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floridanative

Why Don't People 'get It'?

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Sweetfudge--Recently we went to visit family--about 4.5 hours away. I just told everyone that they didn't have to worry about feeding me, I'd just bring my own food. I froze some dinners (cooked a lot the week before and had lots left to make meals out of), brought a big container of my homemade grain-free cookies, and some snacks, fruit, etc. I did fine--all I needed once I got there was a microwave and a little freezer space. We stayed at 2 different houses, too, and it all worked out. When your family sees that you have it all under control, and you go prepared, I doubt you'll have a problem. It's going to be this way for the rest of our lives, they need to get used to it! ;)

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going to a baby shower tomorrow-a tea and fancy desserts.....I had left a message "I'm coming but can't eat anything."" :angry: especially the chocolate..LL

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floridanative ---"Oh and the whole questioning me if I can eat something thing. Well I think I know if I can eat something or not. I'm not a teenager cheating on a diet behind my parents back. I'm 43 freakin' years old! Anyway, I'm glad I'm not alone in this aggravation."

That made me laugh! I luckily work in an office with people who are caring about my diet---a bunch of my girlfriends there "get it" but a bunch others don't but they all know that I have a restrictive diet and know that I can't just eat "anything." They are at least caring about it and are interested and ask a bunch of questions.

My FAVORITE though, is when I'm chowing down on some great gluten free food, and my mouth is full, and someone stops and goes, without thinking, Is that gluten free!!!!!!!! I just stare at them thinking (sarcastically), "No, its not gluten free. Its chock full of gluten and I KNOW its full of gluten but yet I think its a great thing to stuff it in my face. I enjoy purposely making myself sick." Usually I respond nicely that it is and explain why (ingredients and such) and they are interested. One day, however, I said with a straight face, "No, it has gluten in it."

Took them a second!!!!!!!

It reminds me of the Blue Collar Comedy/Bill Engvall (sp?)...."Here's your sign" :D

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Do any of you have friends of family members that act like you can just walk into any restaurant and order something plain (first of all how boring is that?!) and not get sick from cross contamination? I know no one should have to learn the intracacies of this diet if they don't eat gluten free. But really, why can't people just get it when you tell them you can't eat somewhere - it means you can't and that's the end of it? I'm trying to be patient but it seems unless someone has Celiac or problems eating gluten they will never understand how risky it is to eat out and that we have to be super careful when we do so. I eat out weekly but not without careful investigation, talking to the manager, chef or whoever. I'm sorry to vent but sometimes you just need to get these things out so you don't start world world three in your life. B)

I just came back from a week at the family cottage and felt I was in a war zone--people just don't get it. All my food in the fridge was in special containers and marked and was still used!!

My husband was furious, sat everyone done and told them to take care in the kitchen or stay out :)

Maybe if they had to keep us company while we were sick they'd get it..who knows.

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L.A. I'm soooooooooo sorry to hear that. When we were invited to the reunion, the uncle who called said he wanted us all to stay in one large cabin. My husband called him back to explain that we'd need to share a cabin with our in-laws and that way we'd have a safe kitchen. I'm sure it will be quite the experience even though we won't have to share a cabin with those that don't know how serious being gluten free is for me. My FIL/wife do get it - thank goodness! I'm sure I'll a story when I get back in late Sept.

Why in the world would anyone go into marked food containers????!!! If what happened to you happened to me, we would have left early. I'm not good at understanding others ridiculousness........I'm trying to work on that. B)

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L.A. I'm soooooooooo sorry to hear that. When we were invited to the reunion, the uncle who called said he wanted us all to stay in one large cabin. My husband called him back to explain that we'd need to share a cabin with our in-laws and that way we'd have a safe kitchen. I'm sure it will be quite the experience even though we won't have to share a cabin with those that don't know how serious being gluten free is for me. My FIL/wife do get it - thank goodness! I'm sure I'll a story when I get back in late Sept.

Why in the world would anyone go into marked food containers????!!! If what happened to you happened to me, we would have left early. I'm not good at understanding others ridiculousness........I'm trying to work on that. B)

I know! We tried to make it as simple as possible--mark the stuff in the fridge and keep my dry goods in a cooler away from evrything else. I think they don't know how serious it can be. I got glutened at my parents once and spent 6 hours in their bathroom throwing up and dealing with 'D' and when it was all over, both my parents were crying and hugged me and said they had no clue. L.A.

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When I firt told my husband I thought I might have celiac disease (I'm getting blood tests on Friday when I tell my doctor I want them! lol), I swear his eyes glazed over when I talked about it. Suddenly, he comes home from work and tells me a co-worker has a friend who nearly died from the malabsorption because of celiac. Now he's taking me seriously. Finding gluten-free stores, talking gluten when eating out.

I'm glad he "gets" it now...but wish it didn't take a story of near-death to do it!

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This doesn't have to do with celiac, as it happened long before I was diagnosed. I spent a week one summer at the summer place my inlaws had on the coast. You had to bring all your food with you anyway, as none was kept there. I picked up some assorted condiments and stuff. Don't you know, when they showed up the next weekend, a family member went through the fridge and threw out all my food without even asking? I'd hate to think if I'd needed that because I was unable to eat any of their food.

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DH gets on my nerves when he is eating something with gluten and then asks me "do you want some?" I usually give him "the look" and then he says "I'm sorry...I forgot". You would think he would remember after I have been gluten free for 6 months now. I think it is harder for him to understand since my symtoms were never severe. He has more stomach problems than I ever did, but he refuses to admit that it might be something in his diet that is causing the problems.

Most people have been really nice about me being gluten free. My mom's friend invited us over for the 4th and she even made some dishes special for me. She made this broccoli slaw with noodles in it and left out the noodles for me.

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Prinsessa that was nice of your mom's friend. I am already dreading the holidays. My brother (gluten intolerant and gluten free) says he's actually had to leave gatherings and drive to a store to get something he can eat. That sounds like way too much work!

What I'm really worried about is that all my holiday favorites have gluten--dressing, stuffing, green bean casserole...

And I just read the section of Gluten Free for Dummies where she's talking about spreadable condiments. My kids get crumbs in everything. I'm getting a headache! lol

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Guest southgoingzax

Holidays are tough. I make my own stuffing and at least one pie so I feel I can celebrate with everyone else. And usually, my mom and my sister will set some plain potatoes or yams aside before adding stuff to them - you might ask people you trust to do that for you,

zax

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This is one topic I struggle with each day. Our family (myself, husband and 2 young children) are gluten free for 1yr (my son dx'd) and then completely for 8 months (my dh dx'd). I am STILL telling the same family members over and over that no we will NEVER be able to have gluten again.

"So when will you guys get to eat regular again?" "Never" "Really?"

I spent much time and energy explaining everything I know. I have referred them to this site, purchased books, and we still have family members that think we are 'making it up'.

"Just eat some old-fashioned junk food - some doughnuts will fatten you up and you'll feel better."

I bring all our food everywhere we go - holidays, partys, visits so we don't impose and they are still insulted that we won't eat what they have prepared. I appreciate that some try to accomodate with a gluten-free equivilent to what they were eating but my son got sick from it anyway. When I bring this up they tell me he probably had a virus and I was overreacting. When I hosted a party a relative called to find out if we were going to have "real" food at our event! <_<

"NO - I am serving food HOLOGRAMS!"

Why is this so hard to understand? Why are people threatened by our diet? Another family member called the other day and started to rant about what an awful disease celiac was. How it could have so many differenty symptoms, how it takes so long to diagnose, on and on. When we asked why all of sudden he felt this way he told us a friend just told him their celiac story (recently dx'd). We reminded him that we had discussed all this and more at length and his reaction was indifferent. His response was he was in denial until he heard it from a reliable source :blink:

Ugh! Ok, sorry for the long vent. I just keep reading the other posts and still don't know what to do about it. Tell more people I guess.

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"NO - I am serving food HOLOGRAMS!"

FOTFLMAO! Oh my you're funny! I'm sorry you feel this way but totally understand. I'm dreading a family reunion that we'll have our own cabin for. No way to share with tons of gluten eaters. I'm sure it will be very interesting seeing how everyone acts as this is the first time seeing them since dx. My only saving grace is that my SIL will arrive a day early and she'll stay in the large cabin and will probably tell them all about Celiac/gluten for me. That way they can give her the looks which she won't mind. She's the only person in my life that has learned as much as any non-Celiac should about gluten. She knows about cc and so I feel good having her on my side as she'll take up for me if they don't believe how serious it is. I'm glad these reunions are only every three years for a weekend. I can handle most anything for that short period - well except actually sharing a cabin with them. :lol:

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DH gets on my nerves when he is eating something with gluten and then asks me "do you want some?" I usually give him "the look" and then he says "I'm sorry...I forgot". You would think he would remember after I have been gluten free for 6 months now. I think it is harder for him to understand since my symtoms were never severe. He has more stomach problems than I ever did, but he refuses to admit that it might be something in his diet that is causing the problems.

Most people have been really nice about me being gluten free. My mom's friend invited us over for the 4th and she even made some dishes special for me. She made this broccoli slaw with noodles in it and left out the noodles for me.

I think this illustrates the two main problems

1) People who knew you before diagnosis.

Well the problem is you were never quite open about symptoms. I mean who is! People always ask over dinner and my usual response is "you don't want to know while your eating" but seriously we don't say things like "oh last week (nearly) I pooped my pants in the mall" we keep them to ourselves.

GERD is OK to talk about ... brain fog .. heck we can't even describe in real words so we keep quiet about most of our symptoms or at least the regularity.

Imagine

..........."How was your day dear?"

......... "Oh I went downt he mall and did some shopping but then half way round the aisles in the supermarket I got stomach cramps and started sweating .... then my stomach started gurgling and I was almost doubled up in pain... but luckily I abandoned the trolley and walked in very smnall steps to fins the loo and then I had explosive D ... I thought it was finished until I stood up then again... but I went back and half an hour later my trolley was still where I left it so overall a good day .. how was your day?"

These people have seen us eat gluten all our lives or close and we don't talk about the symptoms in detail or frequency ... at best we might say "oh I had a bit of an upset tummy" sop when we discoiver what it is they don't remember our symptoms because we never laid it on thick....

I think the best method for this is to explain why we didn't go into the symptoms, remember some really embarassing times etc. like "that time we were at XXXX and I ran off to find a loo I actually pooped myself and had to leave my underwear in the bin for sanitary towels! (I actually have a little 1" swiss army knife I use for cutting the underwear - I guess people get the point)

2) You hit it.. FEAR ....

3) There is also the cultural problem of bread/wheat. Especially for Xtians or Jews who have a religious aspect to wheat. Its part of our heritage so to speak, not just communion or passover but everything from Manna to the 2 loaves. Bread and wheat has held a special cultural place.

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Yesterday I was telling my neighbor about my upcoming doctors appointment. She's always sharing her health woes (back, diabetes, lungs, etc.) so I felt comfortable sharing some of the gluten stuff. She immediately says, "oh, but in a few months you'll feel better and be able to eat it again." I explain that you can never eat gluten. Ever. I honestly don't think she can comprehend it. She's using herself as a model, thinking: my lungs will get better and then I can have the procedure for my back, which will get better. And if I control my diabetes, I am healthy. And cheating once in awhile with a piece of chocolate cake while I have PMS isn't going to kill me. Therefore, Susie can eat bread with me and survive.

As for my personal symptoms, my entire immediate family is aware of them! lol My being sick was pretty sudden and acute. One day I was fine, the next I was writhing in pain on the bed. And while the pain has passed, everyone knows why I get up from the table before the end of every meal.

I'm still on the Farewell to Gluten Tour since my blood test will hopefully be tomorrow. I've been eating all the things I think I'll be missing. Last night's fried chicken almost killed me. I'll take the diahrrea over the stomach cramps and heart burn any day.

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Imagine

..........."How was your day dear?"

......... "Oh I went downt he mall and did some shopping but then half way round the aisles in the supermarket I got stomach cramps and started sweating .... then my stomach started gurgling and I was almost doubled up in pain... but luckily I abandoned the trolley and walked in very smnall steps to fins the loo and then I had explosive D ... I thought it was finished until I stood up then again... but I went back and half an hour later my trolley was still where I left it so overall a good day .. how was your day?"

I think the best method for this is to explain why we didn't go into the symptoms, remember some really embarassing times etc. like "that time we were at XXXX and I ran off to find a loo I actually pooped myself and had to leave my underwear in the bin for sanitary towels! (I actually have a little 1" swiss army knife I use for cutting the underwear - I guess people get the point)

Get out of my head!!! On the first account, I have had that conversation with DH, almost to the letter. There's nothing like having to reshop everything all over again because you had to abandon your cart :rolleyes: And there are few things in this world worse than a wal-mart bathroom.

And there's nothing like going commando after an accident :ph34r:

And DH thought I was just trying to be sexy :rolleyes:

I'm still on the Farewell to Gluten Tour since my blood test will hopefully be tomorrow. I've been eating all the things I think I'll be missing. Last night's fried chicken almost killed me. I'll take the diahrrea over the stomach cramps and heart burn any day.

I'm on a challenge eating everything I think I'll miss before my biopsy. Those pancakes this morning nearly killed me :blink:

I too, am dreading the holidays. My mom has already said that we're pretty much doing gluten-free thanksgiving so that I don't have to have two seperate turkeys and the like. We'll see how that goes, but I'm bringing all my own pans :rolleyes:

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Get out of my head!!! On the first account, I have had that conversation with DH, almost to the letter. There's nothing like having to reshop everything all over again because you had to abandon your cart :rolleyes: And there are few things in this world worse than a wal-mart bathroom.

You haven't been to France then :D

Just got off the flight from Rome and international Roissy airport has SQUAT toilets... for <$DIETY's> sake....

I mean its hard enough to hit a bowl... (I guess people get the point) not to mention I have my pockets full of passport and stuff ... UGGGHHHH

And there's nothing like going commando after an accident :ph34r:

And DH thought I was just trying to be sexy :rolleyes:

spare a thought and feel for us guys... we have to sneak into the ladies to find the bin! I mean... how embarassing, Im thinking of adding a plastic bad to my emergency travel kit of immoium and loo roll and of course you ned to retrieve your bags to get the swiss army knife! Almost worth buying one of the ceramic knives so you can get it onto the plane!

I'm on a challenge eating everything I think I'll miss before my biopsy. Those pancakes this morning nearly killed me :blink:

I too, am dreading the holidays. My mom has already said that we're pretty much doing gluten-free thanksgiving so that I don't have to have two seperate turkeys and the like. We'll see how that goes, but I'm bringing all my own pans :rolleyes:

Be really careful.... I have challenged myself a couple of times after accidental glutenings and I find that 2-3 days you can hold off the symptoms but there comes a point where I literally turn green (according to people with me who I have had to convince NOT to call an ambulance, I look that ill)

I'm really sensitive but I find that a pizza makes me no worse than a bread crumb so a couple of times i thought what the heck... I once managed 8 days of controlled D and C and cramps then got hit in the waiting room of casualty in Florence! The dr's were trying to get a piece of metal from under my nail (somewhat painful) when I turned green.... try as I might in my limited Italian I couldn't get them to understand I knew exactly what was wrong, why I was green and sweating like a stuck pig! And for the life of me I can't pronounce celiachia .... aggggh!

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I now carry a fairly large purse with several large pockets. One pocket has my wallet and checkbook, one has my planner, and one has several ziplock baggies. One baggie has a trash bag, one has baby wipes, and one has clean panties! It still takes me a while to clean up after an accident, but I am able to do so!

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The hostility and presumptuousness is a bit heavy here, come on everyone. This is an unusual condition - it's autoimmune, but also dietary. Since it's dietary like a food allergy, it's reasonable to think it can be wangled-around like a food allergy. But wait, the food is just a trigger for an autoimmune condition, so it's reasonable to think "...What? My brain is dying in the middle of this explanation!" And it's also *your* condition and not theirs (unless they deal with you every day, then it's their problem), so it's reasonable to forget. It's not reasonable to insist on going to a restaurant where you can only get a plain salad, so be demanding on that one, "I don't feel like having ... tonight" is not a counter-argument because this is not an "I don't feel like ..." kind of a condition.

I couldn't care less whether other people 'get it'. It's not their problem, it's mine (and my immediate family's). At this stage (3 weeks after diagnosis), I still like talking about it to anyone that will listen. Nobody doubts me and I think they're happy that I'll be feeling better.

Yeah that's the much better way to deal with it.

When I hosted a party a relative called to find out if we were going to have "real" food at our event! <_<

I wouldn't describe many Celiac food substitutes as "real food". ;) Rice flour pancakes are too desserty, they give me a tummy ache. Rice bread?! Etc. The diet requires cutting out so many things, and they know neither the pattern to it nor the extent of it (especially since you have given the impression you can't have (for example) chicken by refusing to eat chicken at a restaurant, nevermind the detail about it being the spices and/or breading that nixed it).

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I've noticed this a little since I got diagnosed a little while ago. I'm still moving gluten out of my diet. Here's the problem, there's a fad going around "against the grain" and as fads go they always come with controversy. Such as carb free diets, atkins, fat , margarin vs butter, etc. All of them have evidence on either side. But celiacs isn't a fad, its a legit disease, so letting your friends know its the same as diabetes or any other chronic illness is key. Its also tough for people to understand since being so stringent makes you a food biggot lol. Another big factor is people aren't dropping dead from celiacs, at least not in a short time period. If celiacs caused symptoms immediately and great pain and discomfort followed within a matter of days, driving you to the hospital, people would have a lot more sympathy.

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<<<If celiacs caused symptoms immediately and great pain and discomfort followed within a matter of days, driving you to the hospital, people would have a lot more sympathy.>>>

Luckily, this last bout of something was so bad for me that Dh was begging me to go to the ER. I refused. And the fact that it has gone on for so long is a clue that something's off. Still, it took his friend with the nearly-dead friend to convince him it was a serious illness and not something that will just go away.

I just had lunch with a friend and her daughter. Since I'm still on the Farewell to Gluten Tour, I ate regular. But they started asking what I can eat when I am gluten free. It took awhile and I realized my friend is trying to figure out what can be served that I can eat at our monthly poker games! I am lucky to have such a great friend. But I don't want to be a burden either. I just figured I would go without.

And maybe my poker game will improve if I'm not concentrating on all the food goodies!

She did invite me to a girls only weekend for a cookie exchange and a trip to a wonderful restaurant. I'm torn. I want to go for the company...but I am already worrying about what I can and cannot eat! And that's not until December! grrr

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I think this illustrates the two main problems

1) People who knew you before diagnosis.

Well the problem is you were never quite open about symptoms. I mean who is! People always ask over dinner and my usual response is "you don't want to know while your eating" but seriously we don't say things like "oh last week (nearly) I pooped my pants in the mall" we keep them to ourselves.

GERD is OK to talk about ... brain fog .. heck we can't even describe in real words so we keep quiet about most of our symptoms or at least the regularity.

Imagine

..........."How was your day dear?"

......... "Oh I went downt he mall and did some shopping but then half way round the aisles in the supermarket I got stomach cramps and started sweating .... then my stomach started gurgling and I was almost doubled up in pain... but luckily I abandoned the trolley and walked in very smnall steps to fins the loo and then I had explosive D ... I thought it was finished until I stood up then again... but I went back and half an hour later my trolley was still where I left it so overall a good day .. how was your day?"

These people have seen us eat gluten all our lives or close and we don't talk about the symptoms in detail or frequency ... at best we might say "oh I had a bit of an upset tummy" sop when we discoiver what it is they don't remember our symptoms because we never laid it on thick....

I think the best method for this is to explain why we didn't go into the symptoms, remember some really embarassing times etc. like "that time we were at XXXX and I ran off to find a loo I actually pooped myself and had to leave my underwear in the bin for sanitary towels! (I actually have a little 1" swiss army knife I use for cutting the underwear - I guess people get the point)

2) You hit it.. FEAR ....

3) There is also the cultural problem of bread/wheat. Especially for Xtians or Jews who have a religious aspect to wheat. Its part of our heritage so to speak, not just communion or passover but everything from Manna to the 2 loaves. Bread and wheat has held a special cultural place.

This is it, exactly!! The only thing I can add from my perspective are the times that the sudden nausea and dizziness comes over me, and I feel the urgent need to run out of where ever I am so I don't throw up in front of everyone. The anxiety of that, and what GFP described is what has kept me from doing things that I used to enjoy.

In my case, it's went on for about 20 years, and in that time I slowly stopped doing things, and as a result, my world had really narrowed. This has, in turn, affected relationships. Because I hid my symptoms, and for a long time tried to appear "normal", people thought I was being rude or standoffish--when I was just plain too sick to care. I was embarassed not only because of the nature of my illness, but the fact that I was almost always sick. I tried so hard to put mind over matter and be normal, but I couldn't. I was labeled as sensitive, trying to lose weight, difficult--you name it. The most hurtful thing--people who were supposed to be close to me seemed more worried about whether or not I would be at a particular function or get together than worried about the possibility that something was really wrong with me.

If I had it to do over, I would have been more open with what I was going through. Probably, some people would have thought I was nuts or over reacting, but at least now they might understand better.

BTW--GFP, good to see you back :)

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About the accidents and the extra panties...a long time ago--about 13-14 years ago this happened to me. I was on my work lunch break and had to go back commando. I told my then-husband about it and he was disgusted. I think it was one of the things that led to our divorce. Silly, I know. But just one of those things that he was completely grossed out by.

As a result I've gotten really good at holding things in. TMI, I know, but I imagine you know what I mean. I can get from most restaurants back to my home clenching and rushing into the house. It's a serious event when I have to use a public bathroom for the explosive incidents and then I am incredibly embarassed.

I never thought to mention any of this to my doctor before now. I just thought it was "normal" and all people did it!

Things I thought were normal:

1) Having diahrrea everytime after eating at a restaurant

2) Having incredible stomach pains after eating certain foods. (I've been blaming broccoli so I'm interested to see if I can really eat broccoli!)

3) Having diahrrea several times a week after eating in. (I read somewhere that "normal" people have diahrrea twice a year!)

4) That floating stools were heathy stools (seriously, an aunt and my mother had this discussion when I was younger, I always thought that floating was good and sinking is bad!)

5) That bathroom odor is normal.

Now I'm finding out that these things might not be "normal." No wonder people around me might be confused! lol I'm confused!

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I've been trying to keep a friendship in tact that has been unraveling since my dx. The only friend that has treating me strangely used to be one of the most supportive people in my life. Since my dx (which came right after hers for diabetes which she never told me about) she has consitently treated me oddly but I kept ignoring the comments/actions that bothered me because others said that if you don't expect people to accomodate your diet then you won't be dissappointed when they don't and you'll really appreciate it when they do.

The latest things that have happened are:

friend went to health food store that had tons of gluten-free products which she noticed but didn't mention to me or ask if I knew about the store. When I mentioned the store to her and how it's so great, then she said she'd recently been in there and noticed all the gluten free tags. I have another friend that is NOT a close friend who e-mails me about every article she sees on Celiac and told me about a new store near her that carries gluten-free food. Another friend tells me about any place she finds out about that can accomodate a gluten free diner. Another friend offers to ship me gluten free products from CA.

friend invites me to a dinner party and said she'd like me to come even though I have my 'dining restrictions'. She did not proceed to ask what I could eat (if anything) from the menu which she already has planned. Luckily I can't attend as I'll be out of town but I told her I didn't see a lot of dinner parties in my future unless I was throwing them but I'd love to come to one of her cocktail parties. She sent an e-mail reply that in the future if I was in town, maybe we could show up late, after everyone ate dinner and enjoy drinks and even bring a gluten-free dessert to share..........the reply I expected would be something like 'I understand'.

in same e-mail friend says the following and I'm quoting her exactly-

"please give yourself time to be unhappy about all the changes you were forced to make. I'm glad you found some great foods and you now enjoy cooking but change of any kind is hard and it takes time to adjust".

This friend was morbidly obese until last spring when doc said she was borderline diabetic and if she did what he told her she would not become diabetic. See above regarding her health now. She is now only obese but quit her diet last Nov. Diet alone will not control her problem so she's on some meds for diabetes. My dh can't stomach eating with friend as he can't understand how someone her size eats so much at one sitting. Another reason is that he thinks she likes to be the center of attn. to a point that it is annoying.

I did grieve last fall and got through it in early spring and this friend knows all this. The process of thinking I could have Celiac to now has lasted 11 months. I went through denial, anger, sadness and acceptance. I don't think having Celiac is fun, I just don't think it's the end of my life. I guess since I never had a food addiction, I'm lucky. I've been told that food addiction can be like one to alcohol. I guess my friend really does have that problem and since I'm not miserable like she was when she was told to go on a diet to control health, well she can't understand that or accept my attitude. But I can't pretend to be depressed that I can't have regular pizza because she expects that from me. For seven months I've ignored everything she's done that I thought was not normal for her but yesterday it was like I saw the last nail going in the coffin. I replied to her note saying she was sweet but in case she forgot I had grieved a lot and I knew I was lucky because I'm not an emotional eater like my Mother who hates being on the gluten free diet. Friend did not respond and I will not be surprised if I don't hear from her again. Her weight and health issues it caused her since I've know her was like the white elephant in the room for years and now it's like there's no getting around it. If anyone read, thanks but if not - I feel better admitting finally what has happened to myself.

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About the accidents and the extra panties...a long time ago--about 13-14 years ago this happened to me. I was on my work lunch break and had to go back commando. I told my then-husband about it and he was disgusted. I think it was one of the things that led to our divorce. Silly, I know. But just one of those things that he was completely grossed out by.

As a result I've gotten really good at holding things in. TMI, I know, but I imagine you know what I mean. I can get from most restaurants back to my home clenching and rushing into the house. It's a serious event when I have to use a public bathroom for the explosive incidents and then I am incredibly embarassed.

I never thought to mention any of this to my doctor before now. I just thought it was "normal" and all people did it!

Perhaps he had a hidden reason?

I tell a story about my ex but to be fair it has a caveat.

I contracted a very (more virulent than normal) strain of typhoid when living in Africa and my wife actually locked me in the bathroom for 3 days. I wasn't strong enough to actually walk, let alone get out but it only occured to her on the third day it wasn't a hangover.

Caveats.... OK I projectile vomited over most all the bedroom but the real reason is she had watched her mother die from stomach cancer. She just couldn't handle it.

Brocolli is very good for you and contains some of the best anti-carcinogens ... on balance the chance is you are not allergic to it and your missing out. If you are not sensitive to other brassica's (cabbages and Cauliflower) chances are your not .. and if they make you gassy, that's also normal.

If anyone read, thanks but if not - I feel better admitting finally what has happened to myself.

Well I did!

It sounds like her own issues are the cause behind this in combination with her own inability to control her diet.

friend invites me to a dinner party and said she'd like me to come even though I have my 'dining restrictions'. She did not proceed to ask what I could eat (if anything) from the menu which she already has planned.

I'm not a psychologist or anything but this sounds very like she is trying to make excuses for her own inability to keep to a diet by proving its all in your head. She is trying to project her own guilt to herself onto you.

I replied to her note saying she was sweet but in case she forgot I had grieved a lot and I knew I was lucky because I'm not an emotional eater

My honest opinion? Not the most diplomatic thing to say.

I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it ! Just if she is sensitive (and she certainly sounds like it) then this would be a bit of a dig.

IMHO.. your friend is in a mess, a far bigger one than you. She needs some support but you might not be in a position to give it.

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