epiphany's Blog

So I'm avoiding gluten. I felt better than ever for about five weeks before I decided to eat out. I ate at a restaurant that apparently grills thier potatoes the same place as their bread for sandwiches. Big mistake on my part, I was sick for about two weeks. The things I noticed that came back were intense anxiety, headaches, sinus drainage, skin problems that look like psoriasis and fatigue big time. I don't think I even need to mention the stomach cramping, gas, diarrhea and bloating but that was going on too. So I don't have insurance but I found a free clinic in town and saw a doctor. I became really emotional in her office, I could barely speak through the tears. I guess I didn't realize how much this has been upsetting me.

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I am angry that I'm sick. Most of all I'm angry that I feel like this problem has been affecting me my whole life. Now I'm trying to control it and when I have a little slip up I pay major consequences. About three weeks after that episode I get sick again. After looking up hidden sources of gluten I found that I paid all of my bills on the same day and got sick from licking all of the envelopes. This time my sinuses went crazy along with my moods. I had crazy anxiety so I couldn't sleep all night and this is balanced out with depression. I have been this way for about five days but the intensity is slowly decreasing.

I am feeling so alienated because I don't want to spread my rotten mood around to my friends and room mates. On the other hand I have no one to talk to about this. No one likes hearing people complain about being sick, especially when I have so many symptoms. I feel like the people I do talk to think I am paranoid and have a hard time believing what makes me sick because symptoms don't manifest until the next day. Then I start to think I am paranoid but I can't ignore the physical reaction and my emotions going crazy. I feel like this problem is controlling my life and I want it back.

I've got another appointment with the doctor in a couple weeks, but I feel like she will tell me I'm anemic and that will be the end of her concern. I just want to not have accidents again. Now that I know what it is like to live without anxiety there is no way I want to have that feeling again. I feel like I can link almost every illness in my life to this problem and I don't want to feel sick anymore.