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TriticusToxicum

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

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Both of my grandpas have been gone for a long time, so it's been many years since I've had any humour from their very funny generation. But my son has a favoUrite joke:

What's green and smells like bananas?

Monkey puke.

:D


Emily

diagnosed type one diabetic 1973

diagnosed celiac winter 2005

diagnosed hypothyroid spring 2006

But healthy and happy! 253.gif

11 year-old Son had negative blood panel, but went on gluten-free diet of his own volition to see if his concentration would improve, his temper abate, and his energy level would increase. Miraculous response!

The great are great only because we are on our knees.

--Pierre Joseph Proudhon (1809-1865)

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:lol: :lol: :lol: @ the fart jokes!!!

Interesting things my kids have said recently...

Ezra still has trouble pronouncing the word "gluten." He generally says "bluten" or "gyooten." He has also been hearing lately that "Mommy has the flu."

Soooo.... This morning, when we walked into his preschool class, he announced to his teachers, "Mommy has the fluten!" They gave me rawther funny look, like I might have something really diabolical. :ph34r:

Lucas has been studying fire safety at school, and tonight had to recite and write his address for homework. We live on Joseph's Lane; his father asked him what street we live on, and being a true fan of Superman, he piped up confidently, "We live on Lois Lane!" :blink:

One example of how I know smartassedness (I made up a word) is hereditary--

Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

I don't think I have EVER laughed so hard in my life. If you're wondering where the hereditary part comes in... He gets that from his father.


-Sarah

--Son, Lucas, age 7. Gluten-free since May 2007

--Son, Ezra, age 5. Gluten-free 10/13/07. Bipolar tendencies, massively improved on gluten-free diet! He's also allergic to a jillion antibiotics.

--My mother has Celiac Disease, dx'ed by Positive Blood Tests and Biopsy. Diagnosed Sarcoidosis 6/08.

--Myself, Gluten-free since 8/07

Time heals all hurt of heart... but time must be won.

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Mornin', Silliests!

Yes, well done, Lucas! That's much funnier than monkey puke. :rolleyes:

Okay, I need a FUNNY day, today.

Eight and a half pages to go.... ;):)


Emily

diagnosed type one diabetic 1973

diagnosed celiac winter 2005

diagnosed hypothyroid spring 2006

But healthy and happy! 253.gif

11 year-old Son had negative blood panel, but went on gluten-free diet of his own volition to see if his concentration would improve, his temper abate, and his energy level would increase. Miraculous response!

The great are great only because we are on our knees.

--Pierre Joseph Proudhon (1809-1865)

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Alex- I like your grandfather too!!!!!!!

Sarah has the fluten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How CUTE is that? :wub::lol: I LOVE YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." ohmy.gif

This are funny:


***************************

Beverly

Gluten free since 2005

In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer.

Albert Careb

36_35_6[1].gif

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... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

:lol: Sounds like my house...the guys are older, but still.... :D


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

:lol: :lol: :lol:


"But then, in all honesty, if scientists don't play god, who will?"

- James Watson

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

Leap, and the net will appear.

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Wow . . . sloooowwww day. Looks like Bev gets to hold onto that sceptor for another weekend!!

No change to report on Bob.


Janet

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

animal0028.gif

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Kind of fits the theme we've got started . . .

HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER

It was entertainment night at the senior center, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, " Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch.

It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces..........................

"Sh*t!" said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior center.


Janet

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

animal0028.gif

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Hey, did you guys know that if you actually spell sh*t (correctly), the word poop gets subbed in? Just not the same in that last joke. What do the sub in for the others?


Janet

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

animal0028.gif

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Hey, did you guys know that if you actually spell sh*t (correctly), the word poop gets subbed in? Just not the same in that last joke. What do the sub in for the others?

Ooo I dunno? :unsure: ....shall we try something really bad :o

All good humoUr today folks :D

Apologies if this has been posted before :blink:

EMERGENCY IN THE VET'S OFFICE

****************************

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."


It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required - Sir Winston Churchill

Nikki

Son diagnosed with Coeliac Disease Oct 2006 by biopsy (at age 13yrs)

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It took three days to clean up the senior center.

:lol:

The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

:lol:

The move has begun--I needed these today :)

I'll be escaping here on and off.....

cat scan :D


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there."

I don't think I have EVER laughed so hard in my life. If you're wondering where the hereditary part comes in... He gets that from his father.

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaawd.....that is a good one! :lol:

Wow . . . sloooowwww day. Looks like Bev gets to hold onto that sceptor for another weekend!!

yes, very slow.....and I must be away from the computer quite a lot today....dreaded house cleaning and wretched things to be done..... :angry:

"Sh*t!" said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

OMG....it took me a full - - 30 seconds? - - and a third re-reading to GET that...... :ph34r:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell us how the house painting went. And yes, what style, abstract, realism, Pollack, Modigliani, Giotto, Andy Warhol? :P

OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I turned it on, saw Meredith's death flashbacks, and thought it was a RERUN. :huh: So switched around. At 9:30 I turned it back, and there is Alex waking up with Eva......the old intern in surgery.....and.....O'Malley's wife and the wretched Asian doctor (can't think of her name) are cackling in surgery about their woes....

WTH??? :blink:

Why was Eva there and now she's gone? And....did Meredith break up w/ Shepherd? She is such an eejit......


SUSIE

Diagnosed January 2006

"I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells." ~Dr. Seuss

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I missed Greys last night--our satellite went out, and I just said the h*ll with it. :angry:


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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I missed Greys last night--our satellite went out, and I just said the h*ll with it. :angry:

Well, I called my mom and got the scoop. I"ll post if you want. ;) It's pretty stupid, anyway...:huh:


SUSIE

Diagnosed January 2006

"I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells." ~Dr. Seuss

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HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell us how the house painting went. And yes, what style, abstract, realism, Pollack, Modigliani, Giotto, Andy Warhol? :P

Halllooooooooo back atcha!

I was painting in the old Dutch style of well, the Dutch boy. It was a fairly large canvas (the south side of my parents house) perched atop quite an easle (40' wooden ladder :o ). It went alright. I didn't fall. I was charged with scraping and painting the eaves and everything more than 15' off the ground. I was about 75% successful. Must go back Sunday and finish. BOOOOORRRRRIIINNG

OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I turned it on, saw Meredith's death flashbacks, and thought it was a RERUN. :huh: So switched around. At 9:30 I turned it back, and there is Alex waking up with Eva......the old intern in surgery.....and.....O'Malley's wife and the wretched Asian doctor (can't think of her name) are cackling in surgery about their woes....

WTH??? :blink:

Why was Eva there and now she's gone? And....did Meredith break up w/ Shepherd? She is such an eejit......

Perhaps someone else can fill in further details...I inadvertantly tuned in just in time to see an ambulance pull in with an organ donor for some old guy. It turns out it's his daughter. He doesn't wan the heart until the hobbit talks him into it. Meanwhile some pumpkin carver is in the ER (carves pumkins w/ Chainsaw? :o ) and has cut off his finger. Brought saw and severed finger lodged in saw with him. Guy behind curtain # 2 wants his foot removed for no good reason makes off with saw and saws off his foot. I can't keep up with the couplings so I paid them little attention <_< I'm sure someone else can better synopsilate (My new word :rolleyes: ) for you.

Big HARUMPF today. Work is SLOW whilst I'm here...they apparently come out of the woodwork when I'm away. have far too many phone calls to return and emails to process. Work is indeed a 4 letter word...


Richard

"Not all who wander are lost" - J.R.R. Tolkien

Diagnosed 3/8/05

Sister also Celiac

Risus remedium optimum est

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OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I

OH sh!! I totally forgot that yesterday was Thursday! Everybody shut up about it


"But then, in all honesty, if scientists don't play god, who will?"

- James Watson

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

Leap, and the net will appear.

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Thanks guys! I read a recap on TWOP.

That Izzy is about as popular over there as baked beans on a bus trip :lol:


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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Synopsilate :lol:

That Izzy is about as popular over there as baked beans on a bus trip :lol:

ARGHHHHHH!!! :lol:

Operatus modus flatus ;)


It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required - Sir Winston Churchill

Nikki

Son diagnosed with Coeliac Disease Oct 2006 by biopsy (at age 13yrs)

black_cat.gif

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Nikki!!!!

Will's new picture with his little hand on his dish--precious :D


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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Nikki!!!!

Will's new picture with his little hand on his dish--precious :D

He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:


It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required - Sir Winston Churchill

Nikki

Son diagnosed with Coeliac Disease Oct 2006 by biopsy (at age 13yrs)

black_cat.gif

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He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:

Wouldn't want to be late . . . :lol::lol:

Ahhhh . . . only 50 more posts until I, too, can captionalate my avatars!!


Janet

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

animal0028.gif

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He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:

Just precious :)


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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Ooo I dunno? :unsure: ....shall we try something really bad :o

All good humoUr today folks :D

Apologies if this has been posted before :blink:

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

Hee Hee!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Richard- You little Dutch Boy you :o

The queen Might have the pneumonia :( so risking a warning and being stripped of my crown and moderator status I will type SOME of George Carlin's Words you can't say on TV just to see what they look like :ph34r:

poop

Everything fun (including the F word) comes out as POOP!


***************************

Beverly

Gluten free since 2005

In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer.

Albert Careb

36_35_6[1].gif

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The queen Might have the pneumonia

Oh no :(


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

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