The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[Mtndog]

Uncle ray just sent me some advice on how to attain those svelte figures we all want:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

[jerseyangel]

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Ba-a-a-a-a

[Green12]

Alex, I am so excited for you. I'm glad you guys are having it the way you want it, that's the most important thing I think.

You want a song too that means something to you both, not so much if it is a "wedding" song or not.

But I am a rebel that way

Loved the "yeah, right" silly you shared!

Thanks Patti and Jess for chiming in on the fruit. I'm going to see if I can tolerate eating fruit, I don't know if I have a fructose intolerance or if it's salicylates but it hasn't worked before. It would be nice if i could, it would give me more to choose from and eat. Crossing fingers.....

Phooey on gas prices- I WANT a car that smells like french fries (there goes my very strict Catherine!).

There goes your very strict Catherine ....right out the tail pipe

My Catherine is coming along, there has been no ingesting of sugar for 2 days thus far. I've had grains but those are next to go....baby steps!

Amanda, don't feel too bad. I had this happen at a formal in college and my date, who I was very angry with at the time, tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. So he grabbed the back of my STRAPLESS gown and almost pulled it off! Turd!!!!!!!!!!!

What a turd. He should be banished and made to eat poop!

Amanda, glad your friend caught the skirt in tight thing early enough

Gas prices, boo. Grocery bills, heinous! Not very silly at all

[Green12]

We're at $3.75 and I'm debating on filling up or waiting. Seems like if I wait, it goes up further. If I fill up, it drops back down!!!! Bahhhh!!!

It's like dabbling in the stock market...at the gas station!

Uncle Ray!

[jerseyangel]

My Catherine is coming along, there has been no ingesting of sugar for 2 days thus far. I've had grains but those are next to go....baby steps!

Sounds like you're off to a great start!

Good luck with fruit--it would be nice if you can tolerate it. It's a refreshing change from the protein and veggies.

[nikki-uk]

Uncle Ray is in phine phettle today!!!!!

Amanda, don't feel too bad. I had this happen at a formal in college and my date, who I was very angry with at the time, tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. So he grabbed the back of my STRAPLESS gown and almost pulled it off!

OK, this made me laugh

Turd!!!!!!!!!!!

...but for some reason this lone word made me laugh harder ....snort even

...and yes, skirt tucked in knickers has happened to me (t'was young and svelte so didn't scare any horses thankfully )

I had had (?) to use a *gasp* public loo in the town centRE ....got as far as the bank on the corner when a lady tapped my shoulder.... oh my GOD!!! I thought I had ERASED that memory from my mind

[nikki-uk]

Oh, forgot

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure

[Green12]

He claims that he doesn't sleep as well when I'm not in the bed. So when I come to bed, he must relax and then... PPHHHHHTTT.

Last night, after the normal phart, came a second one about 2 minutes later. This simple break in routine had me in helpless, choking giggles for at least 5 minutes. I had to leave the room.

I've never been called for jury duty. I have no idea why.

Sara this totally cracked me up!!!

You just watch, you will get called to jury duty now that you said this!! If you don't think about it or mention it it doesn't happen, but the minute you start thinking, "I wonder why I've never been called"....or, "I wonder if and when I will be called", BOOM! That's when it happens, next thing you know you get your notice to appear.

That's what happened to me, I got by for years without ever being called. Then I started to deeply ponder the whole situation, why haven't I been called, I hope I don't get called, what will I do if I get called....a few months later there was the jury duty letter in my mail box

Mygawd.....I, as well, have certainly been choking in bed as a result of DH's pharting, but it has not been from laughter.....

Sounds like you're off to a great start!

Good luck with fruit--it would be nice if you can tolerate it. It's a refreshing change from the protein and veggies.

Thanks Patti

How are you doing with the changes so far?

...and yes, skirt tucked in knickers has happened to me (t'was young and svelte so didn't scare any horses thankfully )

I had had (?) to use a *gasp* public loo in the town centRE ....got as far as the bank on the corner when a lady tapped my shoulder.... oh my GOD!!! I thought I had ERASED that memory from my mind

Nikki

Can't imagine how far that would have gone on if that woman wouldn't have tapped on your shoulder to let you know. Some people don't speak up and say anything, thank god she did

[Green12]

Opps, double post.

I shall fill it with a stack of assorted emoticons:

Look at the myriad of emotions!

[Ridgewalker]

What a turd. He should be banished and made to eat poop!

Chunky poop! With no health benefits!

I don't think I've done the skirt in tights thing.... I have, however, split the butt in a pair of jeans in public.

[elye]

It's like dabbling in the stock market...at the gas station!

Sigh......but there's no winning there.........

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure

My diabetic Catherine makes it agonizingly difficult to lose weight once it's on. Very heinously tricky - - adjusting the insulin, modifying exercise time, diligently testing and watching for insulin reactions....just too tough. So, the ten pounds will, I know, stay on.

I need a more hideous name than Catherine, which is quite lovely, for my diabetes eating plan. I shall call it an Edna.

[Ridgewalker]

You just watch, you will get called to jury duty now that you said this!! If you don't think about it or mention it it doesn't happen, but the minute you start thinking, "I wonder why I've never been called"....or, "I wonder if and when I will be called", BOOM! That's when it happens, next thing you know you get your notice to appear.

I'd better start writing down these jury-avoidance methods!

Well, both of the kids were home yesterday and today with glutenings. Ezra actually had a GI reaction this time. Sigh. When I was doing all that cleaning last week, I found a couple can of spaghetti sauce stuck back in a corner. I dusted them off, checked the date, and threw them in the cupboard. Used them Sunday night. I'm an idiot.

Realized when the copious pooping began on Monday that those were two cans I'd separated out because they had GLUTEN in them. Then they got buried and I forgot about them I guess. I didn't get it as bad, since I didn't eat spaghetti.... just taste-tested the sauce. Mostly I've just been dealing with the heartburn, which can actually get pretty heinous, but at least it's not the pukies.

[elye]

Walked into an embassy soiree, a black tie affair (astonishing I was even there, come to think of it), and the back of my dress was tucked up in my panty hose. DH did NOT notice, as he was staring at the beautiful female diplomats from Sweden and Spain.....

The Icelandic Ambassador quietly moved beside me and whispered the problem, but his accent was SO thick that I did not understand him.....

"Your dress is in your underwear"....

I thought he said

"More breasts are here. I wonder where?"

Gawd........

[Mtndog]

I don't think I've done the skirt in tights thing.... I have, however, split the butt in a pair of jeans in public.

Why, oh why is this stuff so fuuny?????????

Well, both of the kids were home yesterday and today with glutenings. Ezra actually had a GI reaction this time. Sigh. When I was doing all that cleaning last week, I found a couple can of spaghetti sauce stuck back in a corner. I dusted them off, checked the date, and threw them in the cupboard. Used them Sunday night. I'm an idiot.

Realized when the copious pooping began on Monday that those were two cans I'd separated out because they had GLUTEN in them. Then they got buried and I forgot about them I guess. I didn't get it as bad, since I didn't eat spaghetti.... just taste-tested the sauce. Mostly I've just been dealing with the heartburn, which can actually get pretty heinous, but at least it's not the pukies.

Oh sarah- I AM sorry.............

Walked into an embassy soiree, a black tie affair (astonishing I was even there, come to think of it), and the back of my dress was tucked up in my panty hose. DH did NOT notice, as he was staring at the beautiful female diplomats from Sweden and Spain.....

The Icelandic Ambassador quietly moved beside me and whispered the problem, but his accent was SO thick that I did not understand him.....

"Your dress is in your underwear"....

I thought he said

"More breasts are here. I wonder where?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Cause all the women in Iceland are SO ugly, the guys are ALWAYS looking for more breasts. I think Icelandic women could have inverted breasts and they'd still be beautiful.

The Italian diplomat, on the other hand, would have been happy to assist you with both your dress AND your breasts!!!!!!!!!!!

[DingoGirl]

Gas prices, boo. Grocery bills, heinous! Not very silly at all

Just got gas today AND went grocery shopping........mygawd. utterly heinous.

Not feeling so silly today at all...........why am I so tired? Feeling quite blah. Have SO much to do in this house and yet..........am overwhelmed by it all, spinning around.........

wait - I did do two loads of laundry, two hours of heinous yard work, went to pet store for Weezee's VERY EXPENSIVE gluten-free dog food/car wash/pharmacy/grocery shopping......guess I *have* accomplished a few things today....bah.

Julie - I did love your Emoticon Variety Stack. :lol:

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure

excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"more breasts are here, I wonder where?"

Bev - Uncle Ray

Amanda - good thing for the lab coat!

Sarah - so sorry about the spag sauce mistake - I could just see myself doing taht......hope it passes soon for everybody. Cute photo!

What else? got nothin' - - -

goign to Last Chance this weekend! Kissey's place in Santa Cruz mtns. With Mini Kissey, and many family members.........I"m both afeared and excited at once.....

[elye]

wait - I did do two loads of laundry, two hours of heinous yard work, went to pet store for Weezee's VERY EXPENSIVE gluten-free dog food/car wash/pharmacy/grocery shopping......

Way to go, Susie! This is production extraordinaire!

Phunny, but here we haven't seen a jump in food prices - - yet....(looking askance for wood to knock). Dunno why this would be. Oracle Peter?

excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot STAND my diabetic Edna right now!! Want......some.....chocolate....chunk....ice cream.......

[jerseyangel]

Gawd--let's all be pissy about our Edna's together

A bunch of stuff I was going to respond to, but just too tired and draggy

I just love that I have this place to come to to get a smile and be with me Sillies I think I hit a rough spot...I was sailing along pretty good there too

[Mtndog]

I know I hate my Esther!!!!!!!! No sugar.....very few carbs.....and DEFINITELY no alcohol (feeds those Lymies- GRRRR!!!!!!!!)

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure )

[Darn210]

excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . and I suggest that we all disperse to the various threads in this forum and give all the newbies advice on how to follow a gluten-free Edna . . . and then we shall receive a whole bunch of these

[jerseyangel]

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure )

You're kidding I didn't know that ever happened--aren't there a number of mods who not only don't actively moderate, but don't post anymore? Maybe changes are ahead....I'll probably be next for my- ahem-- excessive Sillie involvement

Wow!

[Darn210]

I know I hate my Esther!!!!!!!! No sugar.....very few carbs.....and DEFINITELY no alcohol (feeds those Lymies- GRRRR!!!!!!!!)

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure )

OMG!!!! Didn't you just moderate that SPAM I reported??!!!??? You've been fired???!!!!??? The least he could have done is given you a warning and dock your pay ( ) We shall see if it is really because of this thread . . . Peter and Patti, we're all watchin' to see what happens to you.

[Mtndog]

OMG!!!! Didn't you just moderate that SPAM I reported??!!!??? You've been fired???!!!!??? The least he could have done is given you a warning and dock your pay ( ) We shall see if it is really because of this thread . . . Peter and Patti, we're all watchin' to see what happens to you.

I haven't been fired but I think I've been impeached :lol:

[DingoGirl]

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure )

um.......yeah, there are many who are no longer active - - did they get fired? OMG - are we experiencing a harsh new regime? <I hope so......this is exciting>

. . . and I suggest that we all disperse to the various threads in this forum and give all the newbies advice on how to follow a gluten-free Edna . . . and then we shall receive a whole bunch of these

You're kidding I didn't know that ever happened--aren't there a number of mods who not only don't actively moderate, but don't post anymore? Maybe changes are ahead....I'll probably be next for my- ahem-- excessive Sillie involvement

Wow!

OMG - Patti and Peter? busted for silliness? bring it on :lol:

I haven't been fired but I think I've been impeached :lol:

atta girl!

OMG - I've had Weezee for over five years - - and never, not once, has she howled at a siren, or done anything except perk up her ears (except for once, when my mom just babysat her)..........and now..........just now........the longest, mournful wail, followed by whimpering - - what does it mean?

[Darn210]

I just took a quick gander at the "moderating team" . . . looks much shorter than it used to . . . I don't think you were the only one, Bev.

Laura!!!! Watch out!!! Don't let Scott see you on here!!!!

[happygirl]

Janet---don't tell anyone