• Join our community!

    Do you have questions about celiac disease or the gluten-free diet?

  • Ads by Google:
     




    Get email alerts Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

    Ads by Google:



       Get email alertsSubscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter   What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease?  Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet What if my doctor won't listen to me? An Open Letter to Skeptical Health Care Practitioners Gluten-Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes
0
Goof

Need To Vent Because Mom Is Not Helping

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Sorry gang, I need to vent a bit here...

My mom seems to only understand what gluten free means if I walk her through every single step. She wanted to make a meatloaf the other week, which she did fine with - no CC issues at all!

She's sometimes really good, sometimes really not good. Over the last 4 weeks, she wanted to send cake home with me after Thanksgiving dinner, asked me if I wanted a piece of pie, and offered me a cheese sandwich today, none of it gluten-free. Today I made a mistake and just went off. I felt bad and apologized to her. Mind you, I gave her Living Gluten Free for Dummies to read 5 MONTHS AGO! She still hasn't read it. That was part of why I got so upset today. On top of this being my first gluten-free Christmas, it's been a few mentally and emotionally tough days.

Please tell me she is going to catch on that when she keeps offering me food I can't eat, it's like poking me over and over in the shoulder. And that I'm going to learn how to deal with it better. Gaaaah!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:


First of all, congratulations going gluten free as a young person with a family who does not understand. I understand how difficult that can be.

Yes, she will catch on, at least slightly eventually! Just keep declining. Eventually, as some ailments of yours improve from the efforts you are making, she will see that this is real. My two sisters used to think that my paranoia about gluten was an eating disorder, but after seeing my mom (who's also gluten intolerant) go off into a world of mania after eating gluten every holiday, they now say "I think she's glutened..." It's shocking to hear this from them because finally after years they believe it. So as long as you improve and you feel better they will trust that it must be doing something and that it must be important. Even my grandmother, who 30 years ago refused to make my mom a gluten free birthday meal and kicked her out of the house for it, offers now to make or buy me gluten free items :) It just takes more time for some people.

If after awhile your mom does not understand, she may, even unconsciously, be in her own denial over the fact that this is very real and could mean that she has to do something about her diet too... Good Luck and Much Love !

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bless you, revenant. You have been there and walked that walk and you offer good advice to goof. Much love to you too! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know how old your mom is but that might be an issue. My mom's memory is just shot. We have given up on her getting it. We just bring our own food now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes people just don't think. I was at a restaurant with my hubby 2 months ago. The cashier asked if I wanted a cookie with my salad. Hubby looked at me and said, "Do you want a cookie?" I just raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Really?" It took him a second and then he realized what he had just said. He was embarassed. He didn't mean anything offensive by it, he just wasn't thinking. Maybe that's how it is with your mom too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:


Just politely refuse. "Thank you, but no. I can't eat gluten." Repeat as necessary. She'll eventually either catch on or stop offering you food. Sometimes saying, "I have a wheat allergy" works better then saying the word gluten. Not everyone has heard of gluten, but they have heard of wheat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend forgets all the time. I really don't get upset about it because honestly, before realizing I needed to go gluten free, I didn't know a whole lot about it either. I mean, do we all research peanut allergies, and shellfish allergies and the like? I suppose some of you might say YES but I don't. I have so much going on in my life that I barely have time to research gluten free, and that directly affects my well being. Just give your mom some time. If you keep telling her you can't eat such-n-such she will eventually get it. I know it's frustrating.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:


I think family goofs are pretty normal. We live and breathe it 24/7, they don't. My partner & son are good about 98% of the time but every so often forget and put something down on my counter.... :unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She is still learning about gluten and because she is your MOM, she still feels the innate desire to feed you. :) She's trying.

Be patient, honey--just gently remind her every time--"No, Mom--it's gluten, I can't eat that"

And I am just curious--but does she have a gluten issue herself? :unsure:

Could be why she is not "getting it" entirely...sometimes our brains on gluten do not work sharply at all---just suggesting??

Maybe a cheat sheet of "no-no" food items would help...a quickie reference list for her??--until she tackles the gluten-free for Dummies book?

Best wishes, kiddo. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You've had some great advice so far. I'll add to it with my own experiences.

You would be surprised how many people really don't have the faintest clue what's in the food their eating. Many people don't know what gluten is, and that's understandable. But I've had experiences with people who thought that I could eat white bread. "Oh right, you can't have wheat bread. But white bread is fine, right?" (Uh, no. It's still wheat. What did you think it was made of?). People will continue to surprise you.

I live with my partner's family, and I have since before I was diagnosed, which was over a year ago. His father, bless his heart, STILL doesn't understand what I can and can't eat. He doesn't prepare any food I would eat anyway and he's good about keeping things clean and separate so I don't worry about him glutening me, but just this morning he came home with a big bag of soft pretzels and offered me one. I just gave him "the look" (a playful one) and he said "Oh wait! You can't eat this, can you? I'm sorry, I always forget what has gluten in it." He not only forgets what has gluten in it, he also forgets what has flour in it, what flour is made of, etc. If your mom is anything like him, you may just have to learn to laugh and live with it. YOU know what you can eat, so you'll just have to be vigilant in making sure she doesn't accidentally gluten you, and keep gently reminding her what you can't eat.

I know this doesn't make it any easier...but at least she cares and tries. My own mother says things like "A little bit won't hurt you, right? Just eat the cupcake and move on with your life." When I refuse, she rolls her eyes and says "God, what a boring existence..." I don't know what it is about gluten intolerance that people can't seem to take it seriously.

I know you gave her a book, but honestly, if it wasn't my own problem, I don't know that I'd be interested in reading a whole book about gluten intolerance and everything that goes along with it. If it was my young child, I would, but it sounds like you're old enough that she knows you can be responsible for your own food. That's probably why she hasn't bothered to read it. I know it's hard when you're fairly new to gluten-free and someone keeps offering you food that you REALLY want to eat but know you can't. Believe me...I know it. But she loves you and she's trying, it's just complicated for some people. If it helps at all to know, it does eventually get easier to be around foods you used to eat. The other day, when I made a new pizza crust recipe and my partner asked me if it tasted "like a real pizza crust," I realized that I don't even remember what regular pizza crust tastes like. Mine tasted really good! You'll develop new tastes for the foods that you can eat. It gets easier, I promise. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:


You've received great advice so far. The only other thing I would suggest is that perhaps for a number of reasons your Mom hasn't been able to digest the book. This is a good link for getting written materials to reinforce what you tell her verbally.

http://www.celiac.nih.gov/Materials.aspx

There are other good sources for materials that reinforce the "rules" in a snapshot, i.e. the University of Chicago. It's normal that you got upset with her.

No matter the audience (children, adults, anybody), learning improves with both speech and written materials.

So if you get the refrigerator magnet mentioned in the link, I'd do something like, "Wow, look what I got in the mail from the National Institute of Health, Mom, it says.." .and read it to her while you show it to her. Her retention should increase by a huge threshold. Then ask if she'd like to put it somewhere on her refrigerator, or just give it to her.

Hope the link helps. Keep us posted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks gang! I appreciate the advice, and knowing that some of you have been through the same. I have gave her a book a few months ago, and have given her all kinds of resources, which she has not really done much of anything with. I think that's the aggravating part. She seems a bit better since I blew up, and after I explained a few days later this isn't something I think about occasionally. I think now that she realizes that I (we) always have this on our mind, she's a bit more empathetic. I think she will probably stop offering me things I can't eat now, too. (There were a few times she responded "I know you can't eat that, I just wanted to be polite." Sigh...need to be patient...) I guess that's the key word, is patience. I guess the good news is that my mom is driving my sister nuts righ now, too. So it isn't just me!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      108,910
    • Total Posts
      943,450
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      67,043
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    Serenda
    Joined
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Ennis_TX, thank you for your response! I will take heed of all your nutritional pieces of advice, one by one. And yes, I am aware that a gluten marathon is on the horizon soon.   Before doing the test, however, I shall try to fortify my diet with the nutrients you mentioned, and report back in a week or two.   I think adding some iron supplement is wise too.    
    • Yeah I thought that rant might make me look like a queer after reading it a bit later.....I am straight btw I just have very long and fine hair...that yeah it blows everywhere and gets in my mouth sometimes, and always pushing it with my hands or having to tie it up.  I blew up because it sometimes feels like I am talking to a bunch jocks with buzz cuts when it comes to hair....like people that do not understand no matter what you do....it is going to end up in your mouth and you have to keep messing it and working with it when the stuff runs like 4-6" past your shoulders.
      >.< thing is some times with the way your hair is.....you do not rinse it all out...some conditioners I have used in the past used to b ones you would not rinse all the way out....it sort of does become a issue that is very easily avoided. There are many more options for gluten free shampoos now days and many companies have taken the allergy/gluten concern to heart and removed them/used alternatives to boost sales to a larger demographic. Point is while yes I did blow up about it...and honestly in many cases the "hydrolyzed wheat protein" thing is a hit and miss on if it really contained gluten, but better safe then sorry is my bet and with tons of options....why chance it?


       
    • B-vitamins...most gluten and processed foods are enriched...your basically eating a multivitamin every time you have a slice of bread etc. Look for a full spectrum B-vitamin supplement, others can be magnesium, iron, vitamin d, folate, etc. You mention plenty of greens and fruit so ruling out vitamin A,C,K, and a few others. Hmm did you drop off your carbs too much? If your carb dependent you need more complex carbs from like sweet potatoes, rice etc. And what about fat and protein? I am a keto dieter, my body burns fat instead of carbs for energy so I can say it is quite important to have plenty of fats and protein in your diet. Try snacking on nuts/seeds between meals or making up a protein shake with almond butter in it between meals (again going but what you said you eat vs what you might be missing)

      I use Liquid Health for my spectrum B vitamins and vitamin D. Might look into them, being in liquid form you can just add it to a beverage. Might see about magnesium also, huge issue with many with this disease.

      On other after thought, your probably already very aware of...but you mention your not "diagnosed yet" you will have to do a gluten challenge of eating gluten for a extended amount of time daily prior to getting tested. http://www.cureceliacdisease.org/screening/
    • Thanks guys! I have an endoscopy/colonoscopy  feb 5th, so we will see. I have had digestive issues for the past like 10 years. GERD, migraines, lactose intolerant, dizziness on and off starting last year. My test just always show chronic inflammation, I thought they tested for celiac last time but it was only H. pylori samples. As much as I don’t want to have celiac I’m hoping this could be the root of my problem! My doctor said I should probably go gluten free after the test regardless of the results. You guys have been so helpful!! 
    • Well was trying it in smoothies, and puddings...but yeah  I can see it especially with the jelling effects causing some issues...will try again later. I changed over to pumpkin seeds higher in zinc today for my rotation.

      PS I am allergic to corn..and any kind of sugar messes with me. SO most meds are off limits. I went with Immunity Tea from Republic of tea, Ester-C Capsules, Thayers slippery elm lazenges sugar free, and a zinc Supplement for my remedy. Oh and sugar free meds normally contain that asu what ever stuff......makes me go off the deep end mentally.
  • Upcoming Events