124chicksinger

I feel that you don't owe anyone an explanation.

I understand why it will be a chore for you to be there, rather than a luxury.

I attended a family Xmas in Dec, and did not eat, did not drink, and didn't hug anyone b/c of a raging sinus infection. I only went b/c it was my husband's family; he had not seen many of them for 6 months, and 2 cousins for years, and if I didn't go he said he would stay home "to care for" me; which meant bring me a cup of tea in bed and leave me be. So I went and said...I'm sick, don't want to make you sick so I'm keeping my distance. It was more than the sinuses tho, I didn't feel capable of eating the food. I was just to the point where I knew food was hurting me, and the idea of eating any of it, even the "delicious" sweets, made me ache and fast forward to the notion of explosive D.

Would your husband understand if you passed on going at this time to spend time with your mom? Certainly, there will be future trips/opportunities such as this where you may be more better off emotionally to handle it. Sometimes, we have to say thank you (for the invite) but...no, not at this time, and not feel guilty doing what we need to do.

Lastly, I'm sorry for your troubles. From your writings, you seem like a very tough person, so there is that. Don't be so hard on you. Hugs, Donna

You know what you owe other people outside your family? Zero. Nothing. When invited, you can simply say sorry, I can't make it. When invited to bring your mom somewhere, have the words ready, "oh, sorry, I can't, I'm busy that day." You owe nothing more than that. Their reaction is their problem, not yours, and you don't have to explain how you feel, what you're going through, your difficulties, etc. You do what you can for your mom; extracurricular affairs that she is invited to (in her ill health as well?), are not your obligations.

My sis in law just had a procedure for her liver duct; she posted it on FB, then promptly was inundated with well-wishing but unwanted visitors. I called and asked her would she like me to come over, bring her anything, and she said thank you, but I'm exhausted and I wish everyone would just leave me alone -- but if they MUST come over, feed my family, clean my house, do my laundry.... :) as I don't want to feel as if I must ENTERTAIN them while they visit. She is exhausted, and needs not to explain that to anyone. I told her to have her husband stop the visitors at the door and send them home, that she is upstairs resting. Period.

Have an "I'm busy" excuse ready to fall off your lips, and don't feel guilty about not doing what other people want you to do when you don't want to do it.