The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye 96]

Alright, then...

Late last night, I had to drive to the 24 hour drugstore. As I was walking towards the door to go in, an employee came out and started to lock the door. "Hey", I said, "I thought you guys were open 24 hours!" The kid looked at me and said, "Not in a ROW".

[tom 77]

Here's another one from my crazy uncle:

Oh Bev this *whole* thing is killing me!

Pre-punchline anticipation chuckling.

(THEY BETTER BE TRUE!! )

But this ones takes the cake!!

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Was that the Saginaw station?

<is there only one cake? can't we just get more cakes? there's an entire baking thread, for Betty's sake!! can't we bump up the priority 'replenishing the cakes' would traditionally get? what am I expected to *DO* if the next post also warrants a "taking" of an aforementioned "cake"? and don't pretend you're not worried as well! the thread's been on a hot streak, so this cake shortage is no Chicken Little "frosting is falling" wolf cry!! (What *did* they call 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' before that day??? Oh Oh!!! My money's on 'The Boy Who Cried'! And wasn't a prequel released for the following Holiday Season, called 'That Little Wuss'?)

But hey, I'll go w/out the cakes as long as the topic doesn't become bras again!! [ heheh who was it said "wannabes" ]>

[jerseyangel 413]

Alright, then...

Late last night, I had to drive to the 24 hour drugstore. As I was walking towards the door to go in, an employee came out and started to lock the door. "Hey", I said, "I thought you guys were open 24 hours!" The kid looked at me and said, "Not in a ROW".

And she's off!!

[nikki-uk 28]

Okay, so Nikki has recruited me over here from a technical thread. How do I ease myself into such frenzied madness that is the Tickle Me thread? I have never participated in a post that lasted longer than about ten pages, so this is new, uncharted territory for me. I feel...scared...exhilerated...and under great pressure to be as silly and outright HILARIOUS as all you geniuses. You guys have become a loyal, tightly-nit family, and I feel like the new, second wife who suddenly enters the fray. I may just have to ease slowly into this....

No, no Emily - ALL are welcome here ( and offered a slice of Gluten-free Casein-free cake with a cup of tea upon entry - see avatar!)

You just have to have a slightly quirky sense of humour ....which I KNOW you have

Alright, then...

Late last night, I had to drive to the 24 hour drugstore. As I was walking towards the door to go in, an employee came out and started to lock the door. "Hey", I said, "I thought you guys were open 24 hours!" The kid looked at me and said, "Not in a ROW".

Thankyou Emily

[nikki-uk 28]

Soooooo, I asked one more time,"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,

yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

and OMG BEV!!!

Have I told you I LOVE your uncle!!!

[elye 96]

Bev, your uncle sounds incredible. I have SO much catching up to do, getting to know not just everyone on this indescribable thread, but their equally indescribable relatives, too! Boy, have I got a few of those...don't get me started...

[nikki-uk 28]

Bev, your uncle sounds incredible. I have SO much catching up to do, getting to know not just everyone on this indescribable thread, but their equally indescribable relatives, too! Boy, have I got a few of those...don't get me started...

Yeah, but I want an uncle like Bev's

LADIES vs. REAL WOMEN

**********************

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,

drop in

a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant

"fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad.

Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat

it

and I don't care how bad it tastes."

*************************************************************

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your

forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You may

still

have the headache, but who cares?

*************************************************************

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone

prevent ice

cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for

Pete's

sake. You are probably laying on the couch with your feet up anyway.

*************************************************************

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the

potatoes.

Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about

the

potatoes growing arms and legs.

*************************************************************

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing

gloves.

They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it.

*************************************************************

And finally the most important tip....

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for

future use in casseroles

and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine??

***********************************************************

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will

be

sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

[DingoGirl 12]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh utter hilarity on the Silly thread!!! Susie likes it!!!!!

Bev - your uncle.

Nikki - - - lunatic as always.

EMILY!! OMG there IS no catching up to do. This wacky thread has no plot, rhyme, or reason. It's a whole thread about nothing. We are like the naughty stepchildren of c.com, and all we do is insert a nutty thing here or there, when we feel like it. The only reason for going back (but the latter part is wackier and funnier than the beginning, don't you think, sillies?) is for a good laugh on a bad day.....

I got nothin' funny to say.

".......and....Bob's your uncle!" (I don't know what that means or where it came from, but this guy I knew used to say it all the time.)

Carry on sillies!!!!

[elye 96]

Okay, I think I'm getting the gist (jist?) of things...kind of a stream-of-consciousness dialogue about anything, preferably hilarious. Let's see...

Have any of you girls ever actually asked your significant others that infamous, loaded question...are you ready?..."Does this make me look fat?" The reason I ask is because I have never, in all of my life, EVER asked this to any of my past boyfriends or husband, until yesterday. I put on a dress to go out to dinner in, and found myself wondering if it made me look a little...chunky. So out it came.

"Hon...does this make me look fat?"

His answer was fantastic:

"Hey!...Is that a UFO up there?!"

All true. What a guy!

[tom 77]

Emily!! Finagling (phin-neigh-gull-ling?) your whatchamacallit (avatar caption?) into a [ QUOTE ] . . . . . .

Why isn't 'phonetic' spelled the way it sounds?

LOL it toasts my cockles to see THIS as what u put FIRST in that spot, once that 501st post mark is passed (hmmm "past" also works?!? )

No hyperbole whatsoever - I love that quote.

I counter with - "What's another word for 'thesaurus' ?"

It's a shame you weren't around for this thread's recruitment period for a virtual chapter of the esteemed International Quirky Phonetical vs Spelling Enthusiasts!!! :lol:

I'm sure we would've enjoyed your participation.

[elye 96]

Wow! I missed a discussion with honest-to-goodness, for-real IQPVSIs??! (see previous post for anachronym referral). Man, I must scroll back into the early depths of this thread to find all this. Where have you guys BEEN all my life?

Tom: I just looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus--how very surreal it all gets. It offers, "lexicography" and "polyglot". Polyglot? That sounds like a word to describe my BMs after a good glutening. "Geez, better flush that straightaway..that's pure polyglot!"

Okay, now about looking fat in my dress...

[tom 77]

Wow! I missed a discussion with honest-to-goodness, for-real IQPVSIs??! (see previous post for anachronym referral). Man, I must scroll back into the early depths of this thread to find all this.

Ohhhhh no no NO! It's in the 'recent shallows' !!

Pronounced "ik-kwip-seh", it reared its fey head around June 11th or soon thereafter. That date has great significance to me (older & younger bros bday) and this year it was the 11th when I realized my greatly extended (12 days) soy-elimination test REALLY DID cause my brain to come alive.

I'd felt brain-dead & joyless for most of 10+yrs, and this oh-so-sudden resurrection of mind still freaks me out a little. I can only imagine how those who've known me long must see it.

Sometimes it seems they are having thoughts like "What is he *ON*?", followed by a Harry-Met-Sally-ish "I'll have what (s)he's having" !!

If I needed a new nickname, "what is he ON" just might fill the bill.

Tom: I just looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus--how very surreal it all gets.

LOL yes it does.

<luckily no recent polyglots for me>

And Emily! Let me proffer an explicit "Welcome to the silly thread!"

[elye 96]

Tom!

To mark your recent terrific resurrection, you should change your forum title to "Whatze-on?" Though Tom is a great name. Did you know it means "twin?"

I will now dredge the recent shallows of this thread for the ikkwipseh...

[nikki-uk 28]

".......and....Bob's your uncle!" (I don't know what that means or where it came from, but this guy I knew used to say it all the time.)

You MUST have known I USE this saying ALL the time with added expletive for effect.

etc..etc....and Bob's yer bleedin' uncle

Kind of a long winded way of saying Voila!

Okay, I think I'm getting the gist (jist?) of things...kind of a stream-of-consciousness dialogue about anything, preferably hilarious. Let's see...

Have any of you girls ever actually asked your significant others that infamous, loaded question...are you ready?..."Does this make me look fat?" The reason I ask is because I have never, in all of my life, EVER asked this to any of my past boyfriends or husband, until yesterday.

Dearest Emily - firstly can I say how jealous I am that you have only recently acquired this particular female insecurity.

My poor hubby tends to look like this------> when asked the dreaded question (I can almost hear his poor mind screaming ''help me, oh crap....helppppp....)

Your hubby did well (considering how new he is to this conundrum )

LOL it toasts my cockles

*SPLUTTER*......*SNORT*

It warms the cockles of me 'eart to 'ere you say such a fing Tom

If I needed a new nickname, "what is he ON" just might fill the bill.

Perfect on so many levels Tom!!

Emily -- Polyglots indeed!!! (I have a sneaky feeling you ARE an English teacher?? ..you clever girl )

EDIT: Emily - some pages back we did indeed discuss whether it was appropiate to wear the dreaded big knickers read:control panties underneath said dress thus releasing poor hubbies/partners of the question

[tom 77]

Tom!

To mark your recent terrific resurrection, you should change your forum title to "Whatze-on?" Though Tom is a great name. Did you know it means "twin?"

I will now dredge the recent shallows of this thread for the ikkwipseh...

gah!! Hyphen deficiency! (ik-kwip-seh)

I think it's not far after p.100 btw.

I have no idea how I've gotten this old and never known tom means twin.

Yer not pullin' my leg are ya?

Hehe "Whatze-on" !!!

There's an extra level of humor in that it all TRULY is about what this currently soy-deprived brain is OFF!

Hmm wutseyon . . . .wutzion! LMAO I like wutzion!

Grrrrrr I'd reply to 3 posts if I could remember wth I wanted to remember.

Emily - all my surfing is on a sidekick phone, so I can't just do the tabbed browsing 5 threads at once like if I were on PC using Firefox browser.

(And the stacking [ quote] button doesn't work on a ph. )

[tom 77]

....... their equally indescribable relatives, too! Boy, have I got a few of those...don't get me started...

<tom gives Emily a nudge>

And I posted this on OMG by mistake [OOPS!!] but then decided to leave it as a teaser clip.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

LOL so true!!

So out it came.

"Hon...does this make me look fat?"

His answer was fantastic:

"Hey!...Is that a UFO up there?!"

All true. What a guy!

<tom files that away for future use>

If women would all agree to just STOP asking that question, who knows what the men of the world might offer in trade.

P.S.

Nikki!! What a great word "conundrum" is!!

I just enjoy the sound of it.

And @ "such a fing tom" !!!

I've often been annoyed at *hearing* "thing" said that way (on tv), but *reading* YOU say it is nothin' but fun!

[tom 77]

Jumping back a bit . . . . .

Okay, so Nikki has recruited me over here from a technical thread.

I'm curious now - what thread?

. . . . You guys have become a loyal, tightly-knit family, and I feel like the new, second wife who suddenly enters the fray.

Yay someone newer than me!!

Having a bit of trouble relating to the "second wife" part tho. <tom's never been in prison>

I can't read your post, Emily, w/out thinking of how incredibly welcoming this group has been, both to me and the other passers-by to the OMG thread, whether or not they stick around like I and some others have. (U *must* know of the legendary 1300+ page [and counting] thread, right?)

You'll feel wrapped snugly in yarn in no time!

OK All !

Here's a question which may LOOK rhetorical, but I swear it's not.

If I walk around dropping pennies everywhere, is it littering or just cheapskate philanthropy??

I am NOT kidding!!! I want opinions!!

<ok well of course I'm laughing as I type, but I do want the opinions!>

[nikki-uk 28]

And @ "such a fing tom" !!!

I've often been annoyed at *hearing* "thing" said that way (on tv), but *reading* YOU say it is nothin' but fun!

Must be me auffentic cockney accent maaaate

[elye 96]

Oh, Tom the twin! (Yes, "Thomas" actually does mean "twin"...no leg-pulling, here). The meaning derives from "Doubting Thomas", who wandered around in the Bible at some point (help me out, biblical people!). As I strain my academic recall, I believe he was an apostle who doubted Christ's claim of having risen from the dead. I think he was insisting on seeing the nailmarks on Christ's hands and feet. Talk about a childhood bully type, huh? "Okay...show me! Show me, Mr. smarty-pants!" (or smarty-loincloth here, I suppose).

Tom, you've written SO much for me to respond to...the pressure's building! How do you keep your thoughts in such fine order at 3:00 in the morning? Why on earth are you WRITING us at 3:00 in the morning?

The significant question here is whether or not you are INTENTIONALLY dropping pennies about. If you are not, then you are my ten year-old son, letting his allowance, homework list and other crucial papers slip from his pockets with astonishing regularity. If you are purposely strewing, then I suppose you feel as I do about the penny (bane of my existence), and just want to get rid of them. Individually, they are worthless now. If you are philanthopizing (English teacher out on a limb, here!), then yes, it's bloody cheap.

Now, Tom, the inflection of your new tag needs to be on the last syllable. So, "Whatze-on?" embodies it all better than "Wutzion". Whatze-on looks vaguely Asian, as well. Like an opium lord, perhaps. No, that name would be in Arabic these days.

I came over here from the thread I began regarding how to put a funny little thing (FING!) under my avatar after the big 500. Been looking longingly for a year at the page numbers going up and up, but too afraid to even peek at it (second-wife feeling, I guess). But it's all good, now. And the OMG thread is just too terrifying for me to even peek at...wow, three million, seven hundred and twelve pages or something...

[DingoGirl 12]

"Hon...does this make me look fat?"

His answer was fantastic:

"Hey!...Is that a UFO up there?!"

All true. What a guy!

extremely fantastic

You MUST have known I USE this saying ALL the time with added expletive for effect.

etc..etc....and Bob's yer bleedin' uncle

Kind of a long winded way of saying Voila!

Now how, pray, could I know??? but how fantastic.....

and there is NIkki, speaking cockney, which makes me out of my MIND..... (she said "fing")

I have told my real-life friends, we have this cheeky and adorable Brit on our forum, and I swear you can hear her accent when she writes......pleases me enormously.......

Must be me auffentic cockney accent maaaate

Susie is pleased.......

And there's Jess!!! HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOO and welcome back!!! I've been terribly remiss, don't think I've offered a formal welcome back to you yet, dear girl. that's NOT just because I"m a lazy hag (which I sometimes can be) but because I was in the forum-less abyss for three days, internet was down in these parts, and then relatives came, and I am just so woefully behind. Harrumph.

carry on, sillies.

[tom 77]

And there's Jess!!! HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOO and welcome back!!!

There's a Jess?

Ummmmmmm Hi Jess?

How can there be someone on this thread I still don't know?

Soooooooo-Zeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!! Where Who When Jess?

AT&frickin'T finally up for good?

[tom 77]

Oh, Tom the twin! (Yes, "Thomas" actually does mean "twin"...no leg-pulling, here). The meaning derives from "Doubting Thomas", who wandered around in the Bible at some point (help me out, biblical people!). As I strain my academic recall, I believe he was an apostle who doubted Christ's claim of having risen from the dead.

I still don't get how "twin" relates to "Doubting Thomas".

A healthy skepticism I *get*, but Twin??

.. . .. . How do you keep your thoughts in such fine order at 3:00 in the morning? Why on earth are you WRITING us at 3:00 in the morning?

Heehee it wasn't really 3am. I have no clue as to how a complex sotfware pgm like a forum, w/ all the features we see, can fail to know what TIME it is, but somehow it doesn't. At first I thought it was just not following Daylight Savings Time, but I think it's off by TWO hrs.

I *did* have a weird long night, tho. So worn out by my fun afternoon visit to Mill Ave in Tempe, I didn't make dinner (did have some almBtr straight from jar) until after midnight!! !!!

The significant question here is whether or not you are INTENTIONALLY dropping pennies about. . . . .

If you are purposely strewing, then I suppose you feel as I do about the penny (bane of my existence), and just want to get rid of them. Individually, they are worthless now.

Well, I began thinking about "littering vs philanthropy" while regularly dropping all pennies betw a store's door and my car. I'd stopped for a while when the moronic nearby minimart started mis-pricing the newspaper @ 54cents, and I could use the otherwise useless pennies.

And I must disagree on the "significant question here" !!!

THE significant Q is still:

"Is it littering" ??

. . . .Now, Tom, the inflection of your new tag needs to be on the last syllable. So, "Whatze-on?" embodies it all better than "Wutzion". Whatze-on looks vaguely Asian, as well.

LOL good point!

[elye 96]

Hmmmmm....the apostle Thomas....there was something about him having two (hence, the twin, perhaps) paradoxical personalities--pessimism vs. zealous faith, or something.

Okay, okay...since pennies are worth nothing, and they're simply a nuisance whether found in your dresser, the clothes dryer, OR the parking lot, I say it's big-time littering. Do you know that it costs 3.2 cents (at least, for the Canadian Mint) to make a penny? Now that's the biggest question of all: Why are these silly little fings still around? Second-biggest question: Does this make me look fat? How about this: Do I look fat while bending over to pick up Tom's strewn pennies?

[tom 77]

Oh Emily! LMAO!

Well-played.

[nikki-uk 28]

How about this: Do I look fat while bending over to pick up Tom's strewn pennies?

Yes excellent Emily!!! ...lord I know I do (look fat whilst bending over picking up Tom's pennies) ...and more importantly - why can't Tom pick up his own?!? (saving me the humiliation! )