This morning I dont feel as good. O well. Last night was a yucky night. I had the worst worst acid/indigestion i have had in a loooooong time before bed. I also got more significant sores on the roof of my mouth and this morning i have small white bumps on my tongue. I had tea last night "yogi tea", they cant guarntee the whole gluten thing, tho they siad that they are gluten-free. They mention cross contamination or something. Had an really urgent BM this morning, feeling gassy right now, kinda suckky.Woke up kinda hungry too, then the hunger went away and i was left with a yuck in stomach. wat gives??? I have that gotta poop sensation right now.
Today I woke up and felt kinda tired, but not too bad. I was tired cause i couldnt fall asleep, i was restless. Considering that i only got 6 hrs mabey and my overactive bladder kept me up once agian, i wasnt as exhausted as i would have thought. I even hiked through the snow storm this morning to work and didnt feel too tired when i got there. My stomach was bad this morning. Really constipated this morning, it was brutally painfully. Stomach bloated and gassy and sore. Not a pleasant BM, hard stone like, uncomfortable, felt sick, ate what i could but found i was really in alot of distress, prior to my BM. I dont believe i was glutened though, or mabey iam still recovering from the chicken soup fiasco. Hopefully, i will feel better each day. Still having fatigue after eating and pressure headaches and body aches. Stomach doesnt feel as bad after eating today which is good.
Today is day 18 gluten-free. An d today i feel is the turning point day. Despite the fact that i didnt sleep well due to my f^cking over active bladder, i had more energy than yesterday. My stomach symptoms were as followed: not as much indigestion/acid, gut twisting aches after eating (pretty intense), gas, pain in lower stomach and lower chest area, quesy feeling. However over all my symptoms were marginally less. I had some pressure headaches today, not as bad tho. Right now my stomach is so so. I have a pressure head ache though, not too too bad, but still there. I ate more today, i tried to incorportate more carbohydrates today, and i feel i succeed. I have taken a liking to rice cakes and since they are made with whole grain rice and millet, it makes them a complex carbohydrate that is easy on my tummy. I also had some pappadums which are Lentil Flour Rice Flour Salt Vegetable Oil, AND GLUTEN FREE!!! My throat hurts today becasue of biopsy yesterday. I discovered that ricolas are gluten-free. As for BM, still uncomfortable, yet less runny. All in all a better day.
Today I had an edoscopy for celiac. I am waiting for the results which should be in by tuesday. Yesterday night I had some chicken soup that my mom accidentally added instant powder broth to that contained a small portion of wheat products. About 1 hr after i ate i was really bloated and had gassy pains and discomfort. This morning I had a semi-diarrhea poop and followed by and uncomfortabl wormlike pencil thin poop. Usually i dont poo two days in a row but i did and they were both uncomfortable and disgusting. Which leads me to believe that i was "glutened" by the soup and even though the amount of gluten in the soup was about 1/8 of a teaspoon in about 10 cups of soup, it effected me. Which proves i am atleast gluten intolerant. The endoscopy today was unpleasant and i still feel drugged. My stomach is sore and my throat hurts too. It feels like i have to poop but nothing is going to come out. I have decided just to move on and try to cope with what i have and get on with my life the best i can regardless of symptoms. Today my energy seems better, which is a good sign.
Had some bad acid reflux/indigestion tonite after chicken soup, i think animal fats stimulate that. My system feels really aggravated from today. I have that bothersome sensation of "i gotta poop". Im gassy now too. I think that i am still suffereing from that itty bit of gluten last night. I hope tommorow is a better day.
Yesterday I had an app with the Gastro. Dr. He review all my blood work and other test and said they were normal, accept for a reflux present in the upper GI test. He told me I didnt look "sick" which made me feel confused and frusterated because i am "sick". I was weigthed again yesterday and weighed 94.5 lbs. I has some more energy in the morning,m although as the day preceded, i felt sicker and my enrgy ebcame less and less. I have a schedualed Upper GI biopsy tommorow to test for celiac and possibly Crohns disease. I hope and I pray that they find something. I hate feeling this way. I am so scared, that this is gonna be my life. Iam terrified of not getting better. I am frusterated with people thinking that I am anorexic. Becasue I am not. I still struggle with food and surely this problem with food making me feel ill and my stomach and body always feeling sick, doesnt help me close the last gap in my recovery of anorexia, once and for all. I am nervous about the procedure tommorow, i have to be put on General aneststia, i am not happy about that ebcause, i get scared that i wont wake up. Today I feel like complete crap run over by a crap truck. I feel like i have the flu. I am achey, light headed, i have a headache, I was clammy and sweaty at the same time, and i feel emotionally drained and Iam overall fatigued. I am also crampy and uncomfortable I had some toast with almond butter this morning and my stomch feels in knots and achey and bloated. I had a BM which was slightly greenish, it was kinda mucousy and slimy too. I didnt go at all yesterday. I am sick of this Bullsh*t.
Didnt go back to bed until 5:30, woke up at 11:00, i feel tired now becasue i didnt get enough sleep. No sense re writing how i feel emotionally. I have bad constipation this morning. Feels liek rocks in stomach...doesnt seem to be moving. I had a BM before I ate Breakfast ( homemade, gluten-free toast with almond butter and strawberries) Felt alittle sore in stomach after iate, but the symptoms subsided within 1/2 hr.
My energy level today is kind of low, because i didnt sleep well. I have been getting alot of pressure headaches today after I eat and even before i eat. I assume this may have something to do with blood sugar? I had smoothie with fruit and milk, then i took a nap, becasue i felt tired and anxious at the same time. Sometime i feel alll shaken up inside, out of the blue. I tried to sleep but wasnt able to because there was too much noise in the house. I got up and had more of my delcious bread with peanut butter. Didnt notice an catastrophic symptoms afterwards in respect to my stomach, however my head started to throb and felt really heavy. Right now and all day my head feels like its been in a pressure cooker. I feel like someone is squeezing the sides of my head together and pushing my cheek bones together. I took Advil, but its not releiving the pain. My eyes feel really dry today to, i think that it is from lack of sleep. I had milk with extra rice protein, and that went down fine. I have eaten more and have been eating and drinking more each day. DInner wasnt a pleasant experience. My throat really burns and mys tomach burns badly, iam very uncomfortable. I feel really bad and drained right now and the burning sensation is making its way down to my lower abdominals and colon area. The indigestion is awful right now. I ate spianch salad and mixed veggies with dressing and indian crackers, i tried some spicy veggies and i think that may have ignited the fire in my throat, chest and tummy. I feel slightly nauseated. Ihave really bad gas pains in my stomach that hurt to move around and even breath, they feel very raw and sore, and prickly.
Its 2:15 am, i am feeling reaslly restless. My body is crying out for some activity. I feel what i call SKinny fat. I feel like I am skinny but fat at the same time. I feel soft and i wanna workout and move this doggone ( this word may have been changed by editors*) body. I cannot concentrate on my school work partially to whats going on inside me but also because the blood isnt circulating as it did when i was exercising.I feel it is somewhat crucial to move and not be a bum all day long. If only the people around me expecially my mom understood this at all, and understood that iam not in the same head space as I was, and i have learned from my mistakes and iam smarter than they give me credit for. I feel better than i did however.Considering it is 2:18 am and i have more energy than at this hr than the past week . I wish i could just live my life. I feel like a robot right now. I hate doctors so much, expecially here in kingston. I have not yet met a Dr. who doggone(*) has a clue, and truely gives a damn. Kingston sucks so bad. I hate it here. Im thinking of moving back to Oakville with my dad, becaSue iam so unhappy here. I have 0 friends what so ever. I do not have a life here. I have nothing here, except for family, which lately i do not feel good about. It saddens me to say these things but i feel angry that i was taken from my hometown and put in this sucky town. If trying to make friends and have a life in the town you grew up in isnt hard enough. I miss my home. I feel lost here and no one seems to give a damn or understand this at all. I miss the way life used to be. I miss the way we all used to be. I miss my life. I miss my freedom. I dont feel taken seriously. I feel like Iam viewed as incapable of making my own life desicions and making healthy decisions on how my body feels and how i feel inside. I have learned from my past mistakes, i know it has taken me yrs to learn from them, but i feel confident that i have and i am still day by day learning. I am blessed to have a mom who bends backwards an upside down for me, but i feel cornered, trapped and smuggled and more so these past few weeks. I appreciate the love and affection but i still feel like i am viewed as the anorexic, unstable past me. I wish i could be let out of this cage. I dont know if any of this makes sense.
This morning I didnt get out of bed until 10:30, i went to bed at 11:30, SO THERES 11 hrs of sleep. I feel like ive slept 1 hr. Before bed last night I had some banana muffin thing and peanut butter. It went down fine. My eyes feel so dry right now, like they do every morning. I havent had a BM as of yet this morning. My body felt achey this morning, but i stretched and it seemed to take the aches away. Last night after the chicken i had terrible bloating and gas. I took a Gas-X and it seemed to settle things down alittle. Recently i have been comforting myself with tea. I have been using the Tetley Tea Decaffinated Orange Peokoe. However, I thought this was okay in terms of gluten free. I went on the website for Tetley and discovered that they can not guarrentee that there tea are gluten free. So mabey i have been secretly glutening myself with out knowing it. I am gonna stay of tea for a while, or at least use only teas i know ar gluten-free. Emotionally I am a complete and utter mess. Lets leave it at that. My brain fog has been horrible these past weeks and isnt really easing up at all.I ate more yesterday which was good, and I am proud of that. Each day i am tryign so hard to increase my intake, whichw ill increase my strenght and heal me. Had some apple too. I ahvent pooped at all today, I am very sore in lower stomach and crampy. Very constipated.
Went for a walk with family. Came back had some lentil soup with chicken. Didnt have any abnormal symptoms, just the usually. Took some fish oil supplements, have been burping them up for a while now. My throat burns alot now. I am very tired. Overall my energy is alittle better than yesterday. Indigestion is significant today.
I ate some gluten free bread with some almond butter, almond butter gave me indigestion, on top of fish oil burping. I felt really cold and chilled after eating the food. My energy level seems better today although I am tired now. I had some eggwhites with becel becasue i felt alittle hungry and wanted a snack before I had dinner with my family which iam looking forward to becasue, it has been really hard to eat lately and i know that it may be hard to eat at dinner but i ahve been trying to eat litlte bits throughout the day every hr, to keep my enrgy and up. I have been eating better today. each day I seem to be able to et alittle more. i have a bad burning in my throat now and i keep bruping up something. I have noticed that after I eat I always get the intense awful burning in my throat and my head hurts.
I ate sweet potato, salad with soem avocoado, and brocoli with sesame seed dressing. Felt oaky after dinner, not too bad, just tired. Still no BM, feeling constipated...
I feel like crap more so emotionally than physically. I wish I could just stay under my covers. I hate my life, this is unfair and I feel like crying every second of the day. my energy isnt as terrible right now, but iam not expecting it to stay this way because of past experiences. try hard to stay positive is most difficult when you can really beleiev that your life is going to eventually go back to normal and that you will feel better. How the hell do you tell yourself that everything will work out fine when you are not really sure that you truely beleive it???? . I tried to make crepes but failed miserably, i had some and was disgusted with every bite, i only like the peanutbutter on them. Last night I had some banana bread and pb, didnt sit well, felt sick, went to bed though so itwasnt so bad. I dont want to go through today. I dont have the emotional energy. I have a burning sensation in my throat right now, it hurts. I feel lousy. This sucks ass. I had a really really hard BM this morning, it left me feeling drained. It hurt aswell. My eyes are exceptionally dry today. My head hurts too and my stomach feels sick and watery. there is no quality in this life. I am so depressed. nOt suicidal just depressed beyond words. I am angry and miserable. I feel sorry for those who come in contact with me becasue iam an emotional monster.
My stomach hurts right now. It feels like an acidy burning ache. I feel tired. Every sound and everything around me bothers me.
Ate some banana flat bread with almond butter, had some brocoli too. Dont feel too well as usually, but i have completely let go of expecting to feel good at all after eating. I really made an effort to eat the banana thing and almond butter, i forced it down. It didnt taste bad, its just i feel so bad and food isnt appealing, although Iam glad I did it, becasue i know itll hopefully help me heal and mabey feel better. I didnt eat rice cereal like my mom suggested because I had eating "mush", to me i would rather eat whole food, as long as i have teeth, chewing food is an option. Gray mushing soup slop isnt appetising to me. Right now, i need to eat foods that taste good and make me feel comfortable and good, becasue iam feeling so sick. I am also feeling cold, which only happens after i eat. My hands expecially. I have noticeed that my hands start to get freezy after I eat, and only really after I eat.
LAtely, I have notice a sharp achey pain in my right side aswell as near my shoulderblade after eating. Its is soar and achey. Sometimes this pain also travels to my middle stomach and pulses intensly.
about 1.5 hrs after i ate, i had horrible jitters and exhaustion at the same time. I felt paralized and ill. My entire inner body felt shaky and jittery like i was on some sort of caffeine high except that i didnt have the high energy to accompany the symptoms.
I made a milk shake with milk, rice protein, mangoes etc... I felt okay drinking it and dont have any nausea right now. However, i have a symptom which i assume is acid.. It feels liek there is food stuck in my throat and my throat burns. I am super tired and fatigued. Overall i have eaten more today and have had less severe stomach symptoms.
THis is about 2 hrs after last meal
I have bad "acid", i can feel it behind my ears in throat and chest.
Ate chicken and some ketchup, small bit of avocado. Stomach doesnt feel as bad as yesterday night. Acid is still apparent, alittle less than before. Stomach feels "raw" but not as unsettled as last night. Hands and fet are cold again, i have the same "chilled" feeling as last night, after I eat. I have what i call gurlgling gas, gas in lower stomach that gurgles. Iam much gassier than yesterday. I have alos peed alot today, not more than usual but i find iam peeing alot. I have been able to eat more today, my appetite has been slighly present rather than no existant, which to me means that i may be getting better.....slowly. and I have a bad headache
I feel crap ( this is not the word i wanted to use) more so emotionally than physically. I wish I could just stay under my covers. I hat my life, this is unfair and I feel like crying every second of the day. my energy is as terrible right now. I tried to make crepes but failed miserably, i had some and was disgusted with every bite, i only like the peanutbutter on them. Last night I had some banana bread and pb, didnt sit well, felt sick, went to bed though so itwasnt so bad. I dont want to go through today. I dont have the emotional energy. I have a burning sensation in my throat right now, it hurts. I feel lousy. This sucks ass. I had a really really hard BM this morning, it left me feeling drained. It hurt aswell. My eyes are exceptionally dry today. My head hurts too and my stomach feels sick and watery. there is no quality in this life. I am so depressed. nOt suicidal just depressed beong words. I am angry and miserable. I feel sorry for those who come in contact with me becasue iam an emotional monster.
I woke up this morning and literally couldnt move out of bed from exhaustion. I am sooo tired, my eyes keep closing. I got 11 hours of sleep and I feel I havent slept for weeks. I didint have a BM this morning so my stomach is sore. I had bad gas pains last night, but the have subsided somewhat.
Just had a BM, tiny, absouloutly tiny.
All day my eyes have been really dry, and i had dry itchy skin too. I went to Lob.'s today and came home exhausted. I was soo tired i needed to lay down in bed. I had a shake with rice protein and mangos/milk and i was feeling sick about 1 hr after. It was a knawing sore pain in my gut and burning. It subsided abit and i had some banana muffin i made with becel and i dont feel too well, but not as bad. I am really tired right now.
Feeling really gassy, I have alot of sharp pains in my stomach. It feels like i have to go to the bathroom, but nothing is gonna come out.
I had some turkey anf brocoli for "dinner" and about 15 mins into my meal, i felt like my intestiens were going into spasm and a sensation of someone pullign at my intestines andtwisting them. I began to get chilled aswell. i had to stop eating becasue the feeling was too uncomfortable. I tried to ignore it and eat some more but it seemd with each bite the symptom became more knawing and intense. I felt very tired and achey after this episode.
Recently I have been noticing that what every i eat or drink ( it may be milk, tea or actual food) as i feel the food or drink go down my throat and into my stomach i feel a burning sensation and and a stange jolting feeling, almost like a mini spasm ending in an uncomfortable ache or commonly indigestion and a burning achey feeling in my throat and sour and painful feeling in my gut. I also experience sharp and moving pains in my stomach immediatly after a drink of liquid or certain foods. I have noticed this feeling is become more and more common. After eating I get really tired almost like eating takes all the energy i have from me.
I am very very frusterated because I want nothing more than to eat, regain my strenght, my health and my life, but everytime i do so, I feel awful. I try really hard not to think about feeling sick before i eat something, most of the time, i barely think of it at all before i eat. Yet everything I eat or drink, sets off a firecracker of symptoms and distress.
This morning I woke up feeling soooooo bad.....My body ached and I couldnt manage to pull myself out of bed until 10:00. I feel lathargic and depressed right now. I had an uncomfortable bowel movement this mornign that left me feeling drained. Yesterday was brutal too. The fatigue is becomingunbearbale, I almost fell asleep in the grocery store. Dinner sucked too last night, had some fish and veggies, felt like I was gonna vomit. I am doggone ( this is not my word, but the stupid editors on this wont let me use my word) tired of this.
I made muffins with chickpea flour and hemp seed flour bananas, margarine, baking soda. I had some peanut butter on top. My stomach doesnt feel that horrible but i have an intense burning in my throat and I feel tired.
During the day:
Right now i feel really horrible....I am soooo fatigued I cant think. My body feels achey and I have awful heartburn that burns all through my sinuses and throat. I have that awful " I have to poop" feeling in my gut and Iam feeling kinda itchy all over my body, i dont understand this new symptom. The GI doc called and
we have an appointment with him this tuesday. I will also be ordering the Entrolab thingamagigger. I want this nightmare to be over.
i feel gross...i have had bad acid all day and its not going away.
I have become aware that I have some idosycracies that relate to my past eating disorder that i have to be more aware of and catch myself when i notice these behaviours. I realise how easy it would be to slip back inot the disorder, even though iam in a completelly diferent frame of mind. I MUST be more causious of these behaviours. Because I am so sick due to this illness, some of the behaviours sucha s picking at foods because i have 0 appetite, if not managed and controlled could easily spin into a realapse. I need to notice these behaviour and manage them appropiratley.
Just finished my so called dinner. Had some lentil soup that i made, nibbled on some chickpea rice bread and had a a few veggies, feeling much much much worse. I feel kinda dizzy, i have a really bad pressure headache, i have burning in my throat all the way down to my tummy and i feel really tired
Later in evening:
my fatigue has gotten alot alot worse, i had to get something in my room and wlaking up the stairs I felt like i just had a huge workout, my legs burned and i felt exhausted. All i can manage to do is sit here on my ass and type, i have no energy.
This morning I woke up feeling slightly tired but not too bad. I did a few stretches to help wake my body up. I had an ok bowel movement after waking, which was a suprise because i havent done that in a while. I was actual "hungry" this morning, so i take that as a good sign. I had rice toast with eggwhite, becel and strawberries. I feel bad right now. After I eat I get horrible head aches, liek someone is squeezing my head together. My eyes hurt too. I am very exhausted right now, which happens always after eating. I could go back to sleep. I feele achey too. I hope today doesnt suck. I want my life back
Bummed out to the max,
COntinued entry....later today
I just came back from my ortho appointment. The walk felt alright. Kinda tired now. I had lenitl soup and salad just now, and although my pressure headache isnt as bad as this morning, i feel really tired...again...
I cant focus on my work at all....it feels like its going in my brain and being spit back out....
this is frusterating
I have been on the gluten free diet for 1 week now. Overall my symptoms are slightly less severe, but still hard to deal with. My appetite for food has become almost not existant. Nothing is appetizing. I feel ill after eating still, yet definatly not as horrible as 1 week ago, while still eating Gluten foods. My most horrible symptom right now is horrible pressure headaches after eating, expecially in the evenings. My energy really dips after eating. If my energy is low before eating, I feel even more letharigic after I eat. My eyes feel sooo heavy right now and I have this awful pressure in my head. I wasnt hungry at dinner, and nothing appealed so i nibbled on brocoli and salad and roasted red peppers with dressing. I feel really frusterated with this cycle and what is happening to me. Things just dont feel right. I feel really exhausted right now. Last night when i felt the same way, the feeling of the pressure headaches and fatigue lasted about 90 mins, so I hope that this "feeling" will last until only until 9:30. I also have the feeling of "sick" yet hungry, and I also feel that the more i tend to my hunger and eat, the sicker I feel. I dont know how to break the cycle. This is unfair because I want to eat but nothing is appetising and i feel gross after doing so.
Yesterday wasnt such a horrible day after all! I think iam starting to feel better day by day on the gluten-free diet! I hope i feel alittle better today and each day. knock on wood. (knock, knock). I dont feel as bad as yesterday, all symptoms less severe. I will report back as the day goes on.
Yesterday was a bad day. I had horrible digesting problems. Indigestion and pain in my stomach. I always feel awful after eating but yesterday i felt worse after I ate. I ate soem chicken and salad and about 1/2 hour later I almost doubled over in pain. The pain was like someone was pulling my intestines and pour hot vinegar on open wounds. The pain was sharp achey and "raw". It was really bad. However, I do not think I was glutened. I think it was just my body trying to digest the food. I didnt eat alot at once in my mind, but to my body, i predict it was too much at once. This morning I woke up with a bit more energy! which is a small step, yet a good sign all things considered. I hate the way my body feels right now. I hat not working out. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE , I HATE IT! :angry: :angry: !!! GRRRRRR. Does anyone feel the same way????On top of all this, I admit to being really snappy and additudinal ( is that even a word??? "to have additude with...") with my mom. When I feel bad, its easy for me to be sooooooo moody and snappy. I know it isnt her fault that this is happening to me. I am going to work really hard to me nicer and sweeter. My goal eating wise today is to eat smaller meals that are healthy and nutritious, gluten free (obviously) and soft. This morning I am feeling alittle uncomfy in my bowels. Yesterday I took GAS-X, which seems to relieve alittle of the gas and bloating.
thats all for now
This is my first entry.
I planned that yesterday was gonna be my first entry but, I felt so bad that i could barely type. I was sooo exhausted and I ached in every bone and muslce on my body. It was kinda scary not being able to get out of bed due to sheer exhaustion. I believe I was GLUTENED!!!!!
The day before yesterday, i felt alittle different, not better just different. It was my first day on a gluten free diet. My energy was and still is low but it seemed different two days ago when i first started the diet. Anyways, two night ago ( on my first day of gluten-free) I decided to have a whey protein shake before bed. I read the label and it said Gluten Free, so i was happy about that cause, i love milky shakes. Well, let me tell you I do NOT beleive this was the case. I am 100% sure i was glutened because I couldnt move from aches and exhaustion when i opened my eyes in the morning. I cant imagine whta else it could have been because i have been sooo careful. So i have decided to cut them out of my diet completely completely, and stick to whole foods, with minimal ingredients to them, so I KNOW they are GLUTEN FREE!
AS the day went on yesterday, i slowly felt alittle less awful and by evening i wasnt feel as HORRIFIC. I actually ate, real food and a good quantity of food, with minimal nausea. however i did have bad indigestion and vomitted alittle after I ate strawberries and almond butter, but i believe my body wasnt ready for that much food. I hope itll be better today. I have also decided to cut out soy products compeltey because i have heared that they can be problematic for people with celiac disease. is this true??? Itll be a toughy because i like soy stuff and soy like gluten can be EVERYWHERE!!!!! AAAAHHHH
so this morning i actually was able to get out of bed!!!! No jokes. I actually rolled over and sat up, imagine that. I actually feel a tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny bit better. Mabey things are gonna get better from here....I HOPE SOOOOOO, im soo sick of feeling sooo sick. I am also terrified of malnutrition and having to be put on IV. has anyone else here gone into the hospital for malnutrion due to celiac disease???? At the moment i am feeling a bit constipated and gassy. It sucks. I and we all need a break form this poop. I hope today is better.