Grandmas, Granpas, & Aunties How Do You Deal With Relatives?

[teresasupermom]

I am so stressed out about dealing with the inlaws. They are trying really hard, but they do so many things that revolve around food, going out to eat, etc. I feel like such a jerk, but I just called my sister in law and insisted on my daughter taking a sandwich to the restaurant they are going to. I am stressed out enough about her eating in a restaurant, let alone eating food cooked there. She is reacting off of everything and I just can't get her levels under control. My sister in law didn't say anything, but I just feel like everyone thinks I am being overkill. I feel like if they got it they would ask me to pack her something and not make me have to say something. I feel like if they really understood how serious this is they would ask my input on what she can eat. They are trying really hard so I am not really wanting to complain, but I am having major anxiety right now about my dd going out with them. Does this anxiety get better? Will she ever be able to eat in a restaurant?

[mushroom]

Unless she is a super, super sensitive, of course she will be able to eat in a restaurant. You would probably not be so stressed out if you were going to be there yourself to supervise. But no, I don't think what you are doing is overkill. If you have not yet stabilized her diet it makes perfect sense for her to take her own food rather than almost for sure eating something she shouldn't with your inlaws. Stick to your guns and send the sandwich, and instruct her not to eat anything else and drink only a glass of water. Until you can get everything under control this is the only sensible thing to do.

[Mizzo]

Trying to protect your child or yourself from pain is not being overkill. Until your child is responsible enough to handle situations on their own you will have to champion the battle for them. That's what parents do. If you feel the need to explain, tell them your child needs a year sometimes longer to heal and for you to figure out her sensitivity level, until then you have to be extra careful.

There are restaurants that are safe for Celiacs and yes you can go there. Outback and Uno's have dedicated gluten-free cooking area's . Suggest those for next time. I think they both allow you to bring gluten-free buns or bread for burgers if you want, check to be sure. My dd always get steak or pizza so I am not sure.

We got dx last April and I still send food with my dd wherever she goes, doesn't matter if it's my sisters or a school mates house I stopped explaining myself after the first accidental gluten attack. She has gone out to eat only 1 time without me or my husband and it was to a local mexican place we eat at safely and I wrote down how to order her meal. Try writing down how to order it might help you to feel better and explain your child should sit in the inside if it's a booth to eliminate cross contamination when food is passed over the table.

The anxiety lessens, really it does.

good luck

[teresasupermom]

Unless she is a super, super sensitive, of course she will be able to eat in a restaurant.

Right now I am beginning to think she is super sensitive. I'm not 100% sure, but we've been at this a year and her levels are still "highly positive". We just recently (not quite a month) switched the whole house over to gluten free. We have one restaurant we eat at and they cook her food in a separate skillet. Even with that I am paranoid, but dh thinks it's fine. He's supportive, but he still underestimates contamination risks. Because her levels are so high I can't even tell when she's been glutened. That's what makes it so hard to gauge things. Anyhow, I feel better about this. This morning I talked to my dd and asked her if she'd rather have a hamburger at the restaurant or a sandwich. She said a sandwich because she was afraid the food would have something in it that would make her sick. I'm not sure how much of this food anxiety she picks up from me and how much of it she has all on her own from being sick all the time. Either way she is comfortable with the decision and that's all that matters. I am sure I am going to have to deal with this again real soon. I hate it because my inlaws are very involved in my kids lives. I don't want to stand in the way of their relationship, but I also wish they would do less food related things. Her GI appt is coming up. I am thinking about asking her doctor to write up a care plan of some sort that says to avoid restaurants. I feel like if I had some of this in writing it might make people get it.

[Ahorsesoul]

Make her favorite sandwich and a to-die-for-dessert that will have everyone wishing they'd come to your house.

Stress to your daughter that it is the socialization that is important and not the food. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders to say she would rather have a sandwich instead of eating there. You should be proud of yourself for raising her!

Give her levels time to come down. It might take awhile and you may find it's something weird like her toothpaste or soda causing the high levels. Gluten is so sneaky. The other day a co-worker who is trying to go gluten-free came in munching some licorice. It was shock to them when I pointed out it was not gluten free.

My question would be why do you feel you have to call family members to tell them your daughter is bringing her own food? She sounds old enough or maybe mature enough to handle it. Dealing with relatives, best way I have found is to do it quietly and stand firm. You are never going to convince them that a little bit does make a difference to her health. Spouses, on the other hand might come around. It took my DH 10 years before he gave up his poisoned bread at lunch. Now he refuses to eat anything at his work unless I made it. He found out he feels so much better eating gluten free. Give yours time.

I'm glad to hear you have a gluten free house! I'm surprised at the people who will not do this for their loved ones health. Your whole family will benefit from this change. You are a wonderful mom.

[teresasupermom]

My question would be why do you feel you have to call family members to tell them your daughter is bringing her own food? She sounds old enough or maybe mature enough to handle it. Dealing with relatives, best way I have found is to do it quietly and stand firm. You are never going to convince them that a little bit does make a difference to her health. Spouses, on the other hand might come around. It took my DH 10 years before he gave up his poisoned bread at lunch. Now he refuses to eat anything at his work unless I made it. He found out he feels so much better eating gluten free. Give yours time.

She's only 7 so if my inlaws bought her something she would eat it if they told her too. She's not quite old enough to speak up for herself yet. She's almost there though. But having her working with me sure helps.

I sure wish I could figure out what is triggering her. Getting my family on board was tough, but they are coming around. Besides they can eat gluten at work and school so that helps.

[frieze]

She's only 7 so if my inlaws bought her something she would eat it if they told her too. She's not quite old enough to speak up for herself yet. She's almost there though. But having her working with me sure helps.

I sure wish I could figure out what is triggering her. Getting my family on board was tough, but they are coming around. Besides they can eat gluten at work and school so that helps.

does she share a bed room with a sibling that is eating/handling gluten at school?

[teresasupermom]

does she share a bed room with a sibling that is eating/handling gluten at school?

Yes? I am guessing more handwashing is in order. I could probably rearrange things so she is in her own room if I had to.

[GlutenFreeManna]

If she has still been getting sick or having high levels on her blood tests I would just not let her go out to eat without you or her dad until she is older and understands better what she can't eat. It may be very likely that your relatives are giving her "just a bite" of gluten here and there think "just a little won't hurt." I know that's hard to think, but we see so many accounts of relatives making things that are supposed to be gluten free but putting just a little flour or something into the food. Sometimes it's done on purpose to "prove" that this gluten thing is all in your mind. Sometimes it's done out of ignorance of how serious celiac really is or ignorance about what ingredients really have gluten in them. The best thing you can do is to not blame them for anything but explain very firmly that she is not getting better and you need to have a stricter supervision of her diet for a while. Take her to spend time with them when you can be there the whole time so she doesn't miss out on the relationship, but be firm that she is not to have an meals without you watching what she eats. Once they have gotten used to her bringing her own food and she has gotten used to saying no when they offer her food it should get better and you can look at trusting them/her. It's also possible that she is sneaking food if she doesn't yet understand what she can and cannot eat. You are not being rude or doign all this to punish her/them. It is because you love your daughter and want her to be healthy.