The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[blueeyedmanda]

So I went to TJoe's and roomie was back in town before I got back. If Amanda were to tell her John where this John has been, he'll be very jealous and, in a quirky way, a touch impressed that you know someone who knows someone who was AT THAT GAME!!!

(That part might make a lot more sense to sports fans)

Roomie John was in Dallas anyway so stayed over the weekend and attended the big - no HUGE - win by the NYGiants over the Cowboys.

. .. . . . .the A .. . . ..

Yes, my John was celebrating this win for the Giants! He is very happy they got that far. I am not sure if they will win against the Packers though.

[elye]

Good morning, Sillies.....

Hey! Anybody within comfortable driving distance to Glens Falls? (NY)...If you are, you must head to the...um...forget the name of the arena...this weekend to check out my sensational DD between the pipes at a big Atom Girl's Eastern Hockey Tournament. DH is escorting her to this one, but man, I'm just thinking that I should have checked to see if any of you northerly guys are close enough to head up there...we could have rendezvous-ed!

Oy . .. . . .

So .. . .the hoverers won't USE the seat, but also won't move it into a sprinkle-safe position, making it .. . .nearly or completely(?) .. inevitable that a weeing will occasionally occur where others will soon expect to sit????????????

<ewwwwww chicks are grrrrrrross>

Tom....{head slowly shaking, small smile forming}...we chicks are not grrrrrross....we are simply out for number one in this serious scenario. We keep the lesser of the two heinous options, the more comfortable and likely cleaner choice, under our butts when hovering. If we have the proper hover execution and form, it should be irrelevant. Weight in the heels, arms somewhat outstretched, quads between 45 and 90 degrees from floor...I'm practicing verbal flowcharting....

Yes, Patti and Peter......who knew that this devolvement into gutter humoUr would ever occur....should we contact Scott??

...Yes, t'is true...

Soon it will be Psewer....

the NYGiants over the Cowboys.

That was a great game. I think that huge defensive lineman that keep trampling over everyone in his path looked...familiar. And he kept doing this funny, yet effectively distracting, move...he would suddenly... hunch down and scoot along the turf....hmmmm.....

[blueeyedmanda]

If I knew you were coming to NY Emily I would have tried to meet up.

[jerseyangel]

Ummmm....well....Having my bum touch the actual toilet bowl that's underneath the seat is, I believe, even more nauseating than coming in contact with the seat itself. I'll leave the seat down, and hover over IT (it's also higher, so less distance to fall if my hover is compromised).

Plus, all the men's errant pee is on the bowl! Gotta keep that covered!! (GREEN GUY).....

I gotta agree totally with Emily on this one

Certain vegetables? Hmmm. An interesting image is forming in my mind about cuc...never mind.

Great minds, Peter, great minds.......

[blueeyedmanda]

You know Patti and Tom, I think the funniest veggie in the produce section is the squash like one which is angled a certain way....There's my mind in the gutter thought for the day.

[Ridgewalker]

Did anyone else remember the little rhyme

If you dribble

When you Piddle

Be a sweetie

Wipe the Seatie

Ok, I finally am catching up, and found the start of the hovering/wee-on-toilet conversation. At Ezra's preschool, there is a sign above the toilet-

If you sprinkle

When you tinkle

Please be neat

And wipe the seat

The funniest thing is that it's posted in the GROWN UP bathroom.

There are bathrooms in each of the classrooms, but they are only for the kids. The sinks are way down low, and the toilets are teeny little midget toilets!

This is sure to shock many of you, but I do NOT hover in public restrooms. I used to, but when I was massively pregnant with Luke, it became impossible-- at a time when I peed more than ever. Then, after I had him, I was like, Oh the hell with it. I haven't caught anything so far.

Furthermore, I am one of those people that generally needs a pitstop every 30-60 minutes. I use public restrooms A LOT. If the bathroom is really gross, I will indeed hover... but only if it's really bad.

[Jestgar]

Oh don't get me wrong . . . I wasn't talking about any sort of serious or permanet arrangement. I just thought he might be more . . . useful . . . than the Yeti. Have him clean your car if you want.

Perhaps all you old married ladies have forgotten, but the young ones have a lot of energy, but not much skill.....

[blueeyedmanda]

OMG Sarah,

I used to work in daycares and the kid sized bathrooms cracked me up.

On the PA turnpike going towards Philly, there is a Service Plaza and it has a family bathroom, in the large stall are two toliets, one for us and a small one for the tikes. Plus there is a child changing seat thing too.

It was so neat to see and I bet it helps the parents who are traveling with children who are potty training and need the assistance, lets face public bathroom stalls are not made for much movement.

[Jestgar]

D'oh!!

LOL and I do know how to spell it too - I'm sure I've spelled it right in the past.

Bah .. ... .the A . ... .. .and busted by susie - watch your PM Inbox for certain berating from someone who doesn't think 'wrong' should be corrrrrrrrrected.

. .. . . . .the A .. . . ..

I think it's just another symptom of loose vowels. Sometimes they are explosive and cover the page, and sometimes you can't get them out at all.

This is sure to shock many of you, but I do NOT hover in public restrooms. I used to, but when I was massively pregnant with Luke, it became impossible-- at a time when I peed more than ever. Then, after I had him, I was like, Oh the hell with it. I haven't caught anything so far.

I was nervous about admitting this, but I, too, just sit. It's only skin, people!! There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

[Ridgewalker]

It was so neat to see and I bet it helps the parents who are traveling with children who are potty training and need the assistance, lets face public bathroom stalls are not made for much movement.

Yup. I still drag both my boys into the women's bathroom with me, about which Lucas is becoming unhappy. I head straight for the handicap stall- the only one with room for 3. Hey, I don't want my boys to go in a big bathroom with strange men! And Lucas is so extroverted, he strikes up conversations with anyone who'll stand still long enough.

I was nervous about admitting this, but I, too, just sit. It's only skin, people!! There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

Exactly! I sit on the toilet, but when I leave I open the door with my elbows.

[Green12]

I think it's just another symptom of loose vowels. Sometimes they are explosive and cover the page, and sometimes you can't get them out at all.

[blueeyedmanda]

I would never let my young kids go into the restroom alone either. I will talk to someone on my cell phone while I stop at a rest area....you just never know. This is when I travel alone. Other times, John goes into the plaza with me. I mainly travel the interstate and there are some lonely rest areas on my trip...

[elye]

You know Patti and Tom, I think the funniest veggie in the produce section is the squash like one which is angled a certain way....There's my mind in the gutter thought for the day.

OMG....yes, there are many bizarre members of the squash family that have always been fascinating to draw. The one that gets me is oblong, with large, warty-looking things sticking out all over it. Too disturbing in appearance to eat, I think....but a great still life subject. Mygawd...then there were the human subjects we had in Life Drawing that were just like this...

Ha! Yep, the veggies that bend are most interesting, too....

This is sure to shock many of you, but I do NOT hover in public restrooms. I used to, but when I was massively pregnant with Luke, it became impossible-- at a time when I peed more than ever. Then, after I had him, I was like, Oh the hell with it. I haven't caught anything so far.

Sarah! Ewwwwwwwwwww....Icky poo!

Perhaps all you old married ladies have forgotten, but the young ones have a lot of energy, but not much skill.....

Hence, the need for the Cougar, to show these young'uns the ropes...

I think it's just another symptom of loose vowels. Sometimes they are explosive and cover the page, and sometimes you can't get them out at all.

Actually, sounds like in this case Tom has been afflicted with Irritable Vowel Syndrome, the symptoms of which are errant loss of necessary vowels (in this case, his "A"), and the subsequent irritation it causes himself, and particularly, his readers (Susie et al)....

I was nervous about admitting this, but I, too, just sit. It's only skin, people!! There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

Yes, so true...I make sure to hover every time I'm reaching for that door handle. Funny, doesn't seem to keep illness away too well....

[Ridgewalker]

Sarah! Ewwwwwwwwwww....Icky poo!

:lol:

[Green12]

There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

Well.....there are specific procedures to avoid this very thing, so that there is no need to have skin contact with anything.

Much like the hover, which requires muscle strength, balance, and skill, there is also the foot flush, the wad of toilet paper to the stall door, to the sink faucets, to the soap dispenser, to the paper towel dispenser, then with paper towel to the exit door handle.

[Darn210]

Oh the hilarity . . .

Perhaps all you old married ladies have forgotten, but the young ones have a lot of energy, but not much skill.....

How hard is it to clean the vomit smell out of the car? . . . or were you referring to something else?

Exactly! I sit on the toilet, but when I leave I open the door with my elbows.

Laughing at this mental picture of opening a door with your elbows . . .

BTW, I read or heard somewhere that the cleanest stall is the first stall in the bathroom. Everyone goes past it because they think it is the one most used!

Sarah! Ewwwwwwwwwww....Icky poo!

No, No . . . I'm sure Sarah wouldn't sit on Icky Poo!! She'd hover or use the a$$ gasket!

Actually, sounds like in this case Tom has been afflicted with Irritable Vowel Syndrome, the symptoms of which are errant loss of necessary vowels (in this case, his "A"), and the subsequent irritation it causes himself, and particularly, his readers (Susie et al)....

IVS

Sounds like the well is no longer dry.

[Ridgewalker]

Well.....there are specific procedures to avoid this very thing, so that there is no need to have skin contact with anything.

Much like the hover, which requires muscle strength, balance, and skill, there is also the foot flush, the wad of toilet paper to the stall door, to the sink faucets, to the soap dispenser, to the paper towel dispenser, then with paper towel to the exit door handle.

I do the foot flush!

Laughing at this mental picture of opening a door with your elbows . . .

I got skills.

No, No . . . I'm sure Sarah wouldn't sit on Icky Poo!! She'd hover or use the a$$ gasket!

Ok, if the stall has Icky Poo, I back right out. I will hunt down another bathroom- and I will find one. When I have to pee, I can't THINK straight!

Now what do you guys do if the only available stall has a broken door latch? I find this to be the one situation where a small stall is better. With a conveniently sized stall, I have managed a hover-pee while holding the door closed.

[nikki-uk]

Hey! Hi, there, Photo! Let's see, now....cannot scare this one away....

Careful Emily!!!....go easy!!!

Ummmm....well....Having my bum touch the actual toilet bowl that's underneath the seat is, I believe, even more nauseating than coming in contact with the seat itself. I'll leave the seat down, and hover over IT (it's also higher, so less distance to fall if my hover is compromised).

Plus, all the men's errant pee is on the bowl! Gotta keep that covered!! (GREEN GUY).....

Agreed!!

RAISING THE TOILET SEAT????????????????

*shudder*

HORRORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sickest thing imaginable.....didn't we already cover this (as Julie said, "vomit and hurl" responses)

don't MAKE us think of it again!!!!!!!! Errant pee and curly hairs............. <green face here>

*holding back vomit*

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention the scrubbing of the hands with anti - bac soap UNTIL THEY BLEEEEEEEEEED

That's chunder talk.

Soon it will be Psewer....

Lulling us into a false sense of security with his 'c.com moderator' title and his cute cat pics....all the while corrupting us

Perhaps all you old married ladies have forgotten, but the young ones have a lot of energy, but not much skill.....

Oh yes!...I remember now...

I was nervous about admitting this, but I, too, just sit. It's only skin, people!! There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

UGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!.....the door HANDLE....EW! ....GERMS!!!!!!!!.........I always pull my sleeve down over my hand

'Twas at the dentist today and whilst he was merrily drilling...I was thinking (as I gripped the arms of the chair in a slightly sweaty vice like grip) ''I wonder if they wipe the arms of the chair between patients''

EWWW!!!!!......more unfamiliar germs!!!!!!!!!!! (I don't mind my own )

Irritable Vowel Syndrome ........EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom (HubbaHubba)]

Did anybody else notice that while Tom was posting it said

tom (HubbaHubba)

I think that means he's posting nekkid.

Hey!!! I'm doing laundry!!!

(and quit peekin'!! )

[nikki-uk]

Hey!!! I'm doing laundry!!!

(and quit peekin'!! )

......How did you change your username???......or is this your 3rd???? (definitely not peeking BTW)

[DingoGirl]

Tom....{head slowly shaking, small smile forming}...we chicks are not grrrrrross....we are simply out for number one in this serious scenario. We keep the lesser of the two heinous options, the more comfortable and likely cleaner choice, under our butts when hovering. If we have the proper hover execution and form, it should be irrelevant. Weight in the heels, arms somewhat outstretched, quads between 45 and 90 degrees from floor...I'm practicing verbal flowcharting....

Excellent, Emily. HOwever, two errors noted: 1, the spelling - in this case 'tis always (h)anus.....and 2, you omitted the very important information about where a woman must put her purse, because as we know, it is NEVER to touch the floor of the stall. (must find a hook, or cradle it in one's arms WHILST hovering, or hang it around one's neck......)

.

This is sure to shock many of you, but I do NOT hover in public restrooms. I used to, but when I was massively pregnant with Luke, it became impossible-- at a time when I peed more than ever. Then, after I had him, I was like, Oh the hell with it. I haven't caught anything so far.

Furthermore, I am one of those people that generally needs a pitstop every 30-60 minutes. I use public restrooms A LOT. If the bathroom is really gross, I will indeed hover... but only if it's really bad.

stop it.........STOP IT.........STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! say it isn't so!!!!!!!!!!!!! you MAY not have caught anything - - except errant wee or curly hairs............

<groan> <vomit>

Perhaps all you old married ladies have forgotten, but the young ones have a lot of energy, but not much skill.....

*snort* Those young 'uns.......I worked with a 22-year-old strapping big boy at the art store - great, enormous fun to talk to....a bit on the laaaaaaaazy side....I would not trust him to eliminate the vomit smell from my car.......

I think it's just another symptom of loose vowels. Sometimes they are explosive and cover the page, and sometimes you can't get them out at all.

I was nervous about admitting this, but I, too, just sit. It's only skin, people!! There are probably far worse things on the door handle as you leave the bathroom.

and

<shudder> that's why we don't SIT on the handle, either.......

Actually, sounds like in this case Tom has been afflicted with Irritable Vowel Syndrome, the symptoms of which are errant loss of necessary vowels (in this case, his "A"), and the subsequent irritation it causes himself, and particularly, his readers (Susie et al)....

gahhhhhhhhhhh!!! IVS ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.....there are specific procedures to avoid this very thing, so that there is no need to have skin contact with anything.

Much like the hover, which requires muscle strength, balance, and skill, there is also the foot flush, the wad of toilet paper to the stall door, to the sink faucets, to the soap dispenser, to the paper towel dispenser, then with paper towel to the exit door handle.

OMG - are we separated at birth????????????????? :lol:

[DingoGirl]

......How did you change your username???......or is this your 3rd???? (definitely not peeking BTW)

oh my gaaaaaaaaaawd........yes, Tom now has his THIRD user name............. gah!

OMG - Stinker had her own user name..........I must find it but it's too sad for her to post anything........

okay - - no more sad - - happy - - happy - - fun - - upbeat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ridgewalker]

But like, ok, if there's a little curly hair on the seat (gack,) do you just leave it there and hover an inch over it??? Static cling could cause said hair to jump to your bum!

I take a generous wad of toilet paper and swipe that baby into the toilet. Any stray droplets are similarly taken care of. If I have had to do these things, though, I have to admit I will probably hover over that particular seat.

[nikki-uk]

Actually first read Tom's new name as Hubba Bubba the first time.... ..........bubble gum??? ......must wear them glasses more often

...also, I am SO exited that I now know when someone is posting now....keep hitting refresh (are they done yet??? )....I am such a loser!!!!!

[jerseyangel]

OMG - Stinker had her own user name..........I must find it but it's too sad for her to post anything........

Gosh, that's right--I had forgotten all about that.

Personally, I don't touch anything with my skin from the time I enter a public restroom till I leave.....toilet paper to open the stall door, line the seat, foot flush, more T.P to open the door back up, etc--and I notice the restroom powers-that-be are getting wise to this, as more and more I see a waste basket conveniently located to toss the piece of paper towel used to open the door to leave.

Tom--why did you change your name????? We need to know

I thought about changing mine a while back when I moved to PA.....don't think I will, though

(h)anus

Hi Photo! Is she still here, or did Emily do it again?