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SkinnyT

Concerned!

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After being nuts for so long because of celiac I feel almost embarassed and extremely hostile about so many things.

It is hard to explain really, I was hoping some people might just understand what I am talking about.

My school basically screwed me, I almost failed out of uni and paid out the ear to stay in. I feel abused and against their system on a fundamental level because basically as I see it I almost died from malnutrition, definitely went insane and had the worst few years of my life under the eye of their establishment... Which has been a huge struggle I am still trying to get money back from classes I did not even go to nevermind the 5 or so that I dropped and paid for in full.

relationships with family and friends have been stressed, went thru a lot of drugs when I was depressed and darned myself up even more.

Now I know to look forward but it is like I have to adapt a new way of thinking while a few years of my life were just written right off.

I am concerned about my capabilities. Am I less mentally able after what I went through? Was my development "retarded" because of the disease.

I guess it is hard to measure these things... But my physical reactions to the experience only leave me guessing about psychological/neurological problems.

Gray hairs, balding at 22... always been underweight finally starting to gain. Was always tired for a while, did not sleep at all for a whole month. Was unable to read at one point because I could not focus on a full sentence and remember it.

I feel so much better now but I realize little things mostly social things which make me feel ... stupid!!!!

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After being nuts for so long because of celiac I feel almost embarassed and extremely hostile about so many things.

It is hard to explain really, I was hoping some people might just understand what I am talking about.

My school basically screwed me, I almost failed out of uni and paid out the ear to stay in. I feel abused and against their system on a fundamental level because basically as I see it I almost died from malnutrition, definitely went insane and had the worst few years of my life under the eye of their establishment... Which has been a huge struggle I am still trying to get money back from classes I did not even go to nevermind the 5 or so that I dropped and paid for in full.

relationships with family and friends have been stressed, went thru a lot of drugs when I was depressed and darned myself up even more.

Now I know to look forward but it is like I have to adapt a new way of thinking while a few years of my life were just written right off.

I am concerned about my capabilities. Am I less mentally able after what I went through? Was my development "retarded" because of the disease.

I guess it is hard to measure these things... But my physical reactions to the experience only leave me guessing about psychological/neurological problems.

Gray hairs, balding at 22... always been underweight finally starting to gain. Was always tired for a while, did not sleep at all for a whole month. Was unable to read at one point because I could not focus on a full sentence and remember it.

I feel so much better now but I realize little things mostly social things which make me feel ... stupid!!!!

I am sorry things have been so difficult for you. I think you are correct to realize you must adapt to a new way of thinking, but please don't just write off the past few years of your life. We all learn so much from difficult times and without realizing come out stronger and better equipped to face what lies ahead. The important thing may be to walk away with having learned many lessons, appreciate these lessons and look forward. I have found that when you dwell on the past too much it becomes a detriment to your future and holds you back. The past is the past and it cannot be changed. It serves noone to hold resentments, it only keeps you yourself down and alienates those around you. Take it one day at a time and stay as positive as you can. Look for the postive things that are all around you and build upon those. When you start to feel anger and hostility over the past don't let that be an excuse to fail. Remind yourself that what you have now is your present and future and to have a bright and positive future, you must have a bright and positive outlook. Be kind to others, be happy, be grateful and all will fall into place. Keep learning from your mistakes along the way. We all make mistakes and errors in judgement. I am not saying it will be easy, but once you let go of the past you may find the present and future much more pleasant and worthwhile.

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We are a product of our experiences and our personalities. A lesser person would have used those years as an excuse to whine the rest of their lives and not be productive. But you've taken the first step toward a productive and happy future by expressing a desire for a new outlook. You can do it too. Focus on every new fealing of health and good experience. Relive those feelings and experiences in your mind and you will draw more and more good things to you. I can see a great future ahead for you.

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