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Harpgirl

Get Creative Describing Your Symptoms - Zombie Porcupines!

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I've been suffering from gluten exposure recently and because I don't "look sick," I started coming up with ways to describe how I feel. I have several symptoms, but the best thing I've found to get my point across about the pain is to say that it feels like I swallowed a porcupine.

 

I stepped it up by doing something fun. On my author blog, I dressed up a picture of a porcupine to "zombify" it. Green eyes and everything. ;) "Forget brains...must destroy guts." Because there's no mercy to the pain and no perfect way to stop it than time. I'd post it here if you guys want me to, but I haven't even showed it to my boys because my 6-year-old is afraid of "zombies." lol. Didn't know if it would be okay here.

 

Anyway, creating the picture turned out to be fun. Kind of like hitting the bulls-eye on a dunk tank with a someone who knows how to throw insults.

 

So what are some creative ways that you can come up with to describe what gluten does to you?

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One night the hubby and I was watching Cloverfield and he made a funny, at the time it wasn't so funny as we had in july an incident with a local PF Changs mentioned in a past post but that is another ball of wax. So back to the cloverfield deal, in the movie where the one actor Lizzy Caplan plays as Marlena Diamond gets bit and they are in the  army lab and she states I do not feel so good, and they grab her yelling we have a bite and she starts to swell and explode. Well I  obviously do not physically explode, but I cry, and turn emo, and ragey and have terrible bloating and other not nice things to  speak on. So  we refer to gluten and glutening as "glutenfield."

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One night the hubby and I was watching Cloverfield and he made a funny, at the time it wasn't so funny as we had in july an incident with a local PF Changs mentioned in a past post but that is another ball of wax. So back to the cloverfield deal, in the movie where the one actor Lizzy Caplan plays as Marlena Diamond gets bit and they are in the  army lab and she states I do not feel so good, and they grab her yelling we have a bite and she starts to swell and explode. Well I  obviously do not physically explode, but I cry, and turn emo, and ragey and have terrible bloating and other not nice things to  speak on. So  we refer to gluten and glutening as "glutenfield."

:lol: Too funny! I haven't seen Cloverfield yet, but isn't it funny how gluten is like a horror movie? I literally have nightmares about eating gluten.

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Sometimes I say that I look like the Pillsbury Doughboy!

Oh yeah, I get that too. Whenever I get glutened, at some point I will also be menstruating since my symptoms tend to last 5 weeks. I have certain clothes that just will not fasten during those weeks.

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They call me Patty Poopy Pants

And I don't feel so hot

My brain is in a constant fog

My rash itches a lot

 

It's hard to get to sleep at night

Although I'm always tired

My doctor thinks I'm crazy so

It's time that he was fired

 

My feet are swollen every night

My joints all really ache

I get the hiccups every day

I just can't catch a break

 

I need to keep a bathroom near

Except when I'm constipated

The gas pains have me doubled over

No wonder I'm so frustrated

 

The doctor says it's IBS

Or else all in my head

Sometimes I think if I had a gun

That doctor would be dead

 

For years I've suffered needlessly

With nausea and tootin'

When all I really had to do

Was take myself off gluten

That is awesome!  :lol:

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During my worst flares we use my least favorite, yet extremely accurate nickname....'Human Amoeba'.

'BubbleGirl' takes care of my "allergic" reactions to environment and exercise.

And then there is one many of us like to use...I'm feeling froggy...started when someone with brain fog mistyped...and it fits.

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During my worst flares we use my least favorite, yet extremely accurate nickname....'Human Amoeba'.

'BubbleGirl' takes care of my "allergic" reactions to environment and exercise.

And then there is one many of us like to use...I'm feeling froggy...started when someone with brain fog mistyped...and it fits.

lol, my hubby and I use BubbleGirl too. When I'm making dinner, I hold at least one thoroughly washed hand up as if I were a surgeon avoiding contamination of my patient.

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On Tuesday when i was hitting the peak of my emotional madness (post glutening) at work I wanted to put a sign around my neck that said "warning: volatile specimen. Approach with caution" or something along the lines of me being a psycho b. sigh.. now I am just to the week long lingering of nausea and multiple trips to the bathroom. Happy wedding anniversary!

 

something weird is going on in there...

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Lol@the "bubble girl" comments. My baby has in several occasions that he's opted sticking me in a bubble. It usually ends up with me saying nih uh, let's no be ridiculous.

During my worst flares we use my least favorite, yet extremely accurate nickname....'Human Amoeba'.

'BubbleGirl' takes care of my "allergic" reactions to environment and exercise.

And then there is one many of us like to use...I'm feeling froggy...started when someone with brain fog mistyped...and it fits.

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Bartful, you're the best!

 

And aside from my boyfriend singing silly songs about me pooping (which is kind of endearing in a gross annoying way), I just say that, when it really bad post-glutening emotional rages, "Either it'll kill me or I'll kill someone, whichever comes first"

 

Yep, my gut hates me.

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Lava diarrehia. Sometimes with constipation at the same time. Yeah, I didn't think it was possible either, but I'm on the cutting edge of bathroom science. Boldly going where no man will admit to having gone before...

 

"Either it'll kill me or I'll kill someone, whichever comes first"  ...I'm stealing that.

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