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jackay

Kissing

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I asked him if he has done any research on gluten or if he'd be willing to do any. He responded "Not at this point." That pretty much says it all. He is staying ignorant so I am staying away. Not the best grounds for a marriage but than what is a marriage if it puts one health is at stake?

I say call him out on this. Literally, "If you care about me, you should care about my health. If you care about my health, you should care about me staying healthy and not harming my health. So why the refusal to learn how I can best stay healthy?" And don't take p%$#@#foot "I don't have time" answers - that means "I don't have time to prioritize you over myself". I'm not actually suggesting that he doesn't care; I'm suggesting that he's avoiding the issue and doesn't realize that he's coming across as an inconsiderate boob.*

I don't require my husband to brush his teeth, but it'll be awhile after he eats before I kiss him. (Amylase will help break down starches so they can be washed away by saliva. That's been good enough for me, but I realize it is NOT good enough for everyone.) Heck, he'll warn me *not* to kiss him if he's recently eaten something evil. At first, he also thought it was overreacting, but came to understand that even if it's a bit of paranoia that makes me worry about such "small amounts of contamination" (please note the sarcasm intended by those quotation marks), it's probably better to be paranoid and safe, than careless and sick all the time. It's the tradeoff.

I would have a serious discussion with him, trying to make sure you guys UNDERSTAND each other. Not yet agree. Not blame, not suggest, not tell, not anything but "help me understand your side" from both of you. Talk about solutions again another day, after you've both had time to ruminate on what's going on in the other person's brain.

*Side note - with a new mom and a bunch of preggies in the friend's circle, breasts have been a topic of discussion. (Dear lord, will they stop getting bigger?! Breastfeeding isn't exactly easy! Ow, stop biting me! :) ) So, the phrase "inconsiderate boob" strikes me as hilarious. Is it the one that grows way faster than the other? The one the baby keeps mauling? Do they really have minds of their own?! Sorry for the thread drift, but it's really kind of hilarious. :D

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My dh is definitely not the nurturing type. Hasn't been in the past and I don't see it coming in the future. I always considered him hard on our kids, too, but they were able to handle it.

The night before last, I gave my dh a peck on the lips. Scared me, but I did sleep that night. Yesterday is when I said no more kissing for the time being. He has given me the cold shoulder ever since. Hopefully this will pass in time.

Anyway, I slept again last night. I can't remember when I have gotten a significant amount of sleep two nights in a row. Also no diarrhea this morning. :)

If everyone had the same reaction to gluten it would be so much easier. It is hard for others to believe that food can cause anxiety and insomnia. It goes into the stomach so the symptons should relate to that. If only it were that simple! In fact, if it were that simple, I think the last 15 years would have greatly improved. It wasn't until I started in with diarrhea that my doctor suspected gluten.

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My dh is definitely not the nurturing type. Hasn't been in the past and I don't see it coming in the future. I always considered him hard on our kids, too, but they were able to handle it.

Oh, I don't mean you should be asking him to nurture you. He should just respect you. Ignoring your health needs and putting his convenience over your physical health is showing distinct DISRESPECT, regardless of "nurturing".

(Yeah, I feel kind of strongly on the issue of basic respect for other people's decisions. :D )

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Hi all, new around here, thought I would give the other perspective.

My wife was diagnosed about a year ago. She is also hypothyroid and has neurocardiogenic syncopy(fainting spells). The time leading up to her diagnosis was a very painful one. She had no energy, and frequently broke out in painful rashes(dh). The gluten free diet has helped her a lot, but she still gets contaminated. Our whole family has gone gluten free(I have two daughters from my previous marriage that is with us on weekends and vacations). We just don't want to take the risk of anything getting in her system. We don't eat out anymore and rarely eat as guests of friends and family.I still drink beer, but understand I definitely can't kiss her when I do, usually not until the next day and some vigarous cleaning. Her contamination cycle is heartbreaking. When she gets it, she breaks out in dh. Then she has about a week where her energy is completely sapped, and she gets depressed. Our nutritionist confirmed that when she's contaminated, she can't absorb her thyroid medicine, so she has no metabolism. Every time the dh comes back, we know we're in for a rough week.

It took me awhile to figure out the lifestyle changes that we would both have to make in order for her to get healthy. She's about to turn 40, and she's had this all her life. Her doctor told her it would take a couple of years to repair all of the damage that's been done to her system. It's difficult for me, although not nearly as difficult as it is for her. I think people need to come to the realization that this is not an allergy, or a digestive problem. This is a DISEASE, like cancer. It needs to be treated with the same kind of vigilance. It's tough, sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to deal with it the rest of my life. But she's the best thing to ever happen to me, so we keep pushing onSo please, cut your SO's a little slack. Explain what you're going through in no uncertain terms, and let them know that this is a lifestyle change. I don't know that everyone needs to live in a gluten free household, but I know that I would do everything in my power to help make sure she never gets contaminated again. But when she does, I summon all the strength that I have to help her get through it.

Hope you don't mind if I post this in the "families" section as well.

Amazing, thanks so much for sharing this. Totally has given me hope notkuroda :) I am on day 9 of trying to be gluten free but I am still in pain even though we have cleaned out the kitchen and given me seperate cupboards and pots and pan's and I wash my stuff seperatly, I'm still doing something wrong and probably still having contamination issues but reading this gives me hope!

Thanks again

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I know you're hurting and sick. You can hope he'll eventually come around but in the meantime could you try something like scratching his back? My husband just really likes to be touched and I found if I got a skin scrubber thing (like for exfoliating the legs or something) and scratch it over his back he's very happy and feels loved and it doesn't tire me out the way scratching or rubbing with my hands does.

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My DH is coming around. We talked about it last night. He listened as I quoted information from books and looked at my test results showing my food intolerances. Before this he wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He asked how he could help me. I asked him to be super careful because of gluten contamination and to be patient with me. I am hoping after a couple of months this will all be routine for the both of us. For now, no kissing. I don't want to chance it until healed. I know the toothpaste I use is gluten free but I haven't checked yet if his is. Hopefully, in the future kissing is back. :)

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Whoohoo! Congrats on the first step. If he's not opposed to hugs (and other forms of physical affection), I'd vote for replacing ever temptation for a kiss (right now, until you're back on to that) with a hug or something along those lines.

As for toothpastes, I know that anything by Crest or Colgate is gluten free. Tom's of Maine is too. Sensodyne has some outsourced ingredients that they won't say are gluten free.

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My DH is coming around. We talked about it last night. He listened as I quoted information from books and looked at my test results showing my food intolerances. Before this he wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He asked how he could help me. I asked him to be super careful because of gluten contamination and to be patient with me. I am hoping after a couple of months this will all be routine for the both of us. For now, no kissing. I don't want to chance it until healed. I know the toothpaste I use is gluten free but I haven't checked yet if his is. Hopefully, in the future kissing is back. :)

Hooray for you!!

Bea

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