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A Joke For Today

IrishHeart

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
  • Author
Posted

Ditto that IH.

:lol:

why does this not surprise moi?

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Truth to tell, I probably wouldn't have left well enough alone.laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

IDIOT SIGHTINGS 1-10

I just love these......they make me feel like a Mensa candidate.

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said "May I have large bills, please?"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor, I explained it to her.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING 3

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING 4

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at Mickey D's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 5

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 6

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING 7

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

:blink:

IDIOT SIGHTING 8

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

and she was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 9

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

:blink:

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING 10

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

and she is a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office.

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

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pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?

Yep. That's where it's headed.

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif To this, I will quote a friend's favorite saying:

"Beware, they walk among us. And they breed!"

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

:lol:

well, that's just too funny-- because those 2 sentences were at the bottom of the email these idiot sightings were in.

Are you reading my email again? :ph34r:

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

To both you Karen & to Irish laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

The weird thing Karen is that Irish probably does have a friend named Mary & her trash p/u has been moved. Synchronicity happens!

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

Yes, Irish, we all read your email. Its so interesting to know that your friend Mary's granddaughter got her first tooth or your neighborhood trash pick-up is moved to Wednesday this week because of the holiday. :D

(Would be really funny if your trash pick-up is moved or you do have a friend named Mary :ph34r: )

Aha! I KNEW IT!! :ph34r:

okay, this is the truth.

Actually, I DO have a friend named Mary (since the first grade)

and our trash pickup, which is normally on Tuesday mornings WILL probably be on Wednesday this week.

:ph34r:

If Mary has a granddaughter, however, that is news to me and now, I am supremely miffed because she did not tell me about it. Well, screw her, then-- I am Never speaking to her again. There goes that 48- year friendship.........

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

I know. I just say that stuff to freak her out! ;)

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

you know it. :ph34r:

remember the time I asked if you were peeking in my windows and you said maybe, and you told me my house was white??

that was creepy :unsure:

:lol:

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

You guys are making me laugh. Thanks!

phew! that's what we were going for. :lol:

Good thing, too becuz this thread is called "a joke for today", not "here's your buzz -kill for today."

(we get enough of that elsewhere.)

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

I think, in your part of the country, the odds are in my favor that your house is white.

Or.... B)

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

um, what color are they in your part of the country??

Right now the popular colors are shades of brown and tan.

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mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Here in Nevada, everything is "desert" something or other :lol:

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

I want to live somewhere where my house can be mango or salmon or

goldfinch colored. B)

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

And who is stopping you from painting it any color you want?

:lol: it's siding.

....and I really meant....I want to live in those color houses because that is usually where it is warm....like where YOU live B)

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

Okay, I get you. Well, we could house trade for 1/2 the year. But you have to come here in the summer cause it's TOO hot for me.

I can't get hubs to go for those hot summers (yet) or I'd live there tomorrow.

There is no such thing as too hot for me. Too cold is not "my thang".

For a true New Englander, that does not make sense, I know.

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squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

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mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

And shroomie, what's up with that anyway? All the browns & tans for homes there in the desert. We watch house hunters & that's all you see. You would think people would want some blues & greens --- cool colors. Is it a law there that you have to match the desert or what?

Where I live it is, but then we are a PUD :D I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape, not be an eyesore :unsure: But I guess everything would blend in with snow, which is what it is doing this morning afternoon. Well, not a lot here but it sure is up on the passes. Glad we came back from SF yesterday :)

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
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Posted

I think the idea is to blend in with the landscape

and maybe that is why the houses in the NE are almost all white....blend in with the snow? or maybe it was that "puritanical thing" :lol:

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