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veryami1

Dealing With Parties At Your House

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Tonight we are having a get together at our house. I thought it'd be easier to have it at my house, since I know everything is celiac-friendly. We're doing snacks only, the get-together is post dinner, but I am serving light snacks and told my friends to bring something they wanted to share. 

 

Well one girl is making a dessert. She said she tried to find the right ingredients but one of them, she couldnt locate the gluten-free version of an item,  so now she is bringing gluten-dessert to my house.

 

I'm extremely offended. I wouldn't bring a known allergen to the house of a sufferer. I don't really want to deal with the drama of calling her out on it.  

 

What do you do? Is your house strictly gluten-free? Am I being too sensitive? I have enough of an emotional roller coaster dealing with this - now I have inconsiderate friends to add to the mix.   I'm crying over this. Doesn't she care enough to be considerate of my dietary needs? It's not like it's at her house. 

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Not the politically correct answer.... take it from her and say thanks so much for your effort.... then put it in the back of the frig/cabinet/pantry/garbage and never serve it! If she asks, oh, I'm sorry, it must have just got lost in all the gluten FREE food!!

 

Of course I don't have the demeanor to get away with any kind of sarcasm in an innocent way!!!!

 

Sorry it's so stressful - try to have fun with all your other friends. I haven't had to deal with any of this yet...

 

(((hope this wasn't tooo sarcastic)))  I just got dx and have had some hurtful responses.

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When I have get-togethers at my house, I do them all gluten-free.  While I will allow my husband to have gluten or 1 or 2 other people who understand how to keep it clean, other people who are just piggies and have no clue are a recipe for disaster.  If you already explained to your friends who are helping you host that you are having gluten-free items at your house only, then tell this person they just can't bring it over.  Now, it may have been better to tell her whenever she was telling you about her ingredient difficulties, but just tell her since you are new to this you didn't think it through the first time.  If she is a person not worth dealing with or makes a huge deal of it... offer to carry it into the house for her and "accidentaly" drop it and dump it in the front lawn.  (Willows response inspired me to think of that... haha!)  But overall just being very clear up front that you don't allow gluten food in your house will help you when you have to be stern later.

 

Usually it is family holidays where I will tell everyone, "I am going to provide all of the food and make sure it is allergen free for me.  So I ask that you please don't bring any edible item without clearing it with me first."  Last thanksgiving I basically did it for free (including the extra cost gluten-free made) because two family members offered to give me money since they didn't want to bring not-good food.  So, that was nice.

 

Also, If someone really wants to make something for me or for something at my house, I will offer them to come over and make it here in my gluten-free kitchen.  

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*read all before getting mad*

Ami, in her defense, at least she said she looked. She could have just not cared to look in the first place.

Now, on the other hand, it is your house, and your allergen. That being said, I do find it rude and inconsiderate. She should have asked "will it be okay if I bring a gluten item for those who can have it?" Maybe explain to her that your house is 110% gluten free, and ask her to either not bring it, or find something else to bring. If the event is outside, there is also the option (depending on space) to set up a separate serving area for items with gluten. This is a bit of an inconvenience, but there is also the chance that others may not realize what they bring has gluten (either by not knowing what to look for, or by "hidden ingredients" such as caramel coloring). This option though is not one you should be forced to say yes to.

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I will also add, after reading what Georgiaguy said about outside parties, that when we have outdoor BBQ's I will serve gluten hot dog/hamburger buns for costs sake.  gluten-free people get first shot at the food, then once everyone else touches it, any leftovers get tossed or sent home with guests.  I put out condiments, veggies, and sides in quantities I know we will use and can always go get more.  Also the people I have over are generally understanding to not touch Laura with your hot dog bun, haha!

 

Luckily, a lot of things these days are labeled "gluten-free" so I just have people buy those if I need to dumb it down, and usually it is okay.

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We keep a gluten-free house for the most party.  We have also hosted several holiday parties that people bring things to, gluten and all.  I keep all my DS's gluten-free food away from everything. I use ONLY serving pieces that are disposable.  My plates are run though the dishwasher after being hand washed as well.  The counters we have "regular" food on are triple washed (as are tables and all that).  

 

We've never had any issues.  

 

Now....that said, someone did bring PEANUT BUTTER cookies into my home. As soon as I found out I took the entire plate of cookies, triple bagged them and then put them on my front porch for the person to take home.  That, in our home, is equal to leaving a loaded gun on the counter that my kid could get to.

 

After that, I haven't hosted a large family gathering as I can not take that chance. These people were told ahead of time that NO NUTS are allowed in our home (or eggs).  

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I would never expect others to bring gluten-free food to my house! If I have a party, I provide all the food. I even note on the invitation something like " due to food intolerances in out family, please do not bring any food." They can bring wine or flowers.

And let's be real here.... Why would you think they could make something gluten-free? I wouldn't expect they would understand the proper precautions to make a food gluten-free. Or understand the subtleties like oats must be certified gluten-free or not to rinse fruit in the same colander as the pasta.

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I provide tons of food for all and tell folks to only bring what they want to drink.

There is always one that has to have some special glutenous dish...hubs intercepts and puts the special dishes on display on my patio coffee tables...we are in California so the patio is always open ;)

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I'm the only person diagnosed with Celiac in my home (so far).  My husband and I have agreed that we can keep some gluten bread and cookies for him and grandson, but there are specific rules in place for eating  and using them.  They know the rules, and follow them strictly, so far.  We use special care in handling, one area of the counter, cleaning the surface a special way, etc. 

 

As far as others bringing food into my house?  No.  Not no way, not no how.  One spill of the gluten containing food in my house would require hours of cleaning to make sure every trace of possible cross contamination was removed. Others eating gluten foods in my house?  No.  Not no way, not no how.   Maybe (MAYBE) a picnic outside where gluten containing foods never enter the house and only disposable plates, etc. are used.

My reaction to gluten is severe.  Very severe.  Maybe in time, as my body heals more, I'll be able to be more flexible, but right now I consider it a life and death issue for me. 

 

I might tell my friend "While I appreciate your efforts, I'm afraid that allowing any products containing gluten in my house right now isn't  possible.  I'm sorry for any inconvenience, but our health is too important to risk at this point.  I appreciate your understanding."

A true friend will understand.

 

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Absolutely no gluten allowed in my house. Even when my family and friends visit for a few days--they eat the gluten-free bread I make or buy.

Or when it comes to lunch and they have to have a sammy on rye or a roll, we go out to lunch at a place I have vetted as safe for me that has gluteny options for them.

.

Yeah, I am the center of the universe when it comes to this issue.  :D

 

Seriously, though, I provide all the food at dinner parties. And it's fabulous.  ^_^  No one misses gluten.

 

If someone asks what can I bring? I say "a bag of fifties would be awe-some!" (and I sing that ). In other words, nothing. Most people show up with wine (which is always a good thing)

 

No way in hell I am leaving it up to someone to keep me safe. A simple mistake will cost me dearly.

 

Not sure who said it up there (too lazy to scroll back up and read  :D ) but celiac is NOT an allergy. But if I also had allergies, I would be strict about food coming in as well..

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*read all before getting mad*

Ami, in her defense, at least she said she looked. She could have just not cared to look in the first place.

Now, on the other hand, it is your house, and your allergen. That being said, I do find it rude and inconsiderate. She should have asked "will it be okay if I bring a gluten item for those who can have it?" Maybe explain to her that your house is 110% gluten free, and ask her to either not bring it, or find something else to bring. If the event is outside, there is also the option (depending on space) to set up a separate serving area for items with gluten. This is a bit of an inconvenience, but there is also the chance that others may not realize what they bring has gluten (either by not knowing what to look for, or by "hidden ingredients" such as caramel coloring). This option though is not one you should be forced to say yes to.

 

Um....Lets not bring back an Urban Myth.  Caramel Coloring Is gluten free.  It is typically made with corn.  

 

Colleen

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I think some of this - no gluten near my house is a bit extreme. If you are keeping the food in the kitchen, dining room or on the porch it's great. I understand if there are kids running through the house - that could be trouble. I also let my boys bring whatever snacks to their man- cave in the basement. I will never eat down there.

I allow gluten in my house. If I have a get- together and people are bringing food, I can't expect them to bring gluten-free food. I can't tell them what to bring and what ingredients and how to cook it. It's not like a peanut allergy that can't even have PB cookies around some with that allergy.

If I have gluten around, I just keep my food separate. For example - when my mom died. It was easier to just get BBQ meat, beans, chips, regular buns, etc. I just got my meat out before I served it, kept chips and fruit back in the fridge for me. I labelled the left- overs so I knew which meat might have gluten crumbs.

That said - I rarely have gluten when people come over, except beer.

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I think some of this - no gluten near my house is a bit extreme.

 

 

But you already co-exist with GEs'--successfully. You know how to do it and that works for you. :)

 

My house is a no gluten zone. I do not think it's extreme in our case. J and I do not eat it.

I'm not going to bring it in now.

 

There is regular beer here for guests. That's about it.

 

 It's just what we do. No one I know finds this a problem or an inconvenience to them.

No one has ever even asked "hey, can  I bring some bread over?"  ^_^ 

 

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But you already co-exist with GEs'--successfully. You know how to do it and that works for you. :)

 

My house is a no gluten zone. I do not think it's extreme in our case. J and I do not eat it.

I'm not going to bring it in now.

 

There is regular beer here for guests. That's about it.

 

 It's just what we do. No one I know finds this a problem or an inconvenience to them.

No one has ever even asked "hey, can  I bring some bread over?"  ^_^

And that works for you. I just wanted people to know they can have gluten in their house. And, if they expect people to bring food, they can't be sure its gluten-free. Your friends just bring Proseco..... Which works for me!

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And that works for you. I just wanted people to know they can have gluten in their house. And, if they expect people to bring food, they can't be sure its gluten-free. Your friends just bring Proseco..... Which works for me!

 

and I go to people's houses where gluten is sometimes served and I am cool with that. My friends know how to make G F dishes safely or I bring my own...And I bring Prosecco. lmao

 

Yeah, gluten-phobia is not necessary--for any of us.

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I am hosting as usual today, but everything will get gluten free. Everyone else brings flowers or drinks. At Easter, I allowed traditional gluten bread and a dessert but we served and ate it outside. I also asked someone to bring their condiments for the bread table. Like Laura, I put out just enough on the buffet table (located separate from the bread table) for the event (refilled when necessary) and sent home the leftovers with my guests.

Today, no gluten will be allowed as we are having steak and I want all the leftovers!

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In your opinion, where is the line between a healthy level of caution and gluten phobia? And how do you know when you've crossed the line?

Some of this comes with time. You learn where the trouble areas are for your lifestyle and family. For example, do you have little kids eating gluten on the furniture? Might be time to stop that. Eating only at the table or on the porch. Gluteny snacks and little bowls to eat them in in a separate cabinet..... Etc.

But really..... A good vacuum cleaner and washing off counters and table is fine. Gluten isn't an evil little creature or a virus.... Its a crumb, soluble in warm water or vinegar. It will vacuum or wipe up.

If, after a few months, you are spending all your time worrying about gluten in your home..... That's when you know something needs to change - your rules and procedures or reduce the amount of gluten foods in the house. I used to try to cook 2 pots of pasta at a time - got to be too much worry and trouble - keeping spoons apart, using 2 different colanders, etc. for me, it wasn't worth the trouble to save $2.

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Thinking "Hidden Gluten" is everywhere Is being paranoid.  Thinking Gluten particles will jump off of surfaces and land in you mouth is being paranoid.  You can choose to have a Gluten Free household or a shared household.  Like Karen, I live with gluten eaters.  Wiping off a counter is no big deal for me as I would have wiped it down before eating anyways.  Gluten splatters in the microwave don't bother me because I keep it clean.  If you read labels you will be fine.  Trusting your next door neighbor can safely supply a gluten free meal is NOT paranoid (Irish has exceptions because she has taught them.)  Thinking you will be just fine eating out is NOT paranoid.  Thinking your anti-persperent is glutening you is being paranoid.  

 

You just need to use common sense.  This is the rest of your life and you need to find a comfort level.

 

Colleen

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Thinking you can be glutened by paper towels, toilet paper rolls, bus seats,  envelopes,  linens, vapors, sperm, clothing, sheets, books from the library or walking down the bread aisle ...is  paranoid. 

 

(yes, I have been asked all of these questions in the last 3.5 years) 

 

 

 

Note: I do not trust just anyone to cook for me. I have a few friends who took the time to learn about CC, they have flexible cutting boards just for cooking for me. They have me help prep and I see what they are making. We drink while we do this and it's fun. :) But if my neighbor brought me a dish and said "this is for you", I would politely decline it with a quick explanation. This happened when we were renting our last place during construction. She gave me a baked good from the store. She was not hurt or insulted and her hubs ate it instead.

 

If I did not do that, be up front about it? That lovely cake would have gone to waste. 

Next thing I know, she asks me a bunch of questions and decides to go G F. I told her get tested first....

but she was not willing to do so. No idea what became of her efforts. 

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I have a 99% gluten free household, but I do allow my hubby to eat some prepackaged gluten free stuff, if he cooks it on a dedicated pot and with a dedicated spatula. But, if he goes and touches the faucet after eating, then theoretically the faucet is contaminated and should be wiped off.  :wacko:

 

And when working at my MIL's house, I tend to not touch her faucet handle either.

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Wait, Irish, envelopes? I try not to lick envelopes because I've heard that they could have gluten in the glue.

 

Not sure where you heard that but it's not coming from any of our lips. LOL

 

Did you get the book I recommended? Real Life with Celiac Disease?

 

Heed the advice of people who are experts...like Shelley Case....or people like us who give you the right info.... ^_^

 

http://www.glutenfreedietitian.com/newsletter/gluten-in-adhesives/

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