Marg E

PS I hear about lots of friends having problems with grandparents in general. It's a pity that some grandparents just don't realise that if they played it well, kept unsolicited advice/opinions/gossip to themselves, offered help (once not 20 times), if they are given an inch they don't try and take a mile, accept their sons/daughters family rules, and were just easier to have around then couples would relax, and welcome them with open arms, call them up and include them all the time. It's a bit of a game, take your ego out of it, play it well and reap the rewards.

Cassidy, for what it's worth a new viewpoint...

Someone once said when you have kids then your responsibility for your parents shifts towards you being responsible for your child first. That's the way society works. And your child will have to then look after his or her child over you. They also say you must protect your marriage first because you might end up divorced and then your child suffers. This mentality might help ease the guilt factor.

I totally sympathise. Your mother's behaviour is not acceptable! Manipulation from parents can cause problems in a marriage (including just being sick of talking about it!). Whether you can get her illness dealt with or not, you're gonna have to get even more clever! for your own self preservation. There are techniques out there to help you deflect/deal with her issues. Perhaps when she's asking you for advice about her life (attention seeking) you should just say Sorry ma I just don't know. I'm not up on finances, perhaps speak to a financial advisor/doctor/specialist. That way you don't get drawn into it (and there's no backlash of oh you don't care etc) Another line (even if it's not true - who cares about a white lie if it saves days of arguing, stress etc) is 'doctor's orders' no one can argue with that! 'It's not good for the baby...' Choose your battles, set boundaries for the most important things ie she can wait a week after the baby is born. You might feel you need time to recover (you don't know what the birth will be like), time to bond, time as a family with your husband.

Your mother (and I think many grandparents need to realise this) has had her turn - now it's YOUR turn. A well-respected psycologist says 'grandparents don't have rights. It's a privilege.' In other words, if they are causing problems to your family, in extreme cases, they shouldn't see the kids for a while until they prepared to respect your family's boundaries and rules. You are your own family unit now with your own ways of doing things.

Also, it sounds like she doesn't have much of a life to focus on/occupy herself. Perhaps as a Christmas/birthday present you could buy her classes (there are cheap ones, esp if she's about 60 plus) like cooking, computer or whatever she might like so she has to attend. She'll meet people, it'll give her something to talk/obsess about etc. Even better if you/your grandma/your mother's friends (if sympathetic) could somehow get her involved in a 'cause' or a community organisation. Even if it just gives her another cross to bear it'll take the heat off you. At the end of hte day, sometimes it helps (when you are worrying about her) that you can't change people (unless they want to change of course). You can only change how you deal with it.

Best of luck x

I drink dandelion coffee (the granules not the tea bags, the latter doesn't work as well) from the health shop, seems to help me go v regularly. Seems to stimulate my liver and get everything working well and I feel really good on it. Just one cup and not even every day.

Taylor,

Most pubs in Edinburgh do a (v cheap and big portion) baked potato with cheese, salad, tuna etc. Watch the cheese as it might be bought pre-grated and have an anti-caking agent. Baked potatoes are a Scottish staple so you'll get them in almost every restaurant and you can always just go with tuna and salad to be safe. The Mount Royal Hotel (on Princess St) near Jenners has fantastic food for lunch, you can get a baked potato there that's OK (check the cheese again though, it's been a while) and has fantastic views of the castle. It's warm and cosy, cheap prices and a well kept secret. Also go to The Elephant House (on George IV Bridge just off the Royal Mile) and sit out the back (it looks nothing from the front) - brilliant views and I've eaten there although can't remember what. Worth it for the views.

Tesco's supermarket lists known allergens on all their food labels so eating in is easy, and Marks and Spencers has some gluten-free stuff. Do the open top bus tour. And an underground city tour (Mary King's Close) in the Royal Mile is an absolute must! The Scots are really accommodating so you can always bring a gluten-free Marks and Spencers microwave meal and they'll heat it up if you're with a group that's eating. Have fun!

Love camping! Baked potatoes in the camp fire (wrapped in tin foil cook really fast) or a camp oven are great. Tinned vegies, Woolworths in Australia do gluten-free packet pasta mixes with the sauce that are edible. Lots of nuts, dried fruit, fresh fruit. Everyone ate a huge breakfast (cereal, gluten-free sausage, gluten-free bacon, egg, gluten-free bread toasted) had a muesli bar/snack for lunch and ate a dinner, which lasted us and I eat tons. If you're in a hot country and have a car with you, pack an esky with plastic milk bottles filled with frozen water along the bottom, park in the shade of a tree and your meat (which must be frozen when you set off) stays cool for a few days. That was with a six hour drive to our destination. Or you can always buy a camping fridge for the car (expensive though). Love to hear anyone else's suggestions.

G'day from Western Australia! Any WA folks out there? A few tips: Healtheries gluten-free muesli, Basco lemon cake and Orgran rice and corn pasta are all fantastic. Alternative Bites (Garden City and Belmont) is a totally gluten free bakery (the BEST gluten free bread, cakes, pies etc). Does anyone know of any gluten free breath mints? Thanksx

G'day from Western Australia! Any other WA folks out there? A few tips: Healtheries gluten-free muesli, Basco lemon cake and Orgran rice and corn pasta are all fantastic. Alternative Bites (Garden City and Belmont) is a totally gluten free bakery (the BEST gluten free bread, cakes, pies etc). Does anyone know of any gluten free breath mints? Thanksx

Yes Geoff, I was told by my doctor on no accounts should I stop eating gluten before the test! She really emphasised the point cos it can skew the result. Also I'd be eating all your favourite food for sure, cos after that it's never again! Hey the endoscopy is fine by the way, I was really scared about it. If I can, anyone can!

Has anyone got a mayonnaise recipe? I miss it (think it's usually made with vinegar...) Oh and any good vegetarian gluten-free evening meal recipes? I'm not vege but it makes me feel brilliant when I eat it! x

In Australia, any gluten would need to be clearly marked on the label. If it just says maltodextrin, but doesn't say where it's from, you should be okay. (The label reading in this country is just way too easy )

Oh...and I wanted to add...if you're reading about how to find gluten on food labels, make sure you're finding sources of info. that are specific to Australia. It's much much much much different in the States, and you might be mislead to think it's more complicated than it is (in the US they're allowed to really hide substances in our food products...whereas it's a bit easier to actually know what you're eating in Australia).

I find the labelling in Australia awful! They don't mark it as "gluten" but in all it's other myriad of names and thickeners and numbers. In hte UK supermarkets like Tesco's for instance have an allergens label and will state it's gluten-free or contains gluten. I find some products on the supermarket shelves here don't even have ingredients lists. And at the deli, if they package the meat themselves, they don't need an ingredient list by law and you know how much gluten can be in hams, bacon etc!!! YIKES!! (NB: HANS do brilliant gluten free bacon, ham, salamis, cooked sausage etc) If they sorted the labelling out and every product had gluten-free or contains gluten on it - there would be virtually no accidents in restaurants and at family dinners! I've had my rant! (And Healtheries do brilliant gluten free muesli) Does anyone know of any gluten free breath mints? Thanksx

I personally believe it's all in how you choose to adapt to it. It's not a "being a better person", but figuring out what *you* need to do in order for *you* to adapt to it. There's no magic bullet approach, because we're all unique. It's going to be frustrating - at the least, it's a major inconvenience, and we've grown up in a world of convenience. And we're going to feel odd and left out - compared to 99% of the world (according to stats on how many people have celiac disease), we ARE different.

But inconvenient is relative and different isn't bad. It all just is what it is, and the judgement (good or bad) that we put on it is a matter of our own perspective. It can be *really really hard* to change that perspective, but we can change it - if we want to (not that we always have to, of course). Keep hanging in there. Keep working on things that make it easier for you to adapt to being easy-breezy, gluten-freey.

So true! It is hard at first especially if like me you know virtually nothing about food! All I ate for the first three days were dry rice and vegies with no sauce! At the end of the day, it's permanent, you've just got to get on with it so you might as well adopt a positive approach and try to focus on the good stuff. You'll always have hard days when you walk past a delicious smelling pizza bar and feel jealous though - but it's how you deal with it that counts. At first I thought it was embarrassing always having to make a fuss, but you get so used to it, it's water off a duck's back. At restaurants I often leave the table and go up to the waiter/chef and have a chat. 99 per cent of hte time no one else notices and thinks I'm in the restroom. You'll suss out safe restaurants and safe dishes. Cooking at home gets easier (with time and some gluten free recipes books) and you get tons of packet cakes, muffins etc. I try not to let coeliac disease define me. I also didn't want my boyfriend to have to listen to me complaining about it all the time and associate eating out being no fun any more (when it was something we've always enjoyed) and have a negative impact on the relationship. (He's been brilliant and now prefers to eat gluten free). I'm so scared of the long term effects of eating gluten - plus how ill I get - that although I crave the taste it's not remotely tempting to eat something with gluten in it. And almost everyone you speak to has a family member/friend with it and understands. Good luck!

oops I mean thanks everyone, am a newbie, still getting the hang of how to work this website! x

Thanks Ursa Feel much better. This is a brilliant website! x

Don't worry, I'm coeliac and was the queen of junk food, packet pizzas the works. Never dieted or read a label in my life! Now diagnosed 3 years it's cool.

Just think of it as a healthy crap free diet. You can eat practically anything, just not processed man-made poop which makes you fat and ill anyway. (Hey did you know that scientists say processed food is a bigger scandal than cigarettes for diseases ADD, ADHD, autism, cancer etc?)

The start is the hardest bit. You'll get to know restaurants etc in your area and it'll get easier. The easiest rule is: if in doubt leave it out. It's the pre-agricultural revolution diet (caveman hunter and gatherer diet) and interestingly that's when most of the 21st century diseases struck mankind.

A peanut allergy is worse, imagine sticking needles into yourself and ending up in hospital. Hey out of all the things that can be wrong with you it's a pretty easy solution - just don't eat it - no horrible operations, chemo, having bits cut off. And it forces you to be healthy too. Remember some people choose to eat gluten free too so it can't be that bad!

Can any pregnant coeliacs/mums with kids help?? I'm planning on getting pregnant and am scared about gluten free diet slip ups. Obviously I'll be vigilant, but what happens if I slip up while pregnant? Has anyone experienced this? Is there a risk for the baby? Any research on this issue would be great. Maybe I shouldn't eat out anywhere while pregnant, what do you think? Thanksx