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Do you know what the best thing you can do right now is???? Get all this printed off and make him sit and read it through...even if its gonna end at least he will feel guilty about it for rest of his dayz!!! I mean how contradicting is that?? You can be cured and he cant - he really should be more understanding! Do what you have to to make yourself happy - at the end of day no one can tell you what to do - only advise! Get yourself better and you will find that you probably will enjoy being yourself so much that non of it will seem so bad! I have and im getting better slowly and Im glad I can start a fresh life without a man who doesnt love me coz I had celiac - its happened to me too - only we didnt know it was celiac! Just thought I was a looney with a depression and eating disorder!!!

CHIN UP GIRL!!!!!!!

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I just wanted to add that I, too, was very happy to find something as "simple" as avoiding gluten to make myself feel better. I'm totally fascinated, reading through stuff all the time, researching gene info, on and on and on. I sometimes tell my husband about all this stuff. Then I tell him the other stuff my genes could be associated with - seems like good stuff to know, esp because both of my genes are associated with increased risk of cervical cancer, for example - but he just gets quiet or seems uninterested. Then I email him today saying sometimes it really scares me all this stuff and he emails back that it *really* scares him. I wasn't aware of that, and now I realize maybe I need to be more sensitive about it. He doesn't complain much about things or even speak up if he's stressed so I sometimes dump too much stuff on him at one time without realizing it.

So, as happy as I am about it, he isn't happy. His quote, bless his heart, was this:

But what gets me the most is the cosmic miscarriage of justice

involved in someone as sweet and caring as you being under attack by

your own physiology.

Awwwwwww!

Anyway, maybe it just looks too complicated right now and maybe he cares so much about you he's freaking out and just needs a break to think things over. I guess that's something you'll have to figure out. I'm sorry you're going through this and want you to know it will get better.

Take care

Stephanie

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Good news! Someone very important in my life is being understanding!! My accounting Professor (Marci Butterfield at the Univ. of Utah) is allowing me to take the final later. I am absolutely overwhelmed by her kindness and understanding. Yay!

Now I can finally just take a couple days and not worry about school and allow myself to have emotions dealing with this and not have to try to fight them off so that I can study!

I had a B+ in Business Statistics that has dropped to a C since I took the final but - considering.. I'm pretty happy about a C! The last night of our study group I just started to cry and went home early - couldn't deal (that was just Monday night) and they all felt really bad because I had been so hard core all semester.

But one semester doesn't matter right? I mean, I've got stuff that's so much more important to figure out - regarding the rest of my life. So...

I take the test next Thursday. I hope to have calmed down significantly by then.

Thanks again to all of you. It breaks my heart to know that there are so many people who have to go through this (and so much worse) just because there are so many narcissistic people out there. Thank you for your altruism.

*hug*

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I sometimes tell my husband about all this stuff. Then I tell him the other stuff my genes could be associated with - seems like good stuff to know, esp because both of my genes are associated with increased risk of cervical cancer, for example - but he just gets quiet or seems uninterested. Then I email him today saying sometimes it really scares me all this stuff and he emails back that it *really* scares him. I wasn't aware of that, and now I realize maybe I need to be more sensitive about it. He doesn't complain much about things or even speak up if he's stressed so I sometimes dump too much stuff on him at one time without realizing it.

Hello Michelle,

Stephanie is absolutely right. That's what I think, too. When I was in police academy in germany I learnt a lot about psychology. And besides that I read a lot of books, too. One book I really can recommend for relationships is: "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus". Unfortunately I can't tell you the "real" english name. This is the translated name from the german version. This is an awesome book and it teaches you, how men and women comunicate and "translates" some of these communications for you. Since I can't tell you the real name right now, cause we're moving and everything is in boxes pretty much right now, let me tell you the most important things for your problem. You have to listen to this little story (this can take a while) before though. Please keep on reading, cause the behaviour of your boyfriend could just be the same then the reply of Stephanie's husband and therefore TOTALLY NORMAL. As stupid as it sounds. The more he loves you, the more quiet he will be. OK, here we go...(this is the very very very ;) short form though, if you want to know more, read the book):

With this little story you have to use your fantasy a little bit and forget about the normal things you learnt about god and the world for a few minutes... ;)

"...This is a time way before there was life on earth. Our attention goes to another planet called Venus. On this planet once lived beautiful creatures called women. They lived there lives day in and day out in harmony and only talked nice and were very understanding. They had regular meetings, where they could socialize, talk about the latest cooking recipe or just hugged each other. They hated war and dispute and because of that they learnt to talk about problems. And while doing so they loved to use the most complicated phrases and sentences. If any of the other women had a problem they could come to everybody with their problems. Immediately everybody cared and tried to find a solution. With more severe cases they even came together in a council to help one of their fellow women. But one thing was still missing in their lives. But the women just didn't know what this could have been.

Then there was another planet called Mars. Mars was the planet where men lived on. The men were strong and only had hobbies that included competing with each other about there strength. Or they were talking about technical things, computers and cars. The mens attitude was very warlike. And not seldom they had big wars about who's right. Men liked to be independent and show off with their skills. The more independent, the better. Man never talked much or long sentences. When there was something to say, they tried to come to the point in the shortest way possible. Man hated complicated and long explanations. To make the long story short. They were the complete opposite of the women on Venus. But there's one other significant thing:

If a man on Mars had a problem, they first tried to get a solution on their own. Asking somebody whould have been a shame on Mars. And no other man would have tried to help, because everybody knew: Helping another man without being asked is the same as a deadly insult. If a man had a problem, he wanted to be alone and get the solution on his own. To do so, he went back to his "cave" to work on the solution. Every other man knew, that it's absolutely forbidden (even, if it would be the best friend) to step into this cave and disturb him in his thinking. And while one man was in his cave, he didn't talk to anybody, not even his closest friend. And everybody knew, if the man came back out of his cave, he either had a solution. Or if he wouldn't have a solution by then, he would ask a professional. This would have never been a shame. But first you had to try it on your own. While women showed their love to each other by hugging and soothing, men showed their love by leaving themselves alone and showing respect. One of the biggest rules on Mars. But they were still missing something and couldn't figure out what this could have been.

So one day one Mars man had a problem and he went into his cave. After days and days of riddling he couldn't find a solution. So he took his telescope and watched the stars. And suddenly on another planet he saw the most beautiful human being ever. He was immediately in love and forgot about all his problems. He ran out of his cave and told all the other man. They all looked through their telescopes to make sure he was right. So they took their spaceship and flew to Venus where the women lived. When the women saw the men, they welcomed them with their open arms. They knew now, what they had been missing for so long. They were proud of their strong men and adored them and looked up to them. And the men were glad that they found somebody loving them for what they were. So they decided to go back to their spaceship and find another planet, where they could start a new live together.

So they discovered the earth and decided to settle down on earth. They married and built families and every woman knew how to treat a man and every man knew how to treat every woman with their own language, because they were still so fascinated about this new thing. But after a lot of years there was only daily life left. Glitter and glamour were gone, the family routine started to kick in and suddenly everybody forgot about the specialty of their significant others and where they came from. And suddenly it didn't work out anymore. First came misunderstandings and then the first divorces and so on..."

After reading this book I was fascinated. Guys, you got to read this. I tried this on the next cute man I found... :lol: . Today I'm married :D with him. So Michelle, what I'm honestly thinking, is this:

Your boyfriend had a problem, your disease. He loves you so much, that he's scared about you and tries to find a solution to this problem to help you, the one he loves. So now he goes back into his "cave" and tries to figure out this solution. Remember, when the story said: No other man would have helped him with his problem. Because offering a solution without being asked would have been an insult? This solution were the information about celiac disease you handed him. Of course you didn't know that. But now he thinks, that you don't trust him anymore and that you think, he's stupid and can't find a solution on his own. He wants you to be proud of him. What follows, is in defiance of your reaction (bringing him the info) he doesn't read it. So he goes back into his "cave" and because he doesn't want to be disturbed in getting the solution for his problem. While he's in his cave, he doesn't want to speak to anybody or hear from anybody until the solution is there. He doesn't call you, nor write you or (and that's the worst part I guess) reacts insulted, when you enter his "cave". What I mean with that, is coming to his house and speaking to him about this problem. Instead of that, he wants to be trusted. Believe me, it's psychology. Even, if it doesn't sound logically to you AT ALL at the moment. And you definitely WILL BE hurt by how he reacts. The most important thing for you to know is, that he doesn't know that. He's from Mars. He thinks, that's normal. But somebody from Venus would have hugged you and soothed you. Not so from Mars. His idea of soothing you, is to try to find a solution. Trust me...

What he needs now, is the feeling, that you trust him and you understand what he's doing. He needs the assurance, that he has all the time in the world in his cave for yours and his problem, to figure it out and make you proud. And the best assurance you can give him, is to let him know, that you still love him and that you know, he thinks about this. But without long complicated sentences. Remember, Mars people don't like that. My husband had a phase of this a couple of weeks ago. You know, what I did? I bought him a yellow rose and a card and put it on the kitchen table. I wrote in the card how helpfull he was in the last couple of weeks and practically doing the household for me, while I was preparing for this tournament. Oh, my gosh, how proud he was. Like a little kid on christmas. He actually told me one night, that this little gesture means so much to him. I'm quite honest here guys, we had a lot of problems in our relationship so far. And I'm 100% positive, if I wouldn't have had this book, we would have already broken up. Go, read it. It's positive and entertaining, it doesn't play one or the other sex down. It picks on both sexes evenly :lol: , but in a very nice way. And most of all, it's huge fun. One day I lent this book to my supervisor. And he told me, that he and his wife actually had fights about who reads it first :D .

Michelle, I wish you good luck with this. And as you said, you still feel his passion for you. And you know why? Because there IS still passion, he just doesn't know, how to tell you. He's from Mars. ;)

Keep us posted and I cross my fingers for you two. ;)

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Stef,

You are right, that is a good book - and to some extent he's been a perfect example of what it talks about. (I've read the book before). That is so kind of you to have typed all that out for me! Thank you so much.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to think he's from Uranus :angry: (Well, not *yours* in particular, but.. )

I talked to him a couple of hours ago and he told me that because his problems (re: the paralysis) are so much bigger than I could possibly imagine - he doesn't have empathy, "And I don't think that I should." He said that he does care about me and that he knows that I've been going through a lot and he doesn't mean to belittle celiac disease, but he doesn't want to hear about it all the time and that's all I talk about. And before all I talked about was the osteoporosis and the other food allergies and my dad (who's bipolar) and my problems at school (I got serious learning disabilities - so serious that the state actually pays for my education so that I don't have to work and have enough time to study). So, apparently I am just a big whiner. I did not know this. I can think of a lot of other things that I've talked about.

But anyway, is it wrong to talk about things that affect you at a very deep level? Am I wrong to want to talk about this with someone who I *thought* was my best friend?

He has basically told me that he has very, very little empathy for anyone else and that he doesn't want to hear about my problems anymore.

I can't believe that my accounting professor - who doesn't even know me - is more understanding than my boyfriend. I can't believe that I've been with someone for so long only to learn that I've just been irritating for him. I am floored.

I'm trying to decide if I should go pick up my stuff and call it over. He said, "This is how it is, and I'm not going to change" at the end of his "discussion" on empathy.

I am so unbelievably sad / hurt / confused. :(

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Hello Michelle,

I can understand you. And you're right. You've all the right to complain about his behaviour. Cause this indeed is very strange... :(

But he also said, that he cares about you and that he knows that you've been going through a lot. I don't think this is a lie. Why should he? I think he is in a phase where he wants to outbrave you, because he maybe really can't hear it anymore. Because it maybe makes him sad, that you're not alright and complaining. And he doesn't even know how to help, cause it's unhealable. That might be the worst thing for him. And he doesn't know what the solution is and so he basically tells you to shut up. And a lot of man are like that. My husband reacted just like that in the beginning. He even declared me for being nuts, because he never heard of such a thing, that you can react to wheat. Can you believe that? And he does that a lot, even with other things. And then he never heard of it, and no matter how much I know it's true. In his eyes it's not true and I'm crazy. It's just like he's from another planet sometimes :P . And yesterday he said again I shouldn't behave like the whole world is out to get me. But I know, he doesn't mean it like that. Sometimes he just can't hear me complain anymore. Because I know, he can only be happy, when I'm happy. And when I'm complaining, that drags him down, too. So he basically tells me to shut up :ph34r: . Must be a male thing... Because I can think of a lot of other things, too, I talked about. But when he has his phase, suddenly I only always talk about this disease in his eyes :angry: . And then I leave him alone and couple of days later, he listens again. Very strange...

Sorry, now I'm complaining... :blink:

Well, what I actually wanted to say. I so hope for you, that it's just a phase of him and that you can work it out.

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Michelle, your response about what he said shows that he is so consumed with self-pity for his own situation that he can't step outside himself and relate to anyone else's emotions. Not a good sign for the long run, unless he's willing to step up to the plate and realize that he's got to move past this issue if he wants to really move forward in life.

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I'm glad your instructor gave you a reprieve. I can totally sympathize, I am in nursing school (hard core) and I just recently tested positive. Worse yet, I am having my endoscopy on Wednesday, so I am still uncomfortable as I must continue to eat as normal for accurate biopsy results. It sucks. I took my final for this semester today, I didnt want to delay it because I have short term memory and thought I might not do so well. Good Luck to you with yours! And a C is passing, I have learned to be proud with that cause many arent so lucky. Jobs dont see your grades, just your end result- graduation! Deep breathe if you get overwhelmed, it really works. To help me I wear earplugs during the tet because I distract real easy and lose my train of thought. My instructor suggested it and it really works!

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I am a newbie too, but maybe 3 or 4 months. I didn't get quite as upset as you, but I wasn't in finals week either.

It is a big deal, though. It's not "just food." Food is a major part of everyone's life. It's how we reward ourselves, socialize, take a break, etc. It takes longer to shop, longer to cook, longer to clean up (because you don't have so many convenience foods), no more fast food in a pinch. Travelling has to be planned more carefully. Dinner away from home has its limitations.

I have passed through some of the initial shock, but I am still in the thick of it. UNTIL YOU FINISH FINALS, I suggest you get lots of fresh veggies, some baking potatoes, some gluten-free sour cream and salad dressing, maybe some canned salmon or tuna, and kind of stick to a very simple diet until you have taken care of studying and taking your finals. Learning all those additives will take a while, and you will have some accidental contaminations. You need to keep well until after finals. A mistake can really mess up your ability to focus or concentrate.

After that, take your lists and start experimenting until you have a nice variety of safe foods. Be creative. I found gluten-free French rolls that did not in any way resemble French rolls, but did a really good impersonation of a hamburger bun. Some gluten-free food is like eating dried mud...but I have found a lot of things I really like and can't tell the difference. I found a good spaghetti, a really good blueberry muffin mix, brownie mixes, etc. Plus, I can still have Dove Dark Chocolate and some simple flavors of ice cream. It just takes a while to get your mind around it. At first, reading all those labels is mind-boggling and extemely time-consuming (which is why I suggest sticking to simple until after finals). I didn't like the crumbly frozen gluten-free breads in the stores, so I got a good gluten-free cook book and a bread machine. I measure up a couple of loaves worth of dry ingredients on a Saturday afternoon, bag them and put them in the fridge (cuts the time and clean-up). Then I mix wet ingredients for one loaf and let the machine do the rest. It's good enough to fool a non-celiac. The next week, I just have to add the wet stuff. You will get really good at making this easier and tastier for yourself. I also contacted a lot of restaurants that I like to go to, and they were mostly very helpful about listing some things I could order safely.

Good luck with your finals. Once you pass them all with flying colors, you can relax a bit and deal with this a little more easily.

Wendy

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Hi foodphobic,

Cool! Another Wendy :D

I'm sorry if you took offense at my saying "it's just food". :( Believe me I do realize that food is a major part of everyone's lives. I mean if we don't eat we die! :( I just meant, it's food, it's not like we have to give up a leg or our sight or something. I just meant we can still eat, just as long as we are gluten-free. Maybe it's because you are new to it all and haven't yet come across all the food lists or something, but there are tons and tons of things we can eat. conveniece foods, sweets, all of it. Yes, we may have to give up some favorites like nice soft bread but again...we can still eat bread. Maybe it takes a few more minutes to make a meal but we are still haveing a meal. I have never gone hungry. Most of the fast food restaurants have gluten-free menus. On this site you can order a restaurant guide that lists gluten-free menus. We go out to eat all the time, I have never gone hungry. That's all I meant. :D

Your idea to Michelle about the gluten-free brownies is great! I also love gluten-free chocolate cake with gluten-free chocolate pudding (that's right choclate pudding) as the frosting. YUMMMM! :P

You also mentioned those french rolls that resemble hamburger buns, I know the ones, I get them at Trader Joes. They are great if you slice them into 4 thin slices and use it as sandwich bread. My whole family, even the non gluten-free ones loves that.

We make grilled cheese sandwiches out of it. And ice cream (my lifes staple) Breyers, Hagan daz, and Edy's, have a bunch of gluten-free ones.

Hope things get easier,

Also a Wendy

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Hmmm! Ice cream, I basically live on that in the summer. Have all of you guys seen on the "sholland"-list they added Turkey Hill now? The Turkey Hill premium ice cream is glutenfree according to this list. Hmmm! Yamyam!

Yes, it is difficult to go glutenfree at the beginning. But once you get into the habit and have the daily routine it gets easier and easier. And Wendy is right. At least we have something to eat. There are people who have it much more difficult (or more painfull) than we do. Me for my part I'm glad, I have the possibility to get healthy on a glutenfree diet.

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There's something I wanted to say to all of you who have tests:

GOOD LUCK and I cross my fingers for you!!!

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Stef,

I loved your story....how exactly right can you be! :D

Michelle,

Maybe he's in denial? I mean, I KNOW my mom is a celiac, all the signs, but she says she's not because she doesn't have the same symptoms as me. I keep telling her all about the miriad of different symptoms and that you don't even need to have symptoms at all, but it's obvious she's in denial. She just doesn't want to give up her exact way of life.

Maybe since your boyfriend knows how difficult it is to be different in this world he doesn't want you to go through it also. (To be a non wheat eater in a wheat eating world). Maybe he thinks that since it's difficult enough to deal with his limitations that he just doesn't want you to have any.

Maybe when you start feeling better you can start talking about it again, only this time you can talk about how excited you are to feel better.

Good luck with your exams, I know it's a terribly stressfull time. My daughter also has celiacs and suffer from fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome. She is a junior in college and is also going through finals. She is terrified of accidentally eatin gluten and getting a horrible reation so that she can't take the exams. So far so good. :)

Wendy

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Steph,

Turkey Hill too? Yeahhhh :D:lol: I swear I am a complete addict. I think I have ice cream almost every day! :D

Thanks for the info.

Wendy

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No no no, I have never been offended by any of *you* guys saying that it's just food - because I know you realized what else it is. I was just offended by *him* saying it's "just food" because he doesn't seem to comprehend what that includes.

I am still just astounded by his complete lack of empathy. I wonder if he's ever thought of the fact that if no one had empathy for him, his life would be total hell (he's paralyzed from the chest downward, and also has limited use of his hands - quadraplegia).

Everyone keeps giving me advice on what to eat - and I appreciate all of your kind thoughts & attempts to help - but I can't go gluten free until *after* the 19th. That's when I'm having the biopsy. So, that really complicates things. Eating a lot of gluten has made me depressed, lethargic, and confused - I've got a wicked case of ADD goin' on right now. Plus the heartburn, reflux is out of control. My poor throat is burning up :(

How much gluten do I need to eat to make sure the biopsy is correct? I feel like I'm purposefully killing myself off here with all of this gluten stuff.

I see a neuropsychologist every couple of weeks to deal with issues I have regarding a brain injury from 1991 that still causes me troubles. She has suggested that I get away from my boyfriend until I am more capable of dealing with things and find out if he misses me or not. What do you guys think? She says his reaction to my diagnosis could definitely be labeled as "abusive."

Any thoughts?

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Michelle-

Wow, what a place you are in. I also know the desire of wanting to be validated in my illness and receive empathy from the one I love the most. It is seems like you and your boyfriend are both experiencing your own forms of 'brokenness' right now, however you do each choose to respond to that brokenness differently. It sounds like your boyfriend carries a lot of bitterness with him. I can only imagine if I was paralyzed, that I would struggle with the same thing--resenting those who bodies appear 'normal' to me, and feeling like no one could ever comprehend the feeling of being 'trapped' in my body. What a hard thing... However, having empathy and grace for him does not mean that you should tolerate abuse or stay in a relationship that does hold the promise of long-term intimacy.

I would say the question you would need to ask yourself is--Is this a man I desire to care for, and patiently lead into 'healing' or has his heart turned on me in such a way that no fruit could come from this relationship and I need to step away?

I caution you to search your heart well, I'm sure it would be extremely difficult to make a decision to leave him because of how vulnerable you are right now. Breaking up is immensely hard, but be encouraged that if leaving is what you must do, you will move on in time, and your heart can heal. You also never know what can happen. My husband and I dated for a year and then I broke up with him because he had a pattern of treating me in an unhealthy manner. However, for us, a breakup, and time for him to grow and make some changes enabled us to move forward and truly love each other in a less selfish way. Either way, it sounds like you are in the midst of getting to know yourself better in the near future. Good luck and prayers as you try and listen to your heart!

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aHi Michelle,

Sorry, the last message I wrote about being offended, was written to foodphobic, not you. I though maybe she was offended by the response that she wrote.

You are a doll and we are all sorry for what you are going through. Maybe your Dr. is right. His response does seem kind of abusive, mentally abusive anyway. I know I would be crushed if my husband told me to shut up and stop talking about it. <_<

I thank God for this site where we all have each other even if other people won't listen.

You asked about "how much gluten do you need to eat?" I would guess the equivalency of 1 or 2 pieces of wheat bread a day would do it. Maybe someone else know an exact amount.

Take care,

Wendy

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Wendy,

Thank you for your sweetness & understanding.

I have a hard time deciding if he's being abusive or not. He was like this when we first found out about my dairy allergies but then got over it after a little while. Of course, dairy allergies aren't nearly as serious as this so... who knows. I think he's just tired of the irritation I'm bringing to his life. *sigh* It *has* been irritating - first dairy/egg/sesame/beef allergies, then osteoporosis, then celiac diagnosis, now heartburn, blah blah blah. It just doesn't seem to be getting easier. And I have been talking about it a lot. But your: "I know I would be crushed if my husband told me to shut up and stop talking about it." - is exactly how I felt when he said that to me. ("Get over it. Stop obsessing about it, it's not going to help you to talk about it - and I'm sick of it. It's ALL you talk about!" ) :(

I would be more than happy to take all of this stuff away to make his life easier if I could be I'm afraid that's just not an option.

Thanks again for your support. *hug*

aBye ;)

- Michelle

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@ Michelle: Yes, jenvan is definitely right. You're in a vulnerable phase right now. And to protect you from making a wrong decision, I would wait and see how he reacts to your needs in a few weeks or even better maybe after the tests. So you don't screw your tests up, because your mind is somewhere else. You both have to learn to deal with this first. And that's not easy. You might offend each other in that process, so you have to be patient. Remember later, if sticking to the diet will cause you problems, how much harder must it be for him. He doesn't know that much about this. But let him know, if you feel better, so he might be relieved to hear this, too.

But if you decide to break up, because it doesn't work anymore, you have to make a clean cut and go on with your life. I hope you will have the courage to do the right things at the right time. I'll keep my fingers crossed...

@ Wendy: "ahi" is spanish and means "there"...haha :lol: ! Well, joking aside. But that's one thing I already thought about also. He could be in denial. As I already said, it was the same thing with my husband. He declared me for being nuts. Then after a week I was so much better he literally felt it in my behaviour. No more mood swings, no more temper problems. Then I told him after about two weeks, that I was so excited, because I feel so good and I that I didn't eat pain killers for a couple of days now. He was so relieved. Then he finally admitted to it. He said, that he first didn't believe me, but he saw it with his own eyes, how much better I was now. And that I would smile more, which in turn made him happier.

And yes, the Turkey Hill is on the list now. It wasn't on there last year. But only the Turkey Hill premium ice cream. Does anybody know, if the "Death by chocolate" from Turkey Hill is from the premium ice cream list? That would be awesome :lol: I used to love it before...

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I would be more than happy to take all of this stuff away to make his life easier if I could be I'm afraid that's just not an option. 

OOps, that's supposed to say "BUT I'm afraid that's just not an option."

- Michelle

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My husband gets tired of me talking about the same thing over an over (the issue at the moment being our boss, not celiac any more), but he's taken the approach of absent-mindedly listening. He'll go on playing his computer game, while I chatter away, not paying real attention, but enough so if I ask a specific question (like "Can you provide some response on this?") he'll respond. It's a compromise - it allows him not to have to listen to everything I whine about, but allows me to chatter away when what I really need to do is just have words come out of my mouth on the subject. I know that he's not really really listening, and he knows that I just need to speak.

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You know what's funny is that I think he has celiac disease too. He has had severe abdominal pains for years, can't even eat some days because they are so bad. In addition, he's anemic. Hmm... sounds like...

He even went through awful tests on his body, but no one ever tested him for Celiac. So, I *really* wish he would be tested. But he argues that those things are part of "his condition." Whatever! He has other paralyzed friends that I've met who aren't anemic and don't have severe stomach pain all the time. Are those, or are those not symptoms of celiac disease? I've told him that he should be tested but he wont do it.

So, what happens is that we are going to break up because I have this - and then *maybe* someday he's going to find out he has it too - and there will be no me around to cook for him and help him do things right.

HA!

(Wow, I'm getting mean, aren't I?)

I wish he would do it though. It's a simple freakin' blood test. He has insurance that would cover it. But when I told him I think he should be tested he said, "Michelle, just because you have something doesn't mean everyone else does!" (Sounds like my mom, doesn't it! Eeww!! I'm dating my mother!! *cough* ;))

Boys are dumb. I knew this when I was seven. Why did I relinquish that brilliant thought?

(Well, the boys on *here* aren't dumb though - just the ones I date ;)) No offense guys ;)

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This thread needs a Martian viewpoint for balance. The reason that Martians get bent out of shape and tell Venutians to shut up is not because they like to talk about problems but they talk TOO much about them and take no action. What I have notice about the Venutian species is they will talk constantly about a problem because it makes them feel better. At many points during their talk session they clearly state a solution, sometimes more than one, that would solve the issue. It is not the incessant talking that drives Martians crazy it is the fact that Venutians know what needs to be done and they won't do it. A Martian is willing to listen to a Venutian vent ONLY ONCE. If the Venutian isn't willing to take action after that then there is simply no point in listening to her beat a dead horse. This cycle of all talk and no action just perpetuates a vicious cycle that elevates the levels of stress that ultimately destroys the relationship.

Martians will engage in this same pattern of destructive behavior but in a different manner. Since a Martian is unwilling to admit that a problem is beyond his abilities to solve he will hide it. What he will do is take the wrong actions that only make the situation worse. Talking to someone else about a problem could give him the benefit of another point of view that could lead to a solution. This cycle of no talk and wrong actions just perpetuates a vicious cycle that elevates the levels of stress that ultimately destroys the relationship.

In order for Venutians and Martians to coexist they must learn to meet in the middle. Venutians must learn to talk less and do more. Martians have to talk more and seek more input from another so that he can take the appropriate action.

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