Does Anyone Else Hate To Eat?

[Guest cassidy]

I really hate to eat. I think it is from all those years of getting sick after I ate. I think my mind came up with an association like food=pain and now I really don't get any pleasure or fun out of eating. I find it a chore that I hate to do several times a day. Now that I'm pregnant I feel like I'm constantly eating which may because it takes me like 45 minutes to get down a meal.

Here is my idea. I saw my cat eating his food and he has eaten the same dry food every day for the last 5 years. He loves his food and never has to worry about picking out what he is going to have for dinner. There is a chart on the bag, if your cat weights this much, feed him this much, if you want him to lose weight decrease it by this much.

I think someone should develop human pellets. They would be like cat or dog food where you would measure out how much you need based on your age and weight. They would be completely hypoallergenic so everyone could eat them without a problem. They would be as small as tic tacs so if you didn't feel like chewing them you could jus swallow them whole. They would be complete nutrition so by the time you ate your daily requirement you would have gotten 100% of all vitamins. They would taste like water - just a pleasant non-taste.

So, do we have any experts out there that can manufacture my human pellets? I think I need to work on the name but they would sure make life easier.

[plantime]

My cat and dog foods have flavors. Each shape/color is a different flavor, and the animals will pick out the flavors they want to eat each time they go to the bowl. Perhaps our food pellets should be that way, so that our tastebuds get a workout when we eat.

I am sorry that you do not enjoy eating. Perhaps a good therapist could help you overcome the mental block and start enjoying food again.

[Nantzie]

I TOTALLY get what you're saying. I think it's a great idea. Didn't they do that on the Jetson's?

I never had the dislike of eating before I went gluten-free. I was always hungry then. But after I went gluten-free, I started hating to eat. The whole process was just gross, from the smell while you were cooking, to the chewing and swallowing, to it sitting in your stomach like a lump. It was a lot like having morning sickness.

That went away for me after a few months. Then my appetite came back a little bit; I was enjoying the food, although in small portions. Now I'm back to not liking to eat, but it's not as bad as before.

This isn't a mental block. It's a symptom/side effect. Although I can see why someone who hasn't been through this particular symptom might make that assumption, I'm saddened and honestly a little offended by the replies to this thread.

With over 200 symptoms of celiac and gluten intolerance, we have to remember that not everyone gets the same symptoms. I've also seen on more than one occasion people with celiac having the past experience of being diagnosed with anorexia or bulemia as teenagers only to find out that they have celiac disease.

Most of us here have had doctors, family or friends who rolled their eyes and told us celiac or gluten intolerance was all in our head, or stress, or hypochondria.

Lets try and be more supportive of all the different ways that this condition manifests itself.

With kindest intent,

Nancy

[tarnalberry]

The experience you're talking about - hating eating due to the pain - it a pretty classic pavlovian response. I have had to work through (and am working through) some of the same issues with sex. If you're still haveing trouble with it, I encourage seeing a psychologist to help you with this. Undoing classic conditioning is a a psychological process, and having someone who knows the optimal way to go about doing it can help you get it done more quickly, rather than stumbling through it over years and years and years. (The basic gist, however, is to make sure that every experience of eating you have is as pleasurable as possible in every way and restrain the conditioned response the way you want it.)

[miles2go]

Cassidy, I'm sorry that you're having trouble eating, but your post made me laugh. If I ever get a recipe for human pellets, I'll be sure to post. You know that saying, "some eat to live, some live to eat", well I used to be the latter for the longest time and since then, I am sometimes more in the former camp. Is it something that maybe the pregnancy has made more pronounced? (Congratulations, btw!) I made a list recently of all of my favorite foods before going gluten-free and that seemed to help some, but honestly, there are some days when I just can't take it. And amazingly, the body is incredibly resilient, but with baby on the way, I can understand how it could be frustrating.

We are doing a program called Produce Power at our workplace. Food journals and all , but the idea is to get the recommended daily requirements of fruit and veggies, which for my caloric intake equals 4 1/2 cups. Just trying to do that is enough to keep me focused most days of the week. I don't know if that'll help, but, I wish you all the best...

Those pellets would probably have soy in them if you got them at the supermarket.

[Guest adamssa]

hi cassidy,

i totally feel the same way many times. especially when i'm feeling so crappy that i can eat only veggie juice and tuna. i find that the better i feel the more i like eating. this may sound obvious, but i just try and eat the best tasting food my body can handle as often as possible. some days i want to eat, other times not, but over time it seems to be improving. i'm with your on the easy to digest human pellets though.

good luck,

Sara

[Guest cassidy]

You know that saying, "some eat to live, some live to eat", well I used to be the latter for the longest time and since then, I am sometimes more in the former camp.

We are doing a program called Produce Power at our workplace. Food journals and all , but the idea is to get the recommended daily requirements of fruit and veggies, which for my caloric intake equals 4 1/2 cups. Just trying to do that is enough to keep me focused most days of the week. I don't know if that'll help, but, I wish you all the best...

Those pellets would probably have soy in them if you got them at the supermarket.

I do count what I eat. I try to get the pregnancy requirements for water, protein and veggies and sadly I'm eating so much food that I have eaten everything I'm supposed to before dinner yet I'm still hungry.

I think it would be worse to be in the "live to eat" category. Some people are such emotional eaters that they end up obese and with many health problems because of it. I definitely want a healthy baby and I do eat when I'm hungry even though I don't want to. I think that has to be more healthy then late night carton of ice cream binges.

The experience you're talking about - hating eating due to the pain - it a pretty classic pavlovian response. I have had to work through (and am working through) some of the same issues with sex. (The basic gist, however, is to make sure that every experience of eating you have is as pleasurable as possible in every way and restrain the conditioned response the way you want it.)

If you think about it being concerned about being sick when eating isn't an unreasonable response. I would say I get glutened about once every 3 months, or once every 300 meals. It isn't at home but usually when I'm traveling and trying to make do. Then I feel sick for at least two weeks after being glutened, nevermind the occasional stomach aches for unexplained reasons. If people got in car accidents 1 in 300 times of driving, driving would be a scary thing. Also, the reason I don't get glutened more is because I am careful. Pleasurable eating to me would be to go to a nice restaurant with my husband and just order whatever sounds good. I can't do that. Like all of us, we have to talk to the chef and make sure they are making us safe food, which doesn't always happen even when you try very hard. At home my husband eats gluten so I have to wipe down counters and make sure I'm being safe at ever meal. I don't get sick at home but if I just didn't think about gluten I think I would get sick more often. So, I agree it is a classic response, however, I don't think it is unreasonable because there is always a real chance that food will get me sick.

[tarnalberry]

So, I agree it is a classic response, however, I don't think it is unreasonable because there is always a real chance that food will get me sick.

That's my whole point - classic conditioning is hard to undo because it is - above all else - extraordinarily reasonable. It's the body being extraordinarily logical. Only, it's logical for a particular situation, but that situation is *not* static. Especially not now that you know how to avoid getting sick. Figuring out how to make eating pleasurable again may be tough - and going out to eat isn't the only answer to "what makes eating pleasurable?" as there are a number of other things that cause a pleasure response in the brain than that when it comes to food.

So I hope you don't read my response as one that's calling those feelings relating to food as unreasonable, as that certainly wasn't the intent - my intent was to call out the pschological factors at play, and noting that you can also use that to your advantage.

[LoriBelle]

Oh YES Cassidy - I know exactly what you are talking about!! I do not like food at all!!! It is something I must do to stay alive and function, but I am always aware that I could be sick from whatever I put in my mouth. (gluten-free stuff does it to me out of nowhere sometimes) Just recently, I was one of the lucky ones to get e.coli from the tainted spinach. I had horrible D for about five or six days. It was not public information yet that spinach was causing a problem. I think I'm glad that I didn't know because maybe then I would have felt sicker than I did (powerful mind/body connection). I will never eat spinach again. Ever. I knew it was the spinach because during the time I was sick, the very idea of spinach gave me the shivers. And so it goes with so many foods. Kind of like if you've ever been sick after drinking a particular alcoholic beverage. How many people do you know that will never, ever drink tequila or what-have-you ever again? (mine is tequila although I don't drink anything anymore because my system is so whimpy)

Anyway, back to the whole hating food and hating to eat thing. My girlfriend is a nurse and was recently telling me about all the kids she takes care of that have food tubes. A tube goes straight into their tummies from the outside and to eat, food is just syringed into their stomachs through the tube. She said it sounds like something like that would be the solution to much of my problems. HEAVEN!! Can you imagine? And if the food doesn't settle right, I believe she said that they can just take whatever liquid food they just put in, right back out. JOY!!! After she told me about this, I actually daydreamed about it for days - with a smile and whispering a big "ahhhhhh - if only" .

I am a fairly new poster, but one day soon I'd like to tell my story - of how I was always sick growing up and how I came to realize gluten was making me sick. But I had to tell you that you are not alone.

Pellets would scare me too - a little. If I had to only eat one or two pellets....o.k. But if I had to eat a couple handfuls....well, then - that's too much like eating food. I cannot stand the feeling of food in my stomach. Feeling full to me means feeling sick.

Lori

[Nantzie]

I was thinking something like a capsule like they use for herbs and supplements. It would be great for other things like disaster relief, military, space missions, etc. Swallow it with a glass of water. Heck, if it's hypoallergenic, you could take it while you've got morning sickness when you're pregnant. Then you wouldn't be worried about getting enough nutrition for the baby.

One of my husband's friends sells Juice Plus, which has barley in it, so not gluten-free. They are little capsules that have dehydrated veggies or fruit powder, or something like that. I never looked too much into it just because I knew we couldn't have them. But it sounded like a neat idea.

I see what Tiffany's saying about trying to make eating as pleasurable as possible to counteract the not wanting to eat. Makes sense to me.

As far as negative response to foods and drinks, I had a really, really awful experience with Peppermint Schnapps. Worst hangover I've ever had in my LIFE. Think about how fun it is for me to brush my teeth every morning. Blech!

Nancy

[bumblebby]

HAHA!

I could have written your OP!! Right down to the fact that I am pregnant too!

I do what I've got to do, especially for the baby but it seems that everythime I turn around I am having to think about food. Pellets for human? I love it!

[plantime]

The first part of my post was along the lines of the original post about food pellets. The second part was in reference to the mind-set training, classic conditioning. I am serious about the possible need for help from a professional. It is a mental block that needs to be dealt with properly. I am sorry if my post sounded unsupportive, it certainly was not meant that way.

[Nantzie]

I am sorry if my post sounded unsupportive, it certainly was not meant that way.

I know. This just hits a nerve for me I guess. I'm sorry I jumped on you.

Nancy

[MistressIsis]

oh yeah! For years I ate because I HAD to. Then they figured out why I ws sick all the time & I was afraid of food...for a loooong time. It was easier to just not eat through it all. BUt as I got better at knowing what I could & couldn't eat...and especially now that I've finally learned to cook some, well I always knew how but hated it! it's much much better.

It definitly is a block you have to work through. Think about it, for years you associated feeling full with feeling sick. Food = pain. It WILL get better and you'll learn when to stop eating so you aren't overly full.

It takes time, you're retraining everything about yourself, be nice to yourself and remind yourself it;s ok to feel what you feel.

[Guest cassidy]

So I hope you don't read my response as one that's calling those feelings relating to food as unreasonable, as that certainly wasn't the intent - my intent was to call out the pschological factors at play, and noting that you can also use that to your advantage.

I understand what you are saying. I completely agree this is a pyschological thing, I majored in psychology. I also don't think it is a situation that has gone away. For instance you mentioned sex, I think you are married so hopefully now sex wouldn't be painful because you are in a healthy relationship, regardless of what happened in the past. My husband got food poisoning from Wendy's like 10 years ago, I'm pretty sure he could eat Wendy's ok and not get sick because it they don't give people food poisoning too often. I opened my front door and almost stepped on a snake last month. For a few days I didn't want to go out of the door but I have realized there probably won't be a snake there again and if there is, it won't happen very often and that door is safe to go out of. All those fears were rational at the time and are outdated.

Will food cause me pain in the future? Absolutely, I am 100% confident in that. Should I let my guard down and just start eating what I want or stop reading labels and calling companies? No, because then I really will get sick. I think the unpleasurable part is all the pre-work that goes into eating with celiac. You can't pick up the phone and call in a pizza. You can't walk into the grocery store and just try a new product because it looks good. You can't just go to someone's house and eat dinner without knowing what they are going to serve. Those things would be fun. Checking the counter for crumbs and labels for ingredient changes and packing my food to take everywhere I go isn't fun and isn't avoidable, it is reasonable and necessary.

Using the sex example again, that is something you do a couple times a week, it can be planned and the situation set to make it enjoyable, and unless something is wrong it shouldn't be unenjoyable. Eating is something I do about 10 times a day, sometimes in situations that are out of my control. Being pregnant I have about 10 minutes from the first hunger pang until I am almost doubled over with hunger, nauseous, and have a headache. I'm a drug rep and I keep a Boost in my sample bag so if I'm stuck waiting in an office and I get hungry I can drink it so I won't pass out before I get to my car. Boost is gross and I hate breaking out in a sweat and having to drink it wherever I am because if I don't things will just get worse. So, I really think that until I have the baby, I will be in daily unpleasant situations where I have to eat and until they cure celiac I will have to be diligent about food which is unpleasant and food still will cause me pain on a fairly regular basis.

So, I'm just looking forward to when the baby is born and I don't have to eat like every 5 minutes. That really does make things worse. Maybe someone will manufacture my food pellets in the future, it could always happen. Then again, the first part of conquering a problem is admitting you have one and if I'm in denial and really not making sense with this argument, then I have a long way to go!

[IrishKelly]

I really hate to eat. I think it is from all those years of getting sick after I ate. I think my mind came up with an association like food=pain and now I really don't get any pleasure or fun out of eating. I find it a chore that I hate to do several times a day. Now that I'm pregnant I feel like I'm constantly eating which may because it takes me like 45 minutes to get down a meal.

Here is my idea. I saw my cat eating his food and he has eaten the same dry food every day for the last 5 years. He loves his food and never has to worry about picking out what he is going to have for dinner. There is a chart on the bag, if your cat weights this much, feed him this much, if you want him to lose weight decrease it by this much.

I think someone should develop human pellets. They would be like cat or dog food where you would measure out how much you need based on your age and weight. They would be completely hypoallergenic so everyone could eat them without a problem. They would be as small as tic tacs so if you didn't feel like chewing them you could jus swallow them whole. They would be complete nutrition so by the time you ate your daily requirement you would have gotten 100% of all vitamins. They would taste like water - just a pleasant non-taste.

So, do we have any experts out there that can manufacture my human pellets? I think I need to work on the name but they would sure make life easier.

LOL...Right On!!!

[tarnalberry]

I understand what you are saying. I completely agree this is a pyschological thing, I majored in psychology. I also don't think it is a situation that has gone away.

It doesn't have to be a situation that has gone away to retrain.

For instance you mentioned sex, I think you are married so hopefully now sex wouldn't be painful because you are in a healthy relationship, regardless of what happened in the past.

You assume that the pain stems from an unhealthy relationship in the past, which is untrue. It stems from a medical condition (vulvar vestibulitis, which I've mentioned a number of times on here) - one that doesn't just 'go away' (just like celiac), and one that doesn't have drugs to make the pain go away (just like celiac). And the assumption that the pain stems from psychological issues from an unhealthy relationship wouldn't support the theory that the pain would just go away in a healthy relationship anyway. (Both of these points are relevant to the food discussion, so I address them.)

Will food cause me pain in the future? Absolutely, I am 100% confident in that. Should I let my guard down and just start eating what I want or stop reading labels and calling companies? No, because then I really will get sick. I think the unpleasurable part is all the pre-work that goes into eating with celiac. You can't pick up the phone and call in a pizza. You can't walk into the grocery store and just try a new product because it looks good. You can't just go to someone's house and eat dinner without knowing what they are going to serve. Those things would be fun. Checking the counter for crumbs and labels for ingredient changes and packing my food to take everywhere I go isn't fun and isn't avoidable, it is reasonable and necessary.

Accepting that the wrong food will cause you pain in the future (which I certainly agree with!), and knowing how common the items we have to avoid are, we both agree that we have to stay aware of our food. But, phoning in pizza, trying any random new product at the store, and being surprised by what anyone cooks for you are not the only ways to have fun in relation to eating. The pre-work does not always have to be unpleasurable, nor does packing food, and part of 'deconditioning' often requires a change in approach and mindset to something that we don't usually think of changing. (Label reading... meh... it's always boring ad time consuming.) The point isn't to get back to where we were before a celiac diagnosis, but to get to a new, different point, that can still bring us pleasure, even though the nature of that pleasure may be different.

Using the sex example again, that is something you do a couple times a week, it can be planned and the situation set to make it enjoyable, and unless something is wrong it shouldn't be unenjoyable. Eating is something I do about 10 times a day, sometimes in situations that are out of my control.

A couple times a week?! I'm jealous. The point I was bringing up in mentioning my experience with deconditioning as it relates to sex is that there is something wrong - a pain condition. Along with that pain condition comes the physiological responses to pain (in this case, it's actually not vaginismus, but it's a common assumption, so I correct it ahead of time), the psychological response to pain (avoidance of what causes pain - sex), and the psychological snowball from there (reduction in actual sex drive, avoidance of the other person to avoid the potential for sex, etc.). Very similar progression to what happens with food issues, it seems.

In fact, I wonder if the comparison reaches further: in the case of the sex issue, the psychological ramifications extend to the partner (the risk of loss of sex drive there, avoidance of the other person to avoid rejection, and possibly anger and frustration extending into the rest of the relationship). Does the effect of a celiac hating food and all that goes with it spill over into his/her family and friends and affect them significantly as well? There's a question to ponder.

And just to be complete, I'll note that the entirety of sex issues are not always entirely in your control, especially with pain conditions. Heck, knowing if it would hurt would be darn helpful, and there's no label I can read for that!

Being pregnant I have about 10 minutes from the first hunger pang until I am almost doubled over with hunger, nauseous, and have a headache. I'm a drug rep and I keep a Boost in my sample bag so if I'm stuck waiting in an office and I get hungry I can drink it so I won't pass out before I get to my car. Boost is gross and I hate breaking out in a sweat and having to drink it wherever I am because if I don't things will just get worse. So, I really think that until I have the baby, I will be in daily unpleasant situations where I have to eat and until they cure celiac I will have to be diligent about food which is unpleasant and food still will cause me pain on a fairly regular basis.

So, I'm just looking forward to when the baby is born and I don't have to eat like every 5 minutes. That really does make things worse.

I can certainly see how that makes the situation harder. And given that I have had a tiny taste of what you're feeling (hypoglycemia - I'd have about 20 minutes from 'niggling headache' to 'massive nausea headache', but no hunger symptoms as a warning), I can only hope that it gets better for you soon. (Ok, I do feel like saying "at least you can have dairy", but really, there's something that limits all of us, and our perceptions of our own problems are really all that generally matter to us going through our lives, not the challenges that others have that we don't have to face.)

I think it's important to separate the issues here, though. The urgency of needing to eat is it's own issue. Having the baby won't change label reading our counter cleaning. And while celiac makes your choices more limited, there are MANY things other than Boost that you can keep with you that are non-perishable. (I think we've had that post before, with lots of suggestions, so I won't go over it again.) The point is that the two issues are separate. For me, I find the hypoglycemia more annoying than the celiac, because it has a sense of urgency that increases stress levels in a way that wouldn't happen if I could eat whenever I wanted. Even if I could have anything I wanted, the hypoglycemia (when it's not controlled) would stress me out. It's that time factor - that extraordinary unpleasant urgency - that makes the situation seem like something it's not really, when viewed calmly and objectively. But we're all different, of course, and perhaps they are equally stressing to you.

Then again, the first part of conquering a problem is admitting you have one and if I'm in denial and really not making sense with this argument, then I have a long way to go!

I think you're making sense, but it feels like, to me, from the perspective of not wanting to change. It's true that what used to qualify as pleasurable doesn't any more. That doesn't mean that other things can't be pleasurable. To use the sex comparison again, my counselor reminded me that just because intercourse isn't necessarily pleasurable all the time doesn't mean that foreplay, without expectations of more, can't be. Of course, try convincing the husband of that. Which really just goes to show that sometimes there are other things that could be pleasurable that might not ordinarily be, but you might have to figure out a way to make them pleasurable, even if it's tricky.

In the food case, for example, I used to absolutely love fresh bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. gluten-free breads don't do it for me at all (sorry, everyone who raves about this bread or the other being almost the same, it's not to me), so instead of savoring those items, I savor tea. I've always loved tea, but I use it in that place instead. It shares some of the same features (repeated small 'tastes', light, sharable), but is different in a number of ways. Does it replace what I used to enjoy? No. It's something new to enjoy instead, different, but also pleasurable. And while we mourn the loss of what we can't have, we can also look forward to new pleasures.

[key]

Cassidy,

I can completely relate to how you feel. Especially lately. I am terrified to eat lately to the point that I am losing weight. I never know when or what is going to make me sick. I haven't eaten out in like 6 weeks at all. I have had very bad luck eating out.

I bought some ensure, but I don't feel like drinking it. I would rather not waste calories on something not so great. Lately, I don't know if I will be nauseated, have reflux, D or C, bloating, or my stomach will just hurt. I haven't figured out what makes me sick (other then gluten). I don't eat meat, so giving up dairy really stinks, but I have cut way back. Kinnikinnick breads haven't been agreeing with me. Too much fat is aweful and too much suger isn't good. Caffeine is bad, but the one thing I refuse to completely give up at this point. I don't drink, but one mocha in the morning and one diet pepsi a day.

I just hate that I am terrified of being sick, so I don't want to eat. I get SO warn out from making meals and trying to come up with something edible that I want to eat. My three kids always come first.

I am sure it is alot worse being pregnant. I thought I actually wanted another one, but can't imagine being pregnant with the way my stomach is.

Hang in there. It will get better.

Monica

[Guest cassidy]

Tarnalberry,

As always, you make some good points. I think things are just very overwhelming for me right now. I havn't felt good at all in 3 1/2 months because of the baby. The books say I should be feeling better by now. I'm gaining more weight than the books say I should and I don't want to eat. It isn't like I'm eating gallons of ice cream, it is the urgent need to eat because if I don't I will feel very sick. So, I'm completely frustrated and feel like I can't get ahead because I haven't had one day that I actually feel good. I'm exhausted and right now I just want someone else to make me a meal and that isn't going to happen. If I wasn't on this diet my husband could cook for me or I could order out and that would give me a bit of a break. I realize our bodies haven't read the books but I would still like to actually be normal for once.

It does make sense that you can make other things pleasurable since we won't have our gluten-free pleasures back ever. I think that is also about accepting the disease and I'm not sure I'm fully there yet. I've been gluten-free for 10 months and I still don't like it. My mom accepted it much faster than I did and it really doesn't bother her much. I find myself in a lot of social and work situations where I just don't fit in anymore.

Maybe once I don't have to eat so often and I feel better I can try to find things I enjoy about the way I have to eat and what I have to eat on this diet. The urgency is worse than the celiac. Even if I felt up to cooking I don't have the time between when I'm hungry and when I need to eat. I know I could cook ahead of time and I try to do that, but I just don't feel good so doing something when it isn't urgent is hard to get the motivation to do.

I had no idea what you were talking about when you mentioned sex. I thought maybe you had been raped or had something traumatic had happened. That must be very hard to try to do something that will hurt but hurts in a different way not to do.

Thanks for humoring me and discussing all this with me.

Cassidy

[tarnalberry]

I think things are just very overwhelming for me right now. I havn't felt good at all in 3 1/2 months because of the baby. The books say I should be feeling better by now. I'm gaining more weight than the books say I should and I don't want to eat. It isn't like I'm eating gallons of ice cream, it is the urgent need to eat because if I don't I will feel very sick. So, I'm completely frustrated and feel like I can't get ahead because I haven't had one day that I actually feel good. I'm exhausted and right now I just want someone else to make me a meal and that isn't going to happen. If I wasn't on this diet my husband could cook for me or I could order out and that would give me a bit of a break. I realize our bodies haven't read the books but I would still like to actually be normal for once.

And I can't really imagine right now how much that sucks. That constant pounding day after day without relief is absolutely horrible, and though books, and people, and things say "it'll be better soon", 'soon' doesn't quite cut it, does it? Times in life like that make me wish I was three again and could throw a tempertantrum. Not like that'd solve anything, but maybe it'd make me feel a little better to show people "duh, no, I'm NOT handling all this so well, thank you. I'm *human*!".

But, I'm solution oriented, so I'm going to ask a couple of solution related questions.

Why can't your husband cook for you on the diet? My husband isn't gluten-free, but he can cook for me if need be. Perhaps your husband could learn a handful of things to cook that, while maybe not up to your standards, would at least get you out from cooking on occasion.

Have you been unable to find any places that you can order out? I've found a thai place (with two dishes I know I can have), a sushi place (with a couple of rolls I know I can have), and there's the PF Changes/Outback standards. I can understand if you don't feel comfortable letting anyone else have any control over your food, given the circumstances, though it makes things harder.

The rush to eat and the headaches - you've looked into hypoglycemia or other blood sugar issues, right? I haven't been pregnant, but what you describe sounds like blood sugar issues to me, and I've heard that they can be a problem during pregnancy. *IF* it's a blood sugar thing, and IF you can get a good set of individually balanced meals (and sufficiently planned), you might be able to get that under control in a couple of weeks. Maybe that's not it at all, but I thought I'd mention it.

Lastly... I went back to reread your whole reply in case there was something else I could try and suggest something about, and read this line that you wrote:

That must be very hard to try to do something that will hurt but hurts in a different way not to do.

I know you meant it for me, but you have that same hardship to go through with this - eating may well hurt you, but it will hurt you more not to. Hopefully no one in your life tries to trivialize this, because, as you say, it is a very hard thing to do. But you're doing it, and getting through the really hard bits. If someone is expecting you to get through all of this with the grace of a saint, well... perhaps they should take the advice my boss offered me: "You have to lower your expectations. They're not reasonable."

I'll be hoping to read in the coming weeks that you're feeling better!

[Guest cassidy]

Tarnalberry,

To answer your questions, my husband doesn't want to learn how to cook for me. He really isn't interested in hearing about celiac, or the baby for that matter and I don't think you can make someone want to do something. He is getting better about not ccing my stuff and that has taken a long time. He does still act like he is 3 and has thrown many temper tantrums because I can't eat out and because I have to now get up to pee or eat when we are watching tv. He certainly has a problem with being selfish and I'm trying my hardest to help him with that, and he is improving, but we are a long way away from him cooking me a gluten free meal.

I haven't found anywhere to eat out except for the most expensive restaurant in town. I have tried Bonefish with their gluten-free menu, I always talk to the chef, I'm not afraid to stand up for myself and I think I explain things well enough that the problem isn't me being unclear. I have tried calling a day in advance and doing all sorts of things and I pretty much always get sick. I also don't like meat very much at all and it has been extra tough to get down lately. I usually get plain meat and steamed veggies at restaurants and just veggies isn't enough these days, plus they don't taste very good either.

All the foods I used to eat taste nasty. The other day I ate 4 cans of green beans covered in cheese and soy sauce. I can't tell you why that is all I wanted, but it was. Today I had a salad of lettuce, cheese, horseradish mustard and vinegar. I guess those are pregnancy cravings at their best.

I had hypoglycemia my entire life and it went away going gluten-free. I could finally go several hours without eating and not feel crappy. Now, with the baby it certainly seems to be back. I was on a low glycemic diet before going gluten-free because I always knew I had problems with food it just toook a while to figure out what they were.

I do much better drinking than eating and I have been drinking a bunch of kefir which as 14 grams of protein per serving, the Boost has 15 grams. I don't see how I could possibly get to the empty point when I'm literally eating every 1 -1 1/2 hours. I understand about slowly digested carbs and I don't usually eat sugar especially not by itself. When I wake up (around 5) I have kefir, then for breakfast I have an omelet, morning snack is cheese and apples, then I have a boost, I usually have 60 or so grams of protein by mid-day. Before bed I always have kefir as well to hopefully get me through the night. I'm eating 80-100 grams of protein a day and drinking 90-100 oz of water. I like quiche but when I eat it I eat like 1/2 the quiche at a time. I don't think my stomach has been full in months. Sweet stuff tastes pretty bad now so I stay away from it. I have told my doctor several times how bad I feel and he doesn't seem to think it is a big deal. He said something like pregnant women get all sorts of aches and pains, it goes with the territory.

I really don't know how to eat smarter especially when some things taste so bad I can't eat them even if I spent a long time making them. I am usually very in tune with my body but it isn't acting normal right now. I can't predict what it is going to do or how to fix it.

I got to hold a 2 day old baby today. She was so cute and tiny. All this is definitely worth it because I want to see my baby, but this certainly hasn't been easy. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better.

[tarnalberry]

I'm sorry your husband is ... (hunts for something not too bad to say...) being uncooperative. It's horridly shocking how thoroughly self-absorbed people can be, at the expense of those they say they love. (waves at my similarly-minded father) I hope this falls into the "this too shall pass" category.

Those do sound like some crazy pregnancy cravings! Makes me scared for the possible day I'm in those shoes! But I can imagine that makes it all the harder - that you're used to being in tune with your body, and it up and shifted to a whole different universe of rules on you, no questions, no warning.

I'm fresh out of suggestions, so I'll just send some *hugs*.

[allison]

Here are three suggestions:

-cook what you eat! look at the fruit, and the veggies, and enjoy how pretty they can be! or read about some cool grains or fruits and their fruit families and such, and know a little history and become a little attached (that may be far fetched for some, but i enjoy what i eat much more when i've cooked it--both because I know it is safe, and because i've made it how i like it).

-make eating a social experience--and the social part is the best part! think of some of the best dinner parties you've been to--when i think of those, i can't even think of what we ate (often it was a potluck and the food wasn't great anyway), but the conversation, or the games, or the fun was what mattered.

-make sure to eat food hot (or whatever temperature you like it). whenever i get turned off in the middle of eating, i put whatever it is aside. then i got back to it in 10 or 15 minutes thinking that i should finish it. but it's chilly, and hence really unappetizing. it IS a big deal that your food be in a perfect condition for you to want to eat it.

hope they help--i find them helpful

oh yeah! For years I ate because I HAD to. Then they figured out why I ws sick all the time & I was afraid of food...for a loooong time. It was easier to just not eat through it all. BUt as I got better at knowing what I could & couldn't eat...and especially now that I've finally learned to cook some, well I always knew how but hated it! it's much much better.

It definitly is a block you have to work through. Think about it, for years you associated feeling full with feeling sick. Food = pain. It WILL get better and you'll learn when to stop eating so you aren't overly full.

It takes time, you're retraining everything about yourself, be nice to yourself and remind yourself it;s ok to feel what you feel.

[Guest cassidy]

I am finally doing better with this!!! Saturday I woke up and I wasn't starving all day. I feel like I have been eating enough to feed 10 large men and now my appetite so much lower. I can get hungry and I don't get a headache or feel sick if I don't eat right away. Now, I don't mind eating so much because I'm not doing it every 5 minutes. That was a rough 4 months!

[jerseyangel]

I am finally doing better with this!!! Saturday I woke up and I wasn't starving all day. I feel like I have been eating enough to feed 10 large men and now my appetite so much lower. I can get hungry and I don't get a headache or feel sick if I don't eat right away. Now, I don't mind eating so much because I'm not doing it every 5 minutes. That was a rough 4 months!

I'm so glad you're feeling better! I'm also sorry for what you've been going through these past couple of months.

When I was pregnant, nothing tasted like it used to--there were things I couldn't even stand the smell of (like meat). I wasn't gluten-free at the time, but I did have severe nausea.

I remember the morning, during my second pregnancy, when I woke up without the familiar nausea--and actually had an appetite. It happened just like that, too--one day ill, the next day better!

In my case, I was fine for the rest of the pregnancy--my biggest problem was staying away from the soft chocolate ice cream stand

I hope the rest of the time will be smooth sailing for you--and that with parenthood looming, your husband will mature a bit. I'm sure he's a great person, it just takes some folks longer to be able to see past themselves.