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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

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jerseyangel Proficient
<----Here I am making a spectacle of myself (*snort*)

I thought I'd get my eyes tested as I was taking the kids - and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! :lol::lol:

...but at least I can read without my nose touching the monitor now!!!

:lol::lol::lol: spectacle :lol:

They look very cool, Nikki B) It's a good thing you decided to be tested!

Congrats on the 3 weeks without a smoke--that's great! Yep, I never cared for dark chocolate--I loved milk chocolate. When I went dairy free, I developed a taste for the dark very quickly :P


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nikki-uk Enthusiast
When I went dairy free, I developed a taste for the dark very quickly :P

Well now Patti - I guess we've gone to the dark side ;)

(oh, and look at them curls in your avatar! - nearly as curly as me!!!)

jerseyangel Proficient
Well now Patti - I guess we've gone to the dark side ;)

(oh, and look at them curls in your avatar! - nearly as curly as me!!!)

Yep--I had curls for days! :lol:

Mtndog Collaborator
Thanks for the EWWW moment Bev :lol::lol:

Love the new avatar!!! (so cute)

<----Here I am making a spectacle of myself (*snort*)

I thought I'd get my eyes tested as I was taking the kids - and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! :lol::lol:

...but at least I can read without my nose touching the monitor now!!!

LOL!!...OH I KNOW....the agony!!!

(Heck I may be in an iron lung but at least I'm slim :lol::lol: ) ONLY KIDDING!!!!!!!

OK- that's it- it's official. I love the way you "across the ponders" speak. talked to my friend from England this week and it was just "lovely"

but... what really got me was and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! You could NEVER say that here :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :ph34r:

Nikki- well blow me if your new specs don't look great! :P

Glad I was able to provide an EWWWWW moment! It's my specialty!

Mtndog Collaborator
If Moses supposes

His toeses are roses

Then Moses supposes erroneously

For nobody's toeses

Are posies of roses

As Moses supposes his toeses to be

-Unknown source

OMG- my sister's parting quote in the yearbook was :

I suppose

If had no toes

Then I couldn't wear flip flops

blueeyedmanda Community Regular

Yep...flip flops would be out of the question.

I work with a lady who has webbed toes. She is bummed she can never wear toe socks, she never mentioned flip-flops though.

nikki-uk Enthusiast
OK- that's it- it's official. I love the way you "across the ponders" speak. talked to my friend from England this week and it was just "lovely"

but... what really got me was and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! You could NEVER say that here :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :ph34r:

Hee-hee - glad you approve!! :)

Yep...flip flops would be out of the question.

I work with a lady who has webbed toes. She is bummed she can never wear toe socks, she never mentioned flip-flops though.

Now, she has my sympathies as *I* cannot wear flip flops either (not that I've got webbed toes though!)

My feet are so skinny (wish my hips were :blink: ) and my toes are really long (ok,they are like fingers!! :lol: ) that I just can't wear them---I end up with blisters between my toes.

How annoying ...I am bummed too <_<


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nikki-uk Enthusiast

Pinch, punch, first day of the month!!!!!!

...almost forgot !!!- (it's 9.20pm here :rolleyes: )

Jestgar Rising Star

OOWWW!!!

HEY! Just because you almost forgot doesn't mean you had to do it so hard!!

Well, to cheer myself up I'll just watch this:

Open Original Shared Link

Lisa Mentor

OMG Nora was wonderful!!! She put a big smile on MY face.

Love the "vintage" photos. :P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Open Original Shared Link

Well if that cat isn't the MOST ADORABLE !!!

I want one just like Nora :D (don't have a piano but I'm sure I could teach it to play some other musical instrument :lol: )

Mtndog Collaborator
Pinch, punch, first day of the month!!!!!!

...almost forgot !!!- (it's 9.20pm here :rolleyes: )

Aww rats.. you BEAT me to it!!!!!!!!!! Happy Belated May Day!

Jestagra- You are too funny! My hubby always does "punch buggy" so now I leave in fear of VW Bugs because he bruises me...Ok so I bruise if I sneeze but whatever :ph34r:

OMG- how cute is Nora!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub:

An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

nikki-uk Enthusiast
An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

:lol::lol: EXCELLENT!!! :lol::lol:

jerseyangel Proficient
An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

Hilarious!

nikki-uk Enthusiast

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!!! :lol:

(I know, terrible.....)

jerseyangel Proficient
MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!!! :lol:

(I know, terrible.....)

Actually, that was a good one, Nikki--but I had to think about it a minute :lol:

Jestgar Rising Star

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of

boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be

removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting

someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply

using the sink.

4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a

few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a

timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will

be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will

forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move

and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief with people.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day:

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might

need them to empty your bedpan.

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Home Remedies

FABULOUS Jestgar thankyou!!! :D:D

No's 3 & 6 really appealled to my sense of humour!!! :ph34r: (Hmmm, toilet humour is my fave :lol: )

..and can I just say ...I never pass up the opportunity to use the bathroom!!! :ph34r: (weak bladder.....)

Mtndog Collaborator
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs

Oh gawd- that was my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Oh gawd- that was my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I had one too!! :D

...and why Miss Beverly!!! ....you are looking absolutely GORGEOUS DAHLING in your avatar!!!!!! ;)

jerseyangel Proficient

Yes Bev--you look like a supermodel! B)

Hi Nikki! :D

Mtndog Collaborator
Yeah, I had one too!! :D

...and why Miss Beverly!!! ....you are looking absolutely GORGEOUS DAHLING in your avatar!!!!!! ;)

Oh you sillies- one bad perm and 2 kegs of blue eyeliner and y'all think I look like a supermodel. Hmmmm.....maybe I need a perm!

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

spacer

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

nikki-uk Enthusiast
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

spacer

Thanks Bev! :D

...oh my!!..I remember the blue eyeliner years!!! :ph34r: (hey, I didn't need the perm lol!)

Mtndog Collaborator

Tee hee- Nikki- you have Nicole Kidman's hair (seriously!).

In honor of all you mums out there:

Famous Mothers

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:

"I don't care what you've discovered,

you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER:

"Can't you paint on walls like other children?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to

get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:

"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card

inside your jacket, take your hand out of

there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:

"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just

wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER:

"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,

but I would like to know how he got a

better grade than you."

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER:

"The next time I catch you throwing money across

the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the

electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER:

"I don't care where you think you have to go,

young man, midnight is past your curfew."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:

"But it's your senior picture.

Can't you do something about your hair?

OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

tiredofdoctors Enthusiast

Okay, this one's only marginal, but it won me "Jester of the Month" in the Louisville Jester. My son submitted it without my knowledge:

Q: What do you call a person who protests outside a psychiatrist's office?

A: An Anti-depressant

xoxoxoxoxoxo

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      My mom said when he was born "you got what you gave".  Until 5 years of he was gluten free, was well liked by his friends, although did get them into mischief at times, a leader of his group of friends, physically active and paid attention, as much as any preschooler.      At 5 years old we moved to my hometown and had to rely on our friends, my pediatrition (still the best doctor I ever had), my wife was a nurse so her aquaintences and doctor friends.  They all still believed back in 1980's that Celiac was a growing phase, and he wanted to be like everyone else.  So everyone's opinion was that if he tolerates gluten with no symptoms he had outgrown it.  He passed the summer at the beach (lots of vitamin D) was a prodegy swimmer and the whole team liked him and he fit in well.     Fall came, he started kindergarden school, less sun ( low vitamin D, Seasonal Affective Disorder is real), new people and a morning schedule that did not end up in a fun, active day at the beach.  Getting him going got more difficult.  By the first teacher-parent meeting in December, they brought up the subject.  He was disruptive in class.  By then we had forgotten what his doctor said 5 years earlier.  So he was diagnosed as ADHD.      Competitive swimming was his saving grace.  All though High School he continued to swim with his competetive team most days after or before school and with the beach club team in addition in the summer.  Some records he set lasted years.  After high school he became a professional ocean guard. Now getting close to retirement.  But always had difficulty concentrating on schoolwork.      He, and his wife, incidentally, is now having the health problems that I just have just gotten rid of.  I had forgotten what the doctor said to us 60 years earlier, bout Celiac Disease being hereditory.  He is starting to listen, but still in denial.  Loves his pizza.  At 63 I had arthritis, fibromyalgia, sleep apnea, enlarged prostate, alcoholism and I got dumber as the years passed.  They all are gone with gluten free and vitamin replenishment. My wife had allergies, endometriosis, fertility problems and miscarriages.  She passed 18 years ago. Sorry for the long story.  Reminds me of a Joni Mitchell song.  "L've looked at life from both sides now. From win and lose, but still somehow, it's life's illusions I recall. I really don't know life, at all"  
    • Beverage
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    • Mnofsinger
      Hi @CeliacMom502, As always, consult a medical professional on any advice you receive.  I experience have experienced this exact symptoms you're referring to and will receive them, typically after being accidentally glutened. I've recently been researching this (that's how I came across this posting), because I've been trying to nail down how long I've actually had the celiac genes "activated" or if I was just born with it. Now I wasn't diagnosed until 2023 with Celiac Disease, but not all these other health issues I've had previously point to it all connecting. In 2013 I ended up with Bell's Palsy that I had facial paralysis on one side of my face, where I couldn't even get a twitch for six months, but it took almost a year for "full recovery". I have now came to the conclusion that, because of the B12 vitamin deficiency caused by celiac disease (when not following a strict gluten free diet), caused me to have prolonged recovery from this, because the nerves were healing at a much lower rate> I'm not sure if your daughter has ever had Bell's Palsy, but ever since I have, some of my symptoms when I accidentally get glutened (including right now as I type this message 😄) include a migraine that goes across my eyes, and a shooting pain as you have described that will go across my left cheek and upper jaw, in addition to pain behind my left ear, and painful to the touch. Now, I did immediately go on a gluten free diet, and almost all these symptoms vanished after 3-4 months, but that time frame depends upon the "damage" already done previously.  Hope my situation helps even now this is now almost three years later from your message!  
    • Scott Adams
      It's nice to see celiac-safe options out there for guest homes.
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