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darlindeb25

You Know You Are Celiac If...........

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You know you're a celiac if...

...you've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

...at Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

...you've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

...you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

...you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

...you've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.

...a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.

...you've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

...you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.

...it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is

ruined.

...you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

...you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat

display in a fit of rage.

...you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.

...you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like

sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.

...the centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine with memorial candles.

...your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play

Doh.

...your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

...one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo

Cookies".

...you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your

mayo.

...you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.

.........You pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.

...your family thinks you're crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn't hurt right?

.......your financial portfolio consists of stock in two major toilet paper companies.

.......you are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without flour, cheese, yeast, tomatoes, beef, garlic and oregano.

.......you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis.

......you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips.

.......you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups

....having solid poop is the highlight of your day.

....you have actually doodled a new cartoon dog on your notes named "Sprue"

.....you have a sign in your kitchen saying "Gluten free environment"

.....you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck

… you have to buy extra memory for your Treo to be able to carry all your gluten-free food and restaurant suggestions

...you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" ... without your face twitching

...you know all about xanthan gum and its uses.

..you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.

... you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.

…you read the ingredient label on green tea - plain green tea.

….you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.

…..you pay relatives back east exorbitant shipping rates to send you a $12 six pack of Gluten-free beer.

…you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer

….there is a separate cabinet in your kitchen dedicated solely to all your supplements (vitamins, BCQ, digestive enzymes, etc.)

…you hear of a new health food store opening in a city close by and get ridiculously excited only to drive there, spend 2 hours walking around the place, reading labels, only to leave empty handed

….you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby

...you take a list of safe drinks to the bar with you. And actually consult it before you order a drink.

...you see someone buying rice flour in the bulk section and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!

…it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins.

....people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert

..... You've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.

..... You talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurences that everyone gets nearly every year.

...You've ever watched your own -scopy, and asked the doc to point out anything cool.

..... Your friend invites you over for your birthday and want to make you a gluten free birthday cake but you plead with them not to, because although you're trying to seem like you don't want to put them through the hassle, you're secretly terrified there will be cross contamination.

..your 'favorites' sites are mostly celiac sites;

...you hugged a chef for making you special meals every time you walk in.

…You've mastered the art of lying when other people ask you if you're hungry.

...you go to a potluck at a friends place and your dish is gluten-free. You dive into it first so that you get something to eat before others contaminate it.

... you long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and pantries just to see what normal people eat.

…. You spend all morning on celiac.com forums.


Deb

Long Island, NY

Double DQ1, subtype 6

We urge all doctors to take time to listen to your patients.. don't "isolate" symptoms but look at the whole spectrum. If a patient tells you s/he feels as if s/he's falling apart and "nothing seems to be working properly", chances are s/he's right!

"The calm river of your life approaches the rocky chute of the rapids - flow on through. You are the same water. The rocks cannot hurt you. Remember, now and then, that you are the water and not the boat. Flow on!

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Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

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Thanks for the laugh! So funny--and so true :D


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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ROFLMAO!! I know we've had these before, and a lot are repeats, but somehow it doesn't get any less funny when I read them again. Love it!!!


Jillian

Positive Blood test and Biopsy

Inflamed stomach lining

Gluten free since July 6, 2005

Tarrytown, NY

"Sometimes being a b$tch is all a woman has to hold onto." - Dolores Claiborne

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Yeah--we always need a laugh---my favorite might be: …it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins. The other favorite is: ….you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby...........and still they don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :unsure:


Deb

Long Island, NY

Double DQ1, subtype 6

We urge all doctors to take time to listen to your patients.. don't "isolate" symptoms but look at the whole spectrum. If a patient tells you s/he feels as if s/he's falling apart and "nothing seems to be working properly", chances are s/he's right!

"The calm river of your life approaches the rocky chute of the rapids - flow on through. You are the same water. The rocks cannot hurt you. Remember, now and then, that you are the water and not the boat. Flow on!

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You know you are a celiac when:

On a particularly brutal day you are having, you contemplate telling your husband to put this insription on your headstone:

"Herein lies proof that gluten kills........"


Karen

positive bloodwork, positive biopsy

Celiac, collagenous colitis, hypothyroidism

endometriosis (at age 20)

spinal stenosis (early 20's)

Biopsy August 2006 confirmed complete villous atrophy despite being gluten-free for years and bloodwork within range showing compliance with diet. Doctor has confirmed diagnosis of Refractory Celiac Sprue.

Endoscopy also showed numerous stomach ulcers, have started taking Losec.

Mother to Eileen 13 yrs

Rhiannon 8 yrs

Daniel & Connor 6 yr twin boys......

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us."

Orison Swett Marden

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-- Victor Borge

"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."

Tom Nansbury

"Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac."

Unknown

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You know you are a celiac when:

You flush the toilet while you are still sitting down, hoping that the smell will stay within the bowl (it never works though....... <_< )


Karen

positive bloodwork, positive biopsy

Celiac, collagenous colitis, hypothyroidism

endometriosis (at age 20)

spinal stenosis (early 20's)

Biopsy August 2006 confirmed complete villous atrophy despite being gluten-free for years and bloodwork within range showing compliance with diet. Doctor has confirmed diagnosis of Refractory Celiac Sprue.

Endoscopy also showed numerous stomach ulcers, have started taking Losec.

Mother to Eileen 13 yrs

Rhiannon 8 yrs

Daniel & Connor 6 yr twin boys......

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us."

Orison Swett Marden

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-- Victor Borge

"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."

Tom Nansbury

"Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac."

Unknown

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After 6 yrs of being gluten-free I can say most of those no longer apply to me:) My bread is fantastic and reminds me of wheat bread (Thank you Tom!) I do like my food and don't miss the old stuff one bit since I got a good bread recipe:) Tom says it came from God, what ever, I just know its wonderful and you can make wonderful things like fig newtons from the mix:)


Me: 30

gluten-free since 2000 due to breastfeeding reactive child, found out 1 yr later when I tried eating wheat again I had the same problem and all my health issues came back! Happily went right back to gluten-free diet)

+ DNA test, multiple markers

osteopenia & severe dental damage from long term malnutrition

dd: 6

gluten-free since 4 months old due to severe gluten reactivity (diarrhea and cramps from mom eating gluten and getting it though breast milk)

+ DNA test

Never had a Twinkie and thinks fresh fruit is to die for!:)

dd: 5 months, awaiting DNA testing, mommy got glutened and I got diarrhea!

12 family members with celiac (mix of biopsy dx's and known reactivity to gluten)

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