It's still wheat. What did you think it was made of?). People will continue to surprise you.

I live with my partner's family, and I have since before I was diagnosed, which was over a year ago. His father, bless his heart, STILL doesn't understand what I can and can't eat. He doesn't prepare any food I would eat anyway and he's good about keeping things clean and separate so I don't worry about him glutening me, but just this morning he came home with a big bag of soft pretzels and offered me one. I just gave him "the look" (a playful one) and he said "Oh wait! You can't eat this, can you? I'm sorry, I always forget what has gluten in it." He not only forgets what has gluten in it, he also forgets what has flour in it, what flour is made of, etc. If your mom is anything like him, you may just have to learn to laugh and live with it. YOU know what you can eat, so you'll just have to be vigilant in making sure she doesn't accidentally gluten you, and keep gently reminding her what you can't eat.

I know this doesn't make it any easier...but at least she cares and tries. My own mother says things like "A little bit won't hurt you, right? Just eat the cupcake and move on with your life." When I refuse, she rolls her eyes and says "God, what a boring existence..." I don't know what it is about gluten intolerance that people can't seem to take it seriously.

I know you gave her a book, but honestly, if it wasn't my own problem, I don't know that I'd be interested in reading a whole book about gluten intolerance and everything that goes along with it. If it was my young child, I would, but it sounds like you're old enough that she knows you can be responsible for your own food. That's probably why she hasn't bothered to read it. I know it's hard when you're fairly new to gluten-free and someone keeps offering you food that you REALLY want to eat but know you can't. Believe me...I know it. But she loves you and she's trying, it's just complicated for some people. If it helps at all to know, it does eventually get easier to be around foods you used to eat. The other day, when I made a new pizza crust recipe and my partner asked me if it tasted "like a real pizza crust," I realized that I don't even remember what regular pizza crust tastes like. Mine tasted really good! You'll develop new tastes for the foods that you can eat. It gets easier, I promise. :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You've received great advice so far. The only other thing I would suggest is that perhaps for a number of reasons your Mom hasn't been able to digest the book. This is a good link for getting written materials to reinforce what you tell her verbally.

http://www.celiac.nih.gov/Materials.aspx

There are other good sources for materials that reinforce the "rules" in a snapshot, i.e. the University of Chicago. It's normal that you got upset with her.

No matter the audience (children, adults, anybody), learning improves with both speech and written materials.

So if you get the refrigerator magnet mentioned in the link, I'd do something like, "Wow, look what I got in the mail from the National Institute of Health, Mom, it says.." .and read it to her while you show it to her. Her retention should increase by a huge threshold. Then ask if she'd like to put it somewhere on her refrigerator, or just give it to her.

Hope the link helps. Keep us posted.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks gang! I appreciate the advice, and knowing that some of you have been through the same. I have gave her a book a few months ago, and have given her all kinds of resources, which she has not really done much of anything with. I think that's the aggravating part. She seems a bit better since I blew up, and after I explained a few days later this isn't something I think about occasionally. I think now that she realizes that I (we) always have this on our mind, she's a bit more empathetic. I think she will probably stop offering me things I can't eat now, too. (There were a few times she responded "I know you can't eat that, I just wanted to be polite." Sigh...need to be patient...) I guess that's the key word, is patience. I guess the good news is that my mom is driving my sister nuts righ now, too. So it isn't just me!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      106,112
    • Total Posts
      928,997
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      63,516
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    Ophelia
    Joined
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Dermatitis Herpetiformis  can manifest itself in lesions anywhere, not just elbows and knees.  I have it and although gluten free, I still have severe itching and little bumps that itch.  I don't have the lesions any more, but itching can drive a person mad.  the bumps can be on buttocks, shoulders, etc.  Dapsone is the standard treatment, if you are not allergic.  I also use topical prescription creams.  I take 2 Zyrtec a day and benedryl at night.  Benedril spray helps with temporary relief.  Also am on hydroxyzine and doxepin.  Sometimes steroids like prednisone help, but can ruin ones blood sugar counts.  I use Grandma's Baking Soda soap.  Straw may certainly be a factor.  I must be coming in contact with a trigger of some kind even though I'm very careful about my diet.  Change your dermatologist and get a specialist in DH.  I went for years with all kinds of stomach and bowel issues and was 69 years old before being correctly diagnosed.  Don't let anyone tell you it's your imagination!
    • I can not help you except to offer some emotional support.  You are not crazy!  You can get glutened on a farm.  Here is a study: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMc063112#t=article This topic has come up before: Hugs!      
    • I know I got glutened after handling some straw last year helping out decorating at the farmers market then going to eat something without washing my hands. I later learned it was wheat straw, some of them still had the heads on them and everything. Gave that area wide walk around after that, I did not have much issues with inhalation with it. But if your there with a thrasher running, down wind during the harvest.......I imagine it might be hell if your super sensitive. If you get skin reactions that easily from it I guess taking a vacation during harvest? Try staying indoors, dust mask, long sleeves and pants hope for the best.......I am just throwing some ideas out there. Maybe someone can help a bit more.
    • Hi i haven't been diagnosed yet. Bloodwork was negative (on gluten free diet) and I'm awaiting skin biopsy results  I have DH on the front of my thighs. The dermatologist says DH only happens on knees and elbows therefore I don't have it. It's itchy as hell, blisters, purple scans as It heals, migrates around but always in that spot on both legs. It takes 5 days after exposure to gluten for it to show up and it can last for a month. I throw up 24 hours after exposure, GI symptoms 36 hours after that last for about a week. I also will have a panic attack somewhere in that time.  I've been gluten free since December. Rash went away after a week of no gluten but came back after a few months (I ate a rice Crispie square)  My problem is this. I live in a farming community. I just filled my dogs kennel with straw not even THINKING about gluten. This was last week. All symptoms happened in order and now the DH is back. How the hell am I going to survive? I can stop using it on my property but what if it's in the air during Harvest time? I thought I had a mental handle on this but I'm devastated and terrified. My husband doubts it's possible the straw Glutened me but I know it did. What if this summer the air literally kills me? Has anyone dealt with this? I feel like I'm going insane, I'm so obsessed with this and now I'm itchy and sick too 😥 
    • It's good to be aware isn't it. Medical research has verified airborne particles can be problematic and hopefully there will be greater refinement in the research to establish greater understanding over time.  The site manager at the construction site informed me that my symptoms starting coincided with when the work with cement started. As I got sick from plaster in my house I am thinking this could be related. I was honest with my doctor about my symptoms and said I thought it had something to do with working next to a construction site. He said it sounds like an allergice response and said that it could be related to gluten symptoms but that these things are poorly understood.  The cement work nearest my window is finishing this week and I'm due to return to my job. Relief! X 
  • Upcoming Events