Lemonade's Blog

I feel like crap more so emotionally than physically. I wish I could just stay under my covers. I hate my life, this is unfair and I feel like crying every second of the day. my energy isnt as terrible right now, but iam not expecting it to stay this way because of past experiences. try hard to stay positive is most difficult when you can really beleiev that your life is going to eventually go back to normal and that you will feel better. How the hell do you tell yourself that everything will work out fine when you are not really sure that you truely beleive it???? . I tried to make crepes but failed miserably, i had some and was disgusted with every bite, i only like the peanutbutter on them. Last night I had some banana bread and pb, didnt sit well, felt sick, went to bed though so itwasnt so bad. I dont want to go through today. I dont have the emotional energy. I have a burning sensation in my throat right now, it hurts. I feel lousy. This sucks ass. I had a really really hard BM this morning, it left me feeling drained. It hurt aswell. My eyes are exceptionally dry today. My head hurts too and my stomach feels sick and watery. there is no quality in this life. I am so depressed. nOt suicidal just depressed beyond words. I am angry and miserable. I feel sorry for those who come in contact with me becasue iam an emotional monster.

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My stomach hurts right now. It feels like an acidy burning ache. I feel tired. Every sound and everything around me bothers me.

Ate some banana flat bread with almond butter, had some brocoli too. Dont feel too well as usually, but i have completely let go of expecting to feel good at all after eating. I really made an effort to eat the banana thing and almond butter, i forced it down. It didnt taste bad, its just i feel so bad and food isnt appealing, although Iam glad I did it, becasue i know itll hopefully help me heal and mabey feel better. I didnt eat rice cereal like my mom suggested because I had eating "mush", to me i would rather eat whole food, as long as i have teeth, chewing food is an option. Gray mushing soup slop isnt appetising to me. Right now, i need to eat foods that taste good and make me feel comfortable and good, becasue iam feeling so sick. I am also feeling cold, which only happens after i eat. My hands expecially. I have noticeed that my hands start to get freezy after I eat, and only really after I eat.

LAtely, I have notice a sharp achey pain in my right side aswell as near my shoulderblade after eating. Its is soar and achey. Sometimes this pain also travels to my middle stomach and pulses intensly.

about 1.5 hrs after i ate, i had horrible jitters and exhaustion at the same time. I felt paralized and ill. My entire inner body felt shaky and jittery like i was on some sort of caffeine high except that i didnt have the high energy to accompany the symptoms.

I made a milk shake with milk, rice protein, mangoes etc... I felt okay drinking it and dont have any nausea right now. However, i have a symptom which i assume is acid.. It feels liek there is food stuck in my throat and my throat burns. I am super tired and fatigued. Overall i have eaten more today and have had less severe stomach symptoms.

THis is about 2 hrs after last meal

I have bad "acid", i can feel it behind my ears in throat and chest.

Ate chicken and some ketchup, small bit of avocado. Stomach doesnt feel as bad as yesterday night. Acid is still apparent, alittle less than before. Stomach feels "raw" but not as unsettled as last night. Hands and fet are cold again, i have the same "chilled" feeling as last night, after I eat. I have what i call gurlgling gas, gas in lower stomach that gurgles. Iam much gassier than yesterday. I have alos peed alot today, not more than usual but i find iam peeing alot. I have been able to eat more today, my appetite has been slighly present rather than no existant, which to me means that i may be getting better.....slowly. and I have a bad headache