Kaycee's Blog

We all have our secrets, some big some small, some we would like to share, and others we just want to hide away from.

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Sons are for keeps and sons keep me going, I would hate to think where I would be without my sons, all four of them. I would like to think we are close, but I would like to be closer.

Life is pretty interesting and life can be tough, but life is what it is all about, and the strength of our character to keep us here on this mortal coil.

Yesterday was disasterously tragic.

The first tragedy was the fact it was the first day at work after the holidays. Not so tragic you reckon? No, not tragic, but it all went downhill from there!

First thing at work I was told Mrs R had died. "Mrs R, who is she?" I asked, I had a fair idea, I thought the teller had got it wrong because the person I immedately thought of is not Mrs R, but Miss W-A. It turns out it was who I thought it was, Miss W-A, but pretty much all the staff knew her as Mrs R. That is tragic, but the other tragedy is that she was nearly nine months pregnant and the baby died as well. Her 13 year old son had found her at home. There is speculation about maybe a fit, but we can't go by that until it is known for sure. My heart goes out for her and her family, and all their hopes dashed in a single instant. Her oldest son was a student at the school I work in a couple of years back. I only saw him the other day, said hello, and he walked on right past me. Aye, 13 is an interesting age. I will go to her and her unborn baby's funeral on behalf of the school.

Further to this tragedy is another one, not so close to home, but no less tragic. One of my older sons school friend's mother died the other day from cancer from what I gather. Every-time I saw her or thought of her family it reminds me of the time our sons got into a bit of strife quite a few years back. Painful memories, but they have grown up since. It makes me feel old she was only 3 years older than me, where-as Miss W-A was a full 11 years younger.

I don't know if the next bit of news fits into the same tragic arena, but putting it into perspective, it is the lesser tragedy, but it will have far more reaching effects for me and my family. My oldest son rang up last night, chatted for a few minutes sounding quite chirpy then said he had something to say, nothing too bad, but are you sitting down mum? I knew what was coming. Mothers just know what is next. Then he told me, that he and his wife have decided to give up on their 5 year old marriage. I should've been shell-shocked distraught and everything, but I think I was too numb from the earlier bad news, to even think about it too much. It is sad, and we all want what is right for our kids, and we want them to have perfect lives etc etc. Now he has/they have really mucked things up. There will be a lot of anugish and toil in the future as they settle things up. I don't envy them, but I give them credit for making this big decision and going through with it. I do not want them to keep up the pretence of a happy marriage if that is not what it is. I would rather them be happy even if it means making fearful decisions. But I would rather them be happy, whether together or apart. It take two to make a marriage work, and I have been there and done that and picked myself up again after his father and I separated. He realises he had made mistakes when he got married, he admits there were signs. She was a girl from Vietnam living in Sydney and my son was from NZ in Sydney. They met, fell in love and got married. It is not that simple, there was a bit of pressure they felt for them to get married at 21. She was faced with having to go back to Vietnam after graduating from university, but they felt they wanted to be together forever and marriage was the only way they could see that happening. They seemed so very happy at the start. But I guess they were really too young to get married.

I must go, this is just a little bit of how my life is going these last couple of days, bolts out of the blue and lots of heartache. I feel like packing my bags and going to Sydney to give him a big fat hug. I haven't seem him for nearly 4 years.

I must go

Cathy